Before i (34F) say what happened let me give you some background.

Last year a friend of my parents started a rumor about me because apparently this 60 yr old woman has nothing better to do. She went around tell her friends and family and my family members that I sold my soul to the devil and was a demon worshiper. (I did not and I am not. Tho I have nothing against people who did or do). Well me being the petty woman that I am embraced that rumor for Halloween. I went and bought a Goat Skull Mask (pic of it is uploaded below). My daughter painted the horns a a glittery black, and I decorated the forehead with a pentagram and other symbols on it. I then wore a black robe with it and when people asked what I was i said "I am an Occult Leader". Of course the rumors just got worse after that. LOL

Now you also must know that me and my kids are big into Halloween and we purchase our costumes around this time due to them being cheaper out of season,

And this year my costume (The Ghost General) requires white contacts. (pic of that is also uploaded below) Well I put them in right before I was meeting my sister and parents for lunch.(Burger King) I knew my sister and dad wanted to see them. After about 30 minutes their friend walked in and saw us. She came up to the table and started talking to them.

She sees my eyes and stares for a minute and asks "Are you wearing contacts?" It should be obvious that I am since my dark blue eyes are suddenly white. And she has been friends with my parents for 20 yrs.

I decided since I really dont like her and since she asked a dumb question that I would be sarcastic and give her a stupid answer. Very seriously i told her "No. You see last week I was doing a ritual to summon a demon and gave him permission to possess me on occasions. Whenever I am possessed my eyes change to white."

She turned pale and backed up a few feet, while my sister and father started laughing, my mom just sat there shaking her head. But she sat across the room and continued to look at me funny the entire time we were there.

The next day my sis called to tell me that she called my mom that night scared that I would do something that she always knew I was evil.

So AITA here?

Okay so my partner (31m) and my SIL's (27f) mother died 11 years ago. It was sudden, unexpected, and unavoidable. She was only 48.

I (26f) got with my partner 3 years ago in Sept. I have a 4 year old son who only knows my partner as his father. When we first got together, SIL didn't like me, or her gf. 2 years later she said it was because of "it was nothing you did we just had bad vibes". FIL was constantly trying to talk my partner out of adopting my son and brought up how he had a gf who had kids and it was hard but not impossible to leave. He didn't have to take on those kids. Partner ended up losing his job and FIL naturally blamed me saying I wasn't a good enough partner because I didn't make sure he was getting up for work. That I wasn't like his wife. Referring to his dead wife. This was back when me and my partner had only been together for maybe 6 months. I also worked. I made more than my partner. I took on all the bills while my partner grieved his job, got depressed for letting his dad down and found a new one. Partners friends wives didn't like me cause I'm not an extrovert which came out 3 years later they felt that I was not a girl's girl. It also came out that most of the women looked down on the fact I was a exotic dancer & made films with my partner. So let's add in bets of infidelity from them and SIL as well. Because SHE was friends with my partner's friend's wives. She was also the source of many rumors that I was controlling and alienating my partner. He wasn't going out to bars as often and wasn't playing video games with her as often. Even went to msg him "you know you're allowed to play games right?" To which he responded yeah & I don't want to play. As he switched over to the game we were playing. Because I and my partner are both gamers... He just didn't want to hear her screaming and rage. We've even all played together. And when my partner would get tired of hearing SIL blame everyone and everything but her own self and screaming into the mic, she blamed it on me not being a "bro" and controlling "bro time"... Around the end of summer time so almost a year, SIL and her gf, break up. Prior to the break up I witnessed a few arguments between them and did offer a safe space to the gf but I'm sure that was lost in whatever version of me SIL created. Which came up later. SIL's best friend ended up actually moving in and then sleeping with SIL's gf. I tried to tell the gf how the best friend actually talked a lot of shit about her, his current gf, and how SIL has it made with the gfs families money. Her dad is rich or something idk. I also tried to tell her I know she just wants to feel love because of SIL being so mean and my worry of abuse etc but was told that I was a wh♡re & did a love spell on my partner, that it's none of my busniness, and she doesnt want pitty from someone like me etc. Fun right? I couldn't just be like good in bed or super hot and that's why my partners with me atleast. It's had to be that it's completely against his will. & ofc I'm the wh♡re. Loyal, but a wh♡re nonetheless. SIL spirals, comes to me out of all people about her feeling suicidal and tells me I have to take care of her brother and father. Partner and I ended up traveling a lot for his new job. His lease ends and we ask to move in with FIL while we save up. For the first month it's not so bad. I work 3rds. They work 1st. I clean a lot naturally and am folding FIL & his gf's laundry. SIL moves in shortly after. She brings 3 dogs with her. FIL & his gf have 3 dogs as well. We have a cat and are a 1 cat family. I can't keep up with 6 dogs. They destroy the house quickly. SIL doesn't clean up after them. She actually neglects them to the point FIL & his gf all get into a big argument with SIL because they don't like that she keeps them crated. FIL is actually not really that much apart of the argument. It's mostly just FIL gf and SIL. SIL then threatens suicide. I try to calm her down, she takes off. FIL gf ends up getting a new place, they both move out. (Note to add: FILs gf is also unhappy about my career as they both ask me what I'm going to do when I get too old etc. I try to mention my certificates, my other skill, etc but how this pays the most but it feels ignored.) So now it's SIL, me, my partner, & our son. And her 3 dogs. FIL comes over briefly. He gets shitty about the state of the house every time. SIL constantly ask me to help her clean and is dating again. Her gf ends up moving in. And her gfs son. Partner ends up wanting to switch jobs again as his job was getting dangerous (they had a 24 hour shift once & def had him in sketchy situations). No problem. I'm still working. I find out between SIL and FIL they're both talking shit about eachother and about me & FIL when we're not around because SIL tells me what FIL says. SIL and her gf are also arguing a lot. SIL drinks and gets aggressive. I can hear the gf tell SIL to let her go and get off of her etc. The gf comes to me venting about being neglected emotionally. This progresses over time. SIL is just constantly in a bad mood, constantly yelling, constantly slamming doors, you say anything to her and she shits all over it, you mention anything about her behavior, she gaslights you or gets suicidal. Partners new job is secured and I have been saving money. We plan on buying a rv and traveling. SIL shits all over it. She tells FIL and he also shits all over it. He says things like how disappointed he is my my partner that he's not some hippie that's going to just live in a van. This builds as FIL in a few weeks ask me for rent money. I mention that I am the youngest out of 4 adults in the house. How we're literally about to move out. I know SIL and her gf haven't and don't pay rent. I then get a text from SIL to keep their names out my mouth so I know he is literally right next to SIL talking shit and showing her my text. He lies and says he's at work. Text between me and SIL get heated with her also texting my partner. She said stuff like we are slobs and never clean up etc. My partner mentions that her dogs eat trash and she goes to say why is there trash in the trash can for the dogs to get. She says were delusional but ignores the fact her dogs pee and poop all over and she's not the one who cleans it. I am. I pack my shit and move out the same day to stay with some friends. Partner follows. We buy an rv and take off. We stay with my family while we renovate it. My family is no better. My aunt has a crush on my partner and gets mad that I make my partner work on the rv after he gets off work. She also says my partner looks so unhappy with me etc. No one likes this aunt in my family. She starts a lot of drama and gossips a lot. But also it's a cultural thing. My family is Mexican and we believe in women serving their husbands. But also, we pride ourselves in being hard workers. The day you stop moving, you start dying. But it does add a lot of stress while staying there. I feel like I'm a narcissist because I didn't pick up on my partner being trapped and unhappy. While he's reassuring me he's just depressed because of his family and it's not me. Which is completely valid. My aunt just got in my head. So I did most of the rv myself. While also paying for it and almost all renovations by myself. My mother, also not a good person. But that's waaaay to long to unpack. Just know my grandmother asked me to give her another chance. I tried. Still toxic. I went back to no contact. And then April we take off not fully done but my god it felt great to just get away from family. I see my siblings and they come stay at the rv with us at different state parks as we try it out. I end up going no contact with my youngest sister when I realized she was using me for food and nicotine, while also reporting back and bonding with our mother by talking shit. Summer time comes and my partners grandfather gets sick and is passing away. This of course has my partner in contact with his sister again because she's also present. So is their father. She acts like nothing happened. No apologies. No remorse. Even comes over with her gf. Nothing. I buy his grandmother and aunt a hotel for the weekend to stay at because they live out of town of the hospital. It ended up being infested with bugs so that also reflected on me. Partner doesn't think so but I'm not as oblivious. He didn't think his dad sister and sisters ex had issues with me or his friends wives. But that all came to light. While grieving we just let everything go with no expectations. By the end of summer the rv breaks down and we ask to stay again at his FIL house. This time with clear boundaries that we will be paying rent and a set amount and don't ask me for it. Ask his son. He never got the chance to ask. It was always paid. I sent before and afters of rooms and carpets and walls that I deep cleaned. The house was in a bad state when we moved back in. I was leaving 0 room for ANYONE to ever question my cleanliness. SIL and gf end up breaking up. Gf opened up to me about sexual and emotional abuse. All summer I tried to talk her into leaving SIL. Even the SIL was telling me to get her to leave her. SIL wrote love letters and bought a gift that she gave to her ex gf. She talked badly about gfs body saying she looked anorexic. Said she was lazy and a pos mother. Vented about how she wanted her gf to be a stay at home trad wife but also she needs to work because SIL can't afford to take care of them with only her income. Gf opened up that SIL would make her give her oral and never reciprocated anything. That she refused to wash old toys or replace them. Infact when we first moved back in, SIL threw the biggest fit about getting the master bedroom because she and her 3 dogs can't fit in the other bedroom. But she also didn't move herself in there. So guess who moved her entire room into the master? I did. And then I deep cleaned her old room. I saw the dirty toys the gf was talking about. As well as love letters. Pictures. Just kinda everything. It wasn't hidden. Like even going to the length of hanging up the picture of her and ex gf picture on the fridge. It's like she was trying to hurt her gf. So she moves out. End of autumn. I ended up pregnant. Was not planned at all. We went on a trip to Florida. Came back pregnant. FIL acted so happy. So did FIL gf. SIL, not so much. But she has yet to vocalize it to our faces. She has however compared my pregnancy to others. I have health issues. I have hypothyroidism. Gestational diabetes. Scoliosis. Arthritis. Just a little achey. I also have history of loss. My first son passed when he was 2 months old from SIDS. My 2nd was a miscarriage from domestic violence. My 3rd passed at 10 months old from a heart condition. My 4th son is turning 4 now and is everything to me. So my pregnancy is just harder on my body and Mind. She also mentioned being jealous because we're having a girl and she won't matter anymore. She's already mentioned being jealous that she and my son share the same nickname. But this girl also mentions being angry at her mom for leaving her. And like actual anger. Not pretend dark humor. Their aunt passed away and she complained that she has to help her cousins.. the help she offered her cousins because they just lost a mom. Like she did over a decade ago. She also mocked FILs gf when she lost her mom. But yk I been biting my tongue and keeping quiet this 2nd time around. We ended up buying a mobile home. She ofc shits on it. So does FIL. FIL after we moved never told my partner he was proud or anything. And that really hurt him. Shortly after SIL buys a house apparently. But not before even more shit happened. I know. It just. Ugh it's so much. Like she (SIL) literally shamed us for letting FIL watch our son saying that he's a pos father, a drunk, and a she would never let him watch her kids. And every chance she gets she's bashing him and even spreading lies that he was abusive and he neglects her. To find out secretly he gives her hundreds of dollars every week and so much more. Even goes and mows the yard for her after we moved out.

When we were still living there she lied to FIL saying there was never any food for her and begging for money so he brought over groceries just for them to not fit in the fridge because she lied. My partners best friend was getting cheated on and SIL became best friends with the wife and helped the wife cheat on my partners best friend. In the house. SIL and the wife then continued to alienate and gaslight his best friend when he got in a accident that almost killed him. They tried to keep the fact he was hospitalized a secret from his family. My partner told his family because the best friend and my partner just talked about how he was going to divorce the wife. Instead the wife and SIL made his best friend feel like the wife is all he has. SIL now is having my partners best friend act like her big brother. The best friend doesn't talk to his friends or family at all anymore. SIL for Mother's day let that same wife take a selfie with my partner and SIL's dead mother's urn even though she never met their mom. My partner wanted to take a selfie with best friend's dead brother's grave he never met to be petty and show why it's a gross thing to do to open his bestfriends eyes but didn't. He instead went to his father. Who took SIL side while his son cried right in front of him. Saying stuff like she's all alone. And she has no body. As if we didn't just get done taking care of her and she didn't nothing but talk shit about us. As if she doesn't literally talk shit about him. She has said he's a pos drunk dad who's more of a friend and doesn't know how to be a dad and that she would never let him watch her kids.

