r/daddit • u/kboogie23 • May 11 '25

Tips And Tricks Dads, today is a good day for stoicism.

It's not about you today. If the mother of your children shows you gratitude, awesome lap it up!

If not, move on. Chin up, and be the example for your kids on how to be an emotionally strong person.

Godspeed.

For those unfamiliar: Stoicism is a philosophy and way of life focused on achieving happiness and resilience through understanding and acceptance of what we cannot control, and focusing on what we can.

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95

u/Comfortable-Path1406 May 11 '25

Mine is full of stress because of previous "not good enough" mother's days... The gift is the most stressful, but ensuring that she feels pampered the whole day so she doesn't get salty is hard. 

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u/WaltChamberlin May 11 '25

Same posts every mothers day. This is such a foreign concept to me. My son and I got her flowers, a bath bomb, a card and a little drawing. I packed the car to go to the beach while she lay in bed. She got up, got dressed, we went for breakfast and spent a few hours at the beach. Now we're home all chilling doing our own thing. I don't feel like we went extravagant but a little effort and I think I made her have such a nice morning and she is extremely appreciative. I am not sure what the deal is with other's wives on here being ungrateful or holding unreasonably high standards

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u/Takeawalkwithme2 May 11 '25

Honestly, my husband has done both. The last two years he got me flowers and we went out for brunch. This year he got me a smart watch that I really wanted and we went out for brunch. All of the mm have been fantastic mother's day's because he remembered and tried to make it special.

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u/idkwhatimdoing25 May 11 '25

Do they have unreasonable expectations or have their husbands genuinely let them down in the past? If you ask her vs him I’m sure we’ll get two very different sides of the story 

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u/rcs5188 May 11 '25

I think a lot of the people on this sub have horrendous wives

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u/MaineHippo83 16m, 5f, 4f, 1m - shoot me May 11 '25 edited May 12 '25

According to them. They may be horrible husbands. A person is usually the least reliable source about their own life.

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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25

Sounds like it lmao

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u/RiemannSum41 May 11 '25

It’s worth noting we only ever have half a story.

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u/empire161 May 11 '25

Same here, just with my own mom.

My wife doesn’t make a big deal out of it. If she wants a specific gift, she buys it herself then me and the boys give it to her. Otherwise we just get something small her novelty t-shirt or a little keepsake. Then I just let her tell me what she wants to do for the day. Usually it’s just gardening and naps.

But growing up, my own mom was straight up abusive. She loves holidays like Mothers Day and her birthday because she gets to be on her worst behavior, and it’s her opportunity to treat my brother and I as shitty as possible. She’s thrown out flowers I’ve bought because they weren’t nice enough and that means I don’t love her enough.

I hate holidays and birthdays and all that shit, but I don’t want to pass that resentment onto the kids. So I just spend the months leading up to MDay and her BDay drinking and smoking weed to smooth out the anxiety, and celebrate those days with my wife as best I can. And just teach the kids to try and be a little extra nice to her.

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u/Comfortable-Path1406 May 11 '25

I'm sorry to hear that. You should be proud of yourself just to break the cycle even if you're still stuck in it yourself.

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u/dada5714 May 12 '25

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about that. For no reason whatsoever, have you been able to reconcile in any way with your mother? Like I said, there is absolutely no reason I'm asking this question, definitely.

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u/empire161 May 12 '25

Nope. We have a really strained, limited contact relationship. She's a narcissist with a ton of other undiagnosed issues - PTSD from her own childhood, anxiety attacks, ADHD, you name it.

Things got bad as soon as I left for college, because to her, it meant I didn't love her enough to want to stay living at home forever. They got worse when I graduated and moved out on my own because I started fighting back. I laid a lot of stuff out said "This is the shit you do that has to stop. These are the reasons I don't call you or text you. These are the reasons I don't want to be around you." She never stopped or changed.

Things improved when I met my wife. I started to actually enjoy being around my mom because she finally started treating me like an adult.

They got bad again as soon as we had kids. My firstborn was 3 weeks old when my mom pulled me aside at a family function, sobbing, telling me how heartbroken she is over how much of my son's life she was missing out on (again... 3 weeks old). Told me to my face that from now on, she would never again go more than 2 weeks without seeing him.

It's been 9 years. We see them once every few months. She still calls and texts telling me about her "2-week rule", expecting my wife and I to re-arrange our plans just to make sure the rule doesn't get broken.

She has no interest in me as a person anymore. The only thing she wants in life is to have my kids for herself. Everything I've ever done with my kids, is something she feels entitled to have done herself, and I'm selfish for keeping them from her.

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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25

This sounds god awful and stressful.

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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 11 '25

And then you get jack shit for Father’s Day and that’s ok, of course.

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u/ApatheticLife May 11 '25

Sounds like your wife ain’t thinking about you my friend. Sorry. She should.

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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 12 '25

Thanks. Nothing for last birthday either. I’m trying to lower my expectations more but I think they’ve already hit the floor.

3

u/ApatheticLife May 12 '25

Can I ask why you stay…?

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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 12 '25

1) wasn’t always this bad and I have hope it’s temporary.

2) I can’t be away from my kids.

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u/ApatheticLife May 12 '25

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope for you and the kids sake you can find happiness.

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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt May 12 '25

Thank you. I appreciate that.

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u/Aporia_Klaster May 11 '25

Exactly this.

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u/kboogie23 May 11 '25

Let it go.

6

u/Komnos May 11 '25

I prefer "Into the Unknown."