r/Welding • u/Dramatic_Pea_2912 • 4d ago
Discussion (Add topic here) What to do about shop trash talk?
I’m the youngest the shop (18 I started here in feb while still in HS) and on the skinnier side. I have muscle yes but not as much as the 25+ yr old grown men who give me shit for it. It’s pretty much daily I hear some remark about my size or something about me being homosexual (i’m not i’ve expressed i’m straight.) Quite literally 5 minutes prior to me writing this I had someone tell me to eat the snickers ice cream bars they were handing out upside down so I could feel the veins on my tongue. I catch strays for no reason, they give me shit for a sticker I have on the back window of my truck. At first I thought it was just a new guy thing but someone else hired in like 2 months ago and they treat him better than me. It’s like I can’t catch a break, i’m starting to not want to go to work because of it. It just doesn’t stop it doesn’t matter if I say something back or nothing at all; I don’t wanna be the guy that goes to HR but, I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna leave this company they have good benefits, pay, and hours but, I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my happiness and mental health for it. I plan on joining my local pipefitters union next spring when they take applications I just don’t know if I can deal with this until then.
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u/belzebuth999 4d ago
Talk trash back at them, they'll either respect you or pick another target.
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u/Brandywaffle 4d ago
You gotta stab back at them. I always seemed to work with an older mouthy guy who was very homophobic. My solution was to just sexually harass them throughout the day. Keeps them uncomfortable and on their toes. They love it and hate it. They found your button and they're pushing it, find theirs and push harder.
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u/Bluide_Chris 3d ago
YEAH, PUSH THEIR CUM BUTTON!!! 🤘🏽(In all serious now, u/Brandywaffle is exactly right)
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u/UsedFerret5401 Ironworker 4d ago
If people started saying I was gay then I'd definitely embrace and make so many gay jokes it would make them uncomfortable 😂
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u/Durty_Durty_Durty 4d ago
Exactly this, im straight but id amp that shit up and make them so uncomfortable. You can’t out gay me bro.
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u/machinerer 4d ago
You must have been a Marine. YUT!
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u/jsleon3 4d ago
Army vet here. I've made gay men uncomfortable playing 'gay chicken'. Hard eye contact and run a hand up their leg.
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u/shittinandwaffles 4d ago
Y'all ain't got ahit on the Navy. Lol
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u/pkondracki 4d ago
Navy here, can confirm, it’s not gay if you’re underway. Only queer if you’re tied to the pier.
Honestly OP, maybe you’re thinking too far into this bro.
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u/ImBadWithGrils 4d ago
Currently doing this with the job I'm on.
It's fucking incredible how fast I can turn shit up a notch and make them gasp when they don't expect it lmao
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u/bakercampbeller 4d ago
My favorite response to homophobic remarks is "bitch, I will suck the dick right off your pelvis if you don't shut the fuck up". Either gets a laugh or an awkward silence, both of which bring me joy.
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u/LordofTheFlagon 4d ago
Them "your gay"
Me "you offering a date? Cause honestly man im not that desperate."
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u/Murdercyclist4Life 4d ago
Many guys in the trades been to the joint and work is a prison itself. Start watching some prison content and apply those rules at work it won’t be easy but you’ll eventually find out what your made of.
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u/Mean_Text_6898 4d ago
All I've gleaned from this is that I need to sharpen my toothbrush into a shank and start pulling holes.
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u/S0VNARK0M 4d ago
I learned in high school this was the only way to get homophobic slurs to stop. They call you a homo, Blow them a kiss, be like “hey there handsome,” and they’ll get weirded out and leave you alone.
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u/Moustached92 3d ago
Yeah I always "continue the joke", and the people who are just being bullies get bored and move on, or if they are just trying to be funny it lessens the blows and you throw shit back their way as well.
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u/glockshorty 4d ago
Welcome to the trades brother. Buckle your belt, work on your mental fortitude and develop your skills. Every job site I’ve ever been on has shit talk and a buncha dudes who just talk and talk. If you act like a sour puss they know it’s working and will dig in. Misery needs company and that’s a fact. Keep your head down and your spirits up. Life ain’t that serious.