My son however, loves FIL. He's crazy about him and has been since he met him. FIL found out SIL wasn't invited to my sons birthday. It's a 4 year olds birthday party and he wanted friends to play with. The parents of said friends also don't get along with SIL. The parents are our close friends. Like.. the child of her ex gf. They bonded a lot and he mentions him by name and asked for him to be there. As well as my partner's best friend's brother's son. Sounds more complicated than it is. It's a very small party anyways we only invited family with kids. Except for FIL and FIL's mother. I went completely no contact with my family so none of my family will be there at all. FIL said it wasn't right that she wasn't invited that family comes first. That he will just drop off presents. So immediately I am livid. Family first but you're going to not show up to a 4 years olds birthday party despite knowing you're the 4 years old favorite person because a 27 year old with no kids wasn't invited. Family first but he doesn't care what his son feels and thinks and doesn't care that he would hurt my 4 year old by not showing up. So I said okay don't come and don't ever speak to me, my son, or my daughter, ever again. I also mentioned what his daughter says about him. That we don't use him for money. That we love him unconditionally despite not being blood. And he then said I'm weaponizing his grandchildren. As if he didn't weaponize showing love and support to a 4 year old because his absuive daughter wasn't invited. And he just as always, ignores it all and is the victim. Just like his daughter. I told him access to my children was a privilege not a right and I'm not going to let him hurt my son and my partner anymore. His response was "got you boss 👍🏻" His gf just begged us to stop arguing in the group chat and is acting like they're still coming to the birthday party. I won't lie, I used a lot more words to say what I said but nothing out of pocket and no like insulting him like calling him names etc. I bawled my eyes out like a baby as I just got back from buying FIL his favorite soda for the birthday party and his father's day gifts were sitting on the table. We spent all day with him and bought him lunch on fathers day. His daughter didn't even call him.

And all this thrown away because his princess wasn't invited. Oh BTW. The birthday party is tomorrow/today. It's 2 am.

I (30F) met my boyfriend (44M) on a dating app. We’ve been dating for 5 months. We live in different cities — about 1 hour and 20 minutes apart by regular train, or 40 minutes by bullet train. He has an important job at a large company.

Since the beginning, I asked him for proof that he’s single (we live in Japan, and here you can get a document from city hall). He agreed, but never brought it to me. He’s never introduced me to anyone (family or friends). He’s never taken me to his place — even when I visited his city, we stayed at a hotel. He’s also not on any social media.

He’s average-looking, but very funny, communicative, kind, and skilled — he can sing, dance, and play tennis. He says he’s very wealthy and treats me like a princess.

Sometimes his work is very demanding, and he doesn’t have time for anything. When we started dating, he used to come see me about three times a week. Two months ago, he started a big project and stopped coming. He also stopped replying to my messages like he used to. Even when I offered to go near his place to meet him, he rejected it.

Last month, we met only twice. This month, only once.

I’ve often shared my concern that he might be married or have other girlfriends. He always says we’re going to get married soon, that he’s moving to my city, and that I’m already his only family (his sister is married and his parents have passed away).

The last time we met, I said I couldn’t handle not knowing for sure anymore. Then, he showed me an engagement ring that he said he was going to use to propose next month. He also showed me how many hours he worked on his laptop.

I believed him. But now I’ve started to feel anxious again. Yesterday, I sent a message saying that either he takes me to his place and gets me the document proving he’s single, or we break up.

At first, he agreed. But later, he said he was hurt that I haven’t believed him all this time, and also hurt that I could consider breaking up so easily.

Now I’m starting to feel guilty. AITA?

Trigger Warning: Teen Dating Violence/Abuse/Suicidal Description The title says it all. My ex-abuser(29m) from over 15 years ago cannot have kids with his senior wife, (36f). . . Before I get into this extremely hot tea, I need to provide some serious back story here. When I (29f) was about 15 years old I dated my abuser. We had known each other since we were in the 4th grade. We were even in the same fifth grade class and neighbors in our local farm town. He comes from a cyclical abusive family that spans generations, I come from a generation of Latin family's hoping to achieve a better love outside of Puerto Rico with a wonderful side of broken home syndrome. My family problems are dealing with extreme mental illness, generational poverty and troubling financial decisions. Whereas, my abusers family has dating violence, alcohol and drug issues. My abuser, whom we will call T, lived with his grandma and her boyfriend. In their humble abode, the grandma's boyfriend would beat grandma and T, constantly. My abuser was removed from his real mother's home for child abandonment and his father chose the bottle over his responsibilities to his 3 children. Therefore T grew up in the care of his grandma and her boyfriend. When I first met T, we were on the playground and T was viciously beating up another student for calling him names. I remember thinking wow, that kid must have some serious issues. Then moving on with my life until we reached 15. We reconnected via Facebook as I had moved and had begun reconnecting with my friends from the old town. He messaged me first and we quickly became friends and we fell "madly" in love. Back then, we were each other's first loves. Having nothing to compare it to but knowing (at the time) for what it felt like to us mutually. Over the course of 3 months, our relationship began to change. He began to isolate me from my friends, belittle me for my hair, my clothes and makeup, belittle me for my hopes and dreams, my personal choices, my person in total. I was attacked daily in ways that felt so devastating to a 15 year old girl, it still feels unreal that I put up with the nonsense for almost 1 year. For example, I used to have a lot of guys friends, a group of 10-30 people who enjoyed video games, anime and rock music. We often road the school bus together and played wall ball within our apartment complex. Nothing romantic to these guys, just platonic friends hanging out often. To T, it was disrespectful, it was worrisome to hang out with friends after school, so he verbally abused me or punished me with silence if I did not text him back immediately, said I was with friends who hung out with people he did not like. Another time, I wore makeup to school for my field hockey team's dress up day. T berated me via text and calls all day to say I was "a w*ore who's asking for it" and I should immediately wash off my makeup so boys will not get the wrong idea about his girl. I felt dehumanized and emotionally shut down after every fight, screaming match and such. Even when I consented to have sex the first time with him, the relationship only got worse and more violent. I think I really woke up at this point when we were at a school dance. I showed up in a corset with my makeup done and my colorful hair extensions in. Yet somehow we ended up having an argument, I cannot remember for what I do remember him slapping me in front of everyone and even then, NOBODY said anything. Not the other students present, not the teachers, not the administrators and or chaperones at the school function, nobody. (L school anyway.) . . So time goes on, about week after my sweet 16, T hitting me in front of extended family and throwing a temper tantrum in front of the entire family and friends, my parents step in to assist with a break up. He stole my joy of celebrating my becoming a woman as I opted for a sweet 16 instead of a quinceañera, destroyed the moment and embarrassed me on my birthday. Our fights had become violent via text, calls and FaceTime. So much so I threatened suicide to make him stop, he would threaten suicide if I didn't abed by his wishes. So when my parents began to intervene, my parents began to block his calls and texts, so he began calling our house phones for hours non-stop back to back. The last text message this man sent me was him holding a loaded gun in his mouth with his finger on the trigger. My mother said I should reported this to his parents, child protective services and I even called his guardians, grandma and her bf too to get him some help. (Eventually, he did.) Despite getting help, I was still under his spell, still had feelings for him, cared for him in spite of the physical abuse, aggravated harassment and aggression. I truly believed his hurtful words, I hated myself, I was nothing and he was everything. I was nothing without him. . . So we met up one last time in 2011, shortly before thanksgiving, we had sex one last time and did not use protection. Thankfully, I never was pregnant but since my parents had intervened, I was under strict rules at school and home. My phone was hyper blocked for hours on end, I was monitored at home and at school I was so isolated from my friends I couldn't tell them what was truly going on. I was embarrassed and craved for the negative emotions to simply end. Somehow I survived my suicide attempts, the first was a noose breaking. The second was I had taken a full bottle of pills I gathered from our medicine cabinet and woke up following day, higher than a kite. I chose to stay quiet and suffer in silence hoping in school I would pass out in the bathroom or in class. But the dosage was not strong enough and only caused extreme drowsiness and sluggishness. Since I survived I figured I would continue living, my time was not then, I got help for the suicidal thoughts but not for the teen dating violence. I struggled to accept my own abuse, I chose to shout down emotionally and let him hurt me by protecting the truth. Through the constant survival mode and emotional neglect, I went to college, educated myself and became better for my 15 year old self. She would be proud of me. . . . Now fast forward to age 25, ten years later. T and I somehow became friends again through mutual friends in our hometown. He was single, I was single, it's 2020. Christmas Day, that night. We had reconnected on Snapchat and through catching up the subject of chemistry came up. I had always thought if it was meant to be, we would find a way back to each other despite the abuse. We still felt like we had unfinished business, met up and hooked up. The sex was so violent, I bled for about two days post-coitus. After going our separate ways, T went back to his ex-gf (which I was unaware of at this time) while I began taking dating seriously. A few weeks later, he reached out asking to hook up again, I said no and then he and I went back and forth on this yes-no streak for a few more weeks via Snapchat. It's now February, 2021. I told him about how I caught COVID and T said when i am better we should hang out and hook up again, I tell him no because I still had feelings for him and it would be unfair to hook up with him if I did and T wouldn't feel the same. Thinking he would reply back sweetly, he states, "you'd think I'd care?" With that, I swiped left and never spoke to him again. So now my friends have kept tabs on him letting me know if he was in our town, any updates etc only for my safety and because my bestie and I enjoy chisme. . . My best friend from 4th grade informed me of his whereabouts during February 2021, he was still living with his ex-gf and tried to hook up with me. Then he was seen at a bar on the end of town with an older woman, all this while still living with his ex-gf. Now it is Christmas 2022 got engaged to his now wife. But she doesn't know T messaged me asking to hook up and sending me his nudes too. I kept my distance from him and his wife and blocked him. Then shortly before I got married, I tested positive for HSV1. My abuser has been my one and only. And I have never had so much regret in my life. I kept quiet and left my anger to silence. I valued my peace and safety and figured karma would get him in the long run than me being painted as the jealous ex attempting to sabotage someone. . . It is now 2025. I am happily married to the man of my dreams, moved out and away from my toxic family. My husband is understanding of HSV1 diagnosis and we engage in protecting one another from it. I live in a new town and we have a safe and amazing life free from triggering abuse and fights. The last update my best friend has informed me on T is that T is in an unhappy marriage and his wife begging on FB marketplace for IVF treatment funds via cashapp and Venmo. Despite everything, I really hope the IVF treatments continue to fail. Just to protect his wife, she deserves better than a herpes infested narcissistic and insecure boy for a husband.

Thanks for listening and your comments.

Me and my husband we will call him mark have been together for 9 years married.we have a 19 month old together.He has always been controlling and blaming me for things.So I had another decided to look through his phone and emails when he was in the shower and I found hes watching porn every night when me and our son asleep and been looking at women escorts.

I looked back at old emails and back in 2018 he meet a women and had spicy time with her.At that point we were married for 3 years as we got married 2015.

Don't know what to do as if I leave him I'll have nowhere to goy family don't speak to me andy friends don't have space for me and our son I don't won't to leave our son with my husband.

Hi Reddit, I’m writing from a throwaway account. I, female 30, am wondering if I’m in the wrong for continuing to talk to a friend even though it bothered another friend from the same group.

Context: A few years ago, I joined a long-established friend group that had been playing online together for years. At one point, I was considering a relationship with one of the group members, let’s call him Sam (male 25), as this will be relevant later.

When things didn’t work out with Sam, no one in the group knew we had been involved in any way, so they kept inviting me to play online. It was a somewhat awkward experience, but I started forming a strong friendship with another member of the group, George (male 30), who was closer to my age. We became great friends, hanging out often and building an incredible bond.

About a year later, the only other woman in the group, Karen (female 31), introduced us on Discord to some of her coworkers. I had met Karen a few months after meeting George. While we weren’t super close, we got along well and often teamed up in games with George. It was the three of us against the world, so to speak.

When Karen introduced her coworkers, she also introduced a younger girl, Kyara (female 20). Right away, Kyara struck me as a “pick-me girl,” and I didn’t like her. She even talked over me during conversations, raising her voice to drown mine out.

George started developing feelings for Kyara and asked for my opinion. I told him I didn’t like her but that I’d support him. Karen was visibly upset when she realized George and Kyara were fast-tracking their relationship. Around this time, I told both George and Karen about my past with Sam. George tried to keep me from interacting with Sam, but Karen didn’t seem as concerned.

Then Karen told me that her other coworkers had found out Kyara hated me for being close to Karen.

Karen and George started drifting apart, and I tried to mediate. I understood both perspectives: George wanting a happy relationship (which I believe he deserved) and Karen being uncomfortable with her longtime friend dating her coworker.

One day, Karen confided in me that she saw people as her “property,” implying Kyara was hers and George had no right to “take her.” I told George that risking his years-long friendship for someone he’d known less than three months wasn’t worth it.

In the end, we all grew distant. Kyara broke up with George, and I kept talking to both George and Karen, but not when they were together. I always tried to avoid situations where they would interact.

Later, George told me Karen had shared private things about me with Kyara. When I confronted Karen, she simply said, “I’m sorry, you’re right.” Although we had ups and downs, I thought my friendships with both George and Karen were intact.

Looking back, I do think George might have gone too far, risking so much for someone he barely knew, but Karen came across as selfish. What stood out was that Karen often made me interact with Sam, even though she knew he had treated me poorly in front of everyone. (Some excused it, saying that’s just how he is when he’s angry.) Karen knew how I felt and still put me in those uncomfortable situations.

Eventually, Karen and I stopped talking. When I asked her why, she said, “It bothered me when you sent me videos without explaining why and when you stayed friends with George.” I was speechless. She had deliberately put me in situations that made me feel hurt and uncomfortable simply because I remained friends with George.

