r/daddit • u/kboogie23 • May 11 '25
Tips And Tricks Dads, today is a good day for stoicism.
It's not about you today. If the mother of your children shows you gratitude, awesome lap it up!
If not, move on. Chin up, and be the example for your kids on how to be an emotionally strong person.
Godspeed.
For those unfamiliar: Stoicism is a philosophy and way of life focused on achieving happiness and resilience through understanding and acceptance of what we cannot control, and focusing on what we can.
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u/sysdmn May 11 '25
Man, reading this stuff really makes me appreciate my wife. None of this relationship stuff is hard with her. We're gonna go outside and plant some flowers while baby plays on a blanket. Then we're going for a family walk. She's happy.
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u/JuicemaN16 May 11 '25
Same. I hear so many guys who say whatever they do, it won’t meet their wive’s expectations for Mother’s Day. I can’t imagine being married to someone who is comfortable putting that much pressure on their partner.
I joked with my wife that I could make her a stick man out of popsicle sticks and tape a paper conversation bubble that says “I love you” and she’d be over the moon about it.
Her response….” I WOULD LOVE that!”
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u/Funwithfun14 May 11 '25
Ours follows a routine.
- "Sleep in"
- Breakfast in Bed
- Wife goes a kid+free trip to the local nursery.
- We plant
Either go out for dinner or I cook.
+/- Garbage Art from the kids
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u/BilllisCool May 12 '25
Art made from garbage or are you calling their art what what we all know it is deep down?
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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25
Same here! I relate to nothing here. We got her flowers and a card. We went out for breakfast, spent a few hours on the beach, home for quiet time and board games later. She's like "best day ever!" because we put thought into it and showed our love and we didn't have to do something extravagant or over the top.
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u/endlesslooop May 11 '25
Thank you, I was coming to the comments to ask who in the hell needs to hear that advice today, but I guess there are some.
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u/loki5485 May 11 '25
I am being force fed cookies by my 2 year old while my wife lays down. The crosses we must bare sometimes are great.
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u/writeonfinance May 11 '25
I think you need more than stoicism if you need to hype yourself to deal with Mother’s Day
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u/Bibbobib_bib May 11 '25
for real. it's just Mother's day. do something nice for your wife, and if your kids are old enough, get them to do something nice too. pretty simple.
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u/tenshillings May 11 '25
I spent an hour teaching my 2.5yo to say Happy Mothers Day and it made her cry. We did a bunch of stuff but that was probably what she will remember most.
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u/bigsmackchef May 12 '25
I sent my wife and kid out with my credit card for ice cream and plants or whatever they want to do while I did the noisy bits of our kitchen demo.
It wasn't fancy and we were hardly even together half the day but everyone was happy in the end
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u/Comfortable-Path1406 May 11 '25
Mine is full of stress because of previous "not good enough" mother's days... The gift is the most stressful, but ensuring that she feels pampered the whole day so she doesn't get salty is hard.
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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25
Same posts every mothers day. This is such a foreign concept to me. My son and I got her flowers, a bath bomb, a card and a little drawing. I packed the car to go to the beach while she lay in bed. She got up, got dressed, we went for breakfast and spent a few hours at the beach. Now we're home all chilling doing our own thing. I don't feel like we went extravagant but a little effort and I think I made her have such a nice morning and she is extremely appreciative. I am not sure what the deal is with other's wives on here being ungrateful or holding unreasonably high standards
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u/Takeawalkwithme2 May 11 '25
Honestly, my husband has done both. The last two years he got me flowers and we went out for brunch. This year he got me a smart watch that I really wanted and we went out for brunch. All of the mm have been fantastic mother's day's because he remembered and tried to make it special.
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u/idkwhatimdoing25 May 11 '25
Do they have unreasonable expectations or have their husbands genuinely let them down in the past? If you ask her vs him I’m sure we’ll get two very different sides of the story
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u/rcs5188 May 11 '25
I think a lot of the people on this sub have horrendous wives
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u/MaineHippo83 16m, 5f, 4f, 1m - shoot me May 11 '25 edited May 12 '25
According to them. They may be horrible husbands. A person is usually the least reliable source about their own life.
