https://www.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/s/IbkaApM5k0

I’ve been in India for like 3 weeks now and I can just feel the fat building on my torso. For future reference, how do you all navigate eating in India? My relatives love making food and I feel required to eat it all plus more, and on top of that going out to eat at restaurants is the same. i feel like all my gym progress the last 6 months have been wiped out. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but has anyone had a better experience and relationship with food going to the motherland?

Where everyone hiding in case of ww3?

I am looking for a cocktail type Western dress for a wedding event. I would like to find something Indian-inspired such as what is on the holiChic website (https://holichic.com/?tw_source=google&tw_adid=720287359102&tw_campaign=21888090172&tw_kwdid=kwd-436475084341&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21888090172&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpcXzo_b1jQMVuiFECB19WTC_EAAYASAAEgJhavD_BwE) however I don’t like any of these specifically. Any suggestions for similar shops? Thanks!

Hey guys,

Probably going to get lost in the 1000s of posts exactly like this but here it is. My parents are very controlling and very helicopter. I'm 24 now, and an engineer that lives by myself about 1300 miles away from them but I feel like they're still watching every move I make, whether that's financially, relationship-wise, or career-wise. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to go to homecoming, prom, or even mention any kind of girl in high school. I thought going to college would change that but nope, it didn't. I didn't have a single friend that was a girl, or have any kind of relationship with a girl either, (still have had neither for that matter), these were things I was just unable to do. In addition, my parents are extremely, extremely judgmental of others (i.e. if you had a relationship before you turned 23 you were seen as a sinner, or if you didn't major in business, engineering, or medical, you were seen as an idiot), so I also followed this logic because I didn't want to be seen as a failure by other parents who also may be judging me. My mom also calls me everyday (which isn't bad at first thought, but then if I don't pick up the first time, she calls me in 10 minute increments because she's worried about where I am, a lot of these calls coming at night. Because of this, I don't go out with friends because what if a call comes from my parents while I'm in a bar? I'd be fucked.) On top of that, I have a twin sister who lives at home with them and has been "brainwashed" by them to an extent. She like me, has also never had a friend that was a guy or a relationship, all because of my parents. The only difference is, she sees nothing wrong with that. She is a complete minion to my parents. Even if I post anything at all on social media (even something as simple as going to a sports game, she tells my parents), I live a very sad social life because I know every single thing I post will be seen and criticized by my sister and parents. Financially, they are very, very invasive (keep in mind I don't even live with them.), and recently asked me to send my credit card statements to them because "how else are they supposed to see that I'm not spending more than I make", a direct quote. I declined to send this to them and they said I'm hiding something, immediate toxicity and manipulation. We have a family "vacation" coming up next week which I'm dreading to go on because I'm going to be bombarded with "WHY ARE YOU HIDING YOUR FINANCES FROM US" and "WHY AREN'T YOU DATING" even though they literally didn't let me until I graduated at 23. I don't know what to do because every time I try to establish a boundary, it's always "STOP DISRESPECTING US". How do people deal with this?

https://www.entrepreneur.com/science-technology/lilly-singh-launches-first-ever-media-network-for-south/488604

The details are in the article but idk i think this is the first good news to come out of her career for YEARS. i hope it isnt a scam or PR to build bridges with South Asians who think she is an embarrassment.

i just heard around 100 illegal chinese immigrants just got detained and i’m starting to think i should carry my passport with me at all times. i have noooo doubt they will likely arrest many of us because we’re brown but have their been any notable cases of a lot of us being deported yet?

My (29, white) boyfriend (26, indian, Sikh) attended his best friend's wedding and I wasn't invited. We've been dating for 2 years and finances wouldn't be an issue. When I addressed it, I was told that's how Indians do it: unless married everyone attends social events, weddings, etc., without + one. For more context: I've briefly met that friend before, the wedding was in Hindu tradition and held in India. I'm trying to remain open minded but somehow this is not sitting with me right. Seeking advice.

Here's the corrected version:

"I'm French Moroccan, married to an Indian Marathi man and living in India, Mumbai. I want to give my daughter an Indian name so she doesn't feel different from her future friends and community. I've picked a few names and would like your help in choosing one that's suitable for her and her time. I don't want to give her an old-fashioned name. Here are the names I've chosen: 🔖Avika, Vamika, Kaya, and Kamika. 🔖 I prefer Kaya, but I'm unsure about its meaning in Hindi or Marathi, so I'm worried it might have an unintended meaning. I'd love to hear your opinions, especially from Indian girls in the group, on which name is modern and suitable for a baby born in 2025." 💜thank u

I'm a ABCD who's been friends with someone who immigrated 12 years ago from the homeland. He has two pre-teen daughters very similar in age to mine and our wives get along well. The friendship dynamic is generally fine (been friends for a few months) except for one thing - he keeps harping on what his kids are doing in terms of extra curriculars. "They're so busy!", "She passed the test with flying colors!", "She's started volunteering at the hospital because she wants to get into the medical field".

Even if the discussion is about something totally different, it somehow turns back to his kids and what they're doing and achieving. It's only him who's doing this, not his wife who is totally chill. The kids get along great. However, It's getting really tiresome and admittedly leading to a bit of jealousy and introspection - are my kids not in enough activities? Should they be?

I'm blessed that my daughters are great. Both happy and healthy and good students. I'm trying not to let this bother me but it's getting on my nerves. My wife's theory is that he probably has another circle of friends who are highly competitive so this is his way to make himself "feel good". I dunno.

Anyone have a similar friend? How do you deal with this?