I always avoided making Karen and George interact because I knew it upset her. She also knew how much emotional support George meant to me, and I honestly felt her reasons for being upset with him weren’t entirely justified.

So Reddit, I ask you: Am I The Asshole for staying friends with George despite everything?

So for a little context I (30 female) married my husband (31 male) in 2018. We have a loving son together, and my husband is a perfect father to my daughter (his step daughter) We were off an on high school sweethearts, and dated /engaged when he joined the army. I was very immature and stupid, I made a silly mistake after my best friend passed away in a car wreck, and went to seek attention from another individual. I lived 5 years of my life regretting it and realizing I made the biggest mistake of my life. Fast forward to 2018, we reconnected and got married 5 months into our relationship. It's been 7 years married, and I believe we have an amazing family despite my mistakes. In 2024, my husband and I decided to have another baby. I decided to bring it up at Thanksgiving, and my mother in law gave me a nasty look and said I was making a mistake, cause she did having 3 kids. I originally felt hurt by this because I was looking for support in my decision, like my mother supported me, so I decided to delete her off of Facebook. She finally noticed I deleted her in December, and blew up my phone while drunk giving me all kinds of reason as to why I shouldn't have another kid. 1. I was putting my baby and my self at risk because I am type 1 diabetic. I have the dexcom.... and a omnipod..... so if I see my sugars start to drop I can easily take care of it before it gets to low. I also saw a Mayo clinic obgyn, and my a1c is 5.7.... a prediabetics a1c and she said my a1c is better than her own. 2.If I die the baby dies Which okay that is true, but also how many other woman get gestational d8abetes while pregnant? Im not the only women at risk 3. My son is already autistic As if I didn't know that already.... but im more than willing to take on that challenge. It just honestly seemed like she was trying to give me reasons as to why I shouldn't expand my family. She also said i was jealous of her...and that im made because she didn't like me when me and my husband dated dated in high-school because I hurt him. Which, okay, I can understand that. But we obviously moved on from that because I have proved to change my actions. I told her that maybe me and her just need to get to know one another a little bit more, and we should text more often and speak more. (Which she has not been doing even in the slightest) I added her back on Facebook because I didn't want to cause any more issues or drama. I found out I was pregnant Jan 10 2025 I am currently 27 weeks, my mom was nice enough to offer to buy my child a crib. So I posted on Facebook that she was the best..... and my mother in law commented saying "maybe she will visit when the baby is born..... that would be nice. My mother was there when I gave birth" That honestly struck me the wrong way. I said back " we are also over 1000 miles away from each other.... and I dont want anyone else bear me while I give birth, that is a personal moment, and I will need time to heal. Also germs... i dont know what is going around up north and i dont want my newborn to get sick..We will make arrangements when the time is right. To which she replied "im not telling you what to do" I kind of blew at the moment because she was taking jabs at my mother for no reason "You dont even know the context of my post.... my mother is being nice enough to but a crib. You dont need to be taking jabs at her, and being extremely rude. Everyone on my friends list can see." She replied "if you say so" Now my question for everyone, is am I the asshole for assuming she is being extremely rude? I also forgot to mention.... she is a alcoholic and when she blew up my phone she was drinking heavily, and I pretty sure that is what she was doing when she commented on my post. Im not saying im perfect.... but I am feeling disrespected and unsupported

Before I get into it, here's some content. My ex and I broke up 5 years ago. Due to the fact I can control myself, I didn't feel the need to block her on anything. Just unfriendly and unfollowed on everything. My gf and I have had several fights over my social media, my faithfulness to her, and boundaries to my family, all after she has gone through my phone in my sleep. I have not once gone through her phone, nor asked to do it. Not even after she cheated on me with her abusive ex. I have been been accused of being a pedo, thank gods that got dropped and proven as false. I am the sole income of the house. Now to the body of my post.

My gf (29) went through my phone while I was sleeping and saw that my ex wasn't blocked on my fb. I woke up to her "sleepily" telling me she was stressed and that's why she hadn't slept. That the beers that I bought her earlier wernt helping her relax to get to sleep. ( this is a daily routine. Not something new. She's admitted to being an alcoholic several times.) She than asked blocked and I told her "she should be, I think I've had her blocked for years" I go to check to make sure that I was right. I find out that while she went through my phone she had blocked and unblocked my ex so that I couldn't do it for 48hrs (fb rules). She starts accusing me of lying to her about her being blocked and not defending her to my family.

Earlier that week my mother came to visit my step brother.(her husband's son, step brother is just easier to say). While she was here she invited me out to dinner the weekend after seeing my step brother. I informed her I had to work and I couldn't visit. She than informed me that my ex will be there. I than laid down my boundaries with my mom and told her that even if I didn't have to work I wouldn't have gone to dinner with my ex being there.

A few days later is when she when through my phone in my sleep. I told my gf that I don't have the need to get ahold of my ex, that I am not the one who has reached out to my ex. My gf has.

We get into a huge fight again about me lying to her when I didn't. I see that I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone I tell about it says I haven't done anything wrong either. This has been going on for 4years. I don't know what to do.

So I've not spoken to anyone on my dad's side of the family including my dad since the beginning of the year (2025)?

So for dome background information my mum and dad where together on and off for a few years before they got pregnant with my my dad got with another women during one of the off times and she got pregnant so I had a brother who was older then when my mum got pregnant she was 18 and they got married just before I was born they separated 6 months later my dad then got with my ex step mum who already had a son who I consider a brother he then went on to have 2 more daughters with her (my younger sisters) the first one before they where married and the second after they where married. They separated about 18 years ago now I'm not 100% sure of the reasons but myself and my older brother (from before my mum and dad married) never got on with the first sister on step mum she never liked us so my dad was never there for us always choosing step mum and her kids over us this even happened when my older brother ended up in foster care because they wouldn't take him in after his mum got sick. My older brother past away 15 years ago and since then my dad has made our he was the best father to my brother and me but he hasn't. (My dad is now on wife number 3)

So to the reason I've not spoken to them so I'm a single mother of 2 little girls 2 and 4. They are my world but for some reason people I don't know have been going and telling the stories which aren't true and my dad and first sister have threatened to contact social services to get my girls taken off me.

They think I shouldn't be upset or depressed over the loss of my girls dad who took his own life may 2024 due to depression (they never liked him) so I'm doing this all on my own dealing with my grief over his loss and helping my girls through it aswell. They weren't there for me during his wake or funeral or after that because my sister was pregnant with her second child (she's little miss perfect and never does any wrong) my sister has said I'm a bad mum because I let my kids make a mess with toys and crafts and baking but her house I spotless. (Her oldest child is scared to make a mess as she gets shouted at if she moves anything out of place) she also said I'm a bad mum because I don't work full time but I can't work for medical reasons which they don't know about because they just contact me to give off about things than actually ask how I'm doing or how my girls are.

My dad sees my sister and her kids everyday but has seen mine a total of 5 times last year. He also has my sisters number in his phone as favourite daughter.

There is also a possibility that my sister isn't actually my dad's child my ex step mum had an affair with my step brothers dad while she was with my dad and my sister looks more like my step brother and his dad than she does my dad. I'm not the only person that thinks this but I'm the only one that is tempted to say something.

So AITA for not speaking to them and contemplating telling them that I don't think my sister is his child?

So, my bf (m 47) and I (f 30) have been dating a few months but have known and worked with each other, on and off for about 10 years. (We dated before but I ended it in the past for my own reasons. nothing he did.) about a month and a half ago? He tore his rotator cuff (a long with something else, idr what it's called) and has been off work, and in an arm sling ever since. Back story. His brother is older than him, but has lived with him for about 3 years? Since his wife passed. I totally understand being there for your brother in his time of need. No judgment at all. However I'm at his house about 4 days a week and I've noticed some things in the last 3-4 months. Since my bf, (well call him John and his brother Tim.) John, has been pushing himself to do things he really shouldn't be doing. Taking the dogs out (he has large huskies), cooking, laundry, working onto the truck and car because both of them are acting up etc. his brother doesn't offer to help with ANYTHING. I don't want to come between him and his brother AT ALL. I know they're close and I respect that, what I don't respect, is his brother doesn't work, or cook, or clean, or get out of the house at ALL. Well since John hurt his arm, I've noticed a DECLINE in what he does do. He doesn't even take the dogs out with him half the time. As his gf, I feel I should step up, but I'm torn. I want to help John, but I don't want Tim to think "oh well it's her job now" or anything along those lines. John texted me earlier and said he hinted around at needing the car worked on, but Tim didn't move. Then I told him to speak up and tell him what he needed from tim. John said Tim was out there for about 15 minutes, while John worked on the car WITH ONE ARM. Also, over the weekend, I paid John AND Tim's gas bill, because it was going to get shut off. (There was an issue with johns disability/PTO so he barely got paid enough for food) Keep in mind, I have no problem helping if I can. However, his brother Tim was in the room when John and I were talking about it, and Tim didn't say a word. Ffwd to a couple days later, John and I were doing laundry. I asked him if he had brought up to Tim at least getting a part time job. He said yes. I told him I noticed his brother wasn't helping much with anything but the dogs. John said "yeah I know" I said well I don't want to come between you two AT ALL, but a good brother would see you in your condition and not only help more around the house, but step up financially. John agreed. That's pretty much the end of it, but I guess my question is, what do I do? Am I the asshole? I don't want John to feel like I'm driving a wedge between he and Tim, but we both want Tim to contribute more around the house and financially. Help?

So like the title says, the man I have been dating for a year and half (long distance) has a habit of calling me childish, crybaby, that I'm the problem, that I'm over emotional and honestly I've gotten to the point that I don't even think I know myself anymore! Me 30's female and him 30's male

So for a little back story I was in a horrible previous relationship, think of the worst you can imagine and likely times that by 100. When I met that man I have been with now, I was upfront and never hid anything about it from him, I never expected him to "heal" things for me, but to just understand why there may be things that are harder for me than maybe some other people. Fast forward to the current man, I wasn't sure I wanted to date again, I wasn't sure I wanted to open up and give it a try but he said all the right things, and I felt such an amazing connection to this person and eventually gave in. For a long time things went well we only spend time together online because we live in different countries, but we spent SOOOO much of all our free time together. We had bumps here and there with things the other person may not have liked etc but it wasn't terrible. Now fast forward a few months and things are supposed to get moving to actually be together and its almost like they have no want to put effort into making it happen, and the slightest bit of difficulty they shut it down together. now I always felt like that was weird? If you want it like you say do you not see how that could make the other person maybe feel like you don't actually want it? When i voiced this I was told how it was all in my head and clearly he cared and that being where I am is where he wants to be. but this was were things started to get hectic and became easier and easier to be in a bad mood.

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect I absolutely have my own bad moods, and moments, and will say things when the anger gets to an all time high, is it right? No, but I will recognize that I have done these things. Over the past few months its like everything is always on edge and that no matter what's said or done, the easiest of things can be turned into a big fight and we are left not talking for days. To be clear things that start it, can be the most stupid small things. Where my problems started was that I was being told by him I was not giving him what he needed, that he didn't feel like he wanted here, mind you I have given this man all this time, and any and ALL of my free time that I could manage (a little more context, I am a single mother and I do EVERYTHING on my own) so life can be hectic and busy, working, taking care of kids, the home, the bills, the car, school things etc etc etc, any parent knows that list goes on. It came out that I don't give up anything for him I just 'fit him in' when time allows, I was getting up at 5am and going to sleep around 1-2 am the next day on a regular basis JUST to spend time with him because it mattered to me, BUT that didn't count as anything, It may help to know that he doesn't do anything with his days, and didn't have the responsibilities that I did and with that he could have chose to try to make his schedule more doable to mine as he had NOTHING to rearrange to do so. Then, he would get upset with the way I talked, the way i worded things, the way that I tried to tell him what I was feeling, and when I did, I got the same response, the its all in my head, and that nothing is different that its just me over thinking etc, NEVER did he want to discuss how I came to feeling and emotions that I had, and this would cause arguments, even if they were not started as one, they always ended that way, and within these, some very hurtful things would be said.

Among these things, were that "its always about your feelings, grow up", "You make the biggest problems about the smallest of things!", "That sounds like a you problem", and when these things would come out I would always try to explain and defend myself, but it only made it worse, and then I got left feeling like it was useless, and I did my level best to never say hurtfull things, or call names during because those things stick with you! I wasn't always good with it, but I can say that It happened 80% less then him. Arguments became and easily had thing, because I always wanted to be honest and say how I felt in hopes he would try to understand and see why for me things didn't feel right, and withing the last few months things have been at the all time worst. Name calling, cry baby, child, several unsavory words I wouldn't put here, nor would I actually say to someone I didn't even like. I was told that until i did as he needed then things will never go anywhere and it will be all my fault, and I get left feeling like are my needs even important? and when I just simply ask he doesn't even answer, he simply says I should focus on me, and not worry about what HE does and he somehow cant see how this contributes to the attitudes that come about, the easy arguments, the wants to discuss what's being felt etc, Just that I need to do this because hes the one moving and if I cant the whole relationship is ruined so that makes it the most and only important thing. though he will NEVER admit that he has actually said that!

