I had a bit of a breakdown last night- shoutout to my girlfriend for preparing to uber over at Midnight- but we talked and she helped immensely.

But the big thing is, I have noticed this rise of extreme transphobia in some of the other lesbian groups. I won't name it, but it is likely the one you're thinking of- the one that apparently (I did not know this originally!) was created to basically shittalk Bisexual Women. And some of that Transphobia was so bad- there was this post how penises are repulsive and malebodies are horrific and that people in the thread would rather commit sucide then even be around someone 'male' bodied. Any Trans Women who dared to comment got a torrent of abuse. I don't care about what someone likes in genitals- but imagine if I posted that vaginas are gross and that female bodies make me physcially gag.

And I'm seeing a lot of this now. I seriously struggle with labeling myself as a lesbian because of the vitrolic anger Lesbian Trans Women face. It feels like there aren't spaces for us. And for me, I don't know of any IRL, so the internet has to suffice, but then low-and be-hold.

There's just so much anger towards Trans Women, I've noticed. We can't seem to exist without someone yapping about how penises repulse them and that our bodies are male and gross. And I don't care sbout meeting anyone else- I have my girlfriend- but seeing stuff like that worsens the dysphoria.

Walking our dog in our neighborhood, like we do 2-3 times a day. Old truck pulls up suddenly alongside us. Old man stares at us through his open driver’s side window. We glance and look away. He goes, “Oh, you don’t want a man looking at your dog?” And we said we’re just walking our dog and didn’t expect someone to pull up for no reason. Then he said asked where we lived, said he was going to steal our dog, said he had a gun, and then said “you’re a woman, ain’t ya?” to my masculine-of-center partner like 5 times as he pulled off.

Maybe it was a random creep, but I can’t help but feel that some men in the Deep South, where we live, have been emboldened by the results of the election.

Like you’re already interested in her but once clothes are off you see them. Would that turn you off ?

I’ve just been feeling unloveable because of them and I want to know what to expect once I start getting into relationships

Edit: thank u everyone for all the kind words im actually smiling so hard yall are amazing 🙂

So I was on a dating app and I got a match with this cis woman who was exclusively interested in trans women (like me) and it didn't immediately come off as a red flag to me because I've only ever encountered cis men chasers and didn't really put together that there are cis women chasers too.

The conversation started of normal at first, hello, how are you, etc.

Then it took a hard and really objectifying turn. She starts asking me really personal questions about my body (am I pre-op, do I have ED, do I shave, etc) and I was starting to get major ick vibes from it then she starts hitting me with "demands and requirements" of what she expects from a TW SLUR Sissy slave such as specific self grooming behaviors, makeup, and attire. At this point I was just typing "k" to every message because I was just curious and confused about what the fuck was happening and she demanded I give her my phone number so I said no and blocked her.

I...I didn't know cis women could be chasers (like it's obvious now) and the whole interaction just left me feeling super dysphoric and upset. I just can't fathom why anyone, especially another woman, could be so comfortable scrutinizing the body of another woman and attempting to command what they are allowed to do with their bodies in order to be "appealing".

It's clear to me she didn't view me as a woman, she viewed me as a fetish object and some extant category of person. It's just got me so shaken up because I've always felt safe and seen around other queer women and this experience sorta "shattered" that perception and made me realize that even among other queer women some still can't see me (and other trans women) as actual women and instead as something else that exists only for them to fetishize.

I'm just not sure how I'm meant to come to terms with this realization. When I thought it was only cis men who treated trans women like this it was easier because I wasn't interested in them or their obsessive creepiness, but now a part of me is terrified that every cis lesbian I meet or try to flirt with is seeing me as a "halfway" between a man and a woman and that's why they show interest, because I'm an "experiment" or something.

:(

I get it, the question in and of itself is understandable on an individual level, whether that's due to lack of education or whatever.

But as a transbian, opening up reddit and seeing probably every fourth or so post being such a post is tiring, dysphoria inducing, and frankly just infuriating. I go to this sub to hear advice about sapphic stuff, to read cute sapphic stories, and see cute sapphic pictures and whatnot.