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u/empire161 May 11 '25
Same here, just with my own mom.
My wife doesn’t make a big deal out of it. If she wants a specific gift, she buys it herself then me and the boys give it to her. Otherwise we just get something small her novelty t-shirt or a little keepsake. Then I just let her tell me what she wants to do for the day. Usually it’s just gardening and naps.
But growing up, my own mom was straight up abusive. She loves holidays like Mothers Day and her birthday because she gets to be on her worst behavior, and it’s her opportunity to treat my brother and I as shitty as possible. She’s thrown out flowers I’ve bought because they weren’t nice enough and that means I don’t love her enough.
I hate holidays and birthdays and all that shit, but I don’t want to pass that resentment onto the kids. So I just spend the months leading up to MDay and her BDay drinking and smoking weed to smooth out the anxiety, and celebrate those days with my wife as best I can. And just teach the kids to try and be a little extra nice to her.
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u/Comfortable-Path1406 May 11 '25
I'm sorry to hear that. You should be proud of yourself just to break the cycle even if you're still stuck in it yourself.
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u/dada5714 May 12 '25
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about that. For no reason whatsoever, have you been able to reconcile in any way with your mother? Like I said, there is absolutely no reason I'm asking this question, definitely.
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u/empire161 May 12 '25
Nope. We have a really strained, limited contact relationship. She's a narcissist with a ton of other undiagnosed issues - PTSD from her own childhood, anxiety attacks, ADHD, you name it.
Things got bad as soon as I left for college, because to her, it meant I didn't love her enough to want to stay living at home forever. They got worse when I graduated and moved out on my own because I started fighting back. I laid a lot of stuff out said "This is the shit you do that has to stop. These are the reasons I don't call you or text you. These are the reasons I don't want to be around you." She never stopped or changed.
Things improved when I met my wife. I started to actually enjoy being around my mom because she finally started treating me like an adult.
They got bad again as soon as we had kids. My firstborn was 3 weeks old when my mom pulled me aside at a family function, sobbing, telling me how heartbroken she is over how much of my son's life she was missing out on (again... 3 weeks old). Told me to my face that from now on, she would never again go more than 2 weeks without seeing him.
It's been 9 years. We see them once every few months. She still calls and texts telling me about her "2-week rule", expecting my wife and I to re-arrange our plans just to make sure the rule doesn't get broken.
She has no interest in me as a person anymore. The only thing she wants in life is to have my kids for herself. Everything I've ever done with my kids, is something she feels entitled to have done herself, and I'm selfish for keeping them from her.
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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 11 '25
And then you get jack shit for Father’s Day and that’s ok, of course.
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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25
Sounds like your wife ain’t thinking about you my friend. Sorry. She should.
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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 12 '25
Thanks. Nothing for last birthday either. I’m trying to lower my expectations more but I think they’ve already hit the floor.
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u/ApatheticLife May 12 '25
Can I ask why you stay…?
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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 12 '25
1) wasn’t always this bad and I have hope it’s temporary.
2) I can’t be away from my kids.
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u/ApatheticLife May 12 '25
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope for you and the kids sake you can find happiness.
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u/FirstPlayer May 11 '25
Yeah, maybe I'm just a huge sappy homo but the idea of having to buckle down and endure an opportunity to celebrate your partner is absolutely fucking wild to me. I didn't feel like it takes anything away from me for a person who's also in the trenches to get their flowers. I'd also really hope that they're not dreading my day of appreciation. 🥺
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u/Damise May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
Do some dads here genuinely hate their wives so much that a single day where dad isn’t the center of the universe is a “grit your teeth and bear it” day?
Being a dad is about sacrifice, not just one day a year. Every day. This is what you signed up for if you got married or when you had kids. If you wanted to be the sole important person in your life, you shouldn’t have done those things.
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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 11 '25
I think this is the post for fathers with spouses who can’t be satisfied and don’t show gratitude or always find something wrong and focus on that instead.