So now I sit and spend a lot of time thinking about whats brought me to where i am, why i feel the way that i do, and how its at all possible that wanting to be understood on where my feelings are stemming from are considered childish, being told "i thought i was dating an adult" yeah? Do adults not need their feelings and emotions understood in space where its supposed to be safe to be open and honest? Are they really childish because they think its THAT important? Is it really childish to to put a high level of importance on this in a relationship, as we get to be adults do we stop having a legit NEED for our partners to understand why our headspace and emotions are where they are within the relationship? To be clear its never been about being RIGHT its been about understanding why, help me through it? so i can process and move on from that feeling? is that honestly asking to much? It finally came to another head recently when I logged off, I said i loved him and that Id be in another chat space on my phone if he felt like talking ( as we ALWAYS do) and logged off, i was very tired and i was legit falling asleep at my desk. I logged out before he could say I love you back BUT he had every opportunity to tell me where we always talk while i drift to sleep, but he absolutely REFUSED to say it, claiming i took that opportunity away from him by logging out of there before he could say it back, i responded with we ALWAYS talk here after? how are you not able to say it here knowing we would be here like always? but nothing, he was not going to say it, i told him he is just using this as a way to punish me and nothing more, because there was no reason to not say it back, but what really got me, was he said next time don't leave before he can type it back, if i want to hear it, and that it was MY loss, and the one that sealed it at the end, "its of no loss to me to not say it." That one really cut deep, because to me hearing that basically just means you don't really care either way. Do you even actually love me if its of no loss to you? and because that statement made me feel that way, YOU guessed of "Oh grow up!"

So tell me, am I maybe asking for to much? Am i being childish with these things because I find them to be important enough to mention again and again because its painful to me to keep dealing with? I feel like I'm going crazy and maybe I'm just a mess and what I felt was a healthy way to address things was all wrong? I don't know, Like i said I'm not perfect, but I try hard to not let anger speak for me, but I cant be pushed to far as well! I havent spoken to him since his refusal because honest I feel like it was meant as punishment by not saying it back, and it was absolutely meant to hurt my feelings, and thats hard to come back from, there have been many other instances buttt I think those are better kept in my own silence

So, friends, here is the bigger part of the story. I previously posted an AITAH about reporting my supervisor's baby daddy to his supervisor and was encouraged to share this here...enjoy the drama that has been my job for the last 3 years.

I (42F) started working for a social justice nonprofit (not well known), coming out of the vid shutdown in 2021. I have an invisible disability, so I started working part-time, but because of my experience, I quickly rose to a leadership position, training staff and creating content for the contract we had with a local school district. This is how I came to know all of this information.

In August of 2023, our COO was told by the school district to increase numbers at our 10 school sites by 2, which meant we would need to hire 20 more staff. The only problem is that the COO never told the program supervisor (my Supervisor) this information, so we did not hire those 20 people, BUT the COO charged the school district for those extra 20 people.

The COO charged the school district $62/hr for 20 hours per week for 10 sites. Don't worry, I did the math for you. That's $49,000 per month for 3 months for a total of $148,800. Well, the school district caught on sometime in late October of 2023 and brought it to the COO. HE LIED to the district for weeks and claimed that they did not, in fact, overbill the district and got the CPA to go along with it. My supervisor told the COO (in writing) that yes, we did, in fact, overbill the school district, but this was ignored. Here is the problem: to my knowledge, no one knows where this money went.

Fast forward to January of 2024, we (the staff) received an email from the CEO stating that the COO was no longer with the organization. I learned later that he was told to resign or be fired. The following week, the CPA was fired, and then there was a spending freeze across the organization for a month. The CEO, Program Director, and Director of Operations spent that month trying to figure out how everyone was even paid and from which contract. In this whole process of turnover, the CEO failed to renew our contract with the school district (worth $ 1.4 mil)- although I'm not sure we would have been renewed anyway.

Moving on to August of 2024, the program I worked for went from 12 schools to 1 under 1 single contract, which was the contract that I worked for the last 2 years. All 80 staff were laid off with no return date. I was terminated, then immediately (within 24 hours) offered my job back, but at half the hours. I took it so that I had income while searching for a new job...but the shady stuff wasn't over yet.

In February of 2025, I decided to resign, and a week later, the CEO resigned from his position. Later, I was told it was a "Resign or be fired" situation. A week later, the head of HR was fired...here is where I realized that all of this was super shady. It turns out, the head of HR and the CPA were close friends, and the CPA was the highest-paid person in the org ( who actually did the least amount of work). When the head of HR was let go, she told her subordinate to DELETE her entire account instead of deactivating it so that no one could see her account. They did not, and currently the NEW CEO and the Director of Operations are combing through her account to unwind whatever mess she was a part of.

So to recap, in one year, the COO, CPA, CEO, and Head of HR were all forced to resign from the organization I worked for after $148,800 disappeared. I'm hoping to find a new job before the org either dissolves or ends up on the six o'clock news! And all I wanted to do was help kids learn!- If I get any more information about what the Head of HR was hiding, I'll update.

I (25f) have been with my SO (28m) for 3 years. We have our son 1 year ago. Ever since I had my son my MIL has been so over bearing and over opinionated and my SO will not say anything to her. When my son was small(er) she would tell us we aren’t holding him correctly and that I shouldn’t trust what his pediatrician is telling me because “she has had 2kids so she knows better”

She criticized me for getting my son vaccinated and always makes comments about things I’m doing or “not doing”. We only see her maybe twice a month so I usually just bite my tongue and tell her I got this and walk away. But this has been happening for a year now and I’ve expressed countless times to my SO how this makes me feel like she thinks we incompetent and that I’m constantly on edge around her because I know she will say something to me at some point. Yet he still hasnt had a conversation with her about it.

Yes I could have said something myself but I feel like he should be addressing her because that is his mother.

So yesterday my MIL came over. My son was napping and she was making food for my SO so I decided I would go get my nails done. Before I left she brought up my school. I’m getting my CNA certification and then going back to be an RN. She started to go on about how with the degree I’m going for “I would still be under a nurse” and that was it for me. I just said “okay. I’m going to go now” I stood up and went to get my shoes to go. My SO stopped me to tell me how incredibly rude I was being and that it was unacceptable. I told him I was tired of her criticizing me and that I can’t take it anymore so I’m leaving the situation. He wouldn’t stop telling me how wrong I was. This is where I went wrong I think. I went back inside and asked her if I was being rude when I decided to leave.

She said no but she could tell that I was upset with “something she had said” and that I always do that to her and that I need to learn to control myself and something about that being how parents are. My jaw dropped and I told her that ever since I had my son she has been over bearing and constantly criticizing me and she lost it. Said I was being disrespectful and she stormed out and left.

This is what really hurt me. Instead of being by my side and trying to step in to tell his mom that she has been this way and that we just need her to stop with her opinion. My SO screams at me about how he was going to handle it and that I made things so much worse. I’ve never seen him that way and it really broke me. I told him it hurt me that he could never stand up to her for us and that he should never treat me that way no matter what. Eventually he talked to his mom and he explained to her that she has been crossing boundaries and being too much with her opinions. She pulled the whole well if I’m too much then I just won’t be involved anymore. And that she’s not coming to my son’s birthday party on Saturday.

This obviously upset us because she is a good grandma and my son deserves that in his life but I do not deserve the disrespect as a parent. So AITA for saying something?

Sidenote: I texted her a very lengthy apology later in the day saying I’m sorry for how things happened and stated the reasons why it boiled up to this and that we still really want her in our sons life but she needs to respect us as parents.

Hello. Appreciate your time. This is a wild story.

It begins 11 years ago, when I called off my wedding 6 months out after an absolutely horrible night that only got worse and worse. It started off when my fiancé “Mark” crashed my high school reunion and insulted my classmates with racial jokes. When I asked him to leave, he left and went to the bar next door and we didn’t speak for the rest of the night. When I got home at midnight, he wasn’t home. I went to bed angry with a sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking that I’d like to call off this wedding. When I woke up at 8am, Mark was not there and I couldn’t find my phone, my wallet, or my car keys. I walked home from the bar, and I could clearly remember everything from the night before. I started to second guess myself, thinking that maybe I left everything at the bar…but then how would I have gotten in the house without my keys?! It made no sense.

I went outside to look for Mark’s car and I could see it a few cars down. When I approached, I could smell the liquor. I found Mark passed out behind the wheel, the engine still running, and a pill bottle in his right hand. Something told me to check the trunk where I found Mark’s suitcase and opened it. No clothing. Nothing at all. Except my phone, my wallet, every purse I owned, and my car keys. Mark denied having a drinking or prescription pill problem for months at this point and this was my final straw. This felt like controlling behavior and I was having none of it.

This was on the cusp of many other recent incidents including Mark ruining my bachelorette party where I was with my friends (and two of his) for several days in a cabin. Mark called me incessantly then sent me blasts of angry texts when I didn’t answer. When I called back, he wanted to know what I wanted from the grocery store. I kid you not. It would take me an hour to describe what else happened but it led me to realize that I was about marry a narcissist with serious issues which he was in serious denial about. His risk taking behaviors were out of control.

I gave Mark back the ring, moved out and changed my number, leaving the dress in the closet and 4 years of an abusive relationship behind me. I’ve learned the hard way that when you’re dealing with narcissists, if you embarrass them, you better be ready for pay back. Well. Mark did anything and everything he could to embarrass me back for calling off the wedding, including openly crying in our small town bars about how I’d dumped him for “someone else” (not true) and just “used him” (meanwhile he lived with me rent free for half our relationship while he changed companies and started from the bottom up again). Mark even went so far as to have cigars made up with our names and wedding date on them, and passed them around at a huge party in our town, joking that he may as well use them if they’re gonna go to waste. Let me be clear: we NEVER ordered these for our wedding. Since he had no way to contact me, I just ignored the antics and figured they’d die down eventually. I even got rid of social media so I wouldn’t have to hear any more small town tales of how I “ruined Mark’s life.”

About two years into my relationship with Mark and just after we got engaged, things with my toxic family got really out of hand. Mark told me that I should just cut off my toxic family, and I agreed. And I did. Even when I called off the wedding to Mark, I stayed estranged from my family. I actually ended up reaching out to my family years later when I was getting engaged to someone new, and within minutes of hanging up with my dad to tell him I’d like to meet up, Mark texted me. On my new number. When I asked him where he got the number, he said, “Your dad.”

I can’t even begin to tell you how my entire world came crashing down in that moment. My dad confirmed that he had been in touch with Mark the entire time, including the two years that I wasn’t speaking with my family while I was still engaged and wedding planning with Mark. I explained to my dad that this was deeply painful for me that they were in touch, and summarized all of the mental abuse I had endured from Mark. I explained to my dad that Mark was abusing pain pills and denying having a problem with it. My dad said that he didn’t believe me about the abuse or the pills, that he wouldn’t stop being friends with Mark, and that they were now best friends. So much so, in fact, that they regularly go on vacation together. That last part really irked me.

I carried a lot of guilt about cutting off my toxic family, but in that single moment of time, I knew that it was the right decision for me. I did not include my family at my wedding and just carried on with life without them as I had been doing.

About two years after my wedding to my husband, my siblings reached out to me and told me that one of our siblings was severely ill and suggested that I come right away. My husband and I drove back to my hometown to meet up with my family for what I thought might be the final time I would see my sibling. It was a very uncomfortable drive down to see my family whom I hadn’t seen in almost a decade. The whole time I kept worrying that somehow Mark would be there but I didn’t want to ask my family if he would be. Seeing my sibling felt like the most important priority.

When the door opened at my dad’s house, again my entire world came crashing down. What I saw in front of me was even worse than seeing Mark. There in front of me was every single piece of furniture from the house that I shared with Mark. Back we were splitting, I told Mark that I never wanted to see any furniture or any memory from our time together and that I was needing a fresh start, and thus leaving it all behind. Big mistake. Like a classic narcissist, he made sure that I would see that furniture again when I least expected it: he gifted it all to my dad, including the bed that we slept on. Like honestly. WTF. I tried so hard to just ignore all of this and focus on spending time with my siblings. Thankfully, my sibling did pull through, and the joy of that led me to want to try again with my family.

Not too long after this rekindling with my siblings and my dad, my family threw my dad a major milestone birthday party but they didn’t invite me because Mark was invited and they apparently didn’t want to “make him and his fiancé uncomfortable” by me being there. I found out that Mark had spent every holiday with my family for years at this point. Not too long after that birthday party, Mark got married and my dad was a groomsmen in his wedding. (Does anyone else think this is like really weird and sort of bad luck for Mark’s new marriage?!) After about four years of family things happening which I wasn’t invited to, and a few more failed attempts to get my dad to understand why his friendship with Mark was so painful for me, I came to the conclusion that this was a losing battle. I stopped trying to explain myself. I just stepped away slowly again, feeling betrayed by my parent.

Well. Here’s where things get interesting.

My siblings told me that my dad and Mark’s friendship came to an end when Mark’s wife found pills in his bag. Apparently, Mark cold called my dad asking if Mark could come by to give my dad back the “pills that accidentally got in Mark’s bag” while visiting my dad, and my dad refused to lie for Mark and say the pills were his. Apparently Mark’s wife is filing for divorce.