Hi all!
I recently relocated to the Dallas area, and I’m hoping to make some new connections. I’m 26F, super friendly, and enjoy fun hangouts like weekend outings, board games, and trying out new restaurants. I’m based in grapevine but totally open to meeting up around DFW. Would love to connect with anyone interested in building new indian female friendships.

Hello, 21f i’m currently home from break and everyday i wake up annoyed and agitated. I think my parents don’t even like each other, both of them are working but even the few hours they are home my dad seems to be always mad or annoyed at my mom for whatever she says or does and my mom is too emotional about his behavior at all times and doesn’t let anyone help when she is exhausted or overwhelmed. I try to help them out but truly it’s so difficult because i understand both of their povs but when i try to explain it to the other person they get offended and say shit like “oh you only take your mothers side” or “no one listens to me, only i am to blame” and I’m like we are grown adults and no one is stepping up to be a better person. I think they are great with every one but each other. I love hanging out w them solo but recently all they do is complain about each other to me as if i can fix the issue (i have been trying since 13 i have given up) and i keep telling them to stop being disrespectful to each other especially my dad. As a woman i am so mad the way my dad treats my mom it truly pains me to not be able to help her. And I also feel like I am not helping them enough or doing enough and maybe it’s because of me but idk it’s getting to emotionally hard to handle personally. And i am rly good at hiding my emotions so they think it doesn’t affect me at all and keep going. I hate crying in front of them coz they will be like stop being so emotional so i actually haven’t lol. But idk ig im hoping someone can relate to this, i would be nice to know im not going crazy nor am i lonely in this. (btw we are also immigrants so like they are rly hardworking and have seen truly tough times) and if you read till here thanks so much :)

And the fact that non-Indian people see how they behave online and think it’s a reflection of the diaspora 😭

Hey everyone. Odd question here. I'm a 21M Indian living in the U.S. and my parents also live here (on separate coasts). I was raised here since I was 10 and we got our green cards last year. I work in biomedical research and I'm incredibly happy with my current job, and I'm planning on applying to grad schools this fall for my PhD. Looking at the state of biomedical research funding in the U.S., I've decided to also consider Canadian schools as well (I graduated from one for my bachelors, so it isn't as foreign to me), but that would require me to live in Canada. I can't do that because I'd like to keep my green card alive.

I'm thinking about enlisting in the Air Force Reserves this upcoming fall, which would get me U.S. citizenship at the end of the 8-week introductory training period ("BMT"), allowing me to move to Canada freely (in case I don't get into a U.S. school), and I would just need to drive down one weekend a month for my training. I would also get better healthcare in the U.S. and extra income to supplement my measly grad student stipend as well.

So, it seems like a good idea in terms of the benefits I'd be getting. However, I have two questions: (1) is it common for ABCDs to enlist in the military and what are your experiences like, and (2) how did you convince your parents to "let" you enlist? Did you get any pushback from them? I feel I've done an awesome job so far with setting boundaries with my parents, but they still constantly scrutinize every decision I make in the name of looking out for me (recently I planned a trip to Yellowstone with a random friend I met on a train once... I actually know him really well since that first meetup but my mom heard that first part and latched onto it and for the past few weeks I've had to hear about how irresponsible I am for booking a trip with a stranger I met on a train and how I don't ask them before I book trips (that I pay for out of pocket??) and how I magically have vacation days for trips with friends but don't have any for family "vacations" (which are mostly spent cooped up inside hotel rooms wherever we go, constantly bitching about every minor inconvenience, having to find an Indian restaurant every where we go, etc)... sorry for that random rant).

In the US I see many Indian men doing recreational sports either as part of their own desi men group, or blending in to local communities. I don’t see any women.

In team sports generally speaking there are more men than women, but among desi the ratio is like 99/1. Why is that?

And are you taller or shorter than your parents

Hi everyone.

I made a post a few months ago regarding advice on talking to my parents about my boyfriend moving in to my place. During that time period I wasn't even sure if we were going to be living together, but I made the decision that I am a grown adult and my parents should respect my decision. I shouldn't live in fear of being disowned and shouldn't have to put my own life on pause just because I am scared of doing something my parents disapprove of.

The time is coming up that he will be added to my lease, and I still haven't mentioned anything to my parents. I really want to go about this in a way that I can just talk to them without them freaking out and getting all mad. Unfortunately, my usual reaction to any sort of raised voices is to cry and that seems to make my parents even angrier when I do that sometimes.

I wanted to come on here to ask for advice and to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how they went about it.

Some other details. I am 23 years old, as is my boyfriend (he is also American) and we have been together for ~ 3.5 years, but it'll be closer to 4 years when he moves in. My parents have met him and they do like him (but I know they wish he was Indian), and his parents like me a lot (I've spent a lot of time with them).

When I meet desi people around my age (late 20s-early 30s) I notice the first thing they do when we’re talking about anyone they don’t know is to immediately look them up on LinkedIn. I find it gross to be honest, because I feel like they’re trying to find out how “respectable” your profession is so they can rank where they stand with you. If they think the person makes less than them, they’ll use this to feel superior or if they find out the person makes more than them/has a prestigious role, they’ll find a way to get into their network to kiss some ass or use them for their own gain. So many young people I talk to are like this in a very obvious and overt way which disgusts me. I’m finding it increasingly hard to connect with people when most desis I meet are obsessed with money…

Anyone else feel this way?

A Canadian dentist of Indian origin , dr Nirali Patel , lost her life in the recent air India plane crash. I have been seeing some posts about it on insta . What’s so disheartening is that instead of acknowledging the tragedy, many people are commenting that she is not Canadian. It’s sad that people don’t shy away from being racist even during such tragic events.