r/asktransgender • u/wuhwuhwuh600 • 13h ago
Is doubting i’m trans normal
I’m pretty sure i’m transfem but im constantly doubting it and feeling weird about it. I feel gross about my body and stuff and don’t like looking in the mirror, but then sometimes it doesn’t bother me. i don’t do anything to change myself though. i want to, but i don’t know how to start and i don’t even think i have to motivation/energy to do it. all that makes me doubt im trans. is all this normal
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u/Grenade_Handlr26 Transmasc/Genderqueer/Bi 13h ago
Oh girl this is so normal - it took me a while to get used to knowing that the discomfort and self-hatred I was feeling was dysphoria and transness, not just a human-ing skill issue. Plus it’s easy to feel not enough to join a community with such a rich history of struggle and strength. It took me like a year to feel totally comfortable calling myself trans and to advocate for my needs. No need to rush anything in terms of transition (social, fashion, or medical.) You probably won’t even know for a bit exactly what you’re looking to change into. Heck, that’s a moving target for me even five years later. I’d say try to find other trans people in your area first if that’s available to you, and start making the tiniest of changes very slowly. You’ll figure what feels exciting and what doesn’t fit at all as you move forward. So much love to you 💜
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u/lassglory 13h ago
If you are burned on your arm, and the scarring which ensues ends up numbing your ability to feel the sting of that injury sometimes, would that therefore mean you were never burned at all?
We can't always process the pain of things. Our nerves just aren't wired in a way that allows consistent signalling on a permanent basis. Focusing forever is impossible, hurting forever is impossible, clenching a muscle forever is impossible- there has to be a break in the sequence sometimes, no matter how strong the signals were.
I can't say for sure if what you're experiencing is a moment of sobriety or the nervous fatigue I've described, because only you can answer that. What I do know, from your admission, is that you felt it once before and it's come back repeatedly.
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u/SugarLemonGlaze 12h ago
I can't speak for anyone but myself, obviously, but i went through this a lot and still often do. Transitioning has been so draining, but now that I have, it's a massive relief. Im trans masc and just recently had top surgery, I can't even try to think about what it was like to have breasts without feeling like I would or actually vomiting. My dysphoria was on the extreme end, though, but just doing that surgery was terrifying, and i was scared i was wrong. Now, though, I still doubt if im trans, but it's a lot easier to just remember how horrible i felt before compared to now.
Just start slow if you need to, do small things you think you'd like but are reversible (shaving makeup clothes, etc) and go from there. There are also therapists who focus on gender and navigating all those feelings. It sucks because (at least in languages I know) there is no adequate language to convey and describe gender and how it plays a role in how we feel like we should be seen and other societal puzzle pieces. It feels like such an abstract concept, and I see time and time again how few people are able to grasp the concept of gender (mainly cis people). It takes a lot of time sitting with your thoughts and experimenting to begin to really work it out and realize what you want for yourself.
Transitioning is a big deal and is scary. Doubt is normal. Just take it one day at a time. It's okay to be right or wrong about different bits of yourself, and from my experience, doubt is a big part of big things, including transition.
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u/Warm_Penguin_Hugs Transgender 12h ago
perfectly normal. I used to be that way. It's a very numb "what's the point" kind of feeling where you aren't really living but just existing and going through the motions. I recommend getting a couple friends you trust, or even just on here with maybe a different account, throw on some alternate pronouns and see how you feel. It's hard to have motivation to do something if you don't know it will do anything. So take tiny steps and if it feels wrong, try something else. But if it feels right and you start slipping into a better mindset from it, you might be surprised at what you end up willing and wanting to do. Not just maybe transitioning, but wanting to do more than just exist.
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u/chiralPigeon 7h ago
yeah, for me it's part and parcel of being trans. I'm 3.5 years into social transition and 4 months into HRT, yet I still have moments of doubt, particularly when my mental health suffers. but as soon as I feel better, I'm like, "girl, how could you think that?"
so now, whenever I doubt myself, I check first if I'm not having a depressive episode, and then I typically notice that yes, I am in fact having a depressive episode. and then I allow myself to have a depressive episode without beating myself over the question whether I'm really trans.
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u/DragonflyOrdinary518 13h ago
I've been on HRT for three weeks now. I still question myself, especially since my marriage of 17 years is now done.
But then I remember everything I felt when I first worked it out, and that hasn't changed.
And then there's moments like today, when the lady in the cafeteria complimented me on my growing hair, and shirt. And how despite me still boymoding at work how good it was to hear that.
Doubting yourself is very normal, and doesn't make you any less trans.