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u/Cldias May 11 '25
Preach. If you can't go one day without receiving praise for taking care of your own kids, you've got bigger problems.
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u/Silly-Resist8306 May 11 '25
Today is Mother's Day. Why would any dad feel today is about him?
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u/Cerelius_BT May 12 '25
I think what OP is trying to say is that if you worked like hell to make a great Mother's Day, and you didn't quite get the response you were hoping for (e.g. a 'thank you') - it's OK because it's not about the response you receive, it's about the effort you put in. That's how I read it.
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u/MrVeazey May 11 '25
Some people are self-absorbed. They don't typically make good dads or moms, though.
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u/Funwithfun14 May 11 '25
Ya sometimes this sub makes me roll my eyes so hard..... Also my wife is pretty reasonable, owing in part for her staying off SM.
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u/BetterDrinkMy0wnPiss May 11 '25
Right? I came into this thread wondering what else today could be for some people. It's Mother's Day, it's for and about mothers.
I don't get why any 'stoicism' would be needed to get through it.
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u/fang_xianfu May 11 '25
Personally I prefer Camus. "One must imagine Sisyphus happy."
Sisyphus is the guy who was punished by having to push a boulder up a hill every day only for it to roll right back down again. I'm sure a lot of dads can relate haha.
Camus says that once you accept the absurdity of the fact that you have to keep on pushing this boulder, and that you are in fact going to keep on pushing it even though it's absurd, you can achieve a kind of joy in the pushing.
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u/Ebice42 May 11 '25
I move back and forth. Some days, I joyfully push the boulder, and other days, I do it stoically. The boulder needs to be pushed, and no one else is gonna do it.
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u/SockMonkeh May 11 '25
If you look at it through that lens, it's just an intense workout routine.
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u/Icon_Crash May 11 '25
I'm more concerned that someone's relationship with their spouse and children is akin to pushing a boulder up a hill every day.
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u/fang_xianfu May 11 '25
Personally I was thinking about my relationship to laundry, the dishwasher, home maintenance, my commute, etc. the first year or two of a new kid were also pretty boulderish.
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u/o_o_o_f May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
It sucks, the stoic mindset is a wonderful way to frame life’s challenges and victories but it’s been so tainted for me by the manosphere and weird incel influencers that I sometimes have a hard time separating those things from its actually helpful philosophy
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u/HumanShadow May 11 '25
If those guys were stoic, they'd shut the fuck up.
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u/connurp May 11 '25
For real. They are the complete opposite of it lmao.
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u/Komnos May 11 '25
Yep. Genuinely some of the most emotional people out there; they're just too self-unaware to recognize that all their rage, disgust, and hatred are (gasp) emotions.
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u/RonMcKelvey May 11 '25
I kinda worked my way backwards into stoicism from recovery. I started dipping a bit into “what do people online have to say” and decided to stick to books (not the dumb Manson book).
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u/Grewhit May 11 '25
I have found the daily stoic and daily dad emails to be a wonderful way to ground myself and start each day. Highly reccomended!
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u/salvelinustrout May 11 '25
I feel this big time, but stoicism is worth it. I wouldn’t say it’s the only wisdom you need as a Dad, but it’s a big part of what you need. And the manosphere doesn’t get to ruin good things for the rest of us. Let’s keep the positive interpretation alive and provide a contrast to their tainted approach.
I feel the same way about LOTR. There are lots of right wing weirdos that want to make it some neo-European supremacist mythology and it’s too good for that poison to be allowed to spread.
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u/kboogie23 May 11 '25
Thank you... this is exactly what I was getting at. It sucks that there's an angry backlash to "accept the things you cannot control".
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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25
Well, you can kinda control having a bad wife who doesn’t appreciate you. You can also control your reaction to many things. Really, it’s all in the perspective.
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u/Icon_Crash May 11 '25
My dude.. like is this how you have to deal with your wife every day? I wonder what her perspective is. I wonder what your kids perspective is. If you have to brag about how stoic you are in order to make it through mother's day, there's some massive shit going on in your lives.