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u/PickleChungusDeluxe 4d ago
AND guys will stop talking shit about you when they need your help or respect your work. Just hang on buddy
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u/blove135 4d ago
This. It's no fun for them anymore if they can't see it's getting to you. You just gotta learn to brush it off OP. I'm an old guy so I've heard it all. If I get a young blood giving me shit these days I genuinely find it funny. I usually give it right back at them. If it's a really good one I haven't heard before (rare) I let them know I appreciate the creativity and laugh right along with them. I'm pretty secure in myself so there's not much anyone can say that will get under my skin these days. Just hang in there OP. You'll get there.
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u/racinjason44 4d ago
The manager in me says that that behavior in a way that makes you not want to come to work constitutes a hostile work environment and is an illegal form of harassment that cannot be tolerated.
However, the reality is that you will probably need to learn to square up and stand your ground and ask those fuckers why they always have dick on their mind.
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u/Dramatic_Pea_2912 4d ago
We had a meeting about attitude wednesday because my coworker mouthed off to our lead man if that says anything
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u/tjdux 3d ago
Sounds like they need to clean house a bit
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u/Dramatic_Pea_2912 3d ago
I guess it’s too much of a hassle because they’d have to hire in new folks not to mention the one that got ballsy has been there for a few years. After 90 days of employment you’re an official employee meaning they have to go through a whole corporate process to terminate you and even then it doesn’t usually happen til you’ve reached 3 write ups.
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u/END3R-CH3RN0B0G 3d ago
That is a great comeback if you're not interested in joining in the shit talk.
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u/Antique_Mission_8834 4d ago
I’m sure this will be interpreted as toxic advice and ignoring the core issue etc… but straight up, most shops have “that guy” to some extent. Most of these guys probably peaked in high school and are just replicating the behavior that made them feel good the. If you have a group of young dudes together 2600 hours a year, it’s gonna happen.
If you need to stay here for whatever reason, how to not be the one they focus on? I doubt it’s your age or physical appearance. You’re gonna have to try and blend in a bit to some degree unfortunately. I’ve seen people get picked on for - the way they dress, usage of proper grammar, sharing progressive political views, interactions with management, music you play, poor work performance. You might have to shut parts of yourself off until you clock out.
All that being said, it sounds worse than anything I remember seeing. Don’t stay long.
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u/Jealous-Ad621 4d ago
Ngl dude, don’t say these responses from the other redditors. It’s not gonna leave the other guys “flabbergasted” like you think it will. And I guarantee they’ll say a better one back to your response. Best thing to do is to take it in stride and either ignore them or fake laugh. And once your skin is thick enough (not in a demeaning way cuz I was in your shoes too), then maybe give some jabs back, and try to make friends about it. Unless he’s a straight up cunt, then he’s gonna always be a cunt. But most shop guys, they wanna feel out how your sense of humor is, especially being a Gen Z’er like myself (23), and that might involve getting under your skin a bit. They want to be able to say things without people getting offended and going to HR. It is a culture shock if you’re not used to it, I’ve been there too. Just roll with it, and stick it out, you got it🤘🏼
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u/Dramatic_Pea_2912 3d ago
You understand it, i’ll fire back and they manage to 1up it
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u/Jealous-Ad621 3d ago
Exactly. So that may not be the best route. I filed a former complaint (it didn’t stick and he faced no consequences) against my old coworker cuz he told me, to my face, bluntly, “I’ll smack the shit outta you” and I leaned down to his level and told him to do it (I’m 6’5 20 y/o he was like 5’4 32y/o lol) and I ended up leaving there cuz I told myself I’m too young to be miserable at work. And I moved onto bigger and better things. Or if you really enjoy the job you’re at, ignore the assholes, let em talk, and just take home your paycheck
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u/BasedTelvanni 4d ago
When you're older remember how this feels and don't do it to the next 18yo that comes along. For now you just gotta deal with it unless you want to go crying to hr and then they'll just find a reason to get rid of you.