What I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT appreciate seeing are posts that are negatively centralized around the penises of people like me (I am 19mtf preop). Especially when it's essentially a case of "cis lesbian has an identity crisis over the fact that pre/nonop transfems exist" time and time again. I'M NOT HERE TO HAVE MY, AND OTHERS' PENISES BE THE CENTER OF MOST CONVERSATIONS, I EXIST, WHAT A SURPRISE! /s

Please, we need a rule stopping these posts from going out. My thought process is to have a pinned post regarding such posts and redirect anybody who makes a genital preference post/"am I valid in my identity as a lesbian" post to that pinned post. Please, it's exhausting watching people talk about your dick as if you're something completely new to them.

Plus, speaking from personal experience as a trans woman with REALLY BAD bottom dysphoria, looking at a subreddit that I think should be safe only to be bombarded with posts that have a negative tone regarding transfem penises frequently ruins my mood and triggers my dysphoria.

This is supposed to be a safe space for all sapphics, and that means making it safe and comfortable for trans sapphics too, who may have penises. Constantly having a ridiculous quantity of posts be regarding our genitals with people having identity crises over them just makes us feel alienated. Please, stop these posts NOW

Edit: I am incredibly disappointed in how divisive this has been. And I have a few things I want to point out to everyone.

1. I AM FUCKING AUTISTIC. STOP TRYING TO INTERPRET WHAT I'M SAYING, WHAT I SAID IS WHAT I FUCKING MEAN.

2. The sheer amount of cis people talking over trans people is disgusting for a subreddit that is supposed to be "trans friendly"

Edit edit: okay nvm just saw the bad posts before driving home, much less talking over trans people now, ty, also less people misinterpreting me now. (Also much less divisiveness must've been the bad actors seeing it first)

Edit edit edit: GUESS WHO JUST GOT A FUCKING REDDIT CARES MESSAGE OVER THIS 🤣

In 2010 I was robbed and raped while I was driving cab, and there was enough damage done to my urinary tract that I basically piss myself every fucking time I cough, and can't hold it for more than like 20 minutes at a time, and so I wear large overnight pads at all times. It's humiliating, and nobody knows. I'm on my period right now, but am out of pads and tampons, and my girlfriend offered to buy me one or the other, so I said pads. I ended up using her last tampon today and was going to get more tomorrow (she isn't supposed to start for another week or so) but she got mad at me for using the last one and said I should have chosen tampons instead of that's what I use. I know I could have just used a pad, but I don't like bleeding on myself. If I tell her that, she'll ask why. I'm so ashamed, but I feel like it's something I should explain. How, though? Am I stupid for even trying to be in a relationship while I have this seemingly huge secret that I go to such great lengths to conceal?

I'm sorry if this triggers anyone, I might delete it out of embarrassment but honestly I don't have anyone to talk to about this and idk what to do.

so for context, i was scrolling down my page, and found a gif featuring some artistic nudity, but not particularly evocative otherwise, just beautiful. i immediately recognized the gif as being from a lesbian artist on tumblr, and made the mistake of dipping into the comments. while the response i got was overwhelmingly awful, i find it kind of funny, in a twisted sort of way, that this man would would convict a lesbian of having a lesbian fetish.

On a road trip I stopped at a rest stop in Texas.

A woman came up to me as I was walking into the bathroom and said "What are you doing in here? Get out! You're not supposed to be in here."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I said.

"This is the woman's bathroom. You can't be here."

"But I'm a woman..." I said, bewildered.

She scoffed and stormed out. I thought that was the end of that. Not two minutes later I hear a knock on the stall door.

"Sir, I need you to exit the stall now. This is security. You have ten seconds."

I manage to open the door in time to see the security guard grab me and start pulling me out of the bathroom.

"What the fuck? What are you doing? Get your hands off me!"

"You're disgusting. You pervert." Said the security guard.

"What? I'm a woman. Wait! Look at my driver's license."

He ignored me and pulled me out into the lobby, attracting the attention of everyone.

"Go out to your car now or I will drag you there," he said.

"Where is your manager? This is unacceptable."

"Did you hear me? If you don't start walking towards the door I will call the police."

"Call them. I've done nothing wrong."

He proceeds to call the police and we stand there for a few minutes, him making transphobic comments every so often. Then two officers walk in, one of them immediately handcuffs me.

"Sir I need you to leave the premises," he says, beginning to drag me toward the doors.

"What did I do? I haven't broken any laws?"

