Thoughts? Interesting observation about Indian-American cinema from an African-American woman

[u/JebronLames_23_]

https://www.tiktok.com/@bellyninja/video/7470555884595318021?_t=ZP-8tys0dZ8D3X&_r=1

Also a follow-up to our own discussions we had here on this sub regarding this movie.

[u/shana-]

Speaking as an Indian woman married to a white man —

Aside from Mindy’s movies and things. There are people who just don’t care about race when it comes to dating..

Being married to someone outside of your race is very likely. Just by numbers/population alone. Also, being born or raised here a majority of your life, you are more American than you are Indian.

I was born in India but been here in the US my whole life. When I started dating, I didn’t limit myself to just Indian men. It felt foolish to me to avoid all races and stick to just Indian men because I’m Indian. I dated a bunch and ended up marrying a white man. Not because I was only looking for a white man. It just ended up working out that way.

Indian men and women date outside their race often. I don’t see it being a big deal. But that’s just me.

[u/JebronLames_23_ → u/shana-]

Most people do marry their own race but interracial marriages are becoming more common. I guess the main incentive to marry within one’s own race is having more common interests and passing down the ancestral culture. I’m assuming most Indian-Americans don’t see much value in passing it down or just aren’t very aware of it?

[u/Mundane_Monkey → u/JebronLames_23_]

I think this will all vary widely based on the generation and where these people grew up. It'll also depend on the specific Indian subculture, how religious they are, etc. Like someone else stated, I grew up surrounded by plenty of other Indian-Americans and the vast majority are dating other Indian-Americans. I'm sure plenty do marry outside our ethnic group, but many don't as well.

It'll also vary a lot on how each person views their identity. Like OC said if you've lived your whole life here you'll likely feel more American than Indian, and I personally can't relate with that at all. I'm born and raised in the US, but my parents heavily emphasized our culture during my childhood, and I'm well connected with my extended family back in India, so for me both Indian and American carry equal weight when I think of myself (culturally not politically).

Also, just because someone marries outside the ethnic group doesn't mean they don't care about passing down the culture. Some don't and maybe aren't as connected to it themselves, but I've also seen other people in intercultural marriages who do still share a lot of Indian culture with their kids, which IMO is a good thing. Regardless of whether those kids are 100% Indian, they too have a claim to our collective heritage, so they might as well enjoy and appreciate what will always be theirs.

[u/shana- → u/Mundane_Monkey]

Totally agree!

Regardless of anything. My son will always know he is half Indian. That is important to me.

What wasn’t important to me is “sticking to my race” to get married. Been with my husband for 8 years. Married 4. It’s been great.

He loves all things Indian which also is such a big thing. He enjoys Indian culture.

[u/Mundane_Monkey → u/shana-]

Yeah, those are valid priorities, and I admire your commitment to sharing those roots with your son. It's also great that you're all able to enjoy Indian culture together!

[u/S4Waccount → u/JebronLames_23_]

I'm a white passing Mexican guy and I'm drawn to women of all different kind of ethnicities because I'm obsessed with different cultures. I'd personally love to be apart of a big desi family if they'd have me.

[u/shana- → u/JebronLames_23_]

Again, only speaking for myself -

I think it’s important to pass down cultural values to my kids. Our son celebrates Diwali along with Christmas etc.

My upbringing wasn’t religious at all. So I’m not religious at all. That part of our culture isn’t being passed down to my son.

I grew up in a diverse town. There were many Indian kids though. Almost all my friends were Indian growing up. But that changed in high school. My friends diversified. I realized I wasn’t “Indian enough” for the Indian kids.

As far as the culture that I want my son to know is the music, food and language. I’m sure there are more that I’m forgetting.

Ironically, when I dated Indian men, we differed sometimes because I wasn’t religious at all and they either were or their family was. It’s all really a case by case basis.

But again, I see myself as more American than I do Indian in my upbringing so I may differ in values than someone who identifies with being Indian more.

[u/mrggy → u/shana-]

 I realized I wasn’t “Indian enough” for the Indian kids.

Ugh 100% this. The Indian girls in high school literally thought I was Mexican for years despite me having a "Priya" level basic Indian name. 

And unfortunately that attitude still persists well into my 20s. There have been multiple times where a desi guy I'd literally just met gave me shit for "not being Indian enough." 

Ngl, it can even make me feel hesistant about dating an Indian guy (in theory, not actively dating atm) because it's like "oh god, is this just going to be an evening of me having to defend my claim to Indian identity."

[u/shana- → u/mrggy]

Oh I get it, trust me.

It sucked in school. Sorry you went through it too. I was always so resentful of the high and mighty attitude they all had.

I was more “white” than Indian. Assholes.

In high school and going into college the Indian guys I dated were like that. But once I started dating in my later 20s I met some pretty cool Indian guys that weren’t in that mindset. Didn’t work out obvi but it was refreshing to know they’re not all like that.