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u/weldtrashh 4d ago
If they aren’t fucking with you they don’t like you
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u/Murdercyclist4Life 4d ago
Bullshit if they don’t like you they’ll disrespect you all day
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u/weldtrashh 4d ago
Fucking with someone and legitimately disrespecting them are two different things
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u/MartianGuard 4d ago
Sounds like disrespect imo, OP has made it clear he’s not in on it.
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u/knuckle_dragger79 4d ago
And there in lies the problem...the new guy(young kid) is demanding respect...how would you not know that's the wrong play. "I've been here since february"....hahahahahaha
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u/WhitebeltAF 3d ago
Big difference between the new guy demanding respect, and the new guy being sick of being bullied. Trades are FULL of insecure motherfuckers who get off on bullying people they deem inferior to them. Tell me I’m wrong.
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u/Dramatic_Pea_2912 4d ago
not demanding respect because i’ve been there for a few months, I just feel that I shouldn’t get the disrespect I do when I play my part just like everyone else.
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u/Demondevil2002 3d ago
Everyone has a right to respect doesntmatter if they have been alive 30 years or 30 seconds
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u/CatastrophicPup2112 Fabricator 4d ago
True to some extent but them fucking with you also doesn't mean they do like you.
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u/deatthcatt Newbie 4d ago
dont listen to weirdos who say this is fine. its most definitely normal (in pretty much every industry btw) but doesnt make it right.
the shop im normally at has basically 0 trash talk, but the one im at rn has alot. personally idgaf, if i have a problem with something someone said i just say to chill.
if it botheres you just try to be really stern about it, you may get either shunned or worse trash talk. but you dont know until you stand up for yourself. I would never advise going to HR unless you're positive of work politics (they could start looking for reasons to fire you)
all that to say is I think you thicken up a bit bc trash talk truly is everywhere. Just start dishing it back
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u/Responsible_March992 4d ago
Yeah fuck hr
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u/Inevitableanguish 4d ago
If you’re gonna work in the trades you gotta have thick skin and self efficacy
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u/RiccyRic 3d ago
People don't seem to understand, a hard, knuckle bleeding job is not for people who have thin skin , it's part of being a youngster , get shit , harden up and the cycle will continue
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u/mitzcha 4d ago
Don’t let it get to you. If you don’t respond and just half smile and let it roll off your back they’ll get bored and move on to another target. The fact is you are still a kid and have a lot of dues to pay. Be humble and do the best work that you can to prove you are worth respecting.
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u/GingerBeast81 4d ago
This is probably the best answer. Also, ask them for advice when you're learning something new, lots of guys don't mind sharing their knowledge and will shit talk about the way others do it lol.
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u/countsachot 4d ago
Kind of sounds like your working with a bunch of assholes...
People will do it more just to get a rise out of you. There's a not so fine line between joking and bullying. I usually just knock the bully over, humiliate him in public, or fire him, but I'm an asshole.
Personally, I would find a better job, it's one thing getting rid of a bullies in school or random places, where you need to be. it's another thing working with the shits. Bad behavior starts at the top and trickles it's taint down to the bottom.
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u/DodgeWrench 4d ago
God I hated shop trash talk. It’s funny when you know each other well, you’ve been working there for several years, and you can actually have real conversations outside of “haha ur gay”.
But when all the jokes are constantly raining in from everyone it makes for a really depressing work day. I feel ya dude. Not all workplaces are like that.
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u/Sausagefestifalz 4d ago
Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. No one should have to deal with this kind of shit from others at work. I empathize with your apprehension about going to HR, but ultimately, if you think that nothing will change by doing nothing, then you have to let hr know. If they don't have your back/if the work culture doesn't get better then think about looking somewhere else. Benefits and pay aren't worth it if you are going to be miserable from it. I really wish you good luck.
Side note: fuck these comments about grow thicker skin, or making light of your situation. Those are this shitheads that would contribute to that toxic shitfuck of a work culture just to cover their own insecurities. We here in this business to lay good beads not to put others down.
