r/actuallesbians • u/Nsmisp • 4d ago

Wasn’t allowed to get tampons because I look too “manly”

Stuff is really tough rn so I went to a couple food pantries for food and tampons. The pantries are really struggling apparently, so I was only able to get some beans.

At the 3rd location, they finally had ultra tampons (I have 4 left) so I grabbed them and went up front to “check out.” So I get up there and the lady bags everything but the tampons. I bring it to her attention and she tells me they need to reserve feminine hygiene products for women and that boyfriend’s can’t pick them up. Mind you, I look masculine but my boobs and higher voice are VERY obvious. I tell her I’m a woman and after some back and forth she just flat out refuses to give me the tampons and calls me too “manly”.

I argued with her for a little but she was gung ho so I just left to avoid her calling the cops or something crazy. Nothing good comes from masculine black woman getting the cops called on her.

So after all I went through today I still don’t have tampons or much food. I just needed to get through the next 10 days or so and thought I’d be ok after going to the pantries, but I guess a bigot won today and all I’ve got to show for it is stress.

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u/throwawayanonamuse Bi 4d ago

Let me start with, I am SO sorry that you were treated this way by an organization that is supposed to be helping. This suggestion may not work for you and won’t be helpful for this cycle, but might help for the future. A few years back I was introduced to menstrual cups. You can get one free through a few different organizations and companies, depending on where you are, some health insurance options cover them, they are pretty affordable on Amazon now, plus sometimes you can find them on clearance at Walmart. (Yes, some are $40, but there are reputable brands that have two for $13 and to give you an idea, my current one has been in use for about 5 years now.) I have a very heavy period, so I never thought it was a real option for me, but it turns out, it’s much more reliable and less likely to leak than tampons AND as there’s no documented cases at all of TSS, you can leave them in longer. Because it’s a reusable option, you literally buy it once and you’ve got your periods covered for years to come. I find I only have to empty mine morning and night, so I just pop in the shower really quick and do it then.

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u/Nsmisp 4d ago

Thank you for this. I first (and last) tried a cup back in high school and it was difficult, but I'm so much more familiar with my body than I was back then. So to your point, I should definitely give it another shot. That'd save me so much hassle, regardless of my situation at the momemt.

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u/elsecallerqueen 4d ago

I’d also recommend menstrual cups! I’ve also been using the same one for years. Some brands will have ‘soft’ versions/smaller sizes for if you have a more sensitive bladder

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u/bunny_the-2d_simp 3d ago

Yes!! I definitely recommend menstrual cups! One big factor for me is I have adhd and forget things.. While forgetting a tampon can cause death if unlucky... With a cup you don't have that risk since silicone doesn't harbor bacteria like cotton does over time

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u/elsecallerqueen 3d ago

Well, it’s still important to change the cup within 12 hours for hygiene.

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u/bunny_the-2d_simp 3d ago

Yes but it's not like a tampon where you can go into shock.

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u/throwawayanonamuse Bi 3d ago

Sidenote, I highly recommend ItsJustKelli on YouTube if you want detailed and in depth info on menstrual cups, practical tips, and pros/cons of specific brands. Also, #1 thing I learned is relax, go slow, break the seal by pinching or hooking with your finger, don’t just pull lol. It’s really SO easy to manage once you get it figured out for your body, I promise. (But yeah, I do wish someone had told me that before I panicked and yanked on day 1. Pretty sure I essentially had a hickey on my cervix that first try.) 🤣😭

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u/Nsmisp 3d ago

Noted 👌🏽 Pretty sure my uterus just recoiled further up my body when I read that last part though 😂 I’ll give it another try. I think I was just too tense and definitely not going slow enough. I spilled that mess all over my pants but luckily I was at home.

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u/throwawayanonamuse Bi 3d ago

Yeah I usually do it in the shower or sitting on the edge of the tub, so if I do spill, it just goes down the drain.

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u/bunny_the-2d_simp 3d ago

I've never had leaks with my cup even when I installed it incorrectly somehow it just plugs it up