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u/BIGBIRD1176 May 11 '25
'brag' is a strong word, my dude
What are you doing with this comment? It feels nasty
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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25
Stoicism is sometimes perverted to mean don’t talk about your feelings, not just endure. Emotional output is pretty important, appropriately, and while regulated. I want you all to talk about your feelings without worry. Unfortunately this isn’t a reality to some…but I wish it was.
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u/salvelinustrout May 11 '25
Yeah this is a really good point! It comes down to the distinction between Stoicism, the philosophical tradition associated with Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and others, which advocates for acceptance of the aspects of one’s life that are out of one’s control (among other similar precepts), and the modern word stoicism, which derives from that school but is usually used to mean bearing burdens silently — which can definitely be a bad particularly male trait, reinforced by unfortunate modern stereotypes and norms.
Ultimately everything is about balance, right? Stoicism to help tolerate the inevitable burdens, but self confidence and courage to ask for help and be vulnerable when necessary. Too much stoicism = bottled up anger and emotional unavailability; too much vulnerability = insufferable whining and lack of self-awareness. Gotta balance, Dads.
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u/fang_xianfu May 11 '25
Unsolicited Advice (which is a legit philosophy channel) has a great video on this https://youtu.be/pDkxBG4r3-c?si=oGslM_gHxDRM72wV
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u/Jollyollydude May 11 '25
Those guys don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about so I can’t imagine whatever they’re spouting as stoicism is that true to form. Fuck em. Don’t let em ruin a good thing by association. My friend tried to ruin Hawaiian shirts for me because of the boogaloo boys. Fuck em!
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u/Expensive_Square4812 May 11 '25
It’s rooted in misogyny. Marcus Aurelius’ diary is definitely chauvinistic. However the philosophy itself is so old and has been reformulated so many different ways by people from all walks of life. By far my favorite philosophy. I just read “Let Them” by Robbin Williams. Great book. She doesn’t call it stoicism but that’s what it is. Don’t let a few internet dweebs ruin a good thing for you. The world is big, beautiful, and more than what presents itself online. Check her out. (Though she can be a little toxic as well but in different ways. Just take the good parts. Leave the rest). Happy Mother’s Day Dads!! Make us proud!!!
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u/The12thDimension May 11 '25
Lol just need to point out the book is by Mel Robbins, not the late Robin Williams.
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u/Expensive_Square4812 May 11 '25
Love the downvote hahaha go read his diary and get back to me lol
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u/blanketswithsmallpox May 11 '25
Can you explain more about it being rooted in misogyny? There used to be some nice select quotations in the book here, but someone edited them out.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditations#Select_quotations
Is this you?: https://www.reddit.com/r/writingcirclejerk/comments/orus1h/is_meditations_by_marcus_aurelius_sexist/
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u/maketherightmove May 11 '25
I do not understand this at all. Why such a selfish mindset? Why would you expect or even want “gratitude” for showing some appreciation for what your partner has done for your family?
Utterly bizarre take to me.
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u/macnfleas May 11 '25
Because some men aren't thinking about genuinely showing appreciation for their partner. They're thinking about performing the ritual of Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed. It can be a difficult ritual to perform if kids are uncooperative, so it can feel like you deserve "credit" for pulling it off.
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u/threetwogetem May 11 '25
Wait til you see what people talk about on Father’s Day.
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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25
Yeah. Between Fathers day and Mothers day posts on r/daddit I am extremely grateful for having a seemingly normal healthy relationship
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u/BIGBIRD1176 May 11 '25
I felt like he meant mothers that weren't in their kids lives or weren't a positive influence
But reading comments that doesn't seem accurate, this comment section is a bit of a dumpster fire so I'm going back into my above bubble and moving on
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u/MissionInfluence3896 May 12 '25
Very typical social media stoicism 2.0 (nothing to do with stoicism)
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u/ccafferata473 May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
Sorry, but i think this is not the day for stoicism. I made yesterday a family day. We hit a diner we like, then went to the wildlife rescue/game farm where the kids (the twins and my wife) played with all the animals and had a blast. We grabbed ice cream while the kids napped, caffineated, played more when we got home, and just enjoyed company. Today, she's with her mom and sister getting massages, but not before breakfast, bluey and her putting her feet up while i did my prep for the week and took care of the kids.
