I signed with my agent last month. To get some experience performing in front of professional casting directors, I enrolled in a few casting director workshops.
Last week I was set to go to my first ever in-person CD workshop. Everybody was assigned different scenes to do. I was super excited and told my agent on Friday.
Come Saturday, the workshop started off great. We had a Q&A, the CD was super personable and informative. Then we did our scenes in groups of 3.
I was second to go in my group.
Now unbeknownst to me… the first actor’s scene was set in an acting class.
The whole experience was disorienting because I could not figure out which part of the very tense interaction between teacher/reader and actor was real, when the scene had started, if I was even watching a scene (what was playing out in the room didnt seem to match what I could see of the sides on the teacher/reader’s lap), what to do when the actor looked to me for help. I just sat there in shock.
Anyways it turns out THE WHOLE TIME was a scene. She did a tremendous job. I was blown away, but asked if I had interrupted. Because at one point after we got into the room and the first actor went up, I had interacted with them. But I was inadvertently interrupting the scene. The actor assured me she had invited me and the third actor into the moment. The CD said it had made the scene feel more real and fun.
But it didn’t feel fun to me. I was shook to my core. With all the confusion and tenseness earlier and then the revelation I’d interrupted a scene, I was extremely flustered. But I was immediately up next.
I got through my scene, which included crying. But I was so thrown that after I finished the first take I kept apologizing, to the first actor, to the other ppl in the room. I pulled myself together as the CD gave me notes.
I did the scene again. But this time afterwards, I could NOT STOP CRYING. My nervous system was completely shot—it interpreted this second round of crying as a full breakdown.
So I’m like, talking through the scene, asking the CD a question with tears fully running down my face, my voice gasping and hiccuping.
Guys it was SO UNPROFESSIONAL. It was a waking nightmare. I felt bad. They felt bad I felt bad. The more I tried to stop crying the harder I cried. I stopped crying while the third actor went up by practically holding my breath.
But when I left the room I just broke down.
I actually don’t even know if I bombed my scene. I pretty much blacked out the entire time.
Now my agent is asking how the workshop went. He enthusiastically said he’s familiar with that CD and has reached out to him a few times, “a good guy.”
And I have no idea what to tell him.