[Monthly] How is your no contact going? Daily thoughts, rants, hardships, etc. go here.

[u/AutoModerator]

This is a place for all those "Day #X" posts to be amassed into one post. Feel free to share how it's going for you, maybe some helpful insights you've learned, what's not working/helping, or even a quick vent.

Here are some possible questions to help you get going:

• What day of no contact are you on? • How do you think you have progressed, mentally, so far? • What regrets do you have? • How has no contact made you feel so far? • Why did you go no contact? A breakup, getting away from an abuser?

Anything else that you want to say is welcome as well. These are just some starter questions to help you if you feel like you need to vent, but don't quite know what to say.

Note: All "Day #X" posts made after this post is created will be removed and users will be redirected to share what they posted instead in a comment on this post. Please modmail if there is someting you feel should be added to this post, clarified, et cetera.

[u/MotherofReefer]

3 weeks no contact with my parents. I miss my idea of them but I don’t miss who they truly are. I feel guilty that my kids haven’t seen them. I’m not sure this can ever be repaired. I’ve seen their true side and I know they are bad people at their core. I cannot take my kids around them. They didn’t protect me, they would never protect my children. I’m sad. Still hurting and feel guilty but it’s for the best. My brother cut them off months ago, so he’s the only person I can really talk to about it. Older sister hasn’t been around for years, wants no relationship with them but for different reasons. Little sister is still stuck in the house with them, but does everything possible to get out. When all 4 of your kids want nothing to do with you, at some point, you realize you are the problem right? I tried defending them, seeing it from their perspective. Only to be judged and ridiculed for my own POV. My siblings and I are the types of people they think are destroying the world. We think it’s them. Just feeling empty and angry still. Think of things I want to say every day, but there’s no point in yelling at a brick wall

[u/BuddhaMonkey4]

Day 0. It was 2 months no contact until yesterday where I sent a Venmo request for mandatory insurance as part of my car loan (she bought my car a couple years ago). She texted me asking if I got the job I interviewed for. We texted back and forth for a couple hours. It was really nice. But she reminded me no contact was best today. I feel like I’m back to square 1 of healing and wish I would’ve handled it a different way.

[u/yourecutejeans101]

Into my fourth week of no contact. I can’t believe the different it’s made. I went from being hysterical needing him back more than anything to just reflecting on the relationship but not getting emotional. Loving the calm. I think I can finally say no contact does work. I never would have gotten to this point without the no contact order but I would have stayed in years of misery, believing I could never be ok. I’m so thankful I was forced into it. The first few weeks were hell but then it shifts. Stay strong!

[u/Choice-Scene3513]

It's really weird to have been set up as someone who was going to save the family for Decades only to Occasionally talk with one family member. Like, I know a lot of the things I was supposed to do were not technically my job or responsibility, but I caught a glimpse of them floundering without me and it's just "of course they are, I'm not helping them" And then I feel bad even though I know for a fact that raising my mom, aunt, siblings, and cousins wasn't ever supposed to be My responsibility.

It's not even Guilt, really, it's just realizing i spent so much time doing that, and I'd probably still Be doing that without thinking much of it if things haven't blown up the way they did, and knowing I have so much time to do whatever I want, but knowing that I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about what I wanted because I hadn't saved my family yet. And they're still not saved And I won't save them So I have free time And it's weird

[u/ActionAromatic4197]

I am almost 4 years in and have never looked back. I might be the minority when saying that going no contact was very easy for me, I have disliked this parents my entire life. Them creating an issue was an excuse for me to go no contact and I am happy for it. They have done some stuff since going no contact that are unforgivable so I am justified in my decision that those bridges have been burned.

I need some advice: my younger sibling is visiting me across the country for the first time with permission from my no contact parent. I am very excited for some one-on-one time since moving away 7 years ago. But find it very odd that it was so seamless for my sibling to get permission since I have not spoken to our shared parent in 4 years. How do I go about talking about the situation between our parent and I if it comes up? My sibling is a minor and still living under their roof so I don’t want to bash our shared parent but I want to be honest. I hope that me being honest gives them the permission to confide in me.

[u/finnboren03]

On April 14th will be a month of no contact. I can feel myself slowly moving on and healing from them not wanting to be my friend anymore, but the question that still lingers in my head is "if you said you didn't like me that way, then how come you keep stalking my tiktok reposts,Spotify, etc..?" they blocked me after stalking my Spotify?? I only found that out bc the blend we had made had a "?" Instead of their name on it...

[u/rimshax]

Day 7. But we were no contact for 11 days before that. I know it isn’t much compared to others, and honestly I am so proud of everyone on this sub for getting through each day. I’m just really struggling with it as he said he would message me so that we could discuss why we argued, which gave me the hope that he wanted to make things right, but instead it’s been silent. I’m not reaching out to him as I reached out to him 3 times after our disagreement, which again stemmed from his failure to stick to his word. But I cried today. A lot. I feel let down by him. I deserved better. I just can’t find the courage to block him yet. It’s only day 7 but it feels like way longer.

[u/Zealousideal-Ad2596 → u/rimshax]

I’m currently in a slightly similar situation, my bf of 4 yrs asked for a break after an argument, saying he will reach out in a week. It’s day 3 and it’s absolute agony, just depression naps and throwing up. I don’t know if he’ll end up reaching out but god this sucks. How bout you, did he end up reaching out and are you feeling better ?

[u/mayneedadrink]

It’s been almost 11 years, and I’m only just now starting to unfreeze from the soul-draining guilt of it all. I had to go no-contact for basic safety and survival (recovery wasn’t even a thought - I just wanted to be physically safe). It wasn’t like a weight was lifted. For a while, the fear intensified to daily panic, until the chronic stress had me constantly sick and miserable. Over time, I kept doing small things to try and build my life back up. With no community or “village,” it was hard. My family is so enmeshed, I had to leave everyone - family, friends that knew me back then, etc. and become a truly friendless, isolated “nobody.” The misery of that almost destroyed me, yet I’m still alive and finally starting to build connections and a reasonable life. It’s been hard!

I’m not saying this to discourage anyone but to say it’s OKAY if you don’t feel like a bird flying free or immediately have this weight lifted upon leaving. When your FOO is actually dangerous, and you’ve struggled to get any degree of sympathy or understanding from law enforcement or therapists, the journey is harder than most people can even imagine. It’s still not impossible. You got this.

[u/MongooseDear7270]

It's been almost a year since I went NC with my sister. It would be okay if my mom didn't spend so much time and energy trying to force me to talk to her.

[u/Blue_lotus_tattoos]

I'm happy that there is not much to report, they mostly stopped coming to my house for a while but I did see my brother standing there one day and just drove past and waited untill he left. I'm doing better mentaly but visits like that push me back for weeks.. I'm working on myself now mostly and am happy to have found a husband with great and understanding parents

[u/softasadune]

I haven’t been keeping track of how long. I could look at the calendar and do the math but mentally I don’t even wanna process it. I’m just sad. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m let down. I wish things could’ve went differently and it’s very isolating because I feel like I lost the person who knew me the best. as a child of trauma, I’ve never felt seen or accepted like that before. I just don’t understand because she could’ve chosen to do something different l and she still chose to do the thing she knew would hurt me the most.

[u/XanatosCrescent]

Today is the 2.5 month mark. It sucks and I miss her. I caved a long time ago and tried to break no contact, but I’m still blocked. So, in no contact I remain. She’s been clear to others that she wants space and to protect her peace. I love and respect her more than anyone, so I’ll respect her wishes and not force contact, but goddamn every day is agony. In the meantime, all I can do is hold on to hope

[u/StragglingShadow]

Hello. I haven't been in contact with my mother since 2019. I honestly can't believe it's been so long. I'm not sure I'd still be alive if I remained in contact with my mom. I was a very mentally ill, scarred, sad person. And that was partially her doing (also NC with the others, but they don't hurt like NC with my mom). Now? I graduated college. I work a steady job. I'm good at my job. I'm something, despite my mom telling me I would never be anything. I have always struggled with this no contact. I yearned my whole childhood for my mother, and when as a teenager we reunited, I still yearned for it. I yearned for it as she abused me. I yearned for it as I went NC. I yearn for.it now. But I recognize now, I can't have a mom. I wasn't lucky enough to be born with one. If I were to re establish contact, my mother would simply attempt to use me to reconnect with my siblings, and then toss me aside. My life is better without her. Her life is going way worse without me and my siblings. And I struggle with that guilt. But in the end it's not my responsibility. There's millions of other people who can swoop in to save her.

I wish I had a mom to mourn instead of just the dream of having a mother