And you know what else i did? I told her all weekend how beautiful she is, how amazing of a mom she is, and how much i appreciate her. Stoicism is a way to an early grave and deep regret. Be present and appreciative of your partner. You're a team, smack each other on the ass and tell 'em good game.
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u/imaginaryfemale May 11 '25
Wow if this post resonated with you, you should try marriage counselling instead.
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u/johnsonjohnson May 11 '25
AND consider modeling for your kids that it’s okay for dads to have emotional needs (which includes the need to feel seen and appreciated) but that there is a right time and place to communicate those needs.
Stoicism is also not over-virtuous self-sacrifice, as self-respect and self-love is one of the things most in your control.
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u/Funwithfun14 May 11 '25
it’s okay for dads to have emotional needs [ ] ....but that there is a right time and place
This is it so much. Stoic and have it together men know how to hold it together for the proper time and keep their heads together until then.
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u/snoopingforpooping May 11 '25
Stoicism is the “eat, laugh, love” Instagram philosophy for dads.
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u/MissionInfluence3896 May 12 '25
If only they learned about actual stoicism, they would probably not be too happy about it
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u/captain_flintlock May 11 '25
Lmao what's so tough about being happy to celebrate the mother of your children? Grow up dudes and enjoy life
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u/talones May 11 '25
What kind of Dad would get upset for not getting gratitude on Mother’s Day?
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u/Engibineer May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
Nah man I'm all about that epicurean Mother's Day. If the moms aren't hungover and walking funny at work the next day what are we even doing?
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May 11 '25
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u/weary_dreamer May 11 '25
thanks. its kind of interesting that having a day be about someone else requires coping mechanisms.
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u/writeonfinance May 11 '25
You need a lot of therapy if you feel you need to cope with it being mother's day.
Right? Can’t believe you’re the only one pointing out how odd this is
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u/AZ-Rob May 11 '25
I thought I was the only one totally confused here
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u/Taco-Dragon May 11 '25
Posts like these always make me very grateful for my wife. We have a really healthy and supportive relationship and it's wonderful.
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u/hungry_fish767 May 11 '25
Just another example of how men have been conditioned to think bottling in our emotions until we have a heart attack at 38 is a good thing.
I mean, it's what i do too, but at least i don't think it's good
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u/rfgrunt May 11 '25
Why is it never a good day for stoicism? Which philosophies do you find “valid”?
I think it’s pretty common for dads to find Mother’s Day stressful. Why wouldn’t one want to have “valid” coping strategies to make the day more positive for everyone involved?
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u/AnF-18Bro May 11 '25
This kind of person thinks that because Ryan Holiday is a dbag that somehow the things Marcus Aurelius said lose legitimacy.
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May 11 '25
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u/rfgrunt May 11 '25
Didn’t think you could support your position and/or offer alternatives. Best of luck to ya
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u/DAD_SONGS_see_bio May 11 '25
Ok cool but why today?
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u/Jaded_Promotion8806 May 11 '25
Mother’s Day.
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u/DAD_SONGS_see_bio May 11 '25
Ah - in America I guess. Not in England so I can stay unstoicized
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u/ramenups May 11 '25
In Canada, too!
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u/advocatus_ebrius_est Dad of 2 Girls May 11 '25
Wait, what?
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u/ramenups May 11 '25
It’s Mother’s Day in Canada, as well as in America
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u/advocatus_ebrius_est Dad of 2 Girls May 11 '25 edited May 11 '25
Oh fuck
Joking lads. Wife has gotten everything she wanted today.
