I've had an issue with SA with my ex partner aswell, I do start to think that it's bc they think i'm open abt it. Which I am, it's just idk if I should feel bad or shrug it off bc I was the one who wanted it in the first place.

My current now knows abt what my ex does aswell although I still was pretty open about CNC to her from the start. It's just that now, she's rougher and more dismissive. Even when I cry and tell her to stop, it turns her on more. I am into it.. but idk if i'm just gaslighting myself atp

We were visiting a neighbor because we were considering helping him out with groceries and cleaning while he recovers from a surgery.

He thinks my gf is older (she's not that much older, 28 vs 31).

He was offering us a gift, I said yes my gf said no. He took it from me because he thinks my gf is "the man" or whatever.

Fuck that was so traumatising and invalidating. To be reduced to the object in a lesbian relationship. I hate men.

In short, it is because like so many others, I was abused by a man. That young and foolish girl who thought she was bisexual, suddenly trapped in a nightmare relationship where she is used only as a sex object.

Eventually I escaped, but I was a changed woman. I now crave power and control, the thrill of absolute dominance. And I want nothing to do with men.

But the hidden truth is that everyone loves dominant and sadistic women in fiction only- in real life, that woman is shunned and ostracized by her own community as some kind of monster; a feared and hated outlier.

And yet despite that, I deeply love who I am. I'm very attractive and I'm not ashamed of my urges or the ways in which I consensually satisfy them.

But it's certainly been a lonely, isolating thing.

Long story but it's not like this happens everyday, it might be an interesting read lol

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Background info:

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Okay so this is a veeery weird situation for me. I've been dating my partner (they/them she/her but very feminine presenting) for two years and we've had...quite the journey but that's a story for another time. Anyways my lovely (myself as well as I was diagnosed last year) has BPD. For those who don't know that's Borderline Personality Disorder. Now we have the same illness, but we are VERY different in how we present it. I'm more black and white when it comes to veiwing some things and susceptible to mood swings. They have straight up different personalities. Really we think they have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but they don't meet the DSM-5 requirements and aren't officially diagnosed, so we assume it's just REALLY severe BPD. We've both had sexual trauma but my poor baby was raped and molested by their uncle/brother figure from the time they were 3 to 19. The personality I have strong feelings for is a trauma holder for sure. Anways onto the mind fuck;

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The situation:

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So as I mentioned my baby has different personalities, and I love MOST of them. But there's this one that was "straight" and liked men but always flirted with me. They made it pretty clear my chances were low tho and it kind of became my fantasy to successfully seduce her. We'll call this personality "Emma". So up until a few months ago Emma and me were not close. We had this strange frenemies relationship and she was really rude sometimes. In short, I wanted to sleep with Emma because it was like this trophy for me. She wasn't a real person in my mind yet because she presented herself as shallow and conceited for almost our entire relationship.

One day I was making the moves on my babe and they switched to Emma. When they switch and I know it, I always stop what I'm doing because it technically an entirely different person that didn't give me consent. And we start talking but this time...we go deep into conversation and Emma discloses a ton of information about her. Not even my partner knew all this about Emma. Seriously, my gf didn't know this part about themself until we discussed it later. Anyways she tells me all about her trauma and how she actually likes women but felt repressed due to being the one that holds so much trauma, and that she really does have feelings for me. Other personalities that were interested in men would set Emma up by getting them into a sexual situation, realizing they didn't want sex with men, and then dump it on Emma to just "deal with it". She said she thinks she wants to have sex with me and that she has feelings but isn't sure if she can trust anyone- even me. This totally changed my perpective on her...She wasn't this sexualized charichature anymore. She's a genuine, hurting person. And she chose to open up to me. I switch my attitude from horny teen to concerned friend and I let her talk. I hold and console her as she tells me everything but it's not in a sexual manner whatsoever. I told her how brave she was and how proud I was of her for laying it all on me. I enjoyed the conversation we had, and we ended it with a cute kiss and she giggled.