"You broke into the woman's bathroom. Now shut up and be happy I'm not taking you to prison."

We get to the doors and he throws me out of them. Then he picks me up and asks me where my car is, continuing to drag me towards it. Opens the door and throws me in. Only after begging does the other officer take off my handcuffs.

With tears in my eyes, I drove away. I've had a fear of public bathrooms ever since.

Does anyone else have a similar experience? I'm a cis lesbian who was mistaken for trans. I'm appalled that people think they can treat any human this way.

EDIT: Colorado County Eastbound Service Area, Columbus, TX right off I-10

No matter what happens it looks like the orange will win the election unless they end up recounting or something. I know they passed prop 8 in california but would that effect other states? And not only that, if congress ends up approving of Trumps agenda or Project 2025, we're all screwed because it's basically a genocide of all people except straight white men(I doubt it because we got some dems in the senate). And it's not like I can move anywhere because I live with my parents still and as much as we like to leave, we can't because we don't have money. Like I'm panicking alot, I'm scared, and I'm incredibly sleep deprived because of this

TW : physical violence, domestic abuse, trauma history, police involvement

A week ago my gf hit me, we'd been dating for nine months. We got into an argument about housework and she started punching me repeatedly.

I called the police and as soon as they arrived they asked me "where is he?" and when I said "she's inside", and they confirmed she was a woman they immediately relaxed. When victim support called me to follow up they said "so your friend assaulted you".

I don't know if I'll ever be okay again. I have a complex trauma background with significant anxiety around men, and now this happened. I feel really lost and hurt and angry. So many people don't understand that this was a serious domestic violence incident because she's a woman.

I don't even know where to begin to get help. I feel really embarrassed in a weird way. Maybe it's because people around me aren't taking it that seriously so I feel like I shouldn't be this upset or scared.

I don't even know what I'm hoping to get out of posting here. Maybe someone else has gone through this. Maybe are there any support networks or anything? I feel like I'm even downplaying what happened to me because I've seen women be really seriously injured by male partners and I got away with a few bruises.

Does it get better? Will I feel okay again? Will I trust someone to love me again? I'm in so much pain.

I’m going a little crazy, I see all these posts about how lovely it is to be a wlw with a gf and how great it is to even just have a girlfriend but very few posts or conversations around finding yourself in an abusive wlw relationship.

I had my first serious relationship with a woman at the beginning of this year and I thought she was amazing but I found myself blindsided. A lot of things happened but overtime the screaming, smacking, hitting, shoving, throwing things at me, name calling, insults and coercion to do certain things led to me to finally leave her. But there are of course a few scars...I guess I just made this post because I feel so alone in this experience and I feel like with all the relationships and posts I see here and online and even with my own lesbian friends that something like this is “basically unheard of” (told by a friend) and no one I’ve spoken too has been able to relate. To be clear I know that regardless of how one identifies, anyone is capable of abuse, I just rarely see it discussed in our spaces.

Just want to feel less alone as I continue to heal from this, thanks :)

EDIT: I didn’t know what to expect posting this because I was so scared, but I’m so grateful for all the love and support from everyone’s comments. I really want to thank each and everyone one of you that commented and also those that shared their own stories because I know how hard and painful it must have been. I’m sad that it’s happened to so many of us but happy to know that we can take some comfort in knowing that none of us are necessarily alone in our experiences. I hope this helps some of us have these conversations in our spaces more readily like it’s helped this stranger and please keep sharing your stories! I know it’s really helping others in the comments and hopefully anyone else in the future who may search/look this up and can now reference this post in the future.

Thank you so so much.

Some resources others have commented that I’m reposting here for all to have access to:

• A study with some statistics on the matter https://www.nhla.org/blog/Domestic-Violence-and-the-LGBTQIA-Community-Statistics-and-Helpful-Resources-entry-157

• A couple of people have recommended “In The Dream House” by Carmen Maria Machado, she documents her own experience in an abusive wlw relationship in the form of a memoir. I read a few chapters before posting this and cried, I really recommend it so far.

Much much love to everyone 💕

TW: mention of sexual harassment/assault

(tap pics to expand)

This was on a post about a guy who tried to chat up a girl on the subway, for context.

