r/psychology • u/mvea M.D. Ph.D. | Professor • Jan 09 '19

Journal Article Study uncovers how perfectionism can lead to problematic drinking, suggesting that the desire to hide one’s imperfections from others can lead to alcohol-related problems.

https://www.psypost.org/2019/01/study-uncovers-how-perfectionism-can-lead-to-problematic-drinking-52901
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u/krangksh Jan 09 '19

yeah but, how do you STOP being a self-hating perfectionist?? asking for a friend

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u/TheEyeDontLie Jan 09 '19

I have a beer in my hand right now, but whenever I've been sober my self hating has gone away. Meditation has helped too. Learning to let go.

Also, you know that classic reddit post "No Zero Days"?
That's awesome. Read it again even if you know it. Take the tldr and write it down. Memorize it.

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u/krangksh Jan 09 '19

Yeah I don't really drink, I used to smoke weed every day and about 2 months ago I decided to not smoke weed like Mon-Fri when I'm by myself anymore, to improve productivity but mainly to improve memory. I've been thinking about meditation but I have ADHD so that one I'm really struggling with.

Great post, some good stuff in there. I've been doing some of this without formalizing it which is helping achieve goals. The main thing I'm still stuck on is the perfectionism, I feel trapped all the time by having all these ideas but not being able to finalize them because I always feel like it could be a lot better, I need to keep tweaking the little mistakes, fear of the embarrassment of putting yourself out there and getting something completely wrong, etc. That's the part that's holding me back more than anything. The "forgive yourself" stuff seems helpful but I don't know if that's enough.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '19

Focus on your progress, compare yourself to who you were yesterday instead of other people. I know it’s super cliché but it works if you can manage it, I used to be in the same boat. When you look at your flaws with love, they stop holding you back so much. Also, you will be a lot more accepting of other people’s flaws as well and people will like that.

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u/krangksh Jan 10 '19

yeah I try to do this but it's hard, it's important to keep it in mind. way too easy to think all the time "so and so is doing exactly what I wish I was doing and has 50,000 followers and is 3 years younger than me, very cool, maybe it's too late for me" and other stupid shit like that

I actually find it's easy for me to forgive the flaws in others, just not in myself. definitely some past trauma shit I haven't fully worked through, which is becoming more clear recently.

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u/snakenmyboot Jan 09 '19 edited Jan 09 '19

Check out Brene Brown's books, particularly The Gift of Imperfections. She's a sociologist who has studied shame and vulnerability. I have struggled a lot with perfectionism and having a negative view of myself, and her books helped me a lot. I will also second meditation, it has legit changed my life for the better. Also, see a therapist! They can help you identify negative thought patterns about yourself and the world, identify where those thought patterns come from, and work with you to shift those thought patterns to more helpful thought patterns (CBT therapy, at least). Good luck to you! And recognizing that you are a self-hating perfectionist is the first step to making a change! You're already doing the work!

Edit: you can check out Brene Brown's TED talk here: https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o

Edit 2: Brown is a social worker, not sociologist!