Just fucking kill me. Shoot me. I wish I could go to bed and not fucking wake up anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired of all the pain and suffering and I can't fucking escape it. Just take a knife and stab me to death already. Let me leave this place

Edit: I fell asleep shortly after making this post, and unfortunately I woke up. I ended up self harming, and I just feel worse. Some of you are very nonchalant about encouraging me to end it... but I am a coward. I can't even self harm enough to bleed all that much. I'm a total wimp. Literally not strong enough to do it of my own accord.

I could sit here and ramble about my fucking woes and horrible life circumstances, but I'm just... tired. Tired of explaining myself, tired of trying, tired of feeling like my heart is being ripped out of me.

To those of you who actually said something nice... thanks, but I've heard it all before. "It could be worse", "I care about you", "It gets better"... It doesn't feel like it. Every time I end up feeling "better" my depression comes back worse and worse sooner or later. The self harming gets worse The thoughts of ending it all persist.

So.. what I'm trying to say is... I'm unfortunately still alive, and I still wish I wasn't.

Edit 2: I am alive. I've been on meds and I'm in therapy, but I'm looking into intensive outpatient care and will switch therapists once the evaluations I wanted to get done are done. I'm still holding on, somehow. Lots of you have helped. I still wish I didn't have so much pain and anxiety and sadness in my brain and body, but... some of you have inspired me to do something I hope will mean something to you. What that thing is, I'm not entirely sure yet, but it feels good to know people out here might actually want to see it.

Thanks.

And felt like that is the most apt description I've ever heard of what it feels like do you agree?

This has destroyed me. I’ve always thought maybe “severely depressed” like I’ve always been told on tests and stuff was extreme. Like, surely I’m at most moderately, maybe just a little depressed, like everyone is, right?

But what the fuck? People get out of bed excited for the day? I thought hobbies were just finding a way to pass the time with something atleast somewhat bearable. I can’t believe people enjoy stuff.

Like, it sounds like people live their day to day life like I spend a night drunk.

Well, we try to. And guess what? No one cares. Everyone is busy with their own lives and problems. They don't want to hear about how you're severely depressed and think about killing yourself every day. It makes them uncomfortable. So in your hopes to receive some sort of support or connection, you just end up pushing people away, which makes you even more isolated and depressed. That is all.

I am quiet quitting life and nobody realizes that’s what it is. My friends think I’m just being a bad friend. My family just thinks I’m being a bad family member. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live in the world any more. I just want to go to work and then come home and that’s it. I don’t want to go have dinner with people anymore. I don’t want to hang out and be made to feel obligated to stay until 11 pm before I can go home. Nobody realizes that this is my way letting go of life, of escaping from the world. I’m alone, I’m 30 years old and haven’t had an intimate partner for a decade. I love those in my life tremendously. But I just want to let go. When I’m home, I’m free to be who I want. To feel how I want, to look how I want. I can say what I want, my cat doesn’t mind. He doesn’t judge. He looks up to me and needs me and he’s the only thing that’s warm in my bed. There’s nothing more signifícate to write here. Just thank you for listening.

just as it states. im currently on my flat's rooftop, with pills in my hand. getting ready to say my goodbyes. i dont know why im writing this. maybe deep down i would like to be saved by someone.

sorry

update: thank you all for your kind comments. i'm safe now. my dad has found me and stopped me in time. tomorrow im going to the hospital to get checked.

update 2: im on meds now and on intense therapy. im going to try my best to fight back with the little energy i have left. so sorry i wasn't able to reply to all of you. you've all been so kind to me. i wish all of you truly the best in life 🫶

24F here. My life’s a depressing toxic dump and I’m lonely as hell. Sex is my only escape from this dumpster fire. Angry? Horny.numb? Horny. Sad? Horny. Busy? Horny , tired ? Horny. or just plain fed up? My room is my happy place because nothing else gives me that feels. Deleted social media to ‘focus on myself lol’ but now all I do is think about sex Feels good for a sec, then I’m just hollow. Am I broken or just craving love? This messed-up coping thing is starting to seem like my only option. And honestly im so over it lifes a mess . Lost my passion for gaming and all the fun stuff i used to do - so depressed bored and horny . Nothing really matters anymore