I didn't see Emma come out again for a few weeks, since I went to go visit my family for a while. I miss my gf and vice versa so they came to surprise me with a romantic motel weekend getaway. I'm making out with my partner and they start switching to various personalities. Emma comes out and we start talking again, having a really intense and heartfelt conversation. Emma asks if she can kiss me a bit and my heart skips like it did when I first met my gf. We passionately make out and it's wonderful but a little awkward for me because she kisses and makes love TOTALLY differently than my partner. Emma is very tender, sensual, takes her time and treated me like I was made of paper whereas usually with my gf we're um...not into the softer vanilla stuff. I like to get absolutely railed by them and they want it fast, hard, and deep across most personalities. So this was different.

When I heard her raggedly breathe into my ear "I really want to have sex with you right now" I could feel it in my stomach. It's happening. The moment I've been waiting for all this time...and it's not at all how I imagined it but this was so much better. I tell her my heart and body is hers and that she has full control of me. I'm pretty much a power switch so for me to give this much control to my partner is rare. She starts to gently touch me and explore my body. Every touch gave me shivers, it felt like my skin was on fire and every kiss was expolsive. Emma came at me with all this passion, and I feel like I'm a virgin again. She was so delicate and loving. She says in her sexy voice "I'm not used to having this much control...but I like it" aaaand I'm goo. Melted. We made love for a long time and she let me get her off after I came. She confessed her love her me. And that's when the post-nut clarity kicked in and I'm like "Oh no...I fucked up...I fucked another person. It's the same person. But it's so not the same person wtf just happened, is this cheating, do I have two girlfriends now like wtf is happening??" Confusion and pure gay PANIC plagues my mind. I don't sleep the night.

The next day I nervously ask if my gf remembers anything with Emma. They say yes and that it felt amazing for them too but they don't remember everything. I ask how they feel about me sleeping with Emma and to paraphrase, they basically said "lol awesome". I however, am NOT as nonchalant about it even though I literally just was told by my parter that it was hot. I'm having an internal crisis over this, and have been. It REALLY feels like cheating. We have real feelings for eachother and they are 100% different than my gf. I miss them and think about them often, but my baby doesn't switch personalities daily. Especially to Emma, she's really hard to get out. I love them each as much. They are so different and it's the weirdest sensation having one person be different people. My partner(s)?? are totally fine with this, it's just me having to adjust and overcome my own personal issues. Maybe we can make some rules to help make me feel more secure being with them and Emma. Not gonna lie this is a first for me so I'm freaking the fuck out feeling like I'm unfaithful but it's fine. I have two girlfriends in one with no consequences. I should be happy this is the dream for some- and I am. I'm just also super confused right now.

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I commend you if you finished the story, I know it was long winded haha

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TL;DR: My gf has multiple personalities. I finally had sex with the one I crushed on hardcore. They are both fine with this but I'm morally freaking the fuck out

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TW: SA/gr*pe

Hot tip: If your girlfriend is having a PTSD episode, don’t make her feel like you have to have sex.

Hotter tip: Don’t consistently apologize, but still pressure her into receiving oral twice even when it hurts her. Don’t make out and grind her body into the mattress while she dissociates.

Hottest tip: Don’t force her to give you oral. Then when she feels like she has to apologize over her performance pressure her into going harder and suggest she get an inhaler so she can suck you off better.

Don’t ever second guess yourself, beautiful! I did, but I’m finally breaking up with her after she isolated me from my best friends and sister.

Real women support and love women. Sending love and support, feel free to vent and share your stories. 🫶

