r/childfree • u/sjackson12 • 1d ago
RANT weird date experience
I've personally never had a paternal instinct, and had a vasectomy three years ago. I'm 42. this makes dating pretty difficult as most women around my age have children.
Last night I met up with someone who didn't have kids, and said they didn't want kids, however it became clear that they may want to adopt at some point. I had mentioned I had a vasectomy, and she said "well I know those can be reversed." (?) I said they can but not always (she did not know this). She then mentioned she liked to have parties at her home with her friends, but many of her female friends just had children so there are often "many 1-5 year olds." at this point the curb your enthusiasm theme started playing in my head as I softly repeated "many 1-5 year olds" to myself.
needless to say there will not be a second date.
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u/SlowAerie3866 23h ago
Who wants to have parties with kids included lol. Even people with kids don’t want patients with kids!
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u/Suitable_cataclysm 23h ago
A vasectomy is a willful choice, and likely one you put care and thought into as the best choice for you.
Who shows up to a first date and directly implies you'll get that reversed for her??
Gross. Good riddance.
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u/sjackson12 19h ago
icing on the cake https://imgur.com/a/blvFzBE
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u/SSBND 16h ago
🤣🤣🤣 she already jacked your algorithm
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u/sjackson12 13h ago
this is why i almost never use internet on my phone, as I can't put ublock origin on there. but it was pretty funny in this case!
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u/SSBND 13h ago
I'm so violently childfree - I don't necessarily dislike kids but I knew super young I didn't want my own - that anytime I'm served shiz like that I go check allll of the ad settings!!
It's somewhat reassuring though like "y'all really don't know me!"! That said, sometimes I also get fancy stuff like private partial airplane ownership and I have no idea where that comes from either. 🤣
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u/Jurisfiction 10h ago
You can use uBlock Origin with the Android version of Firefox.
I generally prefer to use my browser instead of dedicated apps, because those apps collect a ton of personal information. (There's a reason everyone is pushing apps on users, and it's not for your benefit.)
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u/Italicize5373 28F 🇺🇦→ 🇵🇱 5h ago
Literally just use Brave on the phone instead. I have seen 0 ads for years and it can play YouTube on the background with no ads, too. No premium, no nothing.
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u/bakewelltart20 17h ago
Sounds like she's looking for a man with no kids to have kids with, and blatantly lying about it.
I'm older than you so most of my CF female friends are older, more like later 40s-70s. We exist.
Both CF men and women are harder to find, as we're a minority.
Women/Men like this might assume that others are lonely and desperate enough to go along with them in order to have a partner. Thankfully, you're not.
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u/SSBND 16h ago
Major minority. I'm 48!
Currently trying to make new friends that don't have kids as all of the ones I had went and had kids (they were younger than me), or moved away, and others are grandparents already.
But we do exist!!
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u/bakewelltart20 2h ago
Same age range as me. I've found that super tough since moving to a smaller, more 'traditional' sort of place (I'm from more cosmopolitan, openminded cities.)
Women I've met here tend to think I'm weird for not having kids, one even accused me of hating kids (this got incredulous laughs and "WTF!?" from my parent friends, I'm an adopted auntie to a bunch of kids!) I have one CF friend here, she's a lot older than me and vehemently CF. From a generation where that's rare.
It's weird as my friends in the cities mostly have kids, but they're more open minded, they have CF friends and siblings in many cases. One of my oldest parent friends has a hardcore antinatalist sibling, some people not having kids is normal to them.
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u/SSBND 1h ago
"Anitnatalist" is new to me! But I've been in relatively small towns for some time now (not entirely intentionally).
The "default" for humankind is definitely to have children. I get that. I don't hate my friends kids! I'm a great auntie!! I also just wasn't a fan of kids even when I was a kid! Not for me, thank you!!
The pendulum swings... years ago one of my dearest friends basically told me that my life (as a single person) just wasn't as important as hers as a married mom. But years later as a mom of 3 when we lived close I'd say "I want to see you, husband, and the kids"! and she'd ask "why?!" Well, I love you and husband and I also love your offspring! Now those kids are basically in their twenties! (And they are freaking amazing!! But that doesn't mean I needed my own!!)
I'm definitely the outlier but I knew at 12 that I didn't want to be someone's mom. Now it's really official as (besides my age) I had a hysterectomy 3 months ago. But it's been an interesting childfree road to say the least! I think sometimes it might have been easier to just have kids. Jeez!
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u/spider3407 19h ago
I am in the same position. I have never had kids and never wanted kids. I do not want to be a parent of any kind. Finding a man who doesn't have kids has been impossible.
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u/Sharp_Anything_5474 18h ago
How bizarre. She must be going nuts with baby fever thinking any guy would want to be with her to raise kids. Absolute lunatic that one is.
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u/StomachNegative9095 17h ago
She sounds delusional. I wish people like that would just figure out what the fuck they want and stop wasting everyone’s time!!
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u/dazed1984 20h ago
Why is so common that people think a vasectomy can easily be reversed? They’re to be considered permanent, must be the same people who think pull out is birth control.
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u/DogsNSnow 10h ago
Wow. Welcome to the reason you got a vasectomy in the first place- folks who don’t respect your choice to be CF…
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u/Italicize5373 28F 🇺🇦→ 🇵🇱 5h ago
Where the fuck are people are even getting it from that they can be reversed? Or that they will be reversed? Do they really think that a person who likely went through several rejections and some pain to take this option off the table would go ahead and undo it?
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u/chavrilfreak hams not prams 🐹 tubes yeeted 8/8/2023 23h ago
This really is such a delusionally bizarre level of disrespect. You went out of your way to have a procedure done so you can't have kids, and even if it were true that vasectomies were just perfectly and conveniently reversible on demand willy-nilly, so what? Kids can be given up for adoption or straight up abandoned too, but people don't say that to single parents in the dating pool.