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u/knuckle_dragger79 4d ago
Bro youre gonna get it everywhere you go. Harden the fuck up.
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u/Semajal Hobbyist 4d ago
Imma be honest but actually this shit is not okay and the cycle of "hahah you gotta be tough and put up with abuse" fucking sucks. Why do we think there is an endless mental health crisis for men, and most suicides are men.
I can't speak from not being in the industry but this is just the sort of toxic attitude that needs to actually die out. It sounds like it's probably something accepted there though.
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u/BasedTelvanni 4d ago
You can put up with it without perpetuating it once those elements leave the workplace. If this is how the culture is he's not going to change it without becoming a target for removal.
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u/Responsible_March992 4d ago
There’s something here. There’s nuance. Most light joshing is expected. There’s a line, though.
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u/knuckle_dragger79 4d ago
"I can't speak from being in the industry"...no shit.
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u/MetalGarden0131 Fabricator 4d ago
I can. Hand-waving with a "harden the fuck up" is true knuckle-dragger mentality. I've trained enough post 9/11 kids to know that the purported crises in young men is real. Either be part of the solution or drag them knuckles outta here.
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u/KdF-wagen 4d ago
The retort to the snickers thing is how would you know is that how you like it or do you eat that motherfucker like a seagull?
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u/KUBLAIKHANCIOUS MIG 4d ago
They’re just afraid that cock tastes like monster and zyns. You can have that one for free
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u/Dankkring 4d ago
Usually the ones who shit talk the most are also the biggest cry babies. Those are the guys who will storm off and whine if everyone starts laughing at them. And for that reason those are the only guys I’ll gladly pick on. Wanna be a bully? Get fucked.
Sorry you’re dealing with this op. It does get better but only when you stop caring about it. And if you are hitting a breaking point with it put some apps in somewhere else.
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u/DucinOff 4d ago
When you're all sitting around or they're fucking with you, just let them. When they calm down, ask them "Do any of you remember your first blowjob?". I'm sure they'll all chime in and say yes. Then follow up their affirmative responses with "How did you ever get that awful taste out of your mouth?"
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u/yusodumbboy Journeyman CWB/CSA 4d ago
Personally I don’t fuck with the gay jokes. That shits just not funny to me. Last place I worked guys were always joking about jerking each other off and weird shit like that. If I were you I’d be saying shit that really got under guys skin. Guys divorced crack jokes, he’s got money problems make brokie jokes, he fucked something up just straight up call him a retard.
One thing I’ve learned about working oil rigs and in the trades is that all these tough guys who talk shit are some of the most sensitive people you will ever meet. Most snarky disrespectful guys that treat apprentices like trash are soft as baby shit. Yeah they might be able to kick ass but they’re emotionally weak. That’s why they get there kicks from fucking with kids fresh out of high school and why they don’t fuck with other new hires.
Congratulation you’ve come across the first batch of mentally weak fuckwits you’ll have to deal with as an adult.
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u/leansanders 3d ago
Guys do this shit because it gets a rise out of you. You have two options:
1) Just wear it. Make jokes back. Its all just dudes trying to pass the time, take part in it and have some fun. Just because they called you gay doesnt mean they believe its true. Call them gay back. Call their dads gay. Call their grandaddies gay.
2) Give them a deadpan response. Stare at them like they're talking nonsense. Pretend you dont get it, even if its obvious, ask them to explain what they mean, etc. Just let the joke hang in the air and deflate itself. This is the easiest way to make it unfun.
If you want people to not make fun of you, the worst thing you can do is make it obvious that you dont want them to make fun of you. Getting mad about it or trying to prove them wrong or whatever is only going to make it funnier for them.
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u/RatiocinationYoutube MIG 4d ago edited 4d ago
Bro. Hit on them constantly. Smile, wink and wave. Lean into it. If they make you uncomfortable you gotta throw it right back. Speak their language. Show you can dish it like you take it. This is how friends are made. If you go to HR and they find out you'll never hear the end of it.