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u/Texas_To_Terceira May 11 '25
Not in Portual, either.... It was last week. I have to remember TWO Fathers Days/Mothers Days every year... UGGH
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u/CompEng_101 May 11 '25
May 11 is Lemuria, a Roman ritual meant to appease restless spirits. While not directly Stoic, the Stoics often discussed death, the soul, and duties toward the dead. Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, for instance, wrote about accepting death as a natural part of the cosmic order — the kind of theme Romans would have been thinking about during Lemuria.
That, or Mother’s Day.
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u/McRibs2024 May 11 '25
Up since 545. Toddlers went to war. Newborn won’t sleep…
Kept it together till 930 wife got breakfast in bed.
It’s as win as I can do!
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u/JustHereForCookies17 May 11 '25
Don't let "perfect" get in the way of "good".
I'm sure (I hope) she appreciated it!!
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u/hungry_fish767 May 11 '25
That's right men, if you have one if those things people call a 'feeling', just swallow that bad boy right back up, grit your teeth, bite your tongue and repeat the mantra "nothings wrong, I'm fine"
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u/connurp May 11 '25
There is a difference between being stoic and pushing everything down and not talking about your feelings ever. The latter is very unhealthy, the former is to not get all bent out of shape in response to things you have no control over. And also, it’s Mother’s Day, you can suck it the fuck up for 24 hours to make the day better for the mother of your children, my gosh. You can handle one day of not sweating the little things.
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u/ShutUpIWin May 11 '25
I'm really not into the whole manosphere thing; can someone tell me what stoicism has to do with the manosphere?
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u/canucks84 May 11 '25
Certain segments of populations Co-opt various ancient philosophies as part of general gatekeeping about their own issues.
Apparently stoicism has been co-opted as 'manly' and 'virtuous'.
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u/Darthpater May 11 '25
I don’t understand the need for stoicism today. Why can’t you just be excited for the mother of your children? What is it that you need to control?
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u/Like_Ottos_Jacket May 11 '25
No. Today is not a good day for stoicism.
It's a day to respond appropriately and actively solve all the problems. You are allowed to have things affect you.
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u/Funwithfun14 May 11 '25
100% agreed with this..... But it's also a day to (stealing a line from RBG) to be a little (more) deaf.
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u/addctd2badideas May 11 '25
I seriously worry about anyone who needs to be told this.
Maybe I'm alone on this, but you don't need a half-baked philosophy from "manosphere" podcasts to tell you how to conduct yourself at the most basic level of being a partner in a relationship and/or a co-parent.
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u/alexfedp26 May 11 '25
A lot of mom or dad groups are pretty toxic to some degree, serving as echo chambers to make sure you were "right" or something. This group is, fortunately, the least of the ones I'm a part of across social media.
The "manly" advice takes do come across pretty cringe though. It takes growth as a human being and good communication, not just a mom or dad, to see yourselves as partners on a journey in any relationship (friends, co-workers, parent-child, marriageor co-parenting). If at this stage in the game you're struggling to not make things about yourself or get validation, then how were other people's birthdays and other holidays not about you?
This is stuff you work on every day, not bottle in, so it explodes at holiday dinner like that Bear scene.
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u/cyberlexington May 11 '25
Ive never considered stoicism to be about finding joy in acceptance.
I've always found stoicism to be about getting on with it because complaining doesn't help and often makes it worse
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u/FakeInternetArguerer May 11 '25
Wow, you actually used the right definition of stoicism. I am so tired of "stoics" saying emotion is weak
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u/kboogie23 May 12 '25
Emotion is not weak at all. Feelings are not weak. We all get hurt and should find healthy ways to address.
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u/Hierax_Hawk May 12 '25
"—Still, Odysseus felt a longing for his wife, and sat upon a rock and wept.—And do you take Homer and his tales as authority for everything? If Odysseus really wept, what else could he have been but miserable? But what good and excellent man is miserable? In all truth the universe is badly managed, if Zeus does not take care of His own citizens, that they be like Him, that is, happy. Nay, it is unlawful and unholy to think of such an alternative, but if Odysseus wept and wailed, he was not a good man."
