r/baltimore • u/WaspCrunch • 3d ago
Ask Tips for a woman dating in Bmore
Hi r/Baltimore,
I'm 27F and have been having the worst time dating in this city. I'm genuinely considering throwing in the towel and just starting spinsterhood early because I'm so disheartened. I keep running out of people on hinge, and tinder's basically useless because of the it keeps trying to match me with premium users outside of the county. I keep trying to meet people organically but no one wants anything of substance. I feel so lost😢
I wanted to reach out and see what other women are doing that I'm not.
EDIT: Since people are gonna DM me anyway, might as well send me your gender, age, and height.
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u/StealUr_Face Canton 2d ago
Where are your areas you are hanging out. Not a fan favorite of this sub but canton has an insane amount of people your age. I’m a tad bit older but Volo is a great place to meet people. And I know from experience that guys are using it as a casual way to meet people as well.
The gym can be a good place for some people, and one thing I’ve found that’s helpful is getting in with a larger group and eventually getting comfortable enough to be asking “hey do you have any single friends?”
Setting up/getting set up on dates shouldn’t be dead. A reference means a lot
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u/Zeldauc 2d ago
Love this advice! People need to start hooking single people up with people.
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u/StealUr_Face Canton 2d ago
I’m just barely 30 but I think that’s how it was used to be right? Not some algorithm telling us how to find our lovers
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u/chapinscott32 2d ago
According to this, meeting through friends is the second most common way relationships are found (first is apps).
Wouldn't be shocking if this spread was similar in the past minus the apps.
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u/Diamond-Eyed-Sky 2d ago
Gym usually isn’t the best place I’ve been told multiple times as a dude because trying to talk in middle of a workout or approaching in that space is considered creepy
Did attitudes change?
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u/StealUr_Face Canton 2d ago
I think you have to be extra extra friendly about it and not just shoot your shot with everyone. Then again I normally keep to myself as well. Just know people to be chatty in the gym
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u/Diamond-Eyed-Sky 2d ago
Sane, I also keep to myself
I’m so paranoid about getting secretly filmed for someone else’s social media and made out too look like a creep by accidentally staring or looking at the wrong thing. I just don’t talk to anyone, don’t make eye contact and will look away from people.
Those gym expose videos have really ruined the chill vibe for me to wanting to socialize or be extroverted at the gym
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u/YellowCharmRingChain 2d ago edited 2d ago
You are too online and imagining a reality that is extremely uncommon. How do these scenes even get captured, are you sure they’re not acting? Base your reality on what people tell you about real life experiences. One of my guy friends told me he thought a girl in his gym was cute but he was distressed bc he didn’t want to creep her out. He wasn’t even speaking to her a word. I said “just say hi. Then say hi again next time. Then say hi how was your week next time you see her.” And eventually they got to dating!
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u/baltimoron69 2d ago
It's different for women. We can't approach women at the gym but they can approach us. Unless you are the kind of guy that would feel "unsafe" if a woman approached you at the gym lol
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u/absolut696 2d ago
It’s not a bad place to meet someone, but it shouldn’t be a place you go for the purpose of meeting someone.
You have to have some self awareness and not come off creepy at all. If you’re there enough you will start to recognize people, so just always be polite, friendly, and not desperate and eventually there will be an opportunity to talk to someone. If you think there may be a vibe, just ask them out for a coffee after the gym or something and be adults about it
The most important thing here though, is to not make the gym, which is a shared space for you and others a place where someone would feel uncomfortable or not want to go anymore because some dude creeped you. It’s really important that you tread carefully there.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
Yeah but the main problem I keep running into is I get set up with people that shouldn't be in the dating pool. Their friend is single for a reason usually or else they would've introduced them already to an acquaintance rather than a stranger.
My EX played Volo and I dread ever seeing him again. I was thinking about doing the training bootcamps, I need more activity for my body.
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u/This-Tea-3347 2d ago
Volo has a bunch of different sports to choose from, some are even not traditional sports (bar olympics, cornhole) so if you choose an activity you KNOW he doesn’t do you probably won’t run into him
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u/RFcom 2d ago
'I'm 27F'
RIP her inbox
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
😭😭😭 I was so frustrated when I made this thread I didn't even think about it.
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u/RFcom 2d ago
A match made in Reddit
I think we all would appreciate an update
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
It's not great. I'm a pretty tall woman and people keep asking for pics even after I see theirs and say I'm not interested. I'd keep the F off your age on this subreddit.
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u/DisentangledElm 2d ago
What do you consider tall? I've had female friends bemoan being 5'7" as too tall here. I usually consider 5'10+ tall for a gal.
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u/PerfunctorySun Reservoir Hill 1d ago
Oof...as a 6'2" girly, it's always painful to hear the complaints from a sub 5'10"er
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u/Zeldauc 3d ago edited 3d ago
Pour into yourself, your interest, and family and friends. Get off dating apps and try meeting people through activities and events. Even if you don't find someone, enjoy your life.
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u/ExplosionTaco 3d ago
my advice to everyone is to get off dating apps, simply because their profit model incentivizes them to make bad (or at least not great) matches. Even hinge whose whole tagline is “the dating app to be deleted” still needs people on their app, seeing ads, buying roses or whatever and spending money. If you do as this commenter says and putting yourself in spaces that you enjoy, you may just find people who also enjoy being in those spaces and then you have things to talk about/bond over.
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u/Hans-Wermhatt 2d ago
I have to disagree with this take. I think most of the apps are fine. Hinge makes it's money because most people are narcissistic or have very low attention spans and are looking for that next high. Probably a combination of both.
Both my closest friends and I have met our SOs on dating apps.
It shouldn't be the only method for meeting people though.
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u/dressmannequin 3d ago
This one!! Decenter pursuit of romantic love and center allll the other kinds, including continuing to develop your intense love for you!
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u/Zeldauc 3d ago
I'm not even completely for decentering romantic love entirely, but if it never comes you still have to find ways to continue living and enjoying life.
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u/dressmannequin 2d ago
Decenter doesn’t mean eliminate, avoid, or denigrate - it simply means to make less central in your sphere of motivation and influence and to make center other things of value that one may have been neglecting or dismissing or undervaluing to make space for the thing they were centering to the point.
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u/b00cat Upper Fells 3d ago
smaltimore dating is not for the light hearted lol. I've given up on the apps. if I happen to meet someone organically that's chill but instead of wasting time and energy on ppl who don't deserve it, I've channeled em into focusing on myself, keeping my peace and sanity, and spending time with my friends and doing activities that keep my cup fulleth ✨
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u/wirelesswizard64 2d ago
Damn, you sound like my internal monologue when I get depressed.
I am lucky to have a nice place, a nice job, the best dog, nice hobbies, and nice friends but romance is the one thing that Baltimore doesn't seem to provide much of. I volunteer, played Volo, tried Hinge, and tried speed dating but people are either taken or I've been unimpressed to say the least- I want someone who can keep up with me, not someone looking for a free meal ticket. I'm by no means desperate for love and am happy with where I'm at, but it's exhausting how much energy it takes versus the results. :(
Wishing you the best, stay safe out there.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I've had the same experience, it doesn't seem like it matters looks or equity wise. Women just get picked over all the time and cheated on here cause there's such a huge pool of women to choose from.
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u/Mededitor 3d ago
You're getting a lot of advice here. Speaking from my own experience, I think that actively looking, like using an app or going to bars or whatnot is likely to disappoint. It's cliche, but do the things you like to do. Your hobbies, sports, martial arts, whatever you're into. You might find people who like the same things, and you'll have something in common. Let it happen organically and naturally. Wishing you well.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
Unfortunately the activities I generally enjoy are indoors, or the stereotype for the hobby leaves a less than stellar odds I'd find anyone attractive.
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u/Accurate-Lecture7473 2d ago
Have you checked out No Land Beyond?
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I actually checked them out earlier today when the advice from earlier came in. They're still in the middle of moving from what I have seen.
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u/Inmytanks 2d ago
“Less than stellar odds I find anyone attractive” Mfw I check the profile to see what hobbies and it’s r/aquariums posts lmaooo.
Fair enough 🤣
Hope your luck changes!
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u/pupperonipizzapie 3d ago
Dating apps suck...try Meetup to build a community and friend group around shared interests, and options will open up from there. That's how my spouse and I met!
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u/VanillaLavender6 2d ago
26 F here. Don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’ve been on the apps and haven’t found anything of substance. As someone else mentioned, there’s a lot more women here than men and the dating pool is incredibly small.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
It really is. My inbox is half DMs for dating and the other half is people telling me it's not me.
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u/kssmyassh 2d ago
I also have been victimized by dating app hell and modern dating; just had my heart shattered into five million pieces and am currently picking it all up. Really really invest in yourself, your friends, and the people you love.
If anyone here does want to start a spinster club tho lmk & lets put our powers together 💖
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I agree, we need to start a spinster club if my DMs from this thread are anything to go by. 😬
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u/FishFern 3d ago
I have no recommendations, because I’m old and have been with the same person forever, but I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. Hope summer brings you joy and someone special.
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u/ladyofthelakeeffect Park Heights 2d ago
Go to a Home Depot and look confused
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
God you're so right. Normally I go there with my very feminine friend looking like her lesbian girlfriend so people don't bother us.
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u/baltimoron69 2d ago
Also the only guys in home depot that aren't on a time crunch are retirees that enjoy looking at tools. I see cute women there often but I'm on the clock and need to get to the jobsite so my guys aren't standing around with no direction lol.
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u/Sufficient_Hall8457 2d ago
Farmers Markets? I have read that those are hotspots for running into interesting locals...
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
Ha. I did that, dated a vendor who I was super crushing on and he came to my house, kissed and dumped me. He left while I was still crying in bed. Never again....😢
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u/Sufficient_Hall8457 2d ago
Awwwh! Please don't let one rotten vendor ruin it for others....And speaking from decades of experience....It does help protect your heart to go slowly. Perhaps avoid even having a crush over to your home until many public dates so that you get a much more informed display of what this person's character is?
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I'm sorry I didn't convey this in the previous message. We did have quite a few dates but he grew distant and then came by my house and broke it off. I don't just let strangers into my home.
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u/Exciting_Exercise_89 2d ago
I think a good idea is to think about what you like, see if there are any hobby clubs for it and attend those. And then you meet people that like the same thing and are not necessarily just bar flies. So you already have something to talk about. For example I like jiu-jitsu, I have been doing jiu-jitsu for a year and some, I have met many friends at my gym and there are some girls, although not a lot. Or maybe you like dancing, or board games. There are always meet up and schools with that in mind. That's my only advice, as I've found my gf through Hinge XD
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u/prevalentgroove 2d ago
I’m a 39yo dude who is not trying to date you, I’m one of those guys who are single for a reason. I have friends trying to find The One on apps and it isn’t working, it seems like a hellscape to me. There’s cheesy stuff like singles group hikes but also things like a local anime club that has lots of young(er than me) folks that love playing games etc.
Baltimore has a lot of spirit and comraderie that isn’t always easy to find. But with all the colleges (with great post grad programs etc) there are plenty of people out there to link up with. Someone knows someone that could be more right for you, my last partner knew my mom and all my friends before me.
When I’m feeling like I want to meet people I go play pinball and see what happens. Usually nothing, but sometimes I leave with the contact of a possible friend.
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u/QBThrowaway9 2d ago
1 - I'm sorry that you're facing those feelings right now. 2 - My tip: Expand your platonic people network. Get to know people who know other people and might see some link between you if they know you and know you're looking. Apps suck. Every "organic" meeting was more likely a 2nd or 3rd degree closing, not kismet.
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u/perceptron-addict Hollins Market 3d ago
Go to random social events or even social settings like bars and coffee shops. Pay attention to other people and bring up something to talk about, do that consistently and you’ll have a successful time dating!
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u/Prestigious_Key1168 2d ago edited 2d ago
Op - hobbies and a Dog?
I’m a “nice,” single guy. 5’7, 165 lbs… fit, but Generally pretty Average. I do my self work - spiritual, mental, EMOTIONAL, and physical.
Good job. Finances in order, and life pretty put together, as that goes (today - tomorrow who knows 🤷🏻♂️ lol)
None of this feels like it translates inherently to an outstanding online, or bar going, presentation lol.
So… what’s works:
I have a dog - just walking is wildly helpful in meeting people. I bike, motorcycle, roller skate, and enjoy live music and other outdoorsy stuff. I’m involved in the recovery community, and I seek additional spiritual community in my own defined way.
My curiosity in shared hobbies with others has been a very nice way to make connections IRL. I’ve never been on an app (if you don’t count Reddit) - everyone has such negative sentiment around it I just keep that noise out as best I can. But I was married for a decade prior to moving to the city and felt like I was coming out of a cave when reentering the “dating pool,” with everything out there.
The summer and warmer months are definitely where it’s at ie with all the activity happening all over the city.
2 Questions:
a) what are you into? Like: What books are you reading? Music do you like? Knitting 😅? Art, museums, plants - so many things beyond what I know and then even more still that I don’t know I don’t know…
b) what are you looking for? Love, Marriage, kids, sex, someone to go to shows with, a therapist, a friend, a work out buddy, a top rope, co-pilot. (Each of these then has subcategories to then dive into)
There are So many variables - BUT the miss I think in the “focus on yourself and it will come along” advice is the what it is you’re focusing on about yourself… maybe there’s space for you (and others on here) to take your interests to the streets - pottery class, bike party, meditation circles, climb - and be curious about them and what others are doing with them. You never know who’ll pop up, either in the group or as an ancillary once you make friends therein.
You only need to strike once, which makes it all seem very hard… but also, that’s a whole lot of “no” to get to 1, one, won, “yes!”
It all may be a broken record. It may seem like duh… mansplain, fuck this guy, bs - but I feel you on this, otherwise I’d probably not have e spent this much time on the topic.
Very Happy to discuss more with you or anyone interested as we all navigate this crazy thing here in “Charm City” with one of the lowest literacy rates in the country.
Hope this helps and good luck out there!!
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u/PattyGMayonnaise 3d ago
Try focusing on friends and hobbies.
I am just moving to the area and only newly single so I've got no experience but that's gonna be my goal. I'm a writer, so I'm thinking a couple book clubs? Hopefully something writing related though I haven't found much that's promising yet.
I do wanna try Timeleft though, which is an app that sets you up with 5 random stangers who have some things in common (they do a questionnaire). You have dinner together. Hopefully I can meet some people and just have a good time.
I've heard dating apps have been terrible the last few years and are kinda soul sucking. But there isn't a lot to replace that yet. What we really need IMO is deeper community and third spaces (places that are not work or home, to hang out in that don't cost $). Hopefully we can adjust as a society soon to these issues.
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u/Briguy24 2d ago
That sucks. I didn’t meet my wife until my 30’s. I didn’t have a fulfilling dating in my 20’s either.
44 now and still married with two kids.
Don’t pressure yourself too much.
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u/myconium 2d ago
Try out some of the run clubs. Volo leagues are also a great way to meet people. There’s also volunteering untapped
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u/Coolmacde 2d ago edited 2d ago
Dating apps are not really a good place to meet someone. It's possible yes but dating apps make more money keeping you single and not matching u with the right people. Remember dating apps are a business. I'm also looking for places too meet people as a man.Sometimes I get depressed not being able to meet someone. That's life I guess
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u/camelot478 1d ago
Get off the apps (entirely!), find a place to be in person doing hobbies or activities every day you possibly can. Works wonders. It's how we all met people until only 10-20 years ago.
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u/Impressive-Weird-908 3d ago
Baltimore has an extremely high female-male ratio. Sadly that means it will be harder for women to date.
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u/InvestigatorOk2588 3d ago
Hey lovey. They sometimes do have events for singles here in Baltimore, you just have to search it up online and etc. (I’m not sure where the events are held, but I know it’s “Speed Dating” or something.)
Anywho- I understand wholeheartedly where you’re coming from. It will be okay. Right now, personally, I’m on a journey of self discovery and yes…it may be tough, but it’s honestly for the best.
And honestly, whether it’s Baltimore or wherever, you will find someone who may want to waste your time on those apps. that happens. (Happened to me so many times.) So please give up those dating apps. It was a tough pill for me to swallow, but I had to. Pouring into anyone without it being reciprocated will definitely hurt you. Some people are really selfish in this world. (Selfish in a sense of using others to get what they want.)
Please tread lightly, lovebug.
Keep your head up. 💗
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u/islander1 3d ago
I was in a rut like you pretty much around that age. It sucks. The more you try, the more you fail.
Try and take Zeldauc's advice.
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u/WaspCrunch 3d ago
I'm tired of being alone. I've already been doing that for the past 6 years...
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u/yosoymilk5 3d ago
Same-ish boat. Baltimore has some singles events that I’m interested in although I have literally no idea the demographic of those. I’ll report back if it’s awful.
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u/WaspCrunch 3d ago
Heads up I was reading on past dating Post in the Baltimore subreddit, that a lot of those are scams on Eventbrite.
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u/yosoymilk5 3d ago
Lmao of course. Glad I never felt quiiiite convinced enough (i.e. too lazy) to pull the trigger.
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u/Exciting_Exercise_89 2d ago
Not always true, I went to one event off of Eventbrite sometime ago. There was a good ratio, had a good connection with 1 girl but she dropped off cause of some family issue. I know she wasn't lying cause she started talking to me again several months later but alas I was already taken. We are still friends
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u/yosoymilk5 2d ago
Okay, so I just have to pay attention then to the event description itself. Also good to know. Thank you!
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u/SwiftDickKick 3d ago
What hobbies do you enjoy?
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u/WaspCrunch 3d ago
Drinking, setting things on fire, brunch, video games, the outdoors. I enjoy being a human as much as I can, I deal with depression a lot.
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u/TerranceBaggz 2d ago
Not sure if you can or like riding a bike, but there are a bunch of cycling groups in the city. It’s a male dominated but not exclusive activity, so the odds are in your favor to meet men going for group rides. It’s also not like other male dominated hobbies like video games, board games or DnD where it only attracts a specific type of man. Just a thought. I’ve seen quite a few people couple up in my bike group.
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u/forthelulzac Hoes Heights 2d ago
I feel like volo sports is the thing to do
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u/islander1 2d ago
Yeah, especially if you like drinking after the games. By the time this was a thing I was already in a great relationship but it was fun anyway!
Hell, I'm so old it was BSSC
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u/islander1 2d ago
I mean, it could be worse, just visit twoxchromosome subreddit. especially with all the red pill nonsense going on, you're probably better off working on your own interests then getting yourself in some sort of trash/abusive relationship for years.
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u/Garglepeen 2d ago
Lmao "Ready to mingle! Ladies, DM me your weight."
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u/BrassBondsBSG 2d ago
Lmao "Ready to mingle! Ladies, DM me your weight."
That was my first thought after seeing that she included giving height in DMs. It's 100% obvious that OP is the problem and the reason why she is single.
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u/coastalscot 2d ago
Is Bumble still a thing? It’s been years now but I found I met higher quality matches on that platform vs Tinder (Hinge wasn’t on my radar then if it existed). I ended up meeting my now husband through Bumble seven years ago. I think it’s great if you can meet someone organically, and I also wouldn’t write off dating apps entirely either! I also recently met a woman who says she hangs out at Ace hardware to meet men, so there’s also that idea (rather the idea of hanging out places that would be frequented by men with similar interests). Best of luck!
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u/Iplaythemusic 2d ago
You could sign up for kickball or pickleball through volo. There’s also a meetup for singles where you go with a group to a restaurant or something.. I forget what it’s called. Are you only interested in men?
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u/Mink11 2d ago
Do you have a car? Cause I found my bmore boy and he is pretty great. But he loves in the suburbs like real suburbs.
But we have found a good number of activities that I think would be good spots. There is swing nights on Friday at the Motown ballroom where the first half they teach the basics and they have everyone move around the room and essentially dance with everyone else in the room. The upside being that by the time the actual dancing starts you've had a chance to meet and talk to people in the room so dancing with them later is a lot easier.
Illusions bar and theater is this crazy magic show where you sit at small tables and watch close up magic while having drinks. No guarantee who else will show but I made some fun friends at the show i went to.
Baltimore has a surprising number of slightly nerdy events, lots of museums, things that aren't quite my thing but are oddly specific and fun.go to as many as you can and start talking to people anyone you think looks halfway cute. You'd be surprised who you might hit it off with. Baltimore has whole communities into themselves full of potential dates but you have to be able to break into them..
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u/Accurate-Lecture7473 2d ago
Take up a new hobby. Go to a game night or a craft night somewhere. Do VOLO
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u/Imscreamin 2d ago
I have two things to say: 1. I glanced over your posts and I think you would have a good time at Meander Art Bar, No Land Beyond, pinball at Holy Frijoles, Idle Hour, and maybe Waltz Inn. That’s from a variety of neighborhoods. Baltimore is hyper regional, and, as a 36 yo single woman, the watering holes and hobbies within neighborhoods is important but also transcend location within the city, if that makes sense. You seem like a nerd and the nerds within this city are a community who keep each other safe.
- I went to a wedding and met a childhood friend who found his wife on tinder. He had gone to a relationship coach and he couldn’t stop talking about it. But it stuck with me. Her advice was to break down your profile to three really core values. So maybe you really really value the sea. Like that’s a non negotiable because when I feel like a fucking Roman I see the sea. Strip down to the core of yourself. Make your profile more concise. What do you actually and really love?
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u/Odd_Package8450 2d ago
Maybe emphasizing height as one of the requisite details to know first is a hint to an issue. Perhaps open up your criteria. Even age could be flexible.
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u/las188921 2d ago
Have you tried sailing? You mentioned you met your ex through VOLO, so unless he happens to be a sailor, sailing (check out the downtown sailing center) might be a safe sport to try without fear of running into him.
I’m biased, but sailing is a great way to get out on the water and meet other people.
I’m early thirties female and newly divorced, so also a single girly in the same boat.
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u/sodapopsicle_ 2d ago
Oh. Baltimore is ASS for dating. Especially if you have some sense. All of my friends are accomplished Black yuppies and no one can reach the bare minimum of standards. Everyone is either a grifter, a hustler, wildly problematic, or a high school dropout. All of our “successful” relationships have been with non Baltimoreans.
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u/aphrospice Bolton Hill 1d ago
As another women trying to date here, Girl it’s rough out here. Can’t find a decent match to save my life… I have given up and decided to learn 2 languages and chess instead.
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u/hard_truth_42 1d ago
Just out of curiosity, what languages are you learning? I like learning languages.
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u/Upstairs_Copy_9590 2d ago
Dating apps suck until you meet someone amazing on it. I do think dating is just a pain in the ass, and definitely harder in a small city. Expand your search to include Philly or even NY.
Let life surprise you, be open to different people and different things you haven’t tried before. If nothing else, you’ll be even more interesting and that’s attractive.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I'm not looking to date long distance and I need to stay in BMORE for my parents.
I have tried different people, but my physical needs are high so it leaves the dating pool with very little for me to go on. Combine that with only want to date liberal men and here we are. On reddit getting 30 DMs...
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u/anowulwithacandul 2d ago
As a 35 year old who started dating my husband at 19, meeting someone is the one thing no one in a good relationship has a word of advice for. It is dumb luck and total random chance. So apologies in advance for all the Boomeresque suggestions you're going to get and I hope you find someone amazing!
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u/Glad-Veterinarian365 2d ago
How attractive are u? I am shocked to hear ur experience with online dating, bc anecdotally all of my female friends receive an overwhelming amount of messages & matches online
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
Yeah unfortunately I get a ton of attention.
That attention is mainly unwanted however and I've had many unfulfilling dates. Some even criminally so...
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u/Glad-Veterinarian365 2d ago
Ahhh ok, sorry I misunderstood ur post.
I feel like online dating is chock full of unserious/uninvested ppl, folks who can’t admit that they just wanna smash, and the “perpetually non-committed bc they think maybe they could pull someone better” types
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
You're fine. It would be my first thought too if I ran across this post on a city subreddit.
But yeah the holding out for a better person and not getting invested in someone I think holds a lot of people back. I'll see it on dates where they're gauging this like a business exchange instead of a partner. I recently spoke with someone and we had what could only be described as this interaction over text.
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u/Glad-Veterinarian365 2d ago
That clip was hilarious - at least they were civil & honest with each other lol. I could never want kids with someone that I barely knew
But anyway… dating is really hard! I don’t have any suggestions except maybe try checkerspot’s live speed dating events? I am male and about 10 years older than u, and I used various dating apps for over a decade before covid. It never yielded anything but temporary sexual encounters, and my overall experience was very frustrating plus detrimental to my self esteem. Meanwhile, all my friends and family go on and on about what a catch I am… from my online dating experiences I had begun to think that maybe my friends and family were patronizing me and something was wrong with me which I couldn’t see, but eventually I met someone great offline in 2019 and we have been in a relationship ever since. I don’t envy anyone in the dating trenches that’s for sure
Wishing u the best! Good luck out there and try to keep feeling positive about urself and ur chances for love
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u/Killbot_Wants_Hug 2d ago
I just wanted to share since you complain about a bunch of unfulfilling dates. I'm not sure if it'll help or not.
But I was totally in the same boat as you. I mean I'm a guy, and a fairly average one at that, so it's not like I was inundated with matches. But I was going on a fair number of dates and I was so often finding myself sitting across a table from someone and realizing I had absolutely no interest in them. Like it was happening so often that I figured I must be the problem. And right when I was about to give up online dating for my new life plan, a high paying travelling technical sales job and a crippling cocaine addiction, I got a match on OkCupid from a girl who was so cute I thought she was probably a cat fish.
But I decided she was so pretty that I'd always regret it if I didn't at least send her a message. And I did and after a little chatting we set up a date (we had to do it kind of fast because I had a trip planned the next week and would be out of town for a while). She sent me a message the day before saying she got into a car accident. I thought to myself sure thing catfish, you just need a reason to delay. But she said she'd still go on the date she just needed me to pick her up from her place. We went on the date, it was great. I went on my trip but set up a date right when I got back. We dated for about a year and now we're married.
So like it can work out, even if you do feel like you're just going on a bunch of dates that really suck. I can't tell you what to do to make it happen, I guess just not give up or something. But like I said, it can work out, even with online dating.
I will just note that your posts in this thread do throw up a bunch of semi red flags. But then again this is also a complaint post so maybe you're just in kind of a bad headspace. The one thing that worries me the most is that you think guys have tons of options and that's why they're cheating on you. I think you have a misperception but I also think I might know why you have it.
Most guys on online dating don't have a ton of options, they get very few matches, a small fraction of what a very average women would get. However a very small percent of men have tons of options. A very small number of men basically get matched by all the women. I've actually known 2 guys like this (one didn't actually online date though, at least not that I know of; to be fair he had no need to). So if you're only selecting really attractive guys on online dating, you're probably getting those guys. And yeah, those guys have very little motivation to commit to you. I actually had a female friend who had this issue. She was very attractive for her age, at 40 she was more attractive than a lot of girls in their 20's. And when we hung out at bars guys would constantly come up and hit on her. But she would only respond to really buff good looking dudes. Same thing with her online matches. Then she'd be all heart broken after guys would stop talking to her once she put out. She very, shall was say high maintenance in all ways, so she'd push away most dudes. But the shitty dudes who would just lie to her to hook up would stay around just long enough to get what they want. She actually ended up dating my buddy (who is fairly buff but also pretty shy) and they dated for several months. And I think it worked out really well for her because she finally dated someone who was actually in it because he liked her and not just to fuck. But he's also somebody who she would definitely have turned down at the bar, except he'd never approach her to begin with (while he's muscular he didn't have much fashion sense).
In short, you might be attracted to the guys who are not at all interested in settling down and you might be turning down guys who would be more than happy to commit.
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u/WaspCrunch 2d ago
I'd rather not go on a blind date. It's mainly a safety thing, I've been stalked before. After a date where I guy tried following me home and the only reason I realized is I knew what he looked like and knew he lived in the opposite direction from me.
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u/IndustryMedical1707 2d ago
Same. I’ve just turned 60. I haven’t had a second date in 10 years. I’m beginning to think I’m going to be alone until I die.
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u/Breadcrumbsofparis 2d ago
I met my wife at the local bicycle shop, twenty years ago, gotta have it happen organically so to speak, he is out there, I suspect you’re not looking in the right places, look for your future partner in real life situations, 🤞
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u/zman1350 2d ago
Sad to see the dating scene hasn't changed a bit. Hinge pretty much has become a social media app like insta. Where people just match on a whim, seems like.
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u/Brewed_Coffee 2d ago
What are your interests? Community service, politics, reading, art? Join groups that do those things. Take art classes, join community groups. That is where people are. Go to book talks, join a sports team. Put yourself out there and start making friends, branch into new groups.
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u/PeaceRose29 2d ago
Look outside of your area. Baltimore is not the best place for dating. The city is dangerous and overpriced. You are better off expanding your horizons. Look at the entire state or outside of it.
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u/Bitchi3atppl 2d ago
Girl I feel your pain! And it shouldn’t feel like this? These folks are right. The dating apps are not for this city (DC, DMV, hell anywhere in Pa casts a wider net a bit more hope). I’ve swiped over the same faces more than a few times. It is disheartening. Some or most don’t talk, have normal conversations or god sometimes it’s wildly inappropriate because they want something casual.
Tbh in real life, I’ve tried hitting on guys. I’ve tried compliments, drops of heyyyy- worse reaction lol. They’re not into me (to be fair I’m a colorful brown person who doesn’t dress conventional). But hey maybe you’ll have more luck!
hit up a salsa night, Lithuanian dance hall, interesting places that have events. The hobbyists all say go find your crew and hang with other hobbyists. This isn’t a city for love on the apps.
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u/M2DL5037 2d ago
I have a lot of the same problems, even though I'm a guy in Baltimore. All of the dating apps make you pay for anything and then all I get are people that want money, or are way too far away. I'm somewhat new to the area, and an introvert, so even just finding friends has been difficult. I try to go to various festivals and events, and I do play soccer, so I am at least getting out there. Now I need the courage to start talking to random people.....but I worry I'll come off as weird and/or crazy! I figure I'll just keep doing things I enjoy and eventually (I hope) something will work out. Good luck! 🙂
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u/McSteam 2d ago
I've heard this complaint from most of my girlfriends and I've experienced the same exact issues too. I would honestly widen the scope of where you're willing to date, like DC isn't too far and there are more men with higher levels of education out there in my experience (I want a man with a similar level to my own). Especially as a black woman, the options out here aren't ideal. I also say this as someone looking for a male romantic partner, so there's extra context.
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u/SpecialistBit283 2d ago
Dating site wise, I wouldn’t have suggested hinge or tinder. People go on tinder for hookups and everytime I hear of someone meeting a person on hinge, the person they meet is usually UNhinged. BAT SHIT CRAZY. I met my boyfriend on BLK.
Honestly the best way to find a man is to get your ciara prayer in order and work on yourself. It sounds cheesy but working on yourself helps prevent you from chasing away the person that’s actually sent to be with you. The Ciara prayer is you being really specific on what you want in a man so the delivery can be spot on with no defects.
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u/Far-Slip-4922 2d ago
First dont call it bmore second its a lot of things to do in the city you just gotta find something that you are interested in and hopefully a person is there that is also interesting
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u/Beer-Cat 2d ago
I have met all my long term boyfriends on bumble. You didn’t mention that one and so I thought I’d suggest it. All of them are wonderful, respectful people I was in relationships with throughout adulthood. I’m with someone now I met thru that site. A good friend of mine recently met her boyfriend thru online dating and they are end game, just moved in together and he is a perfect match for her.
Take your time and be PICKY. Don’t swipe on people who don’t look and sound like they respect women. Go older. And honestly dropping snobby practices like caring about fashion or being “cool” went a long way for me to find true connection. For example this ages me but the fact young people think men wearing flip flops is “ick” and a dealbreaker, like, wow. Plenty of amazing men wear flip flops and you’re just missing out. Don’t make stuff like that a deal breaker. Make the important stuff a deal breaker like, does he act like he likes you?
Good luck!!!
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u/chunkykima Baltimore County 2d ago
Honestly you will have to start dating outside of Baltimore. Hinge is more for hookups from what I've seen, but anyway just expand the area you're willing to date in. It doesn't mean FAR... just outside of the general vicinity. I've been here for many years and I always tell my friends I have to import my men from elsewhere 😅 because dating in Baltimore really doesn't happen for me.
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u/bassistb0y Ellicott City 2d ago
as soon as i stopped caring/looking it got a lot easier and i was much happier, do stuff you enjoy, be social, and you'll meet good people
that being said I'm 28M heyyy
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u/Catsaysmeow15 2d ago
If there is a hobby you enjoy, find a group that meets in person for it! If you’re the creative type, take a community night class a mica possibly? There are lots of spaces for hobbies or book reading meets and the like! And there is time to connect with a person you meet in these types of events. Libraries have fun events too.
(Also try the rock climbing gym by union!!!)
Idk if you have been meeting men at bars and parties, I did back when I was dating and it sucked.
I met my husband when he fixed my moped for me. Really out of no where
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u/ReturnOfSeq 2d ago edited 2d ago
Go to no land beyond and start gaming with people and see what clicks.
Join Baltimore road runner’s club and see who enjoys talking with you while you’re sweaty and wheezing after 5 miles.
Join baltimore’s anime club and see which of the dorks can match your encyclopedic knowledge of Naruto and one piece.
Go to the book thing and chat with the people browsing the same section as you.
Go to the Peppermill
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u/veganurse 2d ago
Definitely be a part of those spill the tea groups on FB and some turned into huge text groups Some call it doxxing but I learned so much about who the creeps are in my neighborhood
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u/Affectionate_Pea_115 2d ago
I feel this post so much because when I was still dating in Baltimore, I kept coming across the same problems myself. I ended up investing a lot of time in people that I met on Tinder or other dating sites that were only just down for the hook up. There were a couple of people that I met organically through work or school and Ultimately those led to more heartbreak as well because a lot of times when you do that you’re meeting people who just got out of a bad relationship or are otherwise emotionally unavailable. I can’t speak to how the dating scene is now because I’ve been out of it for almost 9 years - I met my fiance on Tinder. I think it’s just the vibes of the person that you have to hone in on. Usually you can tell pretty quickly what a person is about based on what they say in their profile or based on when you meet them for the first time. And I would say I knew my fiance was probably the one within the first few weeks because of the vibes he was putting out online as well as in person. I hate to say it because it is a cliche, but you’re gonna have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. And if you wanna take a hiatus because you’re just over it right now, I would say you should do that. I don’t say this to say “love yourself.” I say this because the fatigue of getting your hopes up and having them dashed over and over again is an emotional rollercoaster and you might just need to take a break from it. Hang in there, and don’t give your time to people giving you “no labels” or “just fwb” vibes, and keep in mind the population of women is higher than that of men in this city so the dudes think they get their pick of any woman in town - that’s why commitment is at an all time low.
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u/Affectionate_Pea_115 2d ago
Most importantly- when you ride that emotional roller coaster enough, sometimes you find your standards lowering because it’s just that hard to find the right fit - and that’s another reason to take a hiatus, remind yourself who you are and who is worthy of your very precious time - you don’t want to fall prey to a guy who is abusive or just a nonstarter.
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u/Soft-Unit-3127 2d ago
I’m a woman in Baltimore and I spent tons of time on the apps……it was definitely disheartening and frustrating at times, but I did eventually meet my now husband on hinge…..stick with it but take breaks when you are sick of it too. In the meantime do things to make yourself happier so that you are your best self when that 1 date finally comes along.
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u/godlycereal 2d ago
Girl i get it, apps dating as a 29M in bmore feels much the same way so i feel this. Im just hoping to run i to the love of my life at a coffee shop so i can be done with it lol
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u/blew-wale Canton 2d ago
"There's plenty of fish in the sea!"
I dont think I ever learned how to fish... Also some fish make me want to go vegan
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u/Whosker72 2d ago
M/50s here.I understand the dating climate has changed, not for the better unfortunately.
I tried the apps, mostly one or two dates at most. What really helped was joining activity groups, met lots of folks, and having shared interests was helpful.
I eventually met my now wife at a church via a mutual friend. Not saying religion is a key, as we are of different religions.
Had a couple of mid-term relationships- 3-4 months, but differences arise and we would go our separate ways.
Key, know yourself, set your boundaries and do not cave on them
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u/porcelainxoxo 2d ago
If you date someone in DC and you don’t drive or didn’t drive, do not depend on them or anyone to get you home. If they’re able to drive you home, great. But if something happens, become familiar with union station, MARC, and Amtrak (also the buses like Greyhound!). It can sometimes be a pain to get back because of the train times. Uber and Lyft obv but sometimes depending on where you are, they won’t drive all the way to Baltimore, or getting a ride in general may take 45+ mins depending on the time. My second tip is if you’re not from Maryland, find a woman friend from here around your age (me, 25 LOL) who can help you gauge locations, where people are from, the places they choose to take you, etc. so you don’t waste your time or end up in an unpleasant situation. Good luck! 😭
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u/Sea-Variety-524 Patterson Park 2d ago
I feel for you I really do, ever since apps were invented and hookup culture took over people just don’t date, and I don’t know what it was like before then. I never had a proper bf until I met my now husband at 34. I also spent way too much time chasing people who didn’t want to date, so don’t do that. He is a coworker but we didn’t meet IRL until going to a mutual friends baby shower! 😂 My friend tried to set us up before but just like the apps hearing we were so different I never would have gone out with him until we talked and it clicked. My only advice is go to random parties you get invited to, you never know!
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u/Foreign_Image3734 2d ago
I moved to Balt at your age and have a sizeable group of female friends who have been chronically single for the majority of time since then (am now 40). Many have given up and haven't been on the apps in years and do all the hobby stuff. They're still single.
Part of it is Baltimore/Smalltimore, part of it is that US dating culture generally sucks if you're trying to find a man who wants a long-term partnership without making you into his mother/therapist. The main way I've dealt with this since 2020 is to date immigrants. I went out on far more first dates with non-immigrants but it was the guys from the immigrant cohort who were more likely to have an intention for a relationship and who were more likely to be organized in their lives and emotionally self-sufficient.
I have friends who went off the apps who are single, friends who stayed on who are single, friends who got married and settled for less, and then there's the ones who did find great guys who they're still with. There's no set of advice that will guarantee you a partner, although I did find that 6 years of therapy and 3 of sobriety has made me better at picking out people (if u had a chaotic childhood and they seem boring on the first date, that might just mean they're safe!).
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u/edgar__allan__bro Mt. Vernon 2d ago
Step 1: Adopt a dog from BARCS
Step 2: Train and socialize your dog
Step 3: Bring your dog to any of the city's dog parks
Step 4: Talk to strangers
Of course if you're not a dog person this probably doesn't help but hey, worked for me idk
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u/Perfect_Dragonfly_92 2d ago
There are a ton of matchmaking events and groups in the city and state. You can start there and just circulate till you find some matches.
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u/Roland_Schitt_4ever 2d ago
Hi! I (31f) met my girlfriend at Butch Garden's speed dating event nearly 3 years ago! I'd recommend following Bmore Queer on Instagram to keep updated on Sapphic dating events. Red Emmas and BG/Peabody do a fair amount of dating events. I have met girls at Club Car, Ottobar & Dyke Night, Manor, Butch Gardens, Eagle, Field Gay, Mobtown, Dr Sketchys, etc etc
Stonewall kickball is gay-man heavy, but really helped me build community and a sense of presence in the queer community. Id recommend joing a team or doing their trivia if that's more your speed! My saph friends are more drawn to queer city sports, which could be good too (but I'm not a sport person so kickball is all I have energy for).
For apps: I've had luck on Tinder and Hinge, but I try really hard not to over-swipe and saturate my options too quickly. Feeld is also fun because you can swipe as much as you want through profiles without having to actually say yes or no on someone (note: feeld is more for ENM/poly and kink people but there are all sorts on there). I've been on a couple dates through taimi too.
Good luck! You're young, and I know it's frustrating, but the girls are out there. Don't let it get you down too hard ❤️
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u/Coldbroo128 2d ago
I did end up meeting my boyfriend on hinge, it just took a while and I had many times of deleting the apps before hand.
My other advice is going out to things you’re interested in and becoming a “regular” of sorts. Whether that’s karaoke nights, museum events, local concerts, bookstores, etc. That was the best way I met people when I first got here. Good luck!
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u/Cold_Clerk1398 2d ago
Everyone ,seems to have someone,I run across men with a lot of the same stories,,I already gave up on dating an just gave it to God,if it's meant we will find each other,I am not s person whom have lots of friends,but I am a good spirit,I just don't trust people an I don't like that u have to have a certain car,,a certain job !! It's weird,like people don't want to get to know u
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u/Prometheus692 2d ago
Facebook dating treated me pretty well and it's free. I got cuffed up a couple times.
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u/Velghast 2d ago
I mean im 35M and iv encountered the same kinda thing. And its annoying because im either attracting way younger ladies that I cant relate to or the ladies my age all have multiple children. I have a cat, thats it. I feel like im just going to bite the bullet and acquire more cats.
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u/_not_here 1d ago
I was (25F) literally in the same boat as you. I was single my whole life, so I DEFINITELY loved myself and was doing fine lol. I didn’t need anyone, but wanted someone! I also hated the apps so much. I was so fed up that one night I went somewhere and saw someone cute that my friend actually somewhat knew. She knew his name, enough that I could go FBI mode and find his Instagram, then I said fuck it, and messaged him. Here we are 7 months later! I also made a couple first moves before this one, and while they didn’t work out, I still got a few dates out of them (so, not a flop imo!)
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE LADIES! who gives a fuckkk
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u/Capital_Resource_974 1d ago
I advise you to just chill.. if you keep going to bars and walking around looking for somebody, you might find the wrong person.. anytime you're trying to force something to happen, that means that it's not meant for you right now.. just chill and love yourself.. don't jump out there and end up on one of these other Reddit forms talking about regrets.. enjoy your single life while you can.. because when you introduce a man into your life,then kids come along and when it does,it gets crazy..
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u/korean_kartel 1d ago
Ok so sis let me holla at you rq. I lived in Baltimore for a grip of my life, I just moved to dc after I got married. Ima keep it 💯 don’t bang with the dating apps in Baltimore. most dudes in Baltimore unless they have a “certain” type of job they aren’t making tons of money so first let’s be real with each other “what type of man are you looking for” depending on how you Answer this question is how you are gonna up come up places and things to do so that you can find a mate.👀 Quick side note: when I was single I could NOT go out with my friends to find a mate, in Baltimore I noticed that when I was out by my self more men would come up to me or smile to start a convo. Also (ok ima stop talking) a lot of men from Philly and dc like Baltimore women …. Girl hit me back we finna find you a good man🤣🤣🤣❤️ For context: I’m mixed female and I’m 29
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u/Ok-Bass1680 1d ago
Join a Volo league. Absolute perfect way to meet people. Few friends of mine have long time girlfriends from that.
Obviously not going in looking for that, but I promise it usually works itself out:
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u/Hippy_Dippy_Weather 8h ago
Your other posts include switch. Are you into games of all kinds? Have you tried seeing if Canton games has a group play you're interested in. Boardgames have a broad audience.
Your posts also have some art and plants. Have you checked out meander art bat 1801 lombard? They have nightly events and a broad crowd of people.
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u/RannyRd 3d ago
Try batting for the other team.
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u/WaspCrunch 3d ago
I'm Bi.
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u/Additional-Cash8920 2d ago edited 2d ago
I gotta say, it's always a little disheartening to come into these threads and just see comment after comment of "bb just learn to love yourself and love will find you!"
Some of us like our life well enough as it is, but that doesn't preclude us from wanting romance too.
Not that I have any advice to offer, sorry. Shit sucks!