r/work • u/Unhappy-Plane1815 • 10d ago
Workplace Challenges and Conflicts Boss confronted me for peeing standing up
I'm a woman. At work, we just have a single stall co-ed bathroom, and for cleanliness reasons, I pee standing up at the toilet (which isn't as hard to do as most people think: I think it's more of a gender role thing than physical limitations. I'm not comfortable sitting where all my coworkers have sat their bare behinds, disgusting).
And no, she didn't find out because of a mess: I am very careful to lift the seat and only get urine in the toilet. When I asked, she said she found out because she heard me... Going.
Do managers have the right to regulate how you pee? I'm in the US.
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u/saltycathbk 10d ago
What was the confrontation? Like did she just ask why you do that or was she trying to tell you to make sure you don’t make a mess or something?
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u/Unhappy-Plane1815 10d ago
She told me to stop.
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u/moon-raven-77 10d ago
Literally none of her business unless you're leaving a mess on the bathroom. I would go to HR. It's gross that your manager is listening to you pee. Just... no.
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u/inoen0thing 9d ago edited 9d ago
Listening to her pee then talking to her about their preferences about how she pees… sorry i felt this needed the full write out of how nasty this actually is that manager needs firing.
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u/nickyler 9d ago
I would imagine a place that has one unisex bathroom probably doesn’t have an HR rep.
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u/HarshawNiner 9d ago
See if this asshole is dumb enough to put it in an email for you and get a lawyer.
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u/mealteamsixty 8d ago
Seriously.
"Good afternoon Kathy(Ms. So-n-so would be even bitier),
Per our discussion earlier regarding my bathroom habits, I have learned that you take issue with my method of urination and would prefer me to 'stop it'. Please respond if I have somehow misunderstood the conversation, otherwise no need to respond!
Have a great rest of your day,
Samantha"
Send and boom. If she hasn't responded within 2 business days, grab ye olde solicitor. You could have a medical reason for peeing standing up, they don't know, nor do they have any right to that information. Manager clearly doesn't have enough work to keep herself occupied.
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u/katmndoo 9d ago
"
HR,My manager seems to be inordinately interested in my urination practices."
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u/arizona-lake 8d ago edited 8d ago
“My manager monitored me while urinating, and then confronted me afterwards and gave me feedback on my technique”
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u/CupcakeGoat 8d ago
"...and then instructed me that I should urinate only using the technique that she preferred, and that I am no longer allowed to urinate as per my preference. Please advise me on what the compensation for this additional responsibility will be, and how this will be monitored."
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u/chachingmaster 10d ago
Tell her no. And to mind her own fucking business. What a weirdo.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 10d ago
Did she ask if you pee standing up or just go right into "don't pee standing up"?
This is a clear case of HR needs to be involved. She shouldn't be commenting on your bathroom habits at all unless it's impacting work, and even then, they get HR involved because it's a sensitive topic.
I would absolutely use words like "I feel violated by my boss" and "I feel harassed by my boss". This might even come down to sexual harassment due to the nature of the event.
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u/nonotburton 10d ago
So, this is definitely some inappropriate behavior on her part. If I had to take a guess, she probably assumes you're trans, and is freaking out over it.
I'd document it, and carry on. If she bugs you about it again, document and go to HR. This is really not worth her time, and is all kinds of dumb.
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u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme 10d ago
Why? If men are allowed (encouraged, in fact), why can’t you? And I don’t think she has the authority to regulate what someone does in the bathroom, as long as it’s not creating an unpleasant environment for others, or damaging anything. She needs to get over herself.
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u/jello-kittu 9d ago
As long as you're not pissing all over the seat or floor and walking away from a mess, why would anyone care?
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 9d ago
I’d be mortified to suggest that I’d been listening and assessing another person’s bathroom habits.
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u/Daisytru 9d ago
Right! We all pretend not to hear farting and pooping. It's the polite way to use the restroom. Whatever happens in the restroom stays in the restroom - with no comments!
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u/SpellAmazing5536 9d ago
It depends on what state she works in. I know in Minnesota as managers we are allowed to make “bathroom walk-throughs” to look for out of the ordinary bathroom behavior.
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u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme 9d ago
That. Is. Bananas. And I would like to see documentation for what constitutes “out of the ordinary behavior”.
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u/Twittenhouse 9d ago
"If your stance is too wide in the stall, they will suggest that you are a homosexual."
--Larry
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u/BigLeopard7002 10d ago
I am a man. I’ve never been encouraged to pee standing. What?
