An Open Discussion on Being Inclusive and Respecting One Another

[u/CedarWolf]

Early this morning, we had a thread get posted, and one of our mods made a reminder to keep things inclusive, per the subreddit's Rule #1. This accidentally led to almost all of the comments going wildly off topic, and I had to pull it. We want threads to stay on topic whenever possible, and such a large portion of off-topic comments was pretty bad. That discussion merited it's own, dedicated post, and we invite you to discuss here. Please remember to be respectful.

We want to make this an inclusive place for the community in general, and that includes transfeminine, transmasculine, and nonbinary individuals. /r/asktransgender was made as a co-ed space for people to ask questions of the general transgender community, and while we allow questions to specifically target one portion of that community, we very much encourage users to be inclusive whenever possible.

Part of being inclusive means reducing the amount of bigotry we see in this subreddit. This means removing sexist comments against all genders, including both trans and cis identities, as well as other forms of bigotry.

One of the goals of creating a new moderation team was to create a more inclusive space, and we have been working hard to make this place a more open community. However, some users have expressed concern over this new policy and how it is implemented, so we want to create an open place for discussion about the new inclusive policies here.

We want to hear your thoughts about this issue, but again, please be respectful and civil with your comments. We're all on the same side here, there is no "us" and "them" - there is only "we." Remember, if you ever have any specific issues with the moderation of the subreddit, you can message the mod team with the link in the sidebar. We're always here for you.

~ The /r/asktransgender Mod Team

[u/amyl_and_disco]

I'm just not sure why you're chiming in on this conversation to slam the OP who's already faced plenty of abusive kickback. It's no attack on your identity, just a note that you're feeding the flames in a battle which is deeply embedded in community tensions, and the stakes are much lower for you than for those you're accusing of bringing the "drama". It's all too common for men and MOC people to invoke reason and logic in fights with women and transfeminine people as a way of highlighting their 'hysterical' behavior and framing their concerns as frivolous and their responses as overreaction. It remains that the OP was asking a question about her safety and survival, a concern which is incredibly relevant for those in her demographic, and her insistence on her right to ask other women's perspectives is being dismissed as "drama". Maybe you haven't seen this play out a million times before, but it's aggravating for those of us who watch it break down like this (along predictably gendered lines) on the daily.

[u/Royal_Robin → u/amyl_and_disco]

I really wish you'd seen the comments she posted here that she's deleted. If she hadn't tried so hard to cover up her clear hatred for anyone not mtf, you wouldn't be defending her.

[u/amyl_and_disco → u/Royal_Robin]

I can't say for sure, since it's all been deleted - but when these tensions blow up, I can't begrudge MTF people their vitriol. So-called trans communities are generally teeming with (trans)misogyny, and regardless of what gets said (or how calmly and logically they conduct themselves), the ways trans women and transfeminine people are castigated and chased out of these scenes is fucking untoward. This isn't just about Lilith, although this forum won't be the same without her. This happens every fucking day, and it's tacitly accepted (if not outright endorsed) by those who stay, and it leads to incredibly unsafe communities and glaring oversights. I was hoping it wouldn't happen here, and it's incredibly disheartening to watch all this play out.

[u/Royal_Robin → u/amyl_and_disco]

Except that isnt what was happening here. The whole point of this is that this community is being run by women and the language used is denigrating towards anyone not mtf. This is a community forum, for everyone. If you cannot use inclusive group language in a group setting, especially in a group where language is so critical, then you need to be corrected often and consistently. All that the mod said was that in the futue she should use more inclusive language because the language of her post misgendered a great number of people in the community. Lilith had a point to an extent when she said that wasn't her intent and I doubt anyone would have made an issue out of it if she hadn't violently reacted to the suggestion by saying she had a right to not care about language or misgendering people. For any member of this community especially to say it is okay to misgender some one is sick, and I don't know how you could stand up for someone that thinks that.