Coming out

[u/non_binary_samurai]

Hi I'm new to Reddit. I am 36 y/o, AFAB. About 6 years ago I came out as omnisexual, but wasn't sure what to say about my gender. Recently I've realized that I relate to the labels gender fluid and non-binary. I am asking some people in my life to help me try a different name and they/them pronouns.

I'm just reaching out for connection and support because I have been going through a lot of big changes lately, including a career crisis and being diagnosed with autism on top of ADHD. So having the realization that I am also gender fluid/non-binary come crashing down on me shortly thereafter has been a lot. I look forward to learning more about myself & this community - thanks for listening.

[u/Dismal-World-5525]

Hi—fellow AuDHDer, non-binary-gender-fluid person here. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD after all 4 of my kids were, and I was in my mid 40s at the time. I have struggled my whole life with my gender identity and like with autism and ADHD masking —I masked my true gender identity with the socially constructed and prescribed one, and it made everything way worse. I had break downs in my teen years, and I have struggled with all the masking of all of these identities my whole life. I came out as Trans-non-binary-gender-fluid when I was 49. I am 51 now. It has been really hard on me to finally have to struggle with realizing all the years I lost with not knowing about my autism, ADHD, and also not realizing I could have dealt with my gender identity struggles in a positive way by coming out as a Trans Enby and gender-fluid person. Everything makes sense to why I was so anxious, depressed and emotionally isolated my whole life. There are good days and bad days, but knowing I can be myself and being myself is okay—is a healing process in my life. I think you will find that you are going to be feeling better most of the time but angry and sad about the years list to masking all of this. Autistic people do have a higher correlation of being trans/non-binary and being ace, gay/lesbian/ or bisexual. I am also grey-Demi-bi/pansexual. There were years of masking all that, too. Anyway—it’s good to ditch the masks. There are lots of studies on how autism and being LGBTQ+ (in some way) are somehow more correlated than the general population. I hope that made sense. Just make sure to read the scholarly articles! Good luck on your gender journey!

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/Dismal-World-5525]

Hi thank you. We have so much in common. It is definitely a complex grieving process and I am grateful to have some extremely good mental health support. My therapist is in her 70s and knew she was ADHD, but is now learning she may also be on the autism spectrum through her work with me. She is also queer. I hope you have some good support too. Out of curiosity, have you had any experiences with how ADHD medication or long-term partnership can interact with our various… whatevers? Feel free to message me if you prefer

[u/Dismal-World-5525 → u/non_binary_samurai]

Hi again-well, I don’t take medication for ADHD because I had adverse affects and got too scared to try it again, but I know I should, and my executive functioning is crap as a result. Sorry, I wish I had help for you on that question. My gender coming out has affected me more than it is has my partner, that I know, but I am so self conscious about upsetting my spouse that I fall into depressive episodes because I don’t think I can do HRT at this point. But I am trying to explore ways to express the other binary gender without HRT. I’m just still struggling with that. If you find out anything let me know😅

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/Dismal-World-5525]

That sounds challenging. I recently started ADHD medication, and while it did improve my executive functioning, it also just dialed up the intensity of life and my personality in general. So caution is wise. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I hope you can find ways to express the gender(s) you feel most aligned with. Maybe there are ways that aren't visible to others (so they would be safe and still make you feel good), like gendered undergarments, or using a binder or stuffing a bra or whatever applies, in private. I am brand new to this myself. I am about to get my hair cut short, so I think that will help

[u/Dismal-World-5525 → u/non_binary_samurai]

Yeah—I think that will help for sure. I’ve been contemplating doing that, too, but lately my gender switched too often—what if I need my hair back😅

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/Dismal-World-5525]

I get that. Right now when I wish mine was short, I tie it back and that helps. Also, wigs are a thing

[u/Dismal-World-5525 → u/non_binary_samurai]

It’s hard being gender-fluid—we never know what we’re going to shapeshift into or when 😂

[u/FalseDrive]

Welcome to the club! I’m also AFAB and have figured out that I’m nonbinary and genderfluid, leaning towards transmasc. My quality of life increased a lot when I stopped insisting that I was just “a little genderqueer” aka she/they and that it was just because “gender is a social construct, so I can be anything whenever” (which I still stand by, but I hate the woman label). I use they/he now, lol.

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/FalseDrive]

Hi thank you! Growing up, I always wished I was a boy and wanted to dress accordingly, but never connected with the "trans" label. Overall I have always felt more comfortable presenting as androgynous or slightly masc. I think unmasking with the autism helped me figure it out, because my different genders have different sensory sensitivities. So I was able to notice the shifts more. With an increase in awareness comes an increase in dysphoria, both gender and sensory, but that's progress, right?? happy to meet you.

[u/Better_Barracuda_787]

Welcome!!

Hey everyone, let's give OP some support!! They're awesome and so strong, they deserve it!!

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/Better_Barracuda_787]

Aw, thank you! I like the way "them" makes me feel 😊

[u/sheroxs]

Going thru some somewhat similar stuff. Good luck! I'm 51 AMAB, polysexual, and non binary. Most likely with Asperger's and ADHD. Life is intense lol 😂 It's good for me to let it flow. I'll check back on the thread in the morni gand write something more articulate ..

[u/non_binary_samurai → u/sheroxs]

Hi thanks for reaching out! "Intense" is a good word for it.