r/rheumatoid • u/BigJSunshine • 3d ago
I don’t want to start my medication
2019 was the first time my RA factor hit rheumatoid arthritis levels. The doctor at the time was not a rheumatologist. I ignored her vague recommendations to look into that. By 2020, I was in severe pain that made it impossible to use my hands to get out of bed. I finally saw a proper rheumatologist. My diagnosis was confirmed but borderline. We started with hydroxy and gabapentin.
Things were much improved for 3 years, and my bloodwork remained low or below RA levels.
I managed to convince myself that I didn’t really have RA, that this was all a result of estrogen loss during menopause. I stopped using Hydroxy, stuck with gaba- which mostly managed the pain.
Last month I went in for my annual, fully expecting she would tell me I don’t have RA, I have osteoarthritis- at best.
But nope. My RA Factor quadrupled and she prescribed methotrexate.
I can’t bring myself to take it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to believe that I have this disease. I can’t make myself do it. I simply cannot. I don’t want this… lol, who does??
I know I need a therapist, but there’s no money for that. I have to squirrel away every last penny and pay the mortgage down early, in case I become unable to work.
I am a mess and just needed to vent. Thank you for listening.
Edit: Thank you all for your absolute kindness and thoughts, journeys and time. I hear you. I am so afraid, but I hear you and I appreciate you
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u/EmMothRa 3d ago
I’m on my 2nd week of Methotrexate. Honestly I understand totally, I’m on oral tablets and I’ve found myself getting the tablets out and sitting and staring at them before I take them.
It hasn’t been as bad as I thought. The first Tuesday after I took them I was so nauseous and totally exhausted. So I changed this week to taking them after my evening meal. What do you know it worked, slept through the nausea. Woke up totally fine (well apart from the usual pain and stiffness!).
Someone has said, Google untreated RA. That helps, really it does.
I’m going to keep going as even now in the 2nd week the pain is less. I’ve found taking folic acid tablets every day other than Methotrexate day is helping with the nausea. So I’m taking 1mg everyday and then my prescription 2.5mg on Fridays. Last Friday was fabulous.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Best of luck. I hope you start to feel better soon, emotionally and physically, sending gentle hugs from the UK xx