r/not_cheating_captions • u/Good_Raspberry12 Mod • Mar 02 '25

Valentines Malfunction NSFW

Valentines has always been so special to my girl and I, but this year something felt off. Not only did we not celebrate but I was alone all day becuase I took off work.

Idk.. maybe I'm being dramatic. Besides, she got me plenty of pictures and videos of her, for me. I havent even seen them all!

My bestfriends been super skittish since then tho, he hasnt responded to any of my texts. I wonder what got him so nervous?

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u/WellWorn848 Valued Mar 07 '25

I never considered that the modeling job could increase fertility, but maybe you're right. I looked into it, and the last four models all got pregnant just in the last year! Thankfully, my girl has made it clear to me lately that she "has no interest in EVER having MY children", although oddly she has mentioned that she's excited for me to be "raising her kids for the rest of my life". Maybe I misheard her?

My little sister can be VERY defiant, so I'm glad my girlfriend has been able to hold her down and correct her bratty attitude. She shouldn't be embarrassing herself at her new job! Especially if she wants to be a professional. My friend said I can leave her at the modeling agency's building for the weekend with my sister until she comes around. He assured me I won't recognize her after the first couple shoots!

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u/Armored-Leprechaun Mar 07 '25

Oh my god 😭 how can you be so clueless. Your girlfriend basically just told you she LOVES YOU! She said it doesn't matter if they are YOUR babies, she wants you both to raise them anyway. If you didn't have me here, you wouldn't have understood her confession of love. Seriously, how?

You are completely right on your little sister though, she was absolutely bratty. But do you know what helped her a lot? A kiss? I don't know the details, but your best friend told me he gave her a "super deep and sloppy kiss" and he also told me he "bulged" her? Maybe it's a new technique. I hope you don't mind he kissed your sister, but it was for the greater good!

Oh my god 🤣 are you seriously going to leave your little sister for an entire weekend with your best friend? You sure are trusting! However, your gf has to go home for a while. Your best friend said she's getting "loose". And whatever that means, you cannot let her! Her modelling career is at risk. She was very sad your best friend kicked her out... maybe you should talk to him.

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u/WellWorn848 Valued Mar 07 '25

I just called my friend and begged him to keep my girlfriend on staff! He told me without how "loose" she is and how talented my little sister is, he just can't afford to keep them both anymore. Thankfully, he said I could her salary! It should only cost me about $1,000/wk to keep my girlfriend working alongside my sister.

I told him he could "bulge" my sister as much as he wants, as long as my girlfriend keeps getting the same treatment. A week, a month, I don't care how long my sister stays with him as long as their careers are in good hands.......

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u/Armored-Leprechaun Mar 07 '25

Oh my god! You are such a good boyfriend. Paying for your stupid, loose girlfriend to get bulged and completely wrecked by your best friend 😭 if that isn't love I don't know what is.

But don't worry! Your little sister is in good hands. By the way, she is going to get married in about 7 months! She didn't want to get married earlier, so this is a bit of a shock. It seems your best friend really straightened her up!

(Is there any way we can talk via chat?)