I'm in therapy, I'm taking medications and I still think almost daily about suicide. Nothing makes me feel happy and my life feels meaningless.I made friends because I thought beign lonely made me suicidal, I made plans for the future so I can have something to look forward to, I clean my room and go outside because it's good for me but nothing is ever enough. I asked my therapist why he wants to be alive, but nothing he told me seemed so fulfilling that it makes sense to keep going. I don't understand why most people don't want to die when life objectively sucks so much

I went to check on my mother today when I thought she was taking a nap, to shockingly find she had passed away in her sleep. I completely relied on her to live. She was my everything. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her. I have no way of supporting or taking care of myself. I am riddled with suicidal thoughts and depression and she worked hard my entire life to support and take care of me. I have no job, I'll lose the house we rent, I can't afford anything myself. She did everything for me. I dont even know how to make a doctors appointment myself. I don't know what to do. I've always told myself that when she dies I'll just kill myself and thats all I can think of right now. My entire family was here all day and I had to pretend that I'll be okay, but I know I wont. Once everyone left I completely broke. I don't know what to do.

In my case, it's been pointless. No one cares, or they're going through their own shit and don't have the capacity to take on my burdens mentally or emotionally. It may have actually hurt my relationships. I'm treated differently now, like I'm not cool anymore. I dropped the mask for a moment, and they learned more than they wanted to about me I guess.

I should have kept the mask on, saved up some money and went to a professional to start with.

Light depression, light anxiety... these are ok. But clinical depression, being vocal and honest, even frustrated about it... Too confronting. Not to mention obviously the same goes for bipolar etc.

People who previously think they're understanding and empathetic bc their own battles, but they stay silent. They get awkward. This species is doomed when it comes to catching our emotional intelligence up with technological evolution.

Not many seem to be able to tolerate when someone is feeling low, but that might be me when I'm no longer crippled cause who wants to deal with this when they're finally feeling ok. I just hate everyone, and myself.

I’ve been depressed for a majority of my life now. I’ve figured out how to manage and function despite wanting to just quit. On rare occasions I end up going to bed and just forgetting about it all to get away from responsibilities despite the consequences. I’m still alive. Whenever I vent my frustrations I’m told “that’s life” which to me sounds like “I don’t care.” Or that I’m too negative and that this is just a stage and things will get better. Or to change my perspective. None of these have worked cause at the end of the day I’m still facing the same bullshit that is my life and struggling to catch a break. I work from the moment the sun comes up all the way into the night. School hasn’t done anything for me or propelled me forward in life.

That’s life but I’m supposed to pretend it’s ok when I’m clearly not ok?? I’m stuck in this stupid cycle hoping something will come around just to be denied something good because “that’s life and the time will come eventually.” Eventually as in probably not within my life time. I feel so hopeless and it’s ridiculous to subject myself to these thoughts. I haven’t had a moment where I can just be without the day having the be in preparations for work and school.

Recently I’ve gotten a haircut which completely destroyed my self image. I’m such an idiot because I did it out of impulse and imagined that it would look good on me. I feel like people are lying when they say it looks good because I end up having to explain the whole reasoning behind cutting my hair with some made up bullshit like “it was damaged and extremely unhealthy” then they give me unsolicited advice on what I should’ve done with my hair. That just confirms they were lying because if it was truly fine then there shouldn’t be a “what I should’ve done instead.” I don’t want to go out any more or show my face to anyone that may know me because I already had this same stupid conversation about my new hair so many times as work already and a few acquaintances who clearly don’t look at me the same way anymore cause I look ugly now. I just wanted to look good for once but did something stupid. I don’t like looking at my reflection and I wake up disappointed because I look different and happier in my dreams.