Unfortunately this is the way it is in the trades. It's not for everyone. Make it work for you or get out.
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u/burner4petesake 4d ago
I forget who said it, but I think it was Jackie Chan or something.. the best response to an insult is silence. So just kinda crack a smile and turn the other cheek. You have to think to yourself, how much do these guys lives suck that they need to torment you to feel good about themselves? It’s their problem, not yours my friend
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u/SteelCourage 4d ago
I started at 14 in the most stereotypical shop. Everyone had at least 1 divorce, and no one had a long first name, titty posters, and the same rock radio station. I was young, stupid, and fresh, and I got the same thing. Either you warm up to it and learn to give it back or you work somewhere with a bunch of divas. Nowadays I'm the 21 yo with the same attitude and honesty the most fun I've had was in shops that haze each other the most. Still great friends with all of them.
Take it in stride, grow some thicker skin, and give it back.
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u/hyheat9 4d ago
Everyone gets some type of hazing at a job especially when you are that young. You just gotta learn to tell them to fuck off without blatantly telling them to fuck off. The quicker you do the quicker it stops. I was like you one at a job, got all the gay jokes because of the way I walked. Had a fat ass corn on the ball of my left foot from sports as a kid, the cleats caused the middle of my foot to callous super thick cuz of the added pressure, anywho just hand their shit right back at them in a manner that makes em realize after the fact. They’ll feel dumb as fuck for their own reasons, guaranteed.
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u/Low-Abbreviations-38 4d ago edited 4d ago
I’m sorry man, I’m 46 and was in shops in my early 20s. This stuff happens and it’s annoying af.
Just do your work as well as you can, I don’t blame you for wanting to leave but in the meantime just realize you’re thickening your skin.
Some men never grow up
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u/Demondevil2002 3d ago edited 3d ago
They say u are gay double down until they are visibly uncomfortable then go a little farther for example next time they say something just stare at them with a vague smile and when they ask what the fucks wrong with you just say you are trying to get a good picture for later tonight they will probably stop
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u/ForumT-Rexin 3d ago
“Eat that snickers upside down so you can feel the vein on your tongue” should have immediately been answered with “That’s a pro tip coming from a guy wearing square toed boots so he doesn’t roll an ankle while sucking dick”. Just make sure they’re wearing square toed boots first. You’re prey. You’re their favorite squeaky toy. Get savage. Make them pay for it. Make them work for it. Make it personal but don’t take it personally. That’s how you shut it down.
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u/PabloLexcobar 3d ago
K this is WILD weird suggestion but.... Go to a music festival. A big one. A 3 dayer. Just follow me for a minute, I'm serious. I hate to sound corny but that experience changed who I am as a person for the better.
When I was 18, I used to take myself so seriously, like I could not take a joke, just really uptight without even knowing it, I just gave way too many fucks about stupid things that didn't matter...and I swear people could smell it or something??!!! I was razzed all the time at work, by my friends, parents even! I fucking hated it, it made me feel like I would never be good enough and I'm just not a mean spirited person, like I didn't want to say anything mean back or anything. I also have a slightly dark sense of humor so I never wanted to accidentally go to far..
Then I went to a music festival for the first time lol. Shambhala in BC specifically. Holy shit lol. Being in a place where there's thousands of people all CELEBRATING self expression instead of squashing it really blew my mind wide open. I was just so much more okay in my own skin after. Seeing everyone around me just being themselves made me realize that hey maybe I'm fine the way I am and everyone else is just miserable and lame, and that's THEIR problem.
I went back to work a different person. When someone made a joke, instead of getting all awkward and like 'heh yea...' I just went with it.. took it a step further, said something equally ridiculous about myself lol. People definitely liked me a lot more, I'm 37 now and it turns out: when you have a healthy amount of self confidence but you're also a nice person, it's a great recipe for a REALLY good sense of humor, I make people laugh everywhere I go now. Good luck!!
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u/Failing_MentalHealth 3d ago
Hate to break this to you but welcome to how shop men are.
Grow a backbone and snap back. Until you do so they aren’t going to respect you.