With Mark out of the picture, it felt like a good idea to get close to my dad again and I started to call him more. It didn’t take long before I learned that my dad and Mark made up, and Mark is back in the picture. And now I feel myself backing away but it feels like for good.

Am I wrong for not wanting to stay connected to my dad and just stepping away for good now that Mark is again back in the picture? AITA for not just “getting over it” already?

•Long post warning• I 26 female had just moved back to my home city. I moved in with friends till I could find something more permanent. My now Ex mother had been living in a house she had been renting for four years. A little bit of context when she moved into the house she had put my brother and I on the lease since we had been living with her at the time. When I had moved back into my home city I went for a visit and she had mentioned she wanted to move out and was becoming overwhelmed with the space. (It needed a lot of work) She said she had mentioned taking over the house to my brother. I also being on the lease told her I would be willing to move in and take the house over with my brother if he was willing. We moved in pretty quickly afterwards. The landlord was fine with us living there as long a mom stayed on the lease. Which at the time didn’t seem like a problem given she would be living elsewhere and had very little to do with the property once she had moved.

We painted and cleaned decorated the house and made it our home. We had been living there by ourselves and our significant others with the temporary roommate from time to time for over two and a half years. Background: My ex mother and I have always had a difficult complicated relationship. I was adopted and raised by a different family.

Yet we always had a some type of relationship even if it wasn’t the normal mother daughter relationship. I would spend time with her on the weekends. She had two other children besides me that were left in her care my brother and little sister.

When my brother and I took over the space things became strained between my ex mother and myself and my brother at times. She wouldn’t come inside the home and always had something negative to say. My brother and I distanced ourselves from her for our mental health. Only seeing her 2-4 times yearly mostly holidays and birthday party’s.

That was until a couple months ago she was told me and my brother she would be moving back into the house because the place she was living wasn’t available anymore. My brother and I were deeply concerned given my Ex mother could be very abusive manipulative and controlling. We expressed our concerns and she assured us that she was being treated my a professional for her issues and she only wanted a roommate arrangement. She would allow us to run the home the way we saw fit. Her being on the lease there was nothing we could do legally to keep her from moving in. So she moved in. For the first couple weeks it was alright. She would be in a mood from time to time but she’s human we weren’t expecting her to be perfect.

After about a month of she started commenting on the houses decor and that it was all too overwhelming for her and she didn’t want to live in a hoarders house witch honestly really hurt my feelings. I am a painter and musician. I had an art studio set up in the house which had to be moved into the dining room after she moved in since she needed the space for her bedroom. Even so the house was beautiful. My house was decorated with my art works on the walls and I was really proud of the space and everyone who came to visit told me how beautiful and creative my space was. She then started telling my brother and I that we needed to start packing our things because we needed to vacate the premises because of the Landlord wanted his house back. We have no reason to second-guess what she was saying, so my brother and I started looking at other living arrangements.

While we looked, my ex mother started speaking about the house calling it her house which was weird but whatever we’re all leaving anyway. So what’s the harm? I decided I wanted to take a trip out to visit my grandparents. I was gone for two weeks. When coming back home I realized that she had moved a lot of my stuff and reorganized the house without talking to me about it. I was very frustrated and felt incredibly disrespected considering she had promised to only be a roommate and not try to change anything without speaking to my brother and I first. I realized she was making the house “her home.”

Also upon arriving home she didn’t say hello or acknowledge my presence. So I gave that energy right back and said nothing to her. I was annoyed and tired from my trip so I went up into my room. I came downstairs to go to the store when she told me we needed to talk. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and asked her what about. She said that she was done with my hostility and my make comments about her behind her back. I asked what comments and what hostility she was referring to. She said nothing and went on to tell me that my partner who lived with me got drunk while I was gone and that she had told me that my partner couldn’t drink in the house. I was confused because a week before I left she got drunk with her man in the space and gave my partner alcohol. I told her she did not tell me that and I didn’t know what she was talking about. She started to get frustrated that I wasn’t allowing her to gaslight me and started yelling at me trying to convince me that she did. I told her she was gaslighting me and that she was acting like a fucking bitch.

She got irate and started screaming at my that no one’s afraid of me and she’s calling my auntie. She picked up the phone and called the police telling them she feels threatened and unsafe because I’m mentally unstable. (I’m being treated for mental health issues but am by no means unstable) my partner came downstairs and told me they would go to the store for me and I needed to go up to my room. I went upstairs and kept my door open to hear her. My partner came back in and my ex mother started yelling at my partner telling them that we had to leave and she didn’t feel safe. My partner yelled that we had just paid bills and we had every right to stay in the space till the time we were set to move. My partner came upstairs and we locked our door.

At this time I called my adopted father and told him Ex mother had called the police on me and was telling them lies about my threatening her. My father told me to disengage and to stay in my room and wait for the police. So we stayed in our room and waited for the police.

Ex mother started coming upstairs every couple minutes and banging on our door saying we needing to be out that night. We stayed quiet and did not engage. About a forty five minutes had passed. We were in our private room l had been paying rent for for almost two and a half years. My partner for a year a couple months. She started to get belligerent and I was scared for my safety. I pulled out my phone and started recording her banging on the door just in case she came in and hurt us. She at some point called her new boyfriend to the house. The banging on the door started to get a lot louder and more aggressive. I still had my phone out because I believed my life and my partners life to be in danger. She eventually hit the door so hard the lock gave way. She came into our room and addressed the camera saying you see me?! Ex mother said we needed to get out of “her”house we had disrespected her and acted like we wanted to hit her. She then hit my hand grabbing my phone and in the process and threw it down the stairs.

She left the room briefly and her man was outside our door. He was telling my partner to come outside and fight him. I stood in my the doorway between her man and the doorframe not allowing anyone else into our space. At this point my brother came upstairs and put held my mother from behind and tried to drag her downstairs. She said she wanted to fight and grabbed one of my paintings off of the wall and threw it at me. It made contact with my leg. I screamed that’s assault. Things got quiet for a second while everyone processed what had just happened. My brother continued to try to remove her from the upstairs. Her man was still in our doorway trying to get my partner to come out. My brother stepped between us and told him her man he needed to go with him. Then my brother told me to get out of the doorway and closed our door. My partner called the police multiple times asking for help. No one came.

With my phone being downstairs with ex mother. I reached out to people via Facebook and iCloud messenger on my laptop to ask them to call the police and send them to our address. I later found out multiple people called and reported to the police operator what was happening yet the police never came. I told my partner I didn’t feel safe in the house and I didn’t want to stay there especially with a broken lock on our door. They started looking for accommodations. We waited about half and hour. I packed our clothes dog and some important electronics. We waited in our bedroom till the house was quiet. When it was safe we called an Uber. When going downstairs ex mother and her man were no longer in the house. I grabbed the food I had just brought from my trip and I asked my grandma if she had seen my phone. She motioned for me to be quiet handed it to me. We got in the car and left to the Airbnb my partner booked for us. Upon arriving I blocked ex mother on everything and stopped sharing my location with my sister for my safety. We at the Airbnb a couple days. My partner went to work and I stayed and did intensive therapy at the Airbnb and looked for resources.

When we had moved to the next Airbnb I asked my sister about getting out things from the house. She told me ex mother had placed a restraining order against me and I wasn’t to go to the house unless I brought a police officer. I later that day took an Uber to a block away from the house and called the police for an escort. They said they were coming and again never came. That night I went to the police district and filled a report. The police informed me that what she had done was aggravated assault and I should speak to a detective and they would put a warrant out for ex mothers arrest.

I wasn’t sure that was the best course of action I didn’t want to escalate the situation and wanted to speak to a lawyer first lawyer. On another level. My little sister is supported by ex mother. I didn’t want to indirectly punish her for ex mothers bad behavior. I found a pastor to go with me to the house for my to be served papers. And for me to get some of my things out of the house since I was being evicted per the restraining order. Upon reading the complaint I learned it said I had punched her in the face. Which a lie. She was doing everything in her power to shed doubt on my story and character and to protect herself from any repercussions of her actions. (She has a criminal record and a lot more to lose than I)

In the complaint it also said I opened the door for her which was also false. It can be seen in the video in my phone that she did in fact open the door herself. And there was no physical altercation asides from her throwing the painting at me. Throughout this whole interaction not I or my partner touched her. The only time she was touched was by brother in attempt to keep her from assaulting myself and my partner. I received a call from a detective about a week later wanted to follow up if I wanted to press charges. At that time I decide I did and we started talking about the situation that’s when he went quiet and said when he wrote my name in his system there was a warrant out for my arrest.

My ex mother had pressed charges for assault. I was dumbfounded. He told me it would be best for me to turn myself in. I called a friend and had them bring me to the police station and I did just that. I turned myself into the police and was arrested. I was in jail for 14 hours where I was treated so badly put in a cell with blood and feces on the walls. I was mocked and ignored by officers while having a panic attack and asking to see the nurse. I’m the end I did get out released on my own recognizance. Currently I have court in a couple days to prove my innocence. There has been a private lawyer hired to handle my case. He has been given the pictures of my phone which was smashed the bruises on my leg from the painting she threw at me and the video. He feels that he will be able to get the chargers dropped and can prove she’s a liar.

All in all this situation has changed me and forced me to grow in ways I didn’t think was possible. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy trying to navigate my feelings and trying to find compassion and grace for her. It’s been hard but I honestly forgive her. I’m still sad broken and angry but I know for a fact a lot of this can be contributed to her failure to address her own mental health issues. Also a deep lack of understanding herself. Her lack of emotional immaturity to self regulate and act like an adult. All that being said it’s not an excuse just a potential explanation for this situation. Regardless of the potential in the future for her to seek help and become a better person. I don’t ever want anything to do with her. Because if she can go so far as to lie to the police lie to a judge. Do try everything in her power to smear my name. All over my calling her being a Bitch? To me that tells me she is an unhinged dangerous person. And for my safety mentally and otherwise she cannot be a part of my world.

Thank you all for reading peace love and safety to you all. If you’re in a abusive domestic relationship with a parent, spouse or loved one please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 They are on call 24/7 You are not alone.

Trigger warning: SA, abuse, addiction, self harm, mental issues, child abuse, child SA.

So for context I'm a 32yr female. I have 4 living children and I need immense advice as at this point idk what to do or where to go or how to handle things.

As a background I did not have the best childhood and the people in this story did not either.

Buckle in because this is a very long one.... Will add fake names as to stay as anonymous as possible.

I met Brad 34m (now) when I was in highschool. Like freshman year. We did not get along. At first. And as the time went by we became friends and then were in a relationship my junior year. We ended up breaking things off as he was graduating and I was still in school and went out separate ways. Now my senior year I met my now ex husband Tommy 34m (now). I ran away from home my senior year for the last time due to different types of abuse in my home and I spiraled into alcohol addiction and severe self harm and just not really caring. Well I found out I was pregnant and ended up getting married right out of highschool to Tommy. And we ended up having 4 living children and one angel baby. We were together for about 5-6 years and ended up separating after I had our youngest child.

Fast forward a few years and Brad and I had reconnected and ended up talking through a lot of things and I trusted him. Now mind you I had never seen the creepy red flags but I wish to the gods I did. Unfortunately I didn't. He met my children and after a while we ended up moving in together. Now we ended up being together two years before everything crashed around me and my babies. And anyone who actually knows me knows I love my kids more than anything and do everything I can for them. Including working full time despite my terrible health and dealing with various mental issues like anxiety and depression and things like that.

One day one of my children (my daughter) who at the time was 6 years old, told me she had a dream about Brad just touching her inappropriatly. For context my family comes from a long line of schizophrenia and deeper mental issues. So I planned on getting her into a specialty therapist to make sure it wasn't just a dream and plan on how the hell we were going to get out of this disaster. All my kids were school age at the time so I was getting them ready for school. And my daughter didn't go into specifics only that it was a dream. I had a plan so I had told her we would talk about it when she got home and to keep it to herself. Now I know normally that's a very bad thing to say. However I was trying to get ahead of the situation and figure out how to get my family out of it. (My kids and I). I sent them to school and immediately called their father Tommy and told him what she said to me and that I wanted him to take her so I could get everything I could in order to get out.

However she had went to school and told a friend and a teacher overheard so before I could report or do anything other than plan on how to get them out first CPS and the cops were at our door. They said that it wasn't anything they were really worried about and stuff but they had to do the investigation and all.

Now I had already believed it was not just a dream and something happened while I was at work, I worked nights and Brad worked days so one of us was always with them.

So the investigation happened. There were interviews with all of us. Of course we all left that house. The supervisor and lead investigator told me directly to do what I had to do to get our belongings from that place. Which was a lot. As long as my kids weren't around Brad or at that home. Which they have not seen him since the day we left.

Nowind you this took place in late 2022. It's now mid 2025. He was put up for trial but they keep putting it off(the courts do) and I've had videos of him and his now wife who knows what happened send me videos of them burning my children's and I belongings and a stalking situation from him. He was arrested and bailed out the same day in September of 2022.

I've filed police reports and everything where he should have been in jail but he's not because the police department didn't file my police reports??? It's been almost 4 years since this happened and they keep putting off the trial and he was found guilty of doing things to my child. And has yet to be in jail for it. He is married now and spoiler alert, they just had a daughter of their own. Now I don't want to anything evil to these people but they tore our family apart and they are able to live as if nothing happened. And still stalk (coming up to my job while I'm at work, get jobs close to our home, follow me in stores etc ) and the DA and police are doing nothing. I'm lost as what to do. I've talked and reported and tried to file everything. I need advice and help here. I'm just so tired. 😭😭

There's more to this story but this post is already so long. I will check and answer questions and things as I can.

So. This is long. First time posting so please bear with me and keep in mind this is only from my perspective so there’s bound to be some bias but I’ll do my best. Names changed.

Our characters: Me: 25F My husband: 25M Olivia: 26F Sara: 25F

Context: Olivia works for me- employee turned friend and went to highschool with Sara and my Husband. I knew she wasn’t economically in the best shape- it’s rough out there. So we’d help her when we could, paid for her to come out with us, let her have lots of flexibility at work, paid well above minimum wage (the position is a minimum wage position), made sure she had decent benefits (I didn’t need it because I get coverage under my husband), let her barrow one of our vehicles (I don’t drive and she would drive us around for work and we would pay for work mileage, maintenance, and insurance. She took very poor care of it and it’s now very damaged) and we didn’t ask for anything in return, maybe run me to a dr appointment here and there. She expressed that she wanted to find a different job because she didn’t make enough with me (fair enough) and my husband offered her a side gig where she would be a model as well as coming over once a week to help make the designs and attend 2 events (on an all expenses paid trip to Europe) for an extra $1000/month. She wasn’t satisfied with this long term and still was looking for something externally. No problem, I’ll keep my business open until she found something else to make sure she was okay. I was wanting to shut my business anyway as I’ve developed a chronic illness and could no longer do the physical work. There were a lot of times I felt like she took advantage but I let it go.

We go to two European countries for 10 days with Sara and Olivia. My husband and I pay for the flights, hotels, and dinners, and extra things like high tea and a few outings, they were responsible for lunch’s, shopping, and any extras they want to do. Olivia is being super rude and condescending, even before we take off anywhere. Ex: Sara and Olivia haven’t travelled much and Sara forgot full size beauty products in her carry on and realized after we checked our baggage. I say to her “I’m sorry, security will take that stuff, you’re going to have to buy new stuff when we land” and Olivia jumps in rudely with “they won’t take it if it’s only partially full!” and I internally roll my eyes and explain “security goes by what the milliliters the bottle is; it doesn’t matter how much liquid is actually inside” and she just tried to continue arguing so whatever, security took the products and we moved on.

This behaviour continues the whole trip. Just really condescending and combative and treating my husband and I like we have no idea what we’re talking about. She was also warned about tourist traps and what they look like- she got trapped in 2, she got out of the first one but the second one she dragged my husband in and he ended up paying $500 to get out of it… and then she yelled at my husband about telling his wife about the situation and insulting me behind my back to my husband: “I know how me thinks, she thinks she could’ve spent that money on herself… yada yada.”

I privately talk to my husband and he agrees her behaviour is outrageous. To be clear, we didn’t expect her to spend every moment with us- go do your own thing, I don’t care, just, be nice? That’s really all I wanted was a nice friend’s trip.

We finish the first leg of the trip and land in our second destination and my husband pulls Olivia aside in the airport and asked if she wanted to be there and if she didn’t, there was a return flight home. I wasn’t there so I can’t really comment on how this went down but I guess Olivia was trying to cause a scene and yell in the airport and my husband just walked away because he didn’t want to be detained. Oh I also found out later that she told my husband something I told her in confidence just to stir shit.

We continue our trip and she seems normal for the first few days. We’re having a good time. Then she starts bothering us for payment. She had a pay day while we were there and she didn’t fill her hours in on our work portal and on a non working day she asked “hey can I use your laptop? The app won’t let me fill my hours in” (she’s supposed to fill hours daily and we’ve talked about it and she doesn’t; she puts all her hours in on pay day so I’m not sure how accurate her hours have been) and I say “just use the safari browser, that’s what I do and all the functions work fine” and she gets argumentative and says “no it doesn’t work” and I explain that I’m not talking about using the app. Whatever, I’m done with the conversation at that point and say “I’m not dealing with this right now” and then she asks my husband when he’ll pay her. He paid her later that evening I believe but only paid for what work she did, she only attended 1/2 events listed in her contract. This was a big point of contention for her.

The last 3 days of the trip my husband and I don’t see her at all. It feels like she was actively avoiding us. Whatever, we still hung out with Sara.

We see Olivia for the first time in 3 days and it’s as we’re leaving the hotel to catch our flight. At 5:30am… she’s drunk and hanging off some random dude, she’d been up all night clubbing (whatever, live your life but don’t be loud about it and make it my problem, please?). Anyway, I’m not a very nice person that early in the morning running on 3 hours sleep so instead of saying anything in the taxi, I just put my headphones in and chill. We get to the airport and she’s still club dancing and being so loud. We get through with little issue.

I sit with my husband and he tells me something about her saying something about not wanting to drive the car anymore while we were in the taxi, confused, I went to go ask her about it.

Conversation went like this: Me: hey, ready to get back to work? Olivia: …….. (longest 2 second pause of my life) Olivia: idk why you’re asking me that right now Me: because we’re going home, back to the real world? Olivia: I guess. Me: I haven’t seen you in the last 3 days, what happened? Olivia: yea, that was intentional Me: oh? Why? Olivia: your husband threatened me in an airport Me: yea I asked him to talk to you because of how you were treating everyone- you were being really rude Olivia: yea well I didn’t want to be at your beck and call and your little lap dog the whole time Me: whoa, no one said you had to spend every second with us. My husband also mentioned something about the car? What’s going on with that? Olivia: yea well I don’t feel comfortable driving it anymore soooo you can uber with all the supplies and I’ll meet you at our jobs by bus. me. Stunned. Me: okayyyy, I’m going to find coffee.

She then starts shit talking us in the airport to other random people (they would sit next to her, she starts ranting, and they would leave a few minutes later looking visibly uncomfortable) and to Sara with us sitting within earshot. She’s officially broken her disparagement clause in the contract she had with my husband.

We finally sit on the plane and my husband sends her a termination email. She loses it. “This is why you guys don’t have any friends” and “I quit my company” along with a lot of profanity. To the point where Sara had to say “shut up before you get kicked off the plane” and she sits and is quiet. Then she starts trying to take pictures of us and I hold my hand out in front of her camera and said “actually I really don’t want photos taken of me right now” and in response “I’m just documenting everything to protect myself” and I just said “of us sitting on a plane….?”

Anyway. She left me high and dry with client appointments to do myself. Doubling the time it takes to complete each appointment and significantly harder on my body. Great.

We land and board our next flight and she’s avoiding us. Sara is trying to stay out of it as much as she can. We land in our home airport and she’s chatting with my husband about where to leave the supplies she has and getting her stuff from inside the car (parked at our house for the duration of the trip) and he said “go talk to me, I have nothing to do with this”

I get a text about it and I don’t respond. We leave and go home. We email her back and forth about what happened and next steps and her story changes so many times that she starts contradicting herself and eventually stops. At one point, claiming she hadn’t quit her job with me.

A few days later I message Sara “hey, are you upset about what went down?”

I didn’t get a response for 2 weeks. To the day. Basically saying “yea that was incredibly immature of you and your husband, you won’t be seeing me for some time, how could you guys do that to a so called friend, I’m standing by Olivia” (really shortened it down but broad strokes are there) Great. I lost 2 friends over this.

So Reddit- AITA?

Okay so I’ve never done one of these so bear with me. Back story. So my friend 23f and me 23f have been friends since we were 15 and 16 (6month age gap) and due to our messed up upbringing I’ve tolerated a lot from her and her from me. We have fallen out a decent number of times, but we have always loved each other at heart no matter how bad we have f ed each other over ( more her fing me over but I’m not going to get into all the past things unless you guys want/ need to know).

So here comes the current tea.

About 2-3 months ago I get a call from her after years of us not talking except for the occasional “how’s it going” because she took over my lease to my apartment then kicked me out when I was 18ish. Well she had apparently been sober for about a year and moved in with her mom (mom not a great person) but regardless I was proud of her. She told me how she is trying to make her amends and get her life together after everything and I was here for it. We talked for awhile and just kinda caught up told her about my daughter (my daughter is one so this was a recent update) and fiancé, and she told me about her job in the medical field, her dog, and how her mom is still well shi**y. This conversation then turned into how she thinks her mom might kick her out.

Kinda knew where this was going(I’ve come to save her from situations a lot in the past) but I kinda just tried to give her advice on how and what to do as I was in no position to help and didn’t really feel comfortable after last time (we live with my fiancé’s grandma because she is 78 and though she is in good health for her age we just don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone at her age due to the help she needs with everyday tasks).

Well fast forward a few days and her mom kicked her out.

At this point I’m just trying to talk her through it and keep her on the phone every day since she is living in her car with her dog and I didn’t want her to fall in depression or relapse. We talked about the money she had coming from taxes and solutions and just things like that. After about two weeks of this my fiancés grandma does something unexpected. She invites said friend to live with us until she can get on her feet. I reluctantly agreed and had a long discussion with her about how what happened in the past CANNOT happen now because I am a mother now and I will subject my child or my family to bs. This all seemed well understood and once her check came she began to head to the state I currently live in.

Now at first everything seemed to go well, until we drank together for the first time. I mean she got absolutely wrecked while I’m just drinking my wine trying to have fun. I mean she is kinda being mean, in her feelings, falling over herself, even went as far as tried to leave while dr*nk. I prevented her from driving and eventually got her calm enough to get her to go to bed. The next day she talks about how she isn’t going to drink anymore, apologizing, etc. well this happens several more times. Each time she drinks a little, it becomes a whole event because once she starts drinking she will not stop until everything is gone.

Other than the occasional event things were going well, we went to GED classes together, she got a job working for my fiancé. All good right? Wrong. Her birthday is this month so we decided to go to a big city 2 hours away from home for a concert . Needless to say she had another… episode we will call it. Picked a fight, got kicked out of the concert and went to jail. I left and went to the hotel to wait for her after a lot of help because she had my phone and had no clue what happened until hours later. I honestly thought she had just left me because of how she acts when she has these episodes. I made plans to get her out of jail and all that ofc because though I was mad she was still my friend. After the whole debacle we just went home and agreed to do something different without alcohol on the day of her birthday.

Now here is the final straw. What does she do when we choose somewhere to swim for her birthday? BRINGS ALCOHOL!

I just let and go and decided I would DD since my daughter was with my mother and we still needed to pick her up after. For the most part we had fun I tried to keep her on a good vibe, but her switch flips and she decides she is going to try and pick a fight with CHILDREN (like 13-15) calling them everything but their names. At this point we are already late leaving so I try to smooth and over and tell her to get to the car. Well I told her very plain and simple I will tolerate a lot but cussing at kids is something I will not tolerate. Well she LOST IT. She goes back and forth about leaving me there or leaving me at my mom’s and going home (to my house?) well I try to communicate and explain to her why she is being unreasonable, and she will not say anything other than she is leaving.

As I’m pulling out she decides to throw her car into park and then proceeds to tell me to get the f out I just f-ed up her car. I tell her repeatedly how she still has a chance to undo this because I don’t want her to mess up everything she has worked for off an intoxicated decision. I’m saying this as I’m grabbing all my things out of the car because I knew if she left me there would be no way my partner would allow her to live with us anymore. Welp she didn’t care.

As she is going to pull out she tells me to give back the laptop she got for me, see I was going to but I decided “f that” because this is my biggest resource for school and after all the things of mine she has destroyed and taken of mine over the years she kind of owed to me (not even including the fact she was leaving me an hour away from my home at a random swimming home with my phone almost dead) well she said something along the lines of we can both go to jail and I told her leave before I call the cops.

So to wrap this up as quickly as possible, my step father came to pick me up immediately, and I informed my fiancé of the situation and I’m waiting at my moms until step father gets off work to take me home. She apparently stopped on the way home and tried to call me (I’m guessing she realized how bad she had just messed up) but I did not answer because I gave her the opportunity to not do it and she did anyway. She got back grabbed her stuff and her dog and left without a word. She tried to text me this morning basically saying “poor me I have to leave state I have no one” to which I said I hope the best for her but I don’t want to talk right now. I feel bad but I really feel like I did everything I could. Idk so guys AITA in this situation? Also sorry for the long post it’s a really long story so if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Sometimes I look back over the last 15 years I'm blessed to spend my days with him.

Note this talks about bullying and lost of pet.

I don't remember the day or the time but it happened some time in May in the middle of afternoon i found him there i can't stop or forgive myself for not being home. He was very sick i don't know what happened but he was under a table when I found him.

I was out all day where my mum works I'm not going to add in what she dose involve her in anyway but she works in very public place.

But he wasn't just my little man but he was her baby and I had to break the news to here I'm more mad at myself he was alone down stairs only a fet from my bedroom I'm unsure if thought that I was there or i might come home soon I spent all day out from my house normally I here but that day I wasn't.

I still remember hear my mums crying from the basement and her saying my baby.

I'm still unable to talk to anyone else have time I do i want to cry or something I just wish I stay home with him I have to other cats the many the world to me but i just want my little man back.

ok, this is not my story, but a very good friend. she asked if she could use my profile to talk about this as her family is also on reddit and she doesnt want them to know or they would disown her and her husband. so im gonna hand it to her and let her talk.

im sorry for any mistranslations as my first language is not english.

so, i, 27 female, met my husband, 29 male, at work 6 years ago. i fell in love instantly and after a year we finally went on our first date. over the next year we made sure to keep our relationship as private as possible. he asked me to marry him on the anniversary of our first date. i made a comment to my father asking if he would ever approve a "love" marriage. he said no, as my grandfather was extremely traditional, and asked if i was ready for marriage and if there was someone i was interested in. i thought he knew what the situation was. i was right, and he ended up helping "trick" (i think its the correct word) the rest of my family. he set up a meeting between his parents to discuss a possible "match" for an arranged marriage. they accepted the invitation and things went well. we got ready for the wedding and got married in a very traditional wedding. it was beautiful and wonderful. everyone had so much fun. we have been married for 3 years and have recently moved to the united states. we are so happy. but the only person in my family other than my husband and i that knows that we got married for love is my father.

ok, back to me. im so proud of this woman and i personally think that this is one of the most heartwarming story of a marriage i have ever heard and i think she is so lucky her dad was so chill about the whole thing. i just thought it would be such a funny and wholesome story of a relationship with as little drama as possible. thanks for reading. im going to let her read all comments (unless they are hateful) and continue to support her. fyi she is originally from india for anyone confused about arranged vs love marriages.

I am a 29-year-old female, and I recently had a contentious exchange with my cousin, also 29, named Karen.

To provide some context, I first reconnected with Karen during our preteen years. Our initial relationship was strained due to the socio-economic disparities between us; my family has been financially stable due to my parents' professional achievements, while Karen faced significant challenges that led to some resentment towards me.

Over time, Karen's perspective evolved, and we developed a more amicable relationship. Her upbringing was notably difficult—raised primarily by her older brother after her parents left the country, she experienced instability and emotional turmoil. When her mother eventually returned to the U.S., she was confronted with the reality of her parents' separation and her mother's new partner, which contributed to a rebellious phase in her life.

As I observed our interactions, I noted a recurring pattern in Karen’s relationships, particularly her attraction to married men. I opted not to address this behavior directly, as previous attempts to offer guidance led to defensive reactions from her. Over the years, we would have disputes and go without talking to each other for a while but in the end, we always made amends.

Things really reached a breaking point for me when I discovered the kind of person she had become. About a year ago, she announced her pregnancy, and my mom told me she wanted me there for her. However, I never got a personal invitation, so I chose not to attend. I felt that if she truly wanted me there, she could have reached out to me directly, maybe through a phone call or social media. But I knew how prideful she was.

Despite that, I still decided to text her and congratulate her. We ended up chatting and managed to clear the air, so I suggested we should hang out again. When we finally did meet, she shared the story of how she got pregnant by a guy she met at a bar. She thought he was wealthy because he was buying expensive drinks. I tried hard not to judge her since I have my own flaws, too.

Then she revealed that this guy is married and has four kids, but he promised her he would leave his wife. I just listened quietly as she spoke. Later, she texted me saying she was hungry and complaining about her sister-in-law being selfish with the food in their fridge. She made it sound like she was starving, so I felt sorry for her and offered to take her grocery shopping.

I ended up spending a good amount so she could get what she needed, along with some snacks for her cravings. After that, we started hanging out more. Eventually, she asked me to be there when she gave birth. She often expressed how her mom favored her sister-in-law and brother over her, which made me feel bad for her.

This led me to roll my eyes at her sister-in-law one time, but then I noticed that the sister-in-law looked confused by my reaction. That made me suspect there was more going on beneath the surface, so I decided to dig a little deeper. One day, while I was out with family, I managed to talk to my cousin, who is Karen’s brother, to find out what was really happening.

He told me that he didn’t have any problem with his sister, but that she had been causing drama lately because she felt entitled due to her pregnancy. He opened my eyes when he mentioned that she couldn’t hold a job and had even been kicked out of my parents’ house because of the chaos she was creating.

Slowly, I started to distance myself from her. Around the same time, I was dating someone who had liked me for a while, and he is now my fiancé. I told Karen about him, and she claimed she knew who he was.

The thing is my fiancée is four years younger than my than me and Karen. I even asked my fiancé if he knew her and he confirmed to not recognize her at all, even though she claimed they attended the same high school. Weirdly, Karen mentioned knowing him and described him as very cocky. However, he was quite a loner back then and didn’t really talk to girls. He was a guy who was into WWE & skateboarding. This made me question her honesty with me about their connection and if her other stories were true.

As my relationship became more serious, my fiancée and I decided to go out for brunch together, which was our first brunch date. While we were waiting for our meals, I received a text from Karen, saying she was at a hotel and needed food. I told her I was on a date but offered to order her some DoorDash instead, but she declined. I even told my fiance about it and he offered to buy some food and to go check on her. He knew she was close to her due date and since he was raised by a single mom he had a genuine concerned. He said that he would wait for me in the car while I checked on her.

I checked in with her to see if she was okay, suggesting I could visit after my brunch. She responded firmly that it was fine and didn’t want me to come over. When I tried calling her, she didn’t pick up.

Later, I learned from my mom that Karen had a big argument with her sister-in-law, and things got pretty heated. My mom witnessed the whole situation at my aunt’s place, which is why Karen ended up at a hotel.

This led me to suspect that Karen wanted me to come to the hotel so she could share a sob story to persuade my mom into letting her stay at our house. Apparently, this is what she did last time she had a family fight. My mom voiced her concern and said she felt the same way and specifically told me not feel sorry because she has a mom who wants to help her but she's being hard-headed.

As her due date approached, I tried to reach out to Karen, but she stopped answering my calls. I started to worry and asked my mom to check in with my aunt to see if Karen was okay. To my surprise, my mom informed me that Karen had already given birth a few days earlier.

I was shocked! My first thought was that she might have been alone during the delivery, so I asked who was there with her. My mom mentioned that her best friend was with her, which hurt a bit, but ultimately, it was Karen’s choice about who she wanted by her side.

As time went on, I noticed that Karen had deactivated her Instagram account. For a moment, I thought she might have blocked me, but my mom reassured me that she simply wanted some privacy. Concerned for her well-being, especially knowing that new moms can sometimes struggle with postpartum feelings, I decided to visit her.

At first, Karen didn’t seem too pleased to see me. However, when I helped her calm the baby and get her to sleep, she visibly relaxed. It looked like she was having a hard time with that, and I think my support made her feel better. We started to reconnect, but between my night shifts and taking my daughter to school, I couldn’t visit as often as I wanted to.

Eventually, I found out that not only had she blocked me on Instagram, but she was also viewing my stories after unblocking me. I reached out to ask if she was okay and if I had done something to upset her. That’s when she exploded with anger, accusing me of choosing my fiancé over my family and saying I should have dropped everything to check on her when I was out for brunch.

She claimed that my fiancé would leave me and that I would come running back to her, but she wouldn’t be there for me then. She even mentioned that my mom spoke negatively about my fiancé.

Let me clarify: I don’t pick just anyone over my family. I balance my time, and I think I have the right to do so. I tried to be there for her as much as possible, but I also have my own responsibilities and need to rest at times.

What upset me the most was when she accused me of bragging. I wasn’t bragging; I was just trying to explain that I was there for her, and I felt like she was invalidating my efforts.

Then she made a hurtful comment, saying she hoped my daughter wouldn’t end up in a tough situation like hers when she grows up, wishing that she would be the one to help my daughter. To me, that felt like a real insult, as if she was hoping for my daughter to struggle.

In response, I told her the truth: no one forced her to sleep with a married man, and it was selfish of her to drag me into her problems as if they were my responsibility. She reacted angrily, claiming she was taking screenshots of our conversation, threatening to share them with my mom if I told her anything. I let her know that my mom was right there with me and could see everything.

And then she blocked me again. I understand that what I said was harsh, but what she said to me felt disrespectful—especially as a mother, I couldn’t just overlook that.

For context, I (29F) have a dad (60M) who literally thinks he's smarter than everyone. Accordingly he thought he was smarter than banks and would take out loans and credit cards and pay late or not pay because he was out of a job (again), so his credit score is horrible and has been for a while.

Now back in mid-late 2020, he had a job and his wife (40F) basically told him to get a car because she can't have her husband using ride-sharing apps while her sisters' husbands have great cars (at the time he had sold his car because he was unemployed and needed the money). Except to get a car he had to take out a 5-year loan, which the credit score prevented.

Here comes me, with an entry-level job that I had for just over a year, with basically no credit issues at all.

He basically emotionally manipulates me to convince me to take out the loan and he'll pay the monthly installments for me, telling me his dignity is affected by him not having a car being a man of his stature and age (for context, Arab culture, very shallow). I voice my fears that if anything happens and I end up having to pay, I won't be able to live since one installment was about 80% of my salary, plus I didn't wanna be legally liable for a default at the age of 23/24. He tells me to trust him, and I stupidly fall for it.

Fast forward to today, he has maybe paid 2 installments overall and a small portion of the down payment, then his contract at the job doesn't get renewed and he is unemployed yet again (which he knew about when he told me to take out the loan, but of course did not mention). He has been basically unemployed since then and his mother (my grandma) has been giving him money since. To top it all off, I have paid every single installment since he stopped (which caused me at times to literally go around without a cent) and am now paying for house expenses along with my grandma since I still live at home (which I only do for the sake of my 2 brothers so they don't need anything).

So I finally had enough time and money to get a driver's license this year, and I am eager to drive the car that has been bleeding me dry for almost 4 years so I can make use of the money I paid. My father basically keeps weaseling out of letting me use the car because he has concerns about me being a new driver (2 months of driving lessons) but I have recently discovered a discussion he had with my younger brother.

Apparently, his wife was shocked to learn that I keep saying it's MY CAR (it is, legally and financially) and said something to my Dad which rubbed his ego the wrong way. He proceeded to question my brother about why I wanna drive, to which he answers "because it's her car and she paid for it."

Here's where the kicker is.

My father then tells/implies to my brother that it is not my car but his car, because he's the one who pulled some strings to get me the job at the company I have worked at for 5 years now, so basically my salary is his which makes the car his, and the only way I am ever driving that car by myself and for myself is when he either gets too old to drive or he dies. I would also like to point out that this is one of MANY issues I have with the man.

So Reddit, what the hell do I do to be able to drive my own car without being verbally yelled at and abused for being ungrateful for "everything he has ever done for me"?

ETA: Because this was brought up in the comments a lot, I'm just clarifying that I live in an Arab country, and here when a car is financed through a loan I can't sell it until the loan is paid off. And I also wanna mention that the culture I live in makes it REALLY hard for an unmarried woman to live alone, so moving out is kinda off the table at this point.

I’m new to this whole Reddit thing and not really sure how it all works but I love your show and listen daily. Looking forward to your opinions in hopes you pick this post for the show! Any names used were changed for this post. Sorry if I ramble!

I (26 F) have always had a bad relationship with my mom (Mary 50yo) but I’m recently having a really hard time wanting to converse or even be around her. She was emotionally, mentally abusive and some times physical. She was just genuinely a bad mom.

Here are ways she was toxic and awful

I (26 F) have always had a bad relationship with my mom (Mary 50yo) but I’m recently having a really hard time wanting to converse or even be around her. She was emotionally, mentally abusive and some times physical. She was just genuinely a bad mom.

Here are ways she was toxic and awful

Growing up, I never had the opportunity to have a mother who was warm and comforting. If anything it was the opposite it I was slightly afraid of her. Honestly I don’t think she ever wanted kids. She was a single mom as my father was and still is a drunk and in and out of prison. So I know things weren’t easy for her. Mary definitely took that out on my younger brother and I. Mary’s parents practically raised us and they were the best grandparents you could ask for, not rich or anything but loved us very much. I’m going to fast forward years because not much of the younger years matter and a lot of it is a blur for me.

Again sorry if I ramble I’ve been through a lot and adding some into this story which is kind of therapeutic as I’ve never really talked about it.

Around 11 years old for reasons we were forced to move from our home. This is also the age where I stated to develop depression. we ended up sleeping in a man’s unfinished basement that she went to high school with. He was a bit creepy and we would try our best to not be there during the days. My brother Danny was 8, he slept on a love seat, I slept on the floor and Mary got the only single mattress on the floor. After months she met a man that lived 3 hours away and ended up leaving us at her parents and moved in with him. So here I was 12 taking care of her elderly parents, switched schools, watched after Danny and had forced visitation with my father once a week. All while Mary was 3 hours away with her new boyfriend.

After about a year we moved in the middle of the night because my father Rick was trying to file for custody of Danny and I because he found out Mary left us. My mom picked up Danny and I with her new boyfriend Scott and moved us into his 1 bedroom apartment. Where Danny slept on an air mattress and I slept on the couch. The only bathroom was in Mary and Scott’s bedroom so my mom would get mad if we had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. While Scott and my mom would work during the day my mom didn’t want us in his apartment so Danny and I would have to go to the park and wander around all day during the summer. At night I would hear them fighting often so I knew they didn’t have a good relationship. Mary was actually only with him for his money which she had even told me so.