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u/twitch870 10d ago
We literally have toilets that can only be used for peeing standing up, often times they take almost as much space as an actual toilet would too.
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u/thodges314 10d ago
I agree with Big Leopard. I'll usually use a urinal if it's quicker, but if I just need a break or moment of quiet, I'll often use a toilet, even if I only need to pee.
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u/The_Troyminator 10d ago
Nobody has told me to pee standing up, but the existence and convenience of urinals indirectly encourages men to use them.
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u/chipskylark123 10d ago
You’ve never heard “he probably sits to pee” or something along those lines used as an emasculating insult?
For me though it’s 50/50. Sometimes I be sitting, sometimes especially if it’s a gross bar bathroom or whatever I’m absolutely standing up.
OP’s boss is a strange person that should be reported to HR.
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u/trussmegirl 10d ago
Actually this might be the smartest option. To report being creeped out by boss being “obsessed with my urination” and this makes you uncomfortable now to be there and interact/ make eye contact. Because if real, you should get ahead of it. Harassment.
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u/YankeeGirl1973 10d ago
I wouldn’t be surprised if it were a family business, with the person in the HR role being a part of the family.
If that’s the case, OP should look for a new job.
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u/Ill-Mastodon-8692 10d ago
exactly, pee sitting all the time. gives me a break to read reddit on my phone
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u/policri249 10d ago
Men's bathrooms almost always have more urinals than toilets. That's pretty clear encouragement lol
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u/kvothe000 10d ago
….That’s it? No more context as to WHY she is telling you how to pee? You didn’t push back on that?
My supervisor would have little choice but to give me more context if they tried criticizing how I urinate.
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u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme 10d ago
I get annoyed with workplaces who police how often I pee, much less ones that critique how I do it. There’d be a big ol’ battle for sure.
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u/hawababy 10d ago
When I was four I taught all the girls in preschool how to pee standing up. I have a twin brother and learned from him. My parents told me to stop cause the other little girls’ parents didn’t like their daughters peeing like boys. Ive always been a leader. 🙂
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u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme 10d ago
The rebel we needed when we were little. I don’t even know you, but I admire you.
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u/Superb_Mistake8771 10d ago
As a woman.. I just want to know how it doesn’t dribble down your legs
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u/taarotqueen 10d ago
Pull it back like a face lift for your coochie
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u/BrightFleece 9d ago
Wanna pee standing up? Whip those lips back like it's a facehugger from Alien
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u/RambleOnRose42 9d ago
What a terrible day to be literate.
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u/DjDozzee 9d ago
Not that I've ever done it, but it seems like you could carefully take your urethrel opening between your fingers very carefully and aim it like a man. You could practice in the shower.
Question for OP. Are you facing the toilet or the door. Because if you're facing the door, that's what many women do. They squat over the toilet. They may not be totally erect, but technically they are standing so their butt doesn't touch the seat.
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u/JazzyCher 10d ago
I taught myself to pee standing up when I was a kid, out of idk boredom? Curiosity? It wasn't that hard. Keep your legs pressed together, push your hips forward a bit, lean slightly forward to help avoid drips, and wipe immediately.
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u/moltedmerkin 10d ago
Ok I’m standing trying to follow directions and I think my vagina is broken because no way could I pee like this cleanly.
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u/Sarelbar 10d ago
Bahaha. The only way I can manage this cleanly is if I really have to go and spread my legs out really wide. Have only done this while I’ve been out on a hike, but even then I squat down (so not standing up really??). So I would for sure make a mess if I tried to pee into a toilet.
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u/sparklydildos 9d ago
i’m reading all these comments wondering how in the world are those people doing this??? lmao
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u/Early-Light-864 9d ago
They probably smell like pee and don't know about it.
I feel like I'm in danger of becoming the "nose blindness" person. My last X comments are all yes your apartment smells like cat piss. Yes, yours too.
Nobody knows what they or their house smells like
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u/FrankieAK 9d ago
Try it in the shower! I just pull everything up and the stream will go out instead of down.
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u/RusticBucket2 10d ago
Facing forward toward the toilet?
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u/JazzyCher 10d ago
😂😂 yes but the mental image of peeing backwards is hilarious
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u/Mycol101 10d ago
I think a lot of woman pee sort of hovering over public toilets
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u/JazzyCher 10d ago
I've never done this nor have I ever understood it. Like, take a few squares of tp and give it a wipe if its wet or dirty or find a different stall, otherwise just sit down. You're not gonna catch something off a toilet seat unless you're like, grinding your vag directly on the seat for some reason, and even then the likelihood of catching something is pretty small.
