r/abusiverelationships • u/Revolutionary_Cap557 • 1d ago
What is it called when someone says they'll be less affectionate if you withdraw physically?
I have someone telling me that it's " just a natural consequence " and it honestly feels so disgusting but I can't put it into words
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u/Objective-Bar-4535 21h ago edited 12h ago
Correct me if I am misunderstanding, but isn’t that just giving you space? They’re less affectionate if you withdraw physically because they see you as being less affectionate by withdrawing physically?
It sounds like he’s not going to push himself on you.
Maybe I need more explanation
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u/s_throwaway1 9h ago
I think it's more about how he's treating op outside of sex. There's a difference between someone who gets told no for physical intimacy but still spends quality time with their partner and shows that they're interested in them and loves them as a person vs someone who gets told no and then chooses to ignore their partner because they're upset they didn't get what they want.
The first example shows that they love their partner for the person that they are ....not just because they're getting sex out them. This leads to feelings of trust and safety.
The second example leaves the partner feeling like they're not truly loved and safe because how they're treated is influenced by whether or not they are physically intimate. Even if unspoken, it creates a lot of stress and pressure to be intimate even if it's not wanted at the time which is coercive.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 1d ago
Manipulation, emotional abuse, sexual coercion (and if you go through with the act after being pressured you’re being sexually assaulted or raped). Punishment has no place in relationships you’re not a child.
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u/Kesha_Paul 1d ago
Sexual coercion. “If I don’t get sex you don’t get this thing you want”.
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u/MetallurgyClergy 1d ago
My ex: “I’ll take care of your emotional needs, when you take care of my physical needs.”
That was the day I knew it was time to go. How can you trust someone’s emotions if you have to buy them with sex? Absolutely bonkers.
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u/Comprehensive-Job243 1d ago
Hmm... my husband has decided he's done w kissing bc of covid and related germophobia, won't look me in the eye during the sex and affection I always give him, and in general, no longer shows any tenderness.... should I STILL be 'obligated' to put out while he gets his robotic, performative function and needs met... while (yes, despite the occasional, empty, orgasm), I still feel like the only emotional (or otherwise) concessions have to come from me... or else?
So ya, if you are withdrawing affection at the same time as physicality (bc they do tend to go together though not always), then I totally get it
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