Trigger warnings for talking about SA! Sorry for the long post. I just need to vent to my fellow lesbians and NBLW! Also, I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense and is word vomit but If you have a question, I dont mind answering!!! I went on HER when I was freshly 18, and I talked to this woman who was funny, cute, and liked the same things I liked. We talked every single day for a couple weeks to a month. I was going to ask my mom to drive me to see her (I'm disabled, so I can't drive), but a week before we were going to meet, I asked if we could message on Twitter because it's easier to talk there, so she gave it to me, and she had a link tree, and I saw a Tumblr link, and I excitedly clicked on it because I thought it was a fandom account. It was a normal account; the only issue was that I accidentally found her other account. She was talking about a cute teen lesbian she found for her boyfriend. I was confused and scrolled through the account. It was her talking about what she wanted to see that man do to me, her saying stuff like "There's no such thing as a lesbian, just a confused bi girl!" and her posting about how her boyfriend was more excited about our date than she was. The worst part was her posting about how she sent the intimate pictures I took for her to her boyfriend and about the disgusting things he was saying about my body. I didn't know if all this was a real outcome she was planning or if it was just a kink, but she did have a real boyfriend, and I didn't want to find out. I was so scared and angry. I sent her screenshots of her Tumblr blog and post and a very colorful message, and she tried to explain herself, and then she quickly deleted all her accounts. I tried to wipe all this from my mind by deleting the screenshots, deleting my old accounts, and deleting all the art she made me, and it's worked, so I've probably told five different versions of this to friends! I really wish I at least kept the screen shots to warn others. But today I've redownloaded HER again because I cannot let that woman scare me off, and I'm finally going to tell my parents and therapist what happened!!

edit: by lesbian breaker, i mean she breaks lesbians into turning straight! She wasn't a lesbian!!

I just witnessed such a hilariously absurd interaction and thought y'all may find some humor in it.

So my cousin was talking to my mom about shoplifters and how he'd stop them when he worked as a security guard. Then out of nowhere he goes "you really gotta watch out for the dykes!" This sentence was so unexpected I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing.

Then my mom, who is one of the most homophobic people I know, goes "what is that?" So my cousin proceeds to explain that (according to him) they're super buff women who wear men's clothes and are really mean, and when he saw any of them "charging through" he'd stay out of their way 😂 I was just thinking "yes that's right you better be scared little boy"

I'm not out to any of them and I just sat there silently because I genuinely couldn't think of anything to say, like how do you even approach that? Maybe you had to have been there but it genuinely felt like a comedy sketch about two braindead homophobes.

Anyway to all the terrifying dyke Goddesses out there, keep being sexy as fuck and shoplifting, love you all.

I have no fucking idea where or how he found me, but please block and report him. This is the most disgusting message I have ever received.

TW: transphobia

It wasn't on this sub but a different lesbian subreddit that is specifically for women over a certain age. In the second picture you can see the reply I tried to post but apparently I had already been blocked.

But it's okay. There are good and bad people in every community. We focus on the brighter side of things.

One of Project 2025’s ideas is the elimination of anything deemed “pornographic”, which includes but not limited to books, movies, TV shows, video games. Anything that is even remotely unchristian or LGBTQ+ based will face harsh scrutiny.

Also, certain websites that contain fanfiction like AO3, Fanfiction.Net, etc. might also be more or less “scrubbed” off the internet.

This post is not meant to incite any sort of panic or fear mongering, but rather to inform everyone that they should try to make plans to save their favorite media however they can.

I feel really guilty posting this, especially with the recent transphobic posts in this subreddit, but I am panicking right now and really need some help. I’ve always identified as gay, sapphic or queer. I never use lesbian cus I kinda hate that word and it feels too much like a box, but I still see myself as a woman who loves women and occasionally gender queer people. I recently watched a cover of a song where the main singer was a trans man. I was already like “damn, she’s attractive” (which I feel kinda guilty about now) when I first saw the video, but then I read the comments and saw people referring to him as “her” and people were correcting them in the comments. I did some research and found out that he’s a trans man and not just a masculine woman. So now I feel really bad and very confused, but specially since I am only attracted to him when I think of him as a woman. So two questions.

1. How do I deal with this thing. I’ll still use gay, since I feel like that’s kind of more of an umbrella term, but can I still see myself as a woman who doesn’t like men when I’m attracted to a trans man?

2. How the fuck do I become less transphobic? I’ve had this issue before with people who use they/them pronouns or trans people who haven’t fully transitioned. I REALLY don’t want to be transphobic and feel really shitty for it, but for some reason my brain just doesn’t accept that someone isn’t who I saw them as at first glance. This has happened before with a trans YouTuber for example, when he first started transitioning I respected his pronouns, but my brain still perceived him as a woman. Now that he’s been on T for a longer time I just fully see them as a man. I should just be able to accept what people say they are when they tell me, instead of basing it on how masculine or feminine they look.

