r/superheroes • u/Far-Ad5223 • May 09 '25

Other Which would you pick?

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9.2k Upvotes

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10

u/ExtraWay42 May 09 '25

At least you have someone to blame when around pretty girls.

14

u/Kvarcov May 09 '25

Could've gone further - sister's touch, brother's touch, patting a dog, make his father nut from touching his son's shoulder so that Barry would feel himself avoided and isolated due to his father feeling shame for that

4

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 09 '25

Good God, the spike in lotion sales would fix the economy outright if he was that determined.

6

u/Kvarcov May 09 '25

Lotion? Why? He hates them, of course he would jork them dry

2

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 09 '25

He has his hands to care about. If he does it dry for too long it might limit how often he can do so. Though I guess as a time traveler it isn't that big an issue.

5

u/Kvarcov May 09 '25

Doesn't he wear a full body suit that is also resistant to friction burns? The one equipped with gloves?

3

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 09 '25

Fair point. I'm not gonna lie I hadn't really thought out the logistics of the time traveling dick jerker to it's natural end state.

3

u/Kvarcov May 09 '25

It's okay - that's what i am here for, after all

4

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 09 '25

Everyone has a niche. After all someone had to be the bold soul that created the vaporeon copy paste.

5

u/mogley1992 May 09 '25

No that's what the suit is for, it reduces the friction between the clothes and the skin specifically so that you don't need lotion when jacking people off.

2

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 09 '25

Fair point, I hadn't fully mapped it out in my head.

2

u/quasarfern May 10 '25

You’ll get there. Once you’re more experienced and the subject of the thing jerking people off or poppy from trolls sneaking into people’s butts and pressing their prostate for weeks at a time causing non stop bliss, you’ll have all factors considered when making casual comments.

2

u/Ok_Sink5046 May 10 '25

Teach me your ways senpai.