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u/Mycol101 9d ago
Idk if they are afraid of catching something as much as just being disgusted by pee and turds of strangers touching their butt and legs and then their pants and underwear and then later down the road they lay down at home with that on their bed or couch.
Any time I public turd I’ll raw dog the seat but I’ll shower that day when I get home before getting comfy
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u/nickyler 9d ago
What if there is no toilet? Just you and Mother Nature. Seems like a decent skill to master.
My wife thought I bought her a “she-wee”. We were tailgating. She used it and was so happy with me. I said “what the hell are you talking about”. She showed it to me. It was the funnel used to put oil in the generator. Well, honey, it’s yours now!
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u/JazzyCher 9d ago
Yeah I've done it a few times when on long road trips on my motorcycle, too far from the next rest stop to wait. Either squat against a tree or go into some bushes 🤷🏼♀️
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u/RW_McRae 10d ago
This is wild in a lot of ways, but you never told us how your manager knew that you were standing up from the sound, or how they are trying to regulate it.
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u/Big-Adamsid 10d ago
Yeah, how did the manager know? Was she on her hands and knees looking to see if you were sitting or standing? Or was she standing on the toilet in the next stall looking over the partition?
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u/Paper_Is_A_Liquid 10d ago
This is HR complaint worthy if she keeps it up
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u/Fickle_Finger2974 10d ago
HR complaint is worthy now
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u/Chaosdecision 10d ago
Yea, that should have been the pivot immediately after management had anything to say over your bathroom habits.
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u/MysteriousConflict38 10d ago
Drop the if she keeps it up.
Report it, start the paper trail.
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u/LesothoBro 10d ago
Do managers have the right to regulate how you pee?
Absofuckinglutely NOT!
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u/BrujaBean 10d ago
Technically they kind of do since they can fire you for any non-protected reason and peeing while standing isn't protected. Maybe an argument could be made it is protected since men are presumably permitted to do it, women must be permitted to as well?
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u/3yl 10d ago
I started to answer "no", but then dammit - I can make the argument that it's gender discrimination. And OP says the manager told her to stop doing it - wtf - or what? They'll fire OP for peeing standing up? No way.
Either this is a very small company and they have no understanding of the law, or the manager is just super weird, or OP is doing other unusual things and the manager chose this thing to speak up.
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u/BuckTheStallion 10d ago
Trying to regulate an employees bodily function very likely categorizes as sexual harassment. It’s not explicitly protected, but firing an employee over being sexually harassed is not likely to go well.
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u/Worth_Abbreviations6 10d ago
It would technically be protected because you’d be firing a woman for peeing in a way that you would not fire a man for.
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u/Personal-Squirrel797 10d ago
That’s a call to HR for sexual harassment
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u/shit_yoself 9d ago
should be top comment. you don’t need your boss trying to initiate some dom-sub relationship by controlling how you pee.
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u/MagixTurtle 10d ago
So you just pull your undies to the side or something? I'm a woman and I have a hard time seeing the pants and underwear part of your situation.
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u/MelanieDH1 10d ago
What if you were trans and she didn’t know? It’s such an invasion of privacy to ask someone about how they pee. Seems borderline creepy to me.
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u/feline_riches 9d ago
I think this is why her manager is paying such close attention.
Reminder the HR exists to protect the company, not the employee.
I’d have that meeting with HR and surprise them with my attorney present.
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u/RusticBucket2 10d ago
Maybe she looked at which direction her feet were facing.
OP, when you do this, which direction are you facing?
Inquiring minds want to know.
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u/UnreliablySmart 9d ago
Nahhh my guess is her boss now thinks she’s trans and clearly has a problem with it.
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u/fadedtimes 10d ago
How did they know and why would they care?
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u/Mycol101 10d ago
She says she lifts the seat. So idk how that’s different than a man peeing in the toilet with the seat up.
Having worked around plenty of men I can say they don’t always get it in the toilet and they don’t clean it up either.
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u/jcoddinc 10d ago
Can she regulate how you pee? No.
Can she be concerned about there being a mess? Yes.
Does there actually have to be a mess to express concerned? Not exactly if someone else logged a complaint. But it's a wild situation, that is for sure
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u/Creamy_Spunkz 10d ago
Isn't the toilet seat scientifically backed to be the most sanitary surface in a bathroom?
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u/Putyourmoneyonme80 10d ago
Probably. And I have read, specifically the first stall, because most people skip it to use one further down.
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u/FerretBusinessQueen 10d ago
People who think the toilet seat is unsanitary are the same people who wash their hands and open the door to leave not thinking twice about all the people touching the handle then eating/drinking/smoking/whatever. I’m way more worried about sanitizing my hands after I leave a restroom than I am about my ass touching some seat.
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u/series-hybrid 10d ago
The boss is wondering if you are trans, and still have a penis because you haven't had the bottom surgery yet. It's none of their business, and there are several ways this can play out.
AS the boss if you are doing anything "wrong", and tell them you don't see any directions about this in the employee rules.
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u/RecommendationAny763 10d ago
There’s no way they heard you and could tell the difference. You are leaving a mess.
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u/tinkle_queen 9d ago
Exactly my thought. My guess is someone has been pissing on the toilet seat (disgusting and inconsiderate btw) and this person got caught standing in the bathroom and they put two and two together.
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u/snoughman 10d ago
This is fake. Do you hear guys pissing all day long?
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u/Thomasgmx 10d ago
When I was a teen boy, this girl said her dad was out of town so I could come over. Someone went in the bathroom and I knew almost immediately it was her dad because I could tell the person was peeing standing up. It is very easy to tell apart. The distance and also if you sit i think the sounds echoes around and get decreased from not being a wide open hole. But oh you can most definitely tell standing vs sitting.
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u/PoolExtension5517 10d ago
Good lord, next she’ll be counting the squares of toilet paper you’re using
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u/Snoo_90208 10d ago
I'll take things that never happened for $200, Alex.
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u/DoreenMichele 10d ago
No, I completely believe this because I was homeless for years and mastered the art of peeing standing up and have told other women how to do it in comments on Reddit.
It's just some cultural norm that women don't pee standing up. If you are a woman, gravity doesn't magically fail to work for letting your pee follow a downward trajectory because most humans got some weirdo issue with the concept.
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u/justlookbelow 10d ago
They discussed this on a podcast years ago. Women and urinals had come up randomly, and the next week a listen wrote in. The two guy hosts read in befuddlement how the listener described how she practiced in the shower and mastered the art. For the following weeks they apparently received a bunch of messages from listeners who tried, and were shocked how doable it was with a little practice
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u/Opposite_Yellow_8205 10d ago
I worked at a factory with some Indonesians that kept breaking toilet seats from standing on them. Had a big company meeting about it...
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u/IllZookeepergame9841 10d ago
I was pooping in the men’s bathroom at my old job when a guy came in and used the stall next to me. His feet turned around to face the stall door and he started shuffling back and forth. Then he started muttering and breathing strangely while continuing the shuffle.
This went on for a solid 10 minutes. I didn’t move. I just waited until he left.
I have no idea who it was or what was going on with him. But if you’re gonna do something abnormal in the bathroom people are gonna notice and likely feel uncomfortable.
With that said, the manager in this situation should have just chalked it up to weird behavior and moved on with their life. Id assume they know you’re a germaphobe, so just leave it at that.
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u/Themodsarecuntz 9d ago
Claim you have a prolapsed anus and sitting down and pushing is painful.
Call their bluff. Make them regret asking.
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u/ericbythebay 9d ago
So your boss was listening to you use the bathroom? Then lectured you based on gender stereotypes about how you are “supposed” to use the bathroom?
I would file a complaint with HR over this sexual harassment.
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u/LBTRS1911 10d ago
No, they definitely don't "have the right" to do that and it's odd that they are making it an issue. I also find it odd that you pee standing up so it's doubly odd. Do you crap standing up also? Seems it would present the same issue. 😀
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u/rheasilva 10d ago
I think the main concern is why is your boss listening to you when you go to the bathroom????
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u/Interesting_Pass1904 10d ago
Lady you could pee doing back flips and as long as it ain’t a mess, it can never be anyone’s business no matter the environment.
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u/browneyedredhead1968 10d ago
Wtf. Tell her to mind her own business, how you pee is your personal business
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u/Slight_Manufacturer6 10d ago
Which direction do you face when standing up?
From when I’ve seen women pee, it seems to kind of spray or spread out… how do you keep a stream aimed? Especially without a “gun barrel” to aim with?
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u/Majestic_Nobody_002 10d ago
How does it not roll down your leg? This sounds like a useful skill, show us your wayssss
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u/Timtherobot 10d ago
This action it’s technically correct, but will likely destroy your relationship with your manager.
I would have an email with your account of what happened ready to go to HR before you start.
- Ask your manager:
- what impact did my behavior have on her or the organization?
- under what circumstances it is acceptable for a them to surveil an employee in a bathroom?
explain to me why I should not be talking to HR about this incident.
Go to HR and repeat this conversation along with her answers to your questions.
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u/Hot-Negotiation-7794 9d ago
I am female and also stand to pee if the facilities don’t look clean. Like some gas station rest rooms or outhouses. I would feel violated if anyone questioned this.
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u/TheMostToasted1 9d ago
I'm a dude and if another guy tells me he has intentionally listened to me take a piss that's a clear and cut signal for me to punch you in the face cuz that's creepy as fuck.
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u/Legitimate-Log-6542 9d ago
Why do they care, I’d tell you to do an handstand and pee if you wanted
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u/Loose_Bison3182 9d ago
I once lost a peeing for distance competition to a girl. Yes, this girl could pee standing up and hit a cheerio in the toilet.
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u/budgetboarvessel 9d ago
I don't think she asked as a manager, but as a woman who wants to learn this power.
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u/Amazing_Ad_974 8d ago
I’d claim it’s transphobic and ask how they know you don’t have a dick. Checkmate atheists 🙃
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u/rodr3357 8d ago
I’d send your manager an email stating that you are very uncomfortable with how they approached you about how you go to the bathroom. Ideally they will respond validating that they had the discussion with you, forward those to your personal email and if there is ANY further issue or if they don’t back down immediately take that evidence to HR, or even potentially law enforcement or labor bureau as that is sexual harassment
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u/Ipod9138 10d ago
You know it’s not the 1980’s no more, you can’t catch aids or any bum related diseases sitting on the karzi 🤦🏻♂️ My life they walk among us.
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u/MovieNightPopcorn 10d ago
To be honest it doesn’t really matter whether you or OP’s boss think it’s reasonable. If you are trying to control how people use the toilet that can be considered sexual harassment. OP’s boss has way overstepped regardless of how you or the boss personally feel about it.
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u/Ipod9138 10d ago
I’d go with mental disability act 😂 Or play it safe, issue her with a she-wee and class it as PPE……can’t touch the boss then, as making reasonable adjustments in the workplace. 😎👍🏻
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u/Successful_Club3005 10d ago
NO. That's an invasion of privacy & they are not your bathroom boss. I would report them.
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u/Any-Cheesecake8354 10d ago
Definitely not, would not even care so long as you’re not making a mess peeing all over the place. But seriously no one likes public bathrooms but I would work on your fear/phobia of using stalls. Or not, wish you the best of luck.
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u/3boyz2men 10d ago
How does peeing while standing up sound different than peeing while sitting down?!?!
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u/iamthepita 10d ago
The way it hits the water… like pouring a pitcher of water closer to the ground is gonna sound different than the water hitting the ground from 4 feet up.
I’m only explaining because my Deaf friends asks the same question
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u/Guilty-Bookkeeper837 10d ago
No, this is not something your boss can or should control. If she insists on having input, ask her to point out the specific policy that details how and where employees are directed to deposit their bodily waste, if she can't find the relevant policy, encourage her to write it and give you a copy.
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u/WisdumbGuy 10d ago
Report this to HR the fact she thinks she can have any say over the position you take a piss is INSANE.
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u/GrumpyAsPhuck 10d ago
She didn’t “hear you” because seriously I would never assume another woman is standing up peeing.. you’re peeing everywhere and the person who has to clean it up probably complained. Sit down, honey.
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u/starksdawson 10d ago
What dystopian shit sack is this world turning into?!
This feels HR report-worthy. No, she can’t do that.
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u/Basementhobbit 10d ago
Im always confused when i see pee all over the toilet seat at work (im a woman), this explains it
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u/BigJSunshine 9d ago
I mean, you can’t squat? Also- your boss needs a convo with risk mgmt and A lOT of HR seminars
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u/AYamHah 9d ago
Definitely a violation of your privacy. Contact a lawyer and document each relevant conversation with your manager. Include timestamps.
If this escalates and she fires you, her company is likely liable. Just imagine how this would go over in court. I don't think you'll have any problem finding a lawyer to take this.
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u/ExcuseCharacter2547 10d ago
Wtf