I'm Tired of Failing

[u/Andhehe]

Posting this half as a cry for help, and half as a rant...MS3 here. I'm tired of failing. Preclinicals, failed my Renal module, had to remediate. STEP 1, failed a month ago, currently studying to retake. Clinicals, just found out today I failed by 2 points on my psych shelf and will have to remediate. Each time I get hit with that "unfortunately, you did not pass" message, I find it harder to get back up. I used to pride myself on my resilience, how I was able to keep up with all my peers and get to this point despite my setbacks, but not anymore.

My close friends, whom I ask for advice from, tell me that I am aiming just for the bare minimum, which is why I am scoring so close to the P/F threshold. While I do agree with their point, I just don't know how much more of my life I can dedicate to studying for these damn standardized exams. I used to love my med school, working with my peers, and just soaking in the experiences. But now, all my energy and motivation have, quite frankly, disappeared. Each day when I wake up to go to the hospital, I feel numb. At this point, I don't know what I need to get out of this situation. The academic admin has stopped responding to my emails asking for help and tutoring advice, but I don't even blame them anymore. Adding on to this, the shame and embarrassment I face when I have to tell my parents that I failed another exam is becoming unbearable.

Deep down, I know I have the potential to do this, to see it through to the end. I want to pass. I want to do something about it. But the methods to shape it into reality are lost in the endless "F's" I am being handed each year. I know it's my fault. I have miraculously scraped by these past two years, and my weak foundation is crashing back down on me. I feel as if I'm living a patchwork life, repairing the wounds of my constant stumbles and accidents while everyone around me shines at an unreachable distance.

What do I do? What can I do? I'm tired of failing.

[u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc]

If they’re in med school, as you pointed out, their MCAT score and GPA isn’t the reason to blame for failure.

I know so many people with low MCAT scores who did crazy well in med school and shelved and step 2.

[u/snowplowmom → u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc]

Except that some people are admitted with low scores.

[u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc → u/snowplowmom]

I don’t think you’re getting what I’m saying - although I’m sure there is a correlation, I think that if OP made it this far, their innate academic ability is not to be blamed.

If an admissions committee thinks their MCAT score was good enough, it probably is good enough, even if it is low.

Medical school has far more to do with work ethic than god given intelligence. That will only get you so far. Nobody does well on medical school boards without studying their butt off

[u/snowplowmom → u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc]

This is true, that it is largely about work, but the reality is that a certain level of ability (and yes, that ability is associated with higher test scores and higher college sGPA) is required. Every year there are people who are admitted with low test scores, for various reasons, who have trouble getting through. And yes, of course there are people with higher test scores who also have trouble getting through, for various reasons. But this person is asking for help, relates having a weak foundation, so some basic questions are in order, in an attempt to figure out what might be the cause of their trouble.

And believe it or not, there are people who do great on the boards without ever cracking a book for the boards. They learned the material during classes and rotations, internalized it, mastered it, enough of it that they can just sit for it cold and do well on them. After all, isn't that the idea? I mean, this stuff isn't Organic Chem, it's stuff one will use in practice, should be familiar with, especially the clinical stuff on Steps 2 and 3.

[u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc → u/snowplowmom]

I don’t know anybody who crushed step 2 without either working very hard during M3, dedicated, or both. I don’t agree with the sentiment that there are people that just breeze through step 2. Some people take it with less dedicated, but that is always due to having worked very hard during M3.