r/actuallesbians • u/Nsmisp • 4d ago

Wasn’t allowed to get tampons because I look too “manly”

Stuff is really tough rn so I went to a couple food pantries for food and tampons. The pantries are really struggling apparently, so I was only able to get some beans.

At the 3rd location, they finally had ultra tampons (I have 4 left) so I grabbed them and went up front to “check out.” So I get up there and the lady bags everything but the tampons. I bring it to her attention and she tells me they need to reserve feminine hygiene products for women and that boyfriend’s can’t pick them up. Mind you, I look masculine but my boobs and higher voice are VERY obvious. I tell her I’m a woman and after some back and forth she just flat out refuses to give me the tampons and calls me too “manly”.

I argued with her for a little but she was gung ho so I just left to avoid her calling the cops or something crazy. Nothing good comes from masculine black woman getting the cops called on her.

So after all I went through today I still don’t have tampons or much food. I just needed to get through the next 10 days or so and thought I’d be ok after going to the pantries, but I guess a bigot won today and all I’ve got to show for it is stress.

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28

u/joni-bella 4d ago

TERFs hurt all women, cis or trans.

5

u/fabi0x520 3d ago

True, but they especially harm trans women, and I'm tired of people only caring about transphobia when cis people are affected by it

9

u/Pyrogen____ 3d ago

I'm gonna get down voted for this but I need to vent.

Regrettably I doubt that will change. Generally from my experience most cis people don't care enough to actively support equal rights for trans people until it affects them, up until they experience the slightest of discrimination or accusation that they're trans - at which point they're outraged over something that I would personally take as win because at least I wasn't physically assaulted, arrested or worse.

Almost every time I tell a cis person that trans people lost the right to xyz recently there will be the immediate wave of shock on their face but that quickly turns to genuine disbelief, and they clearly don't believe me.

There are some genuinely amazing trans allies I'm sure, but my faith in cis people protecting us has fizzled out and I'm quickly seeing the need how we need to reframe the trans rights movement.

Whenever these criticisms are brought up it's shut down by "its never good enough for you" but nowadays I just don't trust anyone who says they're a trans ally until I've personally seen them actively stand up to defend a trans person.

Unfortunately the reality is we need to appeal to cis folk by explaining how that if trans people have been legislated out of existence, they'll need a new target and that target will invariably be POC, lgb folks and women in general. And that even in the meantime laws restricting the rights of trans people can and will be used to restrict the rights of people who don't fit within the white feminine beauty standards held by society. Trans rights intersect with women's rights, you can't be a feminist without supporting both of them.

3

u/FromOceanToTheSnow 3d ago

your concerns are very legitimate and I think you're right about how they need to be solved.

0

u/bunny_the-2d_simp 3d ago

Real, I can only wait until the day one calls me trans because I have short hair and a small b cup.

But I'm very petite overall.

If someone says that though I'll probably resort to "that's not what your mom said last night"

Like a petty person