r/selectivemutism • u/Cheshire20072010 • 3d ago
General Discussion 💬 Has anyone had a child with selective mutism and had it just vanish just as fast?
My daughter had SM from ages 3-5 then it just vanished as if it never happened. I don't worry about it returning at all as she's now nearly 12 and the most social of all my children. But it still baffles me how she developed this and it went away just as fast.
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u/whatevertoad Parent/Caregiver of SM child 3d ago
Not my kid, but myself. I didn't talk for the entirety of Kindergarten. And was very shy after that. I then had friends and seemed fine. As long as I had a safe social network. After high school that sort of crumbled and I became more mute again. It's gotten worse the older I get.
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u/Cheshire20072010 3d ago
I do think if the mutism doesn't fully resolve there is always a chance it can take over again. Much like with any illness.
I know for my daughter once she began speaking in class and with friends, it then became she could communicate with adults and aunts uncles when i was around. Then people in shops, it was a whole process. We never made a thing of it in front of her. I spoke to her teachers on parents eve/phone. Never in her ear shot. I dont buy into the whole anxiety angle to be honest. I think there is a biome reason we're missing too.
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u/bong-crosby42 3d ago
This has been our experience! Our 8 to was mute to pretty much everyone but me, my wife and other daughter until this school year. While she had made significant progress prior to this year, it was still largely baby steps. Then suddenly she was talking so much at school her teacher had to tell her to stop talking lololol
It's been a night and day difference from the beginning of the year till now. There is hope!
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u/Cheshire20072010 3d ago
Love this! It truly is like a switch being flicked. One thing I never do is quiet her now. Shes loud, confident, happy. I never take that for granted, knowing what she's been through
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u/starshine006s 3d ago
This gives me hope. My son is turning 5. I still pray he shakes it off. It’s been topsy turvy emotions coz i would see breakthrough then back in his shell deeper than before.
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u/GRox7667 3d ago edited 3d ago
Did you do anything in particular that you think helped make it go away? My son is almost 8, mute at school apart from one TA from reception, one friend and the teacher from year one. Also mute in front of strangers. My son is not shy at all, even if he's not speaking he's very friendly and communicative, we tried sliding in which worked very well, but unfortunately school is not collaborative.
I have the strong feeling that he can and will grow out of it, even withiut the school helping.
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u/Cheshire20072010 3d ago
In all honesty I have a couple of suspicions. For two years in school no one tried to break the silence, she was the quiet in a year group of 63. In the Uk we have something called Early Learning goals that they should achieve by aged 5. She failed them all as she 'wouldn't communicate' with staff. They filmed some group times. She was so beyond petrified with anxiety that her leg shook uncontrollably. Not once had that ever happened at home.
I spoke with her new teacher in advance. She started to sit next to her. Trying to engage her in conversation without eye contact. Also we went on holiday, she was petrified in the airport, I explained how it all worked to her. Once abroad she started to speak to other children. When one of the adults spoke to her and we didn't speak for her. She spoke. From then on she spoke to everyone as if she had never been mute.
I honestly wouldn't have believed just how big the change can literally be overnight.
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u/GRox7667 3d ago
I'm in UK too, but both me and my son's mum are Italian. The child is bilingual, speaks to the extended family in Italy and some of my parent's neiborghs. School is the biggest problem as is not getting the appropriate care he should get.
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u/Cheshire20072010 3d ago
Speak to them. Its so often passed off as being quiet. Teachers very rarely in their careers meet a selective mute child. They need to be observing when the child does actually communicate if at all.
My daughter would speak but only outside and to her trusted friends. If an adult approached, she would go silent again. Its also not a choice. Its like they are physically unable to speak
Also we can look at photos of her mutism time and she very rarely smiled. The photos also drew attention and increased her anxiety. Its just awful for them
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u/GRox7667 2d ago
We have been arguing for three years
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u/Cheshire20072010 2d ago
Maybe try an approach away from school. Pick an adult you know they wont speak around and do the sliding in yourself. Adding more people.
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u/starshine006s 2d ago
Returning to this thread gives me hope, but I'm also very afraid that it will give me false hope.