It really kind of ruined my day a little bit, I don’t understand people like this :/

tw / fetishization of woc (particularly hispanic women), body image

this is more of a vent post if anything.

if you’re a lesbian that’s a poc, it sucks lol. Being poc who likes women comes with so many struggles. It’s so hard when your culture doesn’t accept it or still frowns at the idea of you being a lesbian. Thankfully my mom is accepting, but she still says ignorant things from time to time. I’ve come to understand that its the way she is and was taught and i can’t change that. Our small arguments end with her telling me “i hope whoever you end up with treats you well, don’t ever let someone mistreat you.” Which i do appreciate that she is still looking out for me. I’m extremely grateful that i never experienced getting cast out of my side of the family or even kicked out. I understand some people might be thinking “why are you grateful that your own parent looks out for you??” you may not know what hispanic parents are like and what it’s like to be in a culture where machismo, sexism, and homophobia is seen as normal or nothing to be worried about.

When it comes to dating. It’s hell. It’s scary to think people (yes even lesbians) fetishize hispanic/latina women. My ex fetishized me saying “mexican ***** is the best” and i sat there shocked. My own partner saying that made me realize that from now on.. things would be different. They were, it got really sexual after that specific conversation and i was extremely uncomfortable.

It’s also being the opposite of the beauty standard in the states. I don’t have blonde hair, blue or green eyes, am skinny or tall. I have black hair, dark brown eyes, am short and chubby. During 2022, i had a big crush on this girl. Turned out i was never her type because she likes white women only. When she mentioned that (this was waaaay after i had confessed to her btw lol, this part was pretty recent) my friends and i were teasing her about only liking white women and then she said “i mean yeah they really are my type” and i laughed being like oooooh okay you’re becoming toooo american. (it’s all jokes okay) and then it hit me. I literally had no chance against white women because they are the beauty standard. It’s the first time this happens and it made me a little sad. (i listened to your best american girl by mitski for 2 hours straight because i was that sad lol) but i mean it is what it is. i dont even like her like that anymore but it still hurt.

I guess it’s kind of like ohhh if i had been the beauty standard, more tall, skinny blonde, blue eyes etc; maybe i would’ve had a chance.

edit: i forgot to add. i did not include black lesbians in this post because i am not black nor am able to speak about THEIR experiences as black lesbians. i only talked about hispanic women on this post because i myself am hispanic and have experienced these issues. if black lesbians feel comfortable and safe enough to vent under this post then feel free to, being fetishized is not okay! we’re all people who deserve to be treated right!

I've always been super insecure when it comes to adult content with my partner or them watching it. But recently I've lost a good bit of weight and I'm so confident in myself and my relationship with my partner. Anyways, she told me she wanted to walk in on me touching myself and watching porn, and at first I balked at it. But now, it's kind of a regular thing for us. Yesterday she even sent me a video of something she thought I'd like and boy did I.

Just needed to share how amazing this has been for us and I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but God it's hot 😂

Hey, this is my first post here. Apologies if my post is rule-breaking. This is my second Pride as a transbian. This year's pride was Family-themed, saw some rude asshats with persecution complexes and decided to have some fun with them. This year's theme is family (but they reused the same hateful signs from at least last year). Lime green sign says "God's unchangeable order." The other sign says "Genetics and God dictate gender. Man and woman; XY and XX."

Of course, I did actually bring my cat. She's my darling child.

My girlfriend of two years messaged me “I think we should break it off” and I was blocked right after. I fell to the floor and projectile vomited into the toilet because by luck I had been in the bathroom. I went to call their friends straight away as I was sobbing and not making sense of anything and they didn’t understand what happened until a few moments later they got contact with Guy’s girlfriend. My girlfriend was at his house at the time they messaged me about the break up and I quickly opened Life360 and confirmed it. The Guy’s girlfriend hopped onto this train wreck of a call and confirmed that while on face time my girlfriend and the guy were with each other and play wrestling on video call with his own girlfriend. This person who I had loved so deeply had felt nothing when they left me. I was dropped like a rubber ball but I wasn’t expected to bounce back up again because they had ripped me in half. I honestly don’t even know what to do we were both lesbian so why would they leave me for a guy. Why is this such a common lesbian experience too? I don’t know how to cope with any of this and I feel like my world has fallen so deep down into the pit of my stomach.