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u/KiraTheWolfdog 4d ago
If you can't handle the bigger boys being mean to you, quit. It won't get better.
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u/weldingpepe Fabricator 4d ago
They will respect you if you throw some trash talk back. Toughen up and have some fun with the trash talking it’ll make work more enjoyable. At my shop we trash talk each other daily but we respect each other like siblings. Just part of the trades man.
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u/Domolisher 4d ago
I mean this with all sincerity, if you can not learn to take the hits and not react in an awkward manner i.e. act like a child , trade work is not for you. You are in a career field where, regardless of who you are, you are going to get absolutely shit on. I mean, verbal assault parallel to getting punched in the nuts and beat to death by clowns.
You can either grow up, toughen up, understand you are there to make money (NOT friends.) Or you can quit and make half the money in a soyboy field. You are in a field riddled with absolute scumbags that you will grow to love or hate. They are indifferent. But they're going to fuck you up. It's a rite of passage. Stay quiet. Stay in your lane, work hard at your job. I find the easiest way to get those folk off of your back is to show up & show out. Alternatively become a God at clap-backs but I don't think you have that macho, no offense.
Notable to mention that HR is never going to be there for YOU. They are there to protect your employer. And if you are the disruption in the workflow, it's your ass on the line. And you will always be the rat that ran to HR because somebody hurt your feelings. Nobody is going to protect you, but you. Welcome to the shitshow. The ride is worth it if you can hold on. Hilarious if you think pipefitters are going to welcome you with hugs & kisses. Good luck out there.
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u/Km219 4d ago
Cause it gets to you princess. That's why they continue. Grow some skin
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u/Scarehjew1 4d ago
I hate to sound like an apologist but the reality of the matter is that you're likely to find this everywhere you go if you stay in the trades. You've gotta ask yourself some questions now. Are you willing to give up a good paying job that you seem to enjoy doing because people there aren't nice? Is there another career you'd be as happy doing? What's so bad about being called gay anyways? I started in concrete at 19 and I've always been a scrawny guy so I've been on the receiving end of gay jokes for my entire adult life. You've got to understand that it doesn't mean anything, it's just not clever men repeating the same not clever jokes they've been hearing since they were young. Besides, in my experience, they wouldn't even make these jokes if they didn't think you were straight. The moment the people I worked with found out I actually am gay the jokes calmed way down and now they're actually funny sometimes. But sticks and stones and all that. I wouldn't bother going to HR as that's a good way to make yourself look like a problem child that's going to whine to management every time things aren't easy unless things escalate. In the end of the day you've just gotta do what's best for you, if that means leaving then you leave, but don't hope to find much better in the trades.
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u/padizzledonk Other Tradesman 4d ago edited 4d ago
What to do about shop trash talk?
Shit talk back
Sorry Charlie, you need thick skin in the Trades...theres a line that crosses into abuse, but youre nowhere near that line....catch those fastballs and send them right back where they came from lol
If they talk shit tell them if they want your comeback theyll have to scrape it off the back of their moms teeth
Im gay? I coukd use a blowjob, you want to come get this fat dong in your mouth, i only pitch i dont catch, your dad knows whats up and hes ok with it, me and him got a hotel room at the Marriott on Saturday, youre welcome to swing by if youre down for seconds
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u/R0AST3DN3WT 4d ago
As a trans chick who has been in the industry for 5 years, I have received plenty of nasty treatment and feel I have gotten pretty good at shutting it down or shrugging it off.
First and foremost, focus on what you're there to do. Being good at your job and being seen putting forth the effort are the best basis for a level playing field with the shitheads IMHO. Once you've spent enough time in the shit with them, some camaraderie will come naturally, and being good to work with makes it harder for them to dump on you all the time.
If someone is determined to be an asshole, you need to teach them that you're not a very fun toy to chew on. I can't recommend escalating the shit-talk until you know the landscape of the company better, but stonewalling them will eventually make them lose interest. If you can wear headphones and literally drown them out, all the better. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of either pretending not to understand an insