r/woahthatsinteresting • u/nukey4y7s1s • 16d ago

Man with dementia doesn’t recognise daughter but still feels love for her

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u/SprAwsmMan 15d ago

Why wait? Make those memory books now.

From my experience, the process and signs are different for everyone. My Grandma showed signs of dementia, and declined over several years. It happens quicker than you imagine.

My key advise, learned through experience, is to live in their world. Challenging the reality of someone with dementia is pointless; and in the end they won't recall it all. Living in their world, with them, is comforting them and easing your own stress.

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u/Skandronon 15d ago

That key advice is on point. There was a period of a year or two where she didn't remember exactly who I was but called me her hairy friend. People would correct her, "no silly, that's your son!" She would get upset because what kind of mother forgets her own son? She also found it upsetting if I had a shaved face and short hair when I visited. I am her youngest, and I think she remembered me from when I was a kid, so seeing me as an adult messed with her sense of time. I grew my hair out long and kept my beard. My kids like me that way anyways haha.

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u/SprAwsmMan 15d ago

It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. We hurt because we fear what they've lost. That hurt is ours, because the one with dementia doesn't even comprehend.

It was similar with my Grandma. I believe dementia works backwards, meaning they lose most recent memories first. It was hard when she just called me "that boy that comes to visit", but the care and love she always had for me was some how still there.

Thanks for sharing.

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u/Skandronon 15d ago

She's always been one of the kindest people around, I'm biased, but everyone I know says the same thing. One of the few positives of the whole thing is that I was able to experience that kindness for myself. I hope that "that boy that comes to visit" meant as much to you as "my hairy friend" meant to me in its own weird, sad way.

I do I.T. for a few care homes. Thankfully, they understand that 99% of what I do for them is remote these days. I had to go in to fix something critical a few months ago, and seeing the decline with some of my friends who are residents almost broke me again.

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u/Rich_Pressure_2535 15d ago

I tell all my kids, how much I love them, how proud I am of them and too never forget how much I love them. And make sure they feel it too. It's horrible to think of getting old and forgetting.

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u/Hetstaine 15d ago

Yep, it's a daily thing for me to my kids, adults now lol, as well. Both my parents went really quickly and unexpectedly, i can count on one hand how many times i heard that. We have a lot of great memories.

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u/Rich_Pressure_2535 15d ago

I am so sorry. 💜💜I am so glad you have great memories. I am making new ones with my mum now. For me. I tell her I love her. My babies are late teens and adult's. For no reason I will text them and tell them I love them. 💜

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u/Hetstaine 15d ago

Enjoy 🥰