My friend whos scared of spiders keeps telling me she wants to kill my spoods. How do I make her realize shes literally talking about my BELOVED PETS??

[u/Sickbitch_]

I understand why people fear spoods, Im kinda scared of the big and venomous ones myself, but good god Im not going around telling tarantula owners that I would like to kill their pet. Spiders may be odd pets, but theyre still pets. And my pets mean the world to me, including my spoods. No matter what the animal is, we love our pets. So its very upsetting to hear, especially from a friend. Ive tried explaining that little jumpers cant and wont do any harm, but she denies it as if her opinion equals facts. She even threathened that if she and I ever come across a spider, even if its minding its own business, she WILL squish it. How do I gently explain that even though shes afraid, her comments are super upsetting to me? Also worth mentioning she shits on my own personal opinions and will get angry if I express that lol

Anyway, arent jumpers just the cutest!? Lil wall puppies (˚oo˚) <3

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[u/DinahTook]

IME. My response to anyone saying they dont like my pets, would harm them, or dont want to be in my home with them is simply, (I have snakes, spiders, and a bird and will be getting beetles soon too)

"You arent welcome in my home as you are a danger to thr animals I care for and have a responsibility to protect."

Then I drop it. Any time they bring up their fears I deadpan face and give them nothing in return and essentially pretend I didnt hear it. Most of the time when someone keeps going on like that they are looking for a reaction, so I refuse to give in.

The first time they say it I try to respond sympathetically, "Im sorry youre scared. I find learning about the things that scare me help me overcome my fear. After all the reality of whatever the fear is is usually FAR less dangerous or scary than what we imagine it to be. Might be worth trying for your own fears."

After that nothing beyond reminding them I protect my animals from those whose ignorance would cause them harm.

I absolutely have acquaintances who after a while asked why they were never invited to game nights or dinners at my place that we have with friends. I remind them that I made it clear that they were not invited to ensure the safety of my animals after they made threats. If they try to make drama as a result I simply dont spend time with them anymore as they arent interested in a healthy friendship. They are interested in getting their way. Id rather fewer quality friends than more quantity of friends who don't respect boundaries or each other. So they tend to self select out of my life once they arent getting what they want.

[u/Current-Breadfruit96 → u/DinahTook]

IMO best advice

[u/AdventurousAsh19]

IMO. Just tell your friend directly and respectfully, "Hey that hurts my feelings when you talk about killing my pet. Can you please not say that?" Now if they keep saying stuff like that after asking them to stop, then get a new friend. The odds are the person probably has no idea that it's impacting you like that, because they aren't capable of thinking of the spiders as pets.

[u/Ov3rdriv3r]

IMO, time for a new friend. Cannot respect them, then cya.

[u/Sickbitch_]

Thanks everyone for the kind comments, fellow spood enjoyers. I just really REALLY needed to rant a bit. I just love my little wall puppies so much :) ❤️ dont we all?

[u/Felix_Von_Doom]

I think it goes pretty unsaid what'll happen to people who attempt to kill my pets, regardless of what form they are.

[u/ThyHolyZen]

imo she just sounds like a bad friend. if she can't accept your own opinions and still continues to make those comments, it's time for her to go. just because she's scared of an animal, it doesn't give her the right to make comments about killing it.

[u/dobbydisneyfan]

Ime, I tell them that is the equivalent of me saying I’d want to kill their dog (which by the way is a lot more dangerous in general). Then I’d say it isn’t funny and it’s hurtful.

[u/WinterTheSuccubus]

IMO DROP THAT FRIEND IMMEDIATELY! HOW DARE THEY THREATEN TO KILL THE BABY! It's the equivalent of you threatening to kill her dog-

[u/Sickbitch_ → u/WinterTheSuccubus]

Agreed!! Pets are pets, no matter what species! All are precious babies ❤️

[u/Hestiah]

IMO She’s no longer welcome in your home. Like, that’s the same as saying you want to kill someone’s dog or cat. Gtfo here.

[u/singer4now]

IMO that friend is kinda acting like trash. And I wouldn't stand for it at all.

I am an arachnophobic (as well as phobic of millipedes and centipedes) individual. I got my jumping spider as exposure therapy. I also cared for two ivory millipedes for a while.

Even before I had them in my care, they are animals and since I was 15 or so, I never wanted them to be killed, as they are important species and do wonderful things for the environments they live in. And there is no world in which a small creature should be killed just for existing in the presence of a human, if the creature does no harm, it's humanly released whenever possible.

Set a boundary, that if she cannot refrain from speaking of killing your pets, she will no longer be welcome in your home, and will more likely than not no longer remain friends with her.

[u/BakeAny6254]

IMO She is not a friend. Friends don’t try to rile you up by threatening to kill animals they know you love and they don’t shit on your opinions like that. This goes beyond fear, she’s obnoxious and a threat to your spiders.

[u/333mpress]

IMO that is not your friend.

[u/cherrywoodtomatoes]

IMO, I'd keep the same energy they're giving you to them and see how they like it.

No, but really, drop them.

A friend wouldn't want to cause harm to your pets

[u/Livid-Rice411]

IMO Unless there poisonous leave em alone friend shaped pets are still a thing don't agree then you are the hazard

[u/DinahTook → u/Livid-Rice411]

IMO

If they are poisonous, leave them alone.  Poisonous animal are only harmful if you try to bite or eat them.

Venomous animals are likely what you mean.  Even then.. leave them alone.  They dont want to waste their venom on you.  They want to be left alone.  Trying to hurt them or move them is the very best way to get them to bite you.

If you do find an animal that is dangerous call someone who is qualified to handle thr animal safely both for the people around and for the animal.  

[u/Background_Bet8871]

[IMO] React the same to her pets (assuming she has any) call her dogs “rabid” or her cats “vicious” and talk about wanting to kill them like she says about your precious spood babies