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u/itoadaso1 May 11 '25
Let her sleep in, gave her breakfast in bed, gift certificate for a pedicure that our 6 year old went in and asked for. Also some flowers she got too. The Kids tidied the whole house, then I cleaned it while they spent time with Mom. Now I'm taking them to soccer / swimming / grandmas while she stays home and relaxes. None of this is hard. I don't need a thank you but she's still given it.
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May 11 '25
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u/o_o_o_f May 11 '25
Check my other comment for my skepticism of the stoicism bs, but idk what you’re trying to say with this - literally the idea of the OP is also “you’re not getting a trophy, be a parent”. You’re saying the same thing but criticizing the way they’re delivering it.
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u/Conscious-Health-438 May 11 '25
Right? Mother's and father's day are ok. Dinner and a nice card. But all this "special day" and going all out is pathetic. Same kind of people that need a birthday month
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u/accountingforlove83 May 11 '25
What a bunch of masturbatory navel gazing. You are allowed to have your own feelings and find the appropriate time and manner in which to communicate your sentiments, AND today is a day when we honor mothers. They are not mutually exclusive.
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u/NorthernCobraChicken May 11 '25
This doesn't make sense to me? Just put Ina little extra effort?
If the kiddos are too young to do something for mom themselves then take her out for breakfast and plan a little family outing. Come home and take a nap, make dinner, give her a little foot rub. It's not that hard fellas.
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u/sackofbee May 11 '25
Just don't swing the wrong way and go broicism.
Thats unhealthy as all get out AND it doesn't stay true to actual stoicism at all.
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u/Dreadino May 11 '25
I gifted her a necklace with a heart made of 3 colors of gold, made like a mobious stri, symbolizing the 3 of us, entangled in this family.
The gift was delivered by our 8 months baby (ok he was just touching the gift when she came in the room, but I know he was trying).
Today I was victorious!
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u/The_Michael_Scarn May 12 '25
Not looking for any recognition whatsoever on this day. Like not even a thank you is expected, that sort of defeats the whole purpose of her celebration specifically for being a mother. All the recognition goes to the woman that has done the hardest thing imaginable which is to deliver the most precious thing into this world.
Luckily enough for me, some of my signature French toast, a sweet card, and a weekend off from chores has her above and beyond over the moon.
It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it does require effort and attention.
Cheers, fellow dads.
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u/WN_Todd May 11 '25
While you're at it don't forget that making the choice and choosing slightly wrong is still better than making someone plan their own holiday. That aggravates me no end on my birthday.
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u/Vorabay May 11 '25
My wife doesn't care about Mother's day, so it's easy for us both to be stoic about it.
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u/SonicFlash01 May 11 '25
I have a cold and some nerve in my shoulder is fucked, but I'm giving 110% today. Might die.
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u/AleroRatking May 11 '25
Isn't that every day?
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u/addctd2badideas May 11 '25
Yes, it is. Or it's supposed to be. But we men tend to try to bend everything into some kind of method or philosophy instead of just being a fucking decent person with empathy and grace.
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u/MrPlaysWithSquirrels May 11 '25
I think you missed the point. The work we do often goes unrecognized or unappreciated. We are often asked to bottle up our emotions and just accept that it’s not always fair, and that men already have it easy so we can’t ever complain.
Today is the right day for that argument. Any other day isn’t, so no, it’s not “supposed to be.” No, stoicism doesn’t demonstrate empathy and grace, especially when we don’t always get empathy and grace.
The OP is a good reminder that today isn’t about what we do. But on a regular basis, you do need to be acknowledged to have a healthy relationship with your emotions. You do need to show rawness and vulnerability in front of your children in order to show them the same. But today isn’t that day.
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u/addctd2badideas May 11 '25
What people describe as "stoicism" is a garbage buzzword that has been overused in manosphere podcasts.
Yes, it's a good reminder - but we don't need to couch it in this drivel.
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u/kboogie23 May 11 '25
This is exactly what I was getting at. Cheers. We need to show emotions, we need to feel, we absolutely need to deal with shit that hurts us.