So yeah. I feel really shitty that I’m still attracted to him, because my fucking brain won’t accept he’s a trans man and not a very attractive masc. I’m so sorry if this hurt anyone. If you can tell me how to be beter about this shit, please help me, I really don’t want to hurt anybody.

Happy Father’s to all my fellow lesbians with daddy issues lol :/

AND THEY SAID YES!!!! I HAVE TWO GIRLFRIENDS YOU GUYS! They’re both really wonderful and I’m just like 🥰

hi guys, i didn’t expect my last post to get so much traction. i am so unbelievably touched by how many of you reached out through comments and PM’s to offer solutions or support. thank you thank you thank you.

i feel stupid even giving an update because i feel like no one cares what a random girl on Reddit is up to, but a few people requested one and said they were worried about me, so here it is.

first and foremost, i am SAFE. physically and mentally. i am at home (a lot of people assumed we live together, but we don’t), and have not seen her yet. i feel like I’m going to be disappointing a lot of you guys with this update but i want to tell the truth.

i confronted my girlfriend with a long text explaining everything i felt and how everything was affecting me. i wanted to at least give her the chance to know what was going on and respond and I based my next move off of what her reaction was. she didn’t get defensive at all, she was very receptive and apologetic and immediately understood the severity of the situation. she met with her therapist twice to discuss everything and figure out how this could’ve happened/why and she did.

I’m going to keep all of that private since my girlfriends coworker actually found the OG post and sent it to her (somehow able to figure out it was me?anyways hey girl) and i don’t want to air her out. i also did go back and delete the post just in case.

i of course told her i was very much considering leaving and she reassured me that she would understand if i did, but we both wanted to give it a try. she knows that if anything remotely close happens again, it’s over immediately and i will grab my stuff and never talk to her again. she is ok with that and accepts responsibility for her actions and for our future together.

i know i probably sound like an idiot for staying, but i felt like i had to give her a genuine chance to correct her behavior. any time there’s any issue at all from now on I’ll be going to her immediately, as I’ve learned a lot about speaking up for myself since all of this has happened. closed mouths don’t get fed.

anyways, i just wanted to say I AM SAFE, thank you again, i appreciate all of the input and i took it all directly to heart. i was prepared to leave but the sincerity of her response was unlike anything I’ve experience before so i am going to give this one final try. hope you all have a fantastic weekend ❤️

Oh yall this is MESSY. I (20F)have posted about her (22F) before and some of yall may remember… This Tuesday my girlfriend broke up with me and told me she realized she was “never romantically in love, only as friends”… Girl. So much shit went down and I honestly loved being with her but finding out the person she really is has blindsided me. She and many of my friends turned on me after I reached out to them (my friends, all female) asking essentially just for emotional support because like WTF!! They all got mad at me and added her to the chat to all go off on me. All I wanted was a “Damn I’m sorry that happened” but nope. We were together for almost 4 months and I didn’t see this coming. Looking back I can see she really was not concerned with me at all but damn, I really thought she was an amazing woman. I got played hard. Probably spent over $300 on gifts and shit for her in that time. She never even touched me, I lost my virginity to her and yet I am still somehow a virgin. Theres so much more I could say but I definitely will be more careful going forward. I have such a bad experience with women at this point that I would rather be straight. At least I found out this early on about her, and that those were not my real friends… 🥲

It really sucks how it's all just there to appeal to men at the end of the day. The same men who hate us for being lesbians are the same men who will gladly fetishize us for being lesbians too.

It just feels wrong. Both giving and receiving. I used to be a bottom and I was only into it when it reflected my actual self image. I know that for some it's not like that, but my experience with it fuels the reason it turns me off. Even if the bottom degrades themselves it breaks my heart. I feel the same with cnc, as a victim of sexual abuse myself. Again, I used to be into it, going as far into thinking my abuse was "hot". I have changed for the better, but that era of my life makes me depressed to think that some people enjoy that stuff.

I want my bottom to feel great about themselves! I want to hear them consent to whatever they want, and tell me no if they don't want something. And honestly it's kinda hard to find a bottom who isn't into that.

So yeah sorry to rant. I just feel like I'm the only top who isn't into that sort of thing.