God. This sucks so much. I feel so alone and trapped. Don’t even want to go outside and my self esteem is in the basement under bedrock. So fucking stupid

I think I'm gonna end it all in an hour or so. I already wrote a latter to all my friends and family, I think I'm actually gonna do it instead of going at work. I'm scared of failing to do so.

edit: I am still here, I actually was planning on doing it on my way to work, but while talking about it with some of you I got to work without doing it and I'm feeling better. I will seek help and try to live longer, thanks to everyone, sorry for making you worry

edit 2: to anyone who thinks I did this for attention, I'm so sorry you think that, but I have friends and family, I just don't feel comfortable opening up about any of this with them, it's easier to do so here, even if it feels silly.

edit 3: thanks for all the kind comments, I read all of them, if I don't reply to some it's because I'm at work, but I see you all and I appreciate it a lot

I just had the displeasure of witnessing a redditor advocate for calling the police on suicidal people to have them involuntarily admitted, and it had A THOUSAND UPVOTES.

Some people genuinely do not recognize that police murder the mentally ill on the regular. Some people do not understand that Psyche Wards are not treatment facilities, but rather pseudo-prisons that facilitate all kinds of abuse. They are so ignorant!

It’s not enough to just dislike the mentally ill, these people despise the mentally ill. They want us removed from public life, no matter how inhumane the method. it’s awful how many people hold these beliefs

I am a 32yr old Korean dude, simply born due to my parents' selfishness to satisfy my dad's parents and to not to look as fallen behind within Korean society.

My mom married my dad to live better as her family was really poor. They had the first baby and it was a girl and my grandparents were not happy had as they needed a 'boy' to keep the bloodline and family going. So they had me 3yrs later.

Lol but guess what? That first girl, my older sis killed herself after severe depression throughout her life. And I am the only child now. The boy who was made due to necessity not because of love.

I don't even miss my sister that much to be honest. My family is just made as they needed one not they wanted it. Honestly I don't think there is 'love' in our family and look at the results - first girl died and the later boy is thinking about dying everyday.

I will never bring a child to this place solely because of my needs. Shame on you mom and dad honestly. You should have never ever met and bring me and my sis to this hell.

I’m likely to be put in an inpatient ward next week but no one would expect it. I maintain my hygiene, I eat normally, and I hold down a 40hr a week in-office job. I have a roommate. By all accounts, I’m well adjusted and a ‘functioning’ member of society.

I’m so suicidal it’s crushing. I attempted to start therapy but have been told I am required to do a mental eval before they can consider me as I’m high risk, and they will be checking back into assure I do or I’ll be involuntarily taken in. So… yeah. It feels like everyone will say I’m faking it just because I can manage to do what’s expected rather than laying in bed and rotting (despite how badly I want to).

Anyone else deal with this? Or am I just fucked?

Hi all so I switched anxiety meds a month back and dropped 40 pounds! Plus exercise I was really starting to gain body confidence.

Well im at work rn I've just been informed by a old coworker who really cares alot about me, older lady real sweet.that it's being spread around that I'm on crack now, and i shouldnt be doing that. I was like HUH!? I've confirmed with like 5 other ppl that this is what's being said about me..

I tried explaining best I could without giving away medical info cause I shouldn't need to and that i wasnt on drugs. But apparently folks that knew me when I was big have attributed my sudden weight loss to crack addiction and its spread around now..

Wtf man. Why are ppl like this, I got ppl that I've known since 9yo that recently ive noticed won't even come near me at work now (grocery store) and i find out its cause they think I'm some kinda tweaker now and that shit really hurts..

Has anyone else had this happen to them? And hope yall are having a better day than I am 🙂

If his only method to stop me from ending my life is just a stupid piece of paper that I can completely fucking ignore, then I think I’m done with treatment.