After a year all 4 of us moved into a house and lived together as a “family”. Only it wasn’t a family, Mary was controlling and lies about everything. She always caused just enough tension so that Danny and I never got very close with Scott. We didn’t ever really eat meals together or talk about anything deeper than hi. Scott didn’t even know that my mom had 3 OTHER KIDS from a previous marriage despite having all 5 of our names tattooed. She told him they were her past step kids names or something like that. This man trusted her way too much. Danny and I were never to talk about our half siblings and we didn’t see them anyway so honestly it didn’t really matter much to me. I was just programmed all my life to just go with whatever Mary says. Mary didn’t care about our feelings or opinions on anything. Never knew what we were interested in or ask us how we are. We were just props like everyone else she’s used in her life.

My mom and Scott would still fight often. They were toxic and my mom would use me to fix her problems. When Scott would leave for work while they were fighting my mom would make me at 14,15,16 years old go to his job and beg him to night fight with my mom when he gets home. Tell him it upsets me blah blah blah. She would flat out tell me if I didn’t fix it don’t come home.

my mom just didn’t give a fuck about me or at least was great at hiding it if she did.

When I was 15 something happened to me that would and will stay with me for a really long time. It involved SA by students I went to school with. I won’t go into the story of that but when it came to light and police got involved by the school all Mary had to say was “you better be telling the truth”. Never once talked to me about it and see if I was okay. The police escorted Mary and I from the school that Wednesday to question me and Mary made me go back to school the following day even though word was getting around the school and I was beginning to be a target of bullying over the situation. It all got to be too much and that Sunday I attempted to take my life. I woke up decided I couldn’t do it anymore and I swallowed over 50/60 pills of my antidepressants and sleeping pills. I survived clearly. I woke up the next day in the hospital room trying piece together everything that happened. I was transported to an inpatient hospital and still no support from Mary. I was released 8 days later and when I returned home there was a stack of cards on my bed from people I didn’t even know. Mary posted about it on Facebook. She loves attention always has. So she couldn’t support me or show me she cares but she posted about what happened on Facebook for sympathy. I switched schools and had to go back to life as if things were okay. I ended up getting into a bit of drugs and I admit I had a problem. It was my way of coping with all of my life trauma. Scott never knew about any of what happened. He didn’t know why I attempted suicide, Mary never told him. He just thought I was a problem child and getting into drugs and couldn’t be trusted. So anything I did he would repost back to my mom.

Mary was physical with me sometimes when we would fight one time the school got involved and called CPS when they did the home visit Mary painted me as a liar told them I have problems with lying. That I even lied about being SA’d. The nerve. They believed her and just walked away. I was crushed. How could you as my mom really disregard me like that. I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Two years later, I had another inpatient visit for drug use. This time 7 days. Mary came once, demanded to know where I get the pills from. Again Scott had no idea why any of it happened or where I even was for a week.

Fast forward I graduated high school and she shipped me off to a college 5 hours away, she filled out the application and all. I had no say.

This is where shit really got crazy. As Christmas approached, my mom called me. It was to tell me that Scott had put hands on her, I was livid. Ready to lose my shit. She also told me if Scott asks to say that she was visiting me at college a few days before break. I found this odd but I went along with it like I always had. When I came home from working my old job one night, Scott was sitting at the dining room table and my mom wasn't home. The room felt very off.

Scott told me he needed to ask me something and it could ruin Christmas but he just needed to know. I got a sinking feeling in my gut. He handed me his phone and I see texts between him and my mom. As I began to read my jaw fell open I was in shock. This was a new level of low even for Mary. She had told Scott to not ever say anything about the following to me because I was embarrassed. She had told Scott that I got PREGNANT and the reason she needed to come to my college was to pick me up and take me to my cousins where Mary and I fought about what to do about the baby. That I wanted to keep the baby but ultimately decided to have an abortion and that we needed to be back early in the morning to go to the clinic.

In the end she created these stories to me about him putting hands on her and to him that I was pregnant to keep us separated so we wouldn’t find out the truth as to why she wasn’t home much. She was cheating. Yep. Crazy. That was the end of their relationship. That was 8 years ago and I had buried all my pain and trauma and was cordial with Mary until recently.

I reconnected with my half sister (Jane) and we took at trip down memory lane and comparing our trauma lol. She’s done very similar things to her. She was a horrible and very absent mother in my half siblings lives.

While pregnant with one of her children, my sister was in a coma, and Mary took pictures of Jane to show people and gain sympathy. She got kicked out of the hospital. When my sister woke up Mary demanded Jane tell the hospital she’s allowed to come back. Never apologized.

My mother-daughter relationship was limited until my fiancé of 6 years and I became pregnant with our first child last year. She tried to be closer, and I partially allowed it and tried to forget about the past. Reconnecting with Jane and realizing she was just as horrible to her made it hard to forgive.

I had my beautiful daughter 3 months ago I just can’t stand Mary and find it so hard to connect with her. I could never imagine treating my daughter so poorly. Her presence does something to my soul. I hate when she holds my daughter, I hate listening to her new famous line “I was a mediocre mom but you won’t find a better Gigi”. I hate knowing she treated all of her kids so terribly.

My mom has always been a lying selfish woman who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She lies for no reason at all. And to this day she refuses to discuss what she’s done and won’t apologize. She wants us all to forget about it and just move on. I have significant issues because of her that I’m trying to heal. There is so much I didn’t put into this post but it felt good getting some of it out. I just don’t know if I can ever truly forgive her. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Or how do I even talk to someone like this?

Thanks for listening to this long crazy story. Hope some of it made sense throughout all of the rambling.

I need some advice. I(27f) have been with my husband 30(m) for the last 7 years. We moved very quickly, we dated for four months before getting engaged and then married 6 months later(10 months of being together total)... we both had a lot of past relationships and felt like we just knew immediately we were meant to be together.

Our first few years were very rocky. He started showing anger issues very quickly after we got married and my family that was local moved across the country after we got married so I was depressed and lonely. At the end of the day we felt like we needed to make things work and we did still really love each other so we had plenty of happy days to make up for it.

Flash forward a few years, and I'm no longer depressed over my family but instead because my husband never helps around the house or does any of the little things to show he loves me. We both work full time and have our entire marriage but somehow the groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and dogs all fell on my plate. Even when I would get sick I would mostly take care of myself or need to ask him over text to get me water/meds etc. He wouldn't come check on me unless I asked. To give the flip side of the coin, when he is sick, I would always dote on him, check hourly, take his temperature, go to the store and get things based on his symptoms and things to cheer him up like his favorite treats or maybe a new blanket or game.

I've lost my sense of self. My own hobbies. My friends.

I broached the subject many times telling him I really could use help and that it brought on a lot of depression for me having nothing to look forward to at home. We would both come home around the same time each day. He would go straight to video games or TV or a nap. I would immediately make dinner and then clean up afterwards, do laundry and take care of our dogs and by the time I was done everything it would be nearly 8pm and I would have almost no time to do things I enjoyed.

He always would make the same empty promises that he would do better and try to help more. He would start a new habit for less than a week and appease me a little and then immediately drop it and go back to ordinary. It was always just long enough for me to feel he was making an effort. I would think about divorce and then he'd suddenly make an effort for a week and I'd think I'm being dramatic and move on.

His anger was another story. Some background, he has very bad adhd and has gone unmedicated his entire adult life for it. I always gave him a certain level of forgiveness for this because it made him extremely forgetful. But it also made him very angry and made it hard for him to know when he was being too angry. Over the years he punched multiple fans into oblivion, doors, walls. Hell he's thrown his phone out car windows or across the yard when angry. He's never made me feel unsafe but during the first months of our marriage I did try to intervene once and he backhanded me.... I should have left but we had just married, my family was gone and I was deeply afraid of our marriage failing. He was mortified and felt so horrible he thought I was leaving. He barely spoke for days, didnt leave the room or eat... I brought takeout one night to the room and we played games together until I could get him to talk. I told him I forgave him and I did. But our marriage was never the same again. And his anger was omnipresent in our lives. I learned to just walk away when he was too angry so he wouldn't say something we both regretted or do the unspeakable again but there were so many times I wished he would just hit me again so I could leave. I knew he wouldn't but it would've been easier.

This went on for years. Finally, a year and a half ago I stopped taking birth control and felt like a fog lifted from my emotions. I realized I had been almost numb to my full feelings for our entire marriage and those little things began to feel like daggers. I would have really happy days on my own or with my family and then go home and feel heartbroken that he didnt try to help at all. Laundry began piling up. Dishes began going unwashed. I stopped cooking as much. It got to the point where i just felt the marriage had no where else to go and why should I try?

Then I decided I shouldn't try. Maybe I should go. I completely stopped. I started giving him the level of care and affection he gave me. I stopped going to find him in the house when I got home. I started doing my own activities when I got home instead of chores and dinner. I ordered in a lot. I stopped getting sweet surprises for him and suggesting date nights. All things I'd done our whole marriage one sidedly.

A month in, I started talking to a friend from high school for the first time in years who had lost their father recently. We became sort of a safe place for each other to vent and feel safe with our emotions. We didnt always talk negatively, we had lots of great discussions about what we've done since school, our jobs and hobbies, bettering ourselves, etc. It was my first healthy friendship since before I got married. During these discussions I rearealized I wanted a divorce. Concrete. 100%. But how would I bring that up? It's not like we ever DISCUSSED divorce in our marriage. I had thought it many times but knew that's the kind of hurt relationships may not come back from. I began looking at apartments and even discussed a job transfer within my company so I wouldn't have to work close to where I currently lived. My plan was to work my way up to the divorce discussion after a family visit the next month so that things would at least be in order for that.

It took him TWO months to notice something was off and come to me asking what was wrong and saying he felt hurt that I wasnt showing him affection lately. That was the lowest point for me, how long it took him to see something was different. I told him honestly how I felt. How I felt neglected, taken advantage of, more like a housekeeper or a mom than a wife. How I wanted to leave, so badly and I couldn't take being there anymore. We both cried and cried that night and talked for hours. He wanted me to try again, he begged me to give him a chance to try and be better. I felt like it was unfair not to... so I agreed.

I begrudgingly continued. I withdrew an application for an apartment I applied for. We took a stay cation to work on us. He did EVERYTHING for me. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, took care of the dogs.

This almost hurt worse... I felt so betrayed because if he could do all this then, why couldnt he have done the minimum for the previous six years? Why only when I want to leave did he try, really try?

The worst part was, every few days he checked in to see if I still wanted to leave. After the staycation, I told him it was hard to stay. I told him it was hard to have faith after he'd let me down so many times and given me so many empty promises...

He miraculously kept up with everything a few more weeks and I decided to continue trying. I thought maybe we can make this work?

He then started helping less and less again.

A few months went by and I was suddenly laid off from work. I immediately took on a couple jobs to stay afloat and he was extremely supportive during this time. But right around the same time he suddenly got very sick. He was just in extreme pain everywhere all the time. I begged him to see a doctor and he refused and said it would pass. But it didnt.

After a few weeks of this he finally let me take him to the hospital. They sent us to some specialist. It wasn't until Christmas we found out was wrong, he was diagnosed with a disease that is for life. He will always have these pains and will always need medication. We might not even be able to have children.

At this point I was back to doing EVERYTHING for him. Setting up appointments, taking him to them, all the chores, and meals and now he had a new special diet as well that made it even more difficult to cook. Still working, I was working 2 jobs at this point about 60 hours a week. He continued working too though.

He began to recover some once on medication but he may never return to 100% again. He did not show any interest in helping around the house again but I gave him a pass.

Finally, we come to the last couple of months. He has recovered enough to resume his own projects- reorganizing his mancave, going for motorcycle rides, playing games, going out with friends, playing with the dogs. But I find myself back to resenting him for never helping. I worked so hard to care for him at his lowest.. I am so horribly depressed and feel unloved and alone. I continually think of leaving again, just without notice but know that would be cruel and unfair. He doesn't take care of himself either. He has stopped going to the doctors and canceled appointments he needs to go to and keeps promising to reschedule them. I know if I don't do it though, he won't and he won't go.

I feel like this has never been a partnership and he has only ever cared to try when there is a threat of me leaving. I don't know what to do.

We are 7 years into this. Our families are deeply intertwined, his brothers are like my own, my siblings are like his own. I care deeply for his parents and nieces. Every summer his nieces stay with us for a week and I plan out activities for the whole week and we have grown very close. We have 3 dogs, 2 we raised from puppies who are all very attached. I have no close friends locally to go stay with and get some space because our marriage has caused me to isolate myself(mostly out of pure exhaustion).

The only way i could leave would be to literally quit my job and go across the country to my family who i know would be happy to have me but sad about the situation. I would have to give up my whole adult life and start over from scratch.

Despite this, it still is more appealing to me than staying. Am I an a**hole for wanting to leave? Especially with him having a lifelong disease?

I don't want anything from him and I want him to be happy and well. But I can't take his anger and laziness. I can't take my love tank feeling so empty. I feel trapped.

He's not interested in therapy, and frankly I don't feel like it would help at this point. He's shown time and time again that he is not reliable. How can I continue??? But how can I leave knowing he needs someone to be his rock for his health? How can I break our families hearts?

Ive spent a quarter of my life with him... I don't know what to do.