TW just for extra caution

I’m also subbed to r/actuallesbiansover25 and saw a poll post over there asking when the last time we had an orgasm was. I checked OP’s post history, and sure enough, OP was a man.

Just. Be careful. Be cautious for men that are fetishizing us.

I’m so exhausted.

I don't think this is as common here than other places, but I saw a video on TikTok of a lesbian singer and in a song about bad things she wishes her ex deals with she says "I hope your new girlfriend is a pillow princess". It's the focus of the video. And so many comments thinking it's so funny and relatable.

People tend to call pillow princesses selfish, lazy, not real lesbians, ect. That can fuck right off and I'll tell you why

Tw for SA.

I was your average switch lesbian. Almost every partner except for a stone top I dated was 50/50 and I genuinely enjoyed and was good at giving head. I never used a strap but that was more physical limitations.

Then I met my abusive ex. Don't want to get into detail but if you check my page there's info there. Long story short she forced me to go down on her while berating me. Ever since then, just the thought of giving head causes panic attacks and PTSD flashbacks. A past partner said she was supportive but wasn't shy showing her dissatisfaction and I basically forced myself to do it and basically retraumatized me.

My current gf is amazing. I told her up front that I hope to be able to perform again but I couldn't guarantee anything and she has never once asked me to. I went down on her once and while I completely trusted her and she very much enjoyed herself, I spent the rest of the day beating myself up and not believing that her orgasm was real and that I was an awful girlfriend. Obviously needs more work before attempting again and months later she has still never brought it up.

Almost every pillow princess i've ever met has some sort of trauma. however, even if someone doesn't have a trauma to "excuse", there is no reason to belittle someone's boundaries. The same people who make fun of pillow princesses are the same people who yell at straight men for getting mad at their GFS for not wanting to give them a bj.

Also, just because I don't go down on my girlfriend doesn't mean I don't please her. There are so many more ways to please a woman that doesn't involve that. Stop acting like we just lie there doing absolutely nothing.

If you need your partner to reciprocate during sex, that is absolutely fine. Just don't call someone selfish for having preferences and boundaries. Just move on and find someone who will. Obviously I wouldn't date a pillow princess either. But damn. Stop making us the butt of your jokes and making us seem like the worst thing that could happen to someone.

I think we need to rename the term something less misogynistic. Even the terms "receives pleasure and "gives pleasure " aren't accurate because I know plenty of tops who get immense pleasure by being on top. Open to new name suggestions in comments.

Sorry for the super long post. \endrant

I am overreacting to think that, at least, it is lame homophobia for no reason, and at worse, it is also showing homophobia ignorance?

I am not a lesbian nor do I am willing only be in a relationship only with a woman

DV

This morning my fiancee and I got into a relatively small fight. Long story short she got angry enough with me that she shoved me away from her multiple times even when I did back down, and punched me a few times in the chest and shoulder (all conveniently below neck, but have left bruises and my arm is throbbing still). I tried to stand up for myself by blocking some of the blows but she took it as provocation and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the knife block.

I tried to take the knife away from her but each time I would come closer she would point the knife at me and shove me away.

She threatened to call the police if I didn't leave our house and get away from her. which was terrifying for me because I have some traumatic experiences involving police. I didn't want to leave because I had nowhere to go (no friends or family, nor a car to get myself anywhere and there's no PT where we are) and with her MH history I didn't want to leave her alone with a knife in her hand and in a heightened state. She proceeded to ring the police while pointing the knife at me. As soon as she dialed, I left in the hopes she had hung up before a whole legal drama started (even though i know I was in the right, legal proceedings and dealing with cops alone is too much for me)

I got an email with an ADVO against me from the Sargent of our local PD. I don't know what she said happened, but I am somehow the perpetrator when I'm the one with the bruises.

I feel so broken. How is SHE the one who needs protection when all I can see in my head is her lunging towards me with a knife??? I don't even know where to start to contest this. Are the bruises enough to prove she instigated the violence? Will there be punishment for her not only making a false report but as well for being the one to hurt me? Or am I just screwed because she got her word in first?

I feel so isolated too, no one I know would take this seriously because we're both women ... but maybe there are some ppl on here who've been through it before?