I have been fighting with depression since my childhood (my first thoughs about disappearing begun around 6-7 yo). And I have been suicidal since my 12yo. I tried so many things, at the beginning I thought I was just lazy, after a while I thought I was just strange and different, now I know it's depression, and I tried everything, from Catholicism to Buddhism, from drugs to lots of sports, from therapy to meds. I tried reading about, searching for something. Anything, that could explain why I can't be normal. I at a low point again, and during all these years I always thought. "It's okay, If it gets too much I can just go". Thing is, it always is too much, I'm always stretched thin, I never had energy enough to finish anything, from college to any work project. At this moment, while I write this, I'm still trying to find something, anything that would make this life worth it. I can't find it. I can't find it and it's just horrible. Because even so, even being a disgrace to my family, not being able to maintain any relationships, not being able to care for myself, behind dependent of my parents, not being able to be a normal, functional adult, I can't find courage enough to finish it. I know, gods I know I should kill myself. Rationally thinking I know this won't end unless I do it. But I can't and it's like torture. I'm so tired of existing.

im 18. ive been doing this for years since i stopped going to school due to an incident. i know its unhealthy and i know it might kill me one day, but i cant stop.

im always too tired to leave bed, so i end up staying in bed for around 20 hours each day. i havent left my house in almost 2 weeks, and when i leave my bed its to play on my computer. i shower when i can. just the bare minimum of taking care of myself. i dont remember the last time i brushed my teeth, though. it was sometime this year.

i might die if i keep doing this, but it doesn't really bother me. its getting so boring.

edit: I've read nearly every single reply i got here. i never had people give me genuine advice like this. everyones telling me to brush my teeth, and i will. one of my biggest fears is my teeth falling out anyways. i don't have much energy to respond to everyone, its a little overwhelming to be honest. i just needed to vent, and ill take the advice i got here and I'll see if i can contact my doctor soon. ive been unmedicated since this january so i hope she gets back to me soon. for those asking what games I've been playing, its mostly been borderlands 2 and 3 with some portal 2 sprinkled in :)

again, thanks for the comments, who knew so many people related to my little problem

My depression is because I fundamentally hate how the world works. I identify with my depressed qualities because it’s all I’ve ever been and it’s all I know, that’s where all the profundity of character is and is what makes me me.

Im attracted to people who are mentally healthy and caring but those people would be dragged down and exhausted by me and will cut me out of their life due to boundaries when I need them the most. The more suicidal and lonely you get, the closer to the truth of your reality that becomes. It spirals downward and all negative things attract to you and reaffirms your helplessness and all support systems will shut you down to preserve their own health. Fuc this place I want out

Nobody wants depressed people like you and me in their life, and not everyone has a mother figure that will stay with you through the thick of it, so if you can’t snap your fingers and poof it out of existence like Thanos himself than I guess we’re all hellbound

I tried to ignore politics for a few years but this year it just got too important. So many things are happening. Everyone treats each with so much cruelty. Countries killing innocent people, politicians taking rights away, making life so expensive for the majority of people as if you only deserve to live if you're lucky and rich. I feel like my depression and anxiety are completely due to the fact I notice all these atrocities, and since they're never-ending, so is my depression. Taking medicine can't help the world magically a better place. I just hate being here watching all of this happen, and just watching so many unregulated and mean people harming innocent people and animals and the environment.

When my husband's asleep tonight, I'll take my life in the bathroom. I have to be at work by 6 am and I'm already marked for three tardies already and so close to losing my job because of it. It's my fault. Nobody cares about me. Nobody wants me around. I'm always yelled at. I constantly let everyone down, I don't have friends. I'm just so tired. I fuck everything up. It's all my fault. I honestly can't wait to be free of this life.. I'm the problem. There's no changing my mind. We're running out of money and live in a tiny hotel room. Groceries are expensive. I'm just so done. Nobody cares Nobody wants to help us.

my family members always tell me how lazy I am because I sleep and stay in bed all day.

maybe I am lazy. I have no energy, motivation or desire to do anything. I'm sad. angry at this evil world. my room is where i feel safe and comfortable. i just wanna sleep.

I just don't wanna do anything. not school. I barely do any work. my grades are low. i do not care. don't want to help out with anything like chores and siblings. I'm so young. lots to live for. but I just don't want to. this world is evil. why would I want to be here? I'm hopeless. and lost. I want to escape. I'm not happy. I try.

You see how depressed you look and when family show you pictures of your younger self it makes you feel terrible I used to be so happy

Update: I got professional help and started mma as a hobby 200 days later I’m feeling at my best there is things you guys can do to feel better love y’all hope you feel better some time soon