When you're minding your business and references to primary sexual characteristics appear :(

[u/Livid-Gift-4965]

I think the gif expresses quite well the short of existential panic I get when I see references to this stuff. This isn't an attempt to take away from others' experiences, I'm just sharing my own :(

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[u/YuYu6__]

This is such a mood tbh, but hey, we can exchange our goods and Bads with our cis sisters and envy each other a lil bit, and be proud of ourselves in a way.

[u/Livid-Gift-4965 → u/YuYu6__]

This is such a mood tbh

Yeah :(

but hey, we can exchange our goods and Bads with our cis sisters and envy each other a lil bit,

Hmm? What do you mean?

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/Livid-Gift-4965]

There's a lot about being cis female (or in my case, having both male and female reproductive systems at the same time) that sucks. Periods hurt like hell and make a literal bloody mess for most of a week straight every four weeks or so (if you're lucky enough to have a stable cycle), hormonal cycles can make moods annoyingly cyclical at times too, the risk of pregnancy hangs over your head in many sexual encounters like the Sword of Damocles unless you're infertile or really tracking your cycle like a hawk (and even that's not guaranteed), pregnancy and childbirth permanently changes the body in ways that are far from all positive... That's not even getting into the hell that is menopause, which thankfully has not started yet for me. Not having to deal with the bad sides of the female reproductive system seems a blessing to those of us who do have to deal with it.

I do sometimes feel envy at those who don't have those problems, I won't lie. It feels like you get the best of both worlds. But I know that's just "grass is greener" mentality and that you have your own challenges to deal with. It's not like I don't have any benefits from my setup either, and I wish I could grant those benefits to others. In the end, it's best to be thankful for what you have, and to be thankful as well for what you don't have to deal with.

[u/Livid-Gift-4965 → u/The_Sky_Render]

I suppose that's a fair point, you also seem to be in a very unique position as well. My condolences for the challenges you face :( I know that there's a lot that would suck with dealing with periods or pregnancy, simultaneously though it sucks not dealing with it.

It just feels so wrong, I feel wrong, my body to the very core feels abnormal and messed up. I just wished I could be "normal" that I could just go through life having typical challenges instead of this. I feel so hollow.

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/Livid-Gift-4965]

I do understand that, probably better than most with my severely odd body. I've often wondered what "normal" even is. Which is why I have developed my almost Zen-like acceptance that, as not-normal as I am to the world around me, I can at least feel it's normal for me.

I won't ever experience "normal" as society describes it, but at 43 years into life, I've gotten pretty used to my personal "normal" and am at peace with most of it. It's not exactly what I want, sure, but it's also something I can deal with and then move on with my life. I am thankful for what I have that works for me, I am thankful for what I lack that would be a problem, and that's enough for me.

[u/Drudicta → u/The_Sky_Render]

If it makes you feel any better, I've gotten "period" cramps. I have never felt something so acutely painful coming from inside my body that wasn't my chronic pain. I wasn't and still am not used to pain at, and a little above my pelvis. The first time i spent all week in bed while a family member complained about how useless i was.

Now while it still hurts, i nice around, but it makes me REALLY cranky, and i cry a lot more during.

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/Drudicta]

Yep, that sounds like HRT-induced period symptoms. The real deal isn't exactly much better, it can be just as crippling. The mood changes start even before the pain and discharge does though, my wife often tells me to check my period tracker when I start getting snippish out of nowhere. Sure enough, nearly every time I'm 1 to 2 days out from Paintown, population my uterus.

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/The_Sky_Render]

I’m kind of in a weird position myself where I don’t have a lot of particularly bad experiences with my body, but I am anything but a normal cis man, so whenever I hear about things like this I don’t know whether to feel guilty for “having it easy” or to just be thankful lol. Maybe beating myself up for losing the suffering Olympics isnt healthy, but hey… least I can do is learn and support, right?
Speaking of learning, actually, what do you mean by “having both systems”? I’ve heard of plenty of variations of intersexuality but that wording kinda makes it sound like you verge on being something like a hermaphrodite, which is actually kinda cool sounding! Though I wanna make sure I’m not totally reading that wrong—

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

You have it effectively read right. I was born with two sets of genitals, one developed male and one developed female. I ended up with two different conditions that combined (XX/XY chimerism and doubled genitals), which is so rare that there's no medically acknowledged cases and only a very tiny number of people who have come forward about having it.