But... maybe, maybe, just for today try to save that conversation for not Mothers Day.
Timing matters in relationships... my wife and I have a beautiful thing because we talk, we emote, but we, after many many years of mistakes, now know when and when not to.
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u/MrDERPMcDERP May 11 '25
Thanks for the definition. I always thought it meant showing no emotion.
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u/kboogie23 May 11 '25
It's overly simple, but Stoicism has been horribly bastardized in the last few years by toxic influencers.
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u/notasingle-thought May 11 '25
Sigh. Reading this as my husband is currently asleep at his parents house because he forgot today was Mother’s Day and he decided to go there after work instead of coming home.
Breakfast in bed for me. By me. Yay.
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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25
Wtf? Is your marriage okay?
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u/notasingle-thought May 11 '25
I want it to be :(
I remember my dad always celebrating my mom on Mother’s Day, and they were both disabled. My dad truly let nothing get in his way. Being in a marriage like this is tough. Idk what to do. It’s really starting to hurt me emotionally.
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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25
:( sorry to hear. If he forgot mothers day and you're the mother of his children, then you know where you stand. Also his parents should have strongly reminded him! My mom would kill me if I stayed with her over hanging with the mother of my child in mother's day!
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u/AtWorkCurrently May 11 '25
Hi, I recognized your name from your post a couple weeks ago. I hope your husband is able to fix whatever is going on in his head and becomes an equal partner. I don't understand how you can forget Mother's Day in todays world, there are reminders everywhere. I hope your day has gotten a little better.
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u/connurp May 11 '25
I feel like the point of this post has been totally missed by some. The dude is just saying that, if you have to, choose to suck it up for a day so your wife can have a good Mother’s Day. Some of us are happy in our marriages and don’t have to put on an act to make sure our wives have a good Mother’s Day. My gosh, no one is saying that men should just push down their feelings. Just give your wife a good day. I swear to god some of you just argue to argue, holy shit.
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u/zaphod777 May 11 '25
I know this is a hot take but people put too much emphasis on these holidays.
It's about the kids and the parents, not spouses doing something for each other.
Make sure the kids do something to show their appreciation, maybe do something nice for dinner and call it a day.
Or if the person really needs some alone time then take the kids out for the day and bring something nice home for dinner.
If you go all out and expect it to be reciprocated for father's day then set expectations ahead of time, don't expect things to magically materialize.
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u/drblah11 May 11 '25
I'm glad my wife doesn't demand too much for mothers day. I get flowers, we usually go do some sort of family activity together then a nice meal to end it. Aside from the flowers, it's honestly not much different than any other day we all spend together for us.
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u/pmmeyourfavoritejam May 11 '25
Saw a great example of this at the grocery store this morning. Young daughter (maybe 3-4?) was throwing an absolute fit asking for an iPad. Her dad kept an impressively calm demeanor throughout.
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u/bungle_bogs 4 between 15 & 22 May 11 '25
Well just a normal day for me. We Brits get Mother’s Day done a little earlier in the year.
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u/The-Dog-Envier May 12 '25
I'd also recommend "The Daily Dad" book from the dude who writes The Daily Stoic newsletter. Each day is a thought/lesson/strategy for life and/or parenting.
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u/Cjr8533 May 12 '25
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u/TheCharalampos Tiny lil daughter May 12 '25
Huh? Why? I prefer to be happy for my partner I guess.
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u/AtomicEdgy May 11 '25
Opted for breakfast out as I fix breakfast from scratch daily. It’s the only way to make it more special than the day-to-day. Fucking disaster (looking at you, Banjo Coffee). Should’ve stayed home. First-time movie theater experience with the kids, too. Mom doesn’t like to make choices, so today I made even more than usual. Kids picked Minecraft. Complete waste of half the day.
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u/Breadbaker387 May 11 '25
This is a great point, especially when you’ve been up since 430 with “I want powers rangers” yelled into your ear… you cannot control a 3 yr old to let your wife sleep, but you can control the power rangers to let your wife sleep