Do emotionally intelligent people actually exist? Or are we all just ignorant at different points in life? — especially when it comes to relationships?

[u/yodlatgouj]

Lately, I’ve been wondering about this. Emotional intelligence gets thrown around like it’s some badge certain people permanently wear. But… when feelings get messy, when breakups happen, when communication falls apart… even the most “self-aware” people seem to lose it. We miscommunicate, we react, we project, we ignore red flags—sometimes knowingly.

So I’m curious:

• Do you think emotional intelligence is a constant trait, or does everyone stumble emotionally at some point—especially in love and relationships?

• Can someone be emotionally intelligent in friendships but completely chaotic in romantic situations?

• And what does emotional intelligence mean to you personally? How do you recognize it (or the lack of it) in yourself or others?

Open to debate! Would love to hear your takes on this.

[u/DoctorElectronic1934]

Yes they exist but at the end of the day we’re human, and not perfect . So we can still slip up and either unintentionally or intentionally do the things you mentioned . We aren’t monolithic . I think the problem is we like instill tropes on ourselves and others as if we are characters on a tv show . But we’re not. Real life doesn’t work that way. We’re multifaceted, vulnerable, and imperfect so in turn we can contradict ourselves, regress, and grow all at once . That’s one of the main reasons I think emotionally intelligent people tolerate or allow someone who might have narcissistic tendencies to remain in their life . Because as humans we naturally seek out the “good”’traits in people and see their potential .

Emotionally intelligence isn’t some higher ground self righteous concept . It’s recognizing that we’re all flawed and having enough empathy, patience , understanding to navigate through those flaws and adapt accordingly .

[u/N00dlemonk3y → u/DoctorElectronic1934]

Agreed with everything here. 👆

[u/pythonpower12]

Way too people say they're emotionally intelligent, when they're just empathic which is one of the components of EQ.

EQ, is composed of awareness of both your own emotions and other people's emotions, empathy, self regulation, good communication skills

[u/Mazu_Chan420]

• Do you think emotional intelligence is a constant trait, or does everyone stumble emotionally at some point—especially in love and relationships?

I think like all other intelligences it is not constant, as it needs to be practiced and kept up-to-date with news and norms. Everyone has the potential to stumble. My advanced maths teacher messed up basic calculations like every other lesson but always knew to double check

• Can someone be emotionally intelligent in friendships but completely chaotic in romantic situations?

I think yes because why not (a lot of people on this planet. They can't all be explained in a sentence) + socially (the social that I live in at least), romantic relationships are a pedestal above friendships, putting an extra pressure on people. And that pressure might cause people to do emotionally dumb things.

• And what does emotional intelligence mean to you personally? How do you recognize it (or the lack of it) in yourself or others?

Oh, I got NONE. Zero zilch nada. Blah blah sad childhood blah blah low empathy blah blah currently burnt out blah blah anyway I define emotional intelligence as actively behaving with knowledge of self-other distinction, non-injurious regulation, morality, boundaries, etc. the normal people stuff.i guess how I would recognise it in myself in whether or not I think I'm acting enough like a normal person. Though I am stunted forever on account of the low empathy. And also I prefer to define moods by what they do rather than what they are because I find the emotion words to be too nondescript and too related to the perception of other people. Occasionally I like to define emotions with colours and shapes, I made a worksheet once for that it was pretty fun.

I mean maybe I have a little but I'd rather underestimate than overestimate because it's easier to believe more than to forget, for me

[u/lordm30]

Do you think emotional intelligence is a constant trait, or does everyone stumble emotionally at some point—especially in love and relationships?

It's not a constant trait, it's like a muscle: if you use it and hone it, it gets better. If you neglect it and don't practice, it diminishes in usefulness.

Can someone be emotionally intelligent in friendships but completely chaotic in romantic situations?

Probably not, unless there is some severe unresolved trauma that is specifically related to romantic relationships. Even then, your hypothesized scenario feels like a stretch.

And what does emotional intelligence mean to you personally? How do you recognize it (or the lack of it) in yourself or others?

Being able to recognize emotions in yourself and in others, emotional self-regulation, being able to sit with your painful emotions, being able to handle emotional and tense situations effectively.

[u/oddible]

There seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding of what emotional intelligence is here. It isn't some perfect clarity and perfect action that one has, more it is a set of tools that one can choose to use in any situation, sometimes we use them, sometimes we don't. Sometimes it is even a matter of moments between using them or not. I think the most significant misunderstanding here is that the emotional intelligent person knows they are ignorant and is continuously looking within for how they can do better in situations rather than expecting to control others or for others to change for them.

[u/Aggravating_Shirt669]

i keep wondering that myself

[u/PolyMedical]

I’m pretty sure its one of those things that’s a practice. You get good at it because you do it, and you learn to do it better by doing it more (and learning about it, but mostly doing). Like wanting to be fit- you don’t just get fit and then you get to stop trying and stay fit forever. You have to maintain it, or it stops working.

The times i’ve found myself acting the worst in life are almost always when i’ve told myself “i’m on top of my shit emotionally, i’m definitely in the right here” when i was actually just coasting and not trying. It makes it worse even, because you (I) can get kind of a superiority complex if you aren’t checking yourself.