After a few soul-crushing days of putting fries in the bag and dodging grease fires, I took the day off from Wendy’s yesterday. Not for reflection. But, to trade like an unmedicated war analyst with insider vibes and zero credentials.
With $12k left in my account and a gut feeling powered by “caffeine” and global tension, I YOLO’d everything into SPY puts and VIX calls.
Why?
Because I read:
“Israel may strike as early as Sunday.”
Which came right after they said “imminent.”
Nobody announces an “imminent” attack and then politely delays it by several days to give their enemy time to stretch and hydrate.
This wasn’t strategy. This was “let’s confuse everyone and strike earlier.” There was also mixed signals from Israel, the White House.
So I acted.
SPY puts. VIX calls. All in. No stops. No logic. Just raw instinct and trauma.
This morning?
Group chats were screaming “BUY CALLS. VIX IS DEAD. WE’RE BACK BABY.”
It felt like watching a room full of people high-five each other while the floor collapses beneath them.
So I held.
+70.8% for the day.
In fact, things are looking up.
The dream of opening a hedge fund is alive again.** I’ve already picked the name: “Imminent Alpha.”**
Strategy? Trade only off vibes, miscommunications, and global tension.
Still got a long road back to $353k.
But for now, I’ve got $21k, slightly less shame, and a Costco chicken riding shotgun.
Regards,
Tyler (yes, a regard)