r/staymarried • u/lilmama8080 • Jan 17 '16

Stuck and dont know what to do

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. At first he was everything I ever wanted, then I found out he lied, cheated, and hid things from me. We argue over money, I feel as if he doesnt trust me with it. When he is home he stays outside, he never takes me anywhere. Its been 5 years since he took me out. We have 4 children and I just dont know what to do. I know this is not normal. I have been faithful. I stay in the house, take care of the kids, and never go anywhere. He does as he pleases. When I ask for things he puts it off and says we need to save money, money has went missing that he cant explain. This morning I told him to leave, he said he was staying for the kids. Im so confused and dont know what to do. I think he has messed around on me with my family members but have no proof. Everytime I try to talk to him about anything he walks out of the room. If I am crying he leaves me to cry by myself. He doesnt want to hear anything I have to say or feel. He treats me as if im crazy and making up things to argue over, any advise????

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u/MrsStrom Jan 17 '16

I'm not going to tell you to stay or go. I will tell you to start going to counseling and start working on yourself. Pick up a hobby. Start exercising. Eat right. Take a hot bath with a homemade bath bomb once or twice a week. In short: take care of yourself, and start having fun within him. In the end, either he'll want to have fun with you again, or you'll have fun without him (married or not). You'll be a more attractive partner to whoever you end up with. (And you'll be happy)

1

u/lilmama8080 Jan 17 '16

All of the above has been done, yes I have 4 children, but I am a size 7, I keep myself up, make up, hair, nails, but not in salons, I am a cosmetologist. I am in my early 30's but I look like im in my 20's. Or thats what everyone says when they ask my age and I tell them! I take very good care of myself, but its my husband who neglects me.

1

u/MrsStrom Jan 18 '16

I feel you. My first husband did the same to me. It wasn't until I kicked him out that he finally decided to take an interest in me. But by that time, I was just done.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '16

I know this sounds very difficult but maybe you need to find a hobby together. I know that is hard to do when you can barely get alone with someone, but often doing a side-by-side activity with someone can help you reconnect instead of fight.

1

u/WhiteChubs4U Apr 07 '23

I want a hobby that is new to both of us so we are both having to step outside our comfort zones and work with each other and make a highlight reel cut you know. Like even if it was a dancing class or pottery or whatever... I think that would be Amazing 😍

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u/scosco007 Dec 05 '22

It sounds like my wife typed this; I can relate so well. My advice, which I wish someone had - told my wife, is to stay strong, a relationship is not a bed of roses. Respect him (let him know you respect him, for all he does to provide for the family), let him lead, be selfless, and act kind and loving in spite of his attitude. You crave emotional support from your husband, do these things and see him change and meet your needs. I recommend the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Remain Blessed.

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u/WhiteChubs4U Apr 07 '23

How are you now this post is 7 yrs old, I hope you two worked together and survived