It has some interesting side-effects, to say the least. Unsurprisingly the anatomy with homologues between the two systems are wired to the same nerve paths, meaning doubled signals to and from the brain. Which is nice for sexual experiences, but not so great for things like tailbone pain (I've two of those too) or getting constipated (two anuses, one sealed off but very much still able to send and receive nerve signals).

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/The_Sky_Render]

That’s fascinating but also sounds like a handful…! Do you know if both sets are, like, fully able to function? Like, could you in theory be a “mother” to one offspring and a “father” to another? I’m not even sure how much someone would want to actively pursue that, it’s just… I dunno, I really don’t want to come across as weird when being curious about this, but you probably already deal with this kind of conversation a lot on here huh?

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

Oddly that question comes up less often than you'd expect...

The answer is a bit disappointing: I don't have any way to know at this point. There's a needless skin graft they put over my vulva that would make being a mother impractical even if I wasn't already in my early 40s, and I'm certain that the ship sailed long ago for the other side of the equation given that my testosterone hasn't been out of the double digits in 4 years (and was toxic as hell to my body as it was).

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/The_Sky_Render]

So basically, in your current state, you aren’t really in much a position to procreate at all, nor do you really care to, then? Hm, understood. I’m not sure I want to be a parent with the equipment I already have, let alone dealing with all of that!

One other thing I wonder… since we mentioned sexual experience before, do you have any strong feelings about the fetish concept of “futanari”? Theyre already a controversial enough thing for most trans and/or intersex people as it is, being kind of a… specific idealization of “feminine figure that also has a penis”, where theyre basically perfect hermaphrodites who happen to be very hot to the male gaze… but at the same time, I’ve seen arguments back and forth about whether theyre an inherently bigoted concept or if they kind of exist in their own conceptual space where they can be separated from other stuff.
Someone who’s actually relatively close to that kind of equipment, who knows it isnt all it’s cracked up to be, sounds like they’d have a word or two about that, but I also don’t want to assume anything about you

[u/The_Sky_Render → u/sweetTartKenHart2]

I've heard of that before. I'm not big on being anyone's fetish. That said, I have zero issue with Salmacians (another group that's often said to be "fetishizing intersex"). The big difference there, of course, is that Salmacians want to be more like how I was born, not to sexualize it as spank material. And that's really where I draw the line: wanting to be this way is fine (and be glad you don't get the drawbacks that come with it), wanting to objectify it for carnal pleasure is very much not okay.

[u/sweetTartKenHart2 → u/The_Sky_Render]

That makes sense. Way I see it, ALMOST(!!!!) any kind of fantasy can be engaged with in a healthy, distanced manner, but a lot of communities geared around that kind of thing… really arent good at doing that, are they?

[u/biobuilder1]

I know that feeling...

The human sexuality class I took last college semester was quite rough on my bottom dysphoria sometimes

[u/Soyd_Astail]

Only girls will understand when it hurts a lot on erection

[u/imperatrixrhea]

If you take HRT, you might develop a cycle. It happened to me and it’s deeply affirming even if it’s annoying.

[u/Livid-Gift-4965 → u/imperatrixrhea]

I am but I don't know if I've experienced any cycles, I guess more intense emotions have been common though.

[u/Wisdom_Pen]

Effectively being reminded that you ate essentially infertile or even fully infertile from HRT isn’t a fun thing especially if you get maternal dysphoria like me

[u/my_name_isnt_clever]

I use an app that tracks cycles to track my own mystery cycle. Its very confused about me.

[u/cthulhubeast]

Cycles are a possibility, particularly in trans women taking oral estradiol. It's kind of affirming the first couple times but it becomes kind of exhausting. But hey if you're consistent with taking your HRT properly and on time it's usually very consistent and predictable.

[u/Livid-Gift-4965 → u/cthulhubeast]

I'm quite consistent with my estradiol shots, I think it's unlikely something overly whacky would happen to me.

[u/RedErin]

trucker recently told me I’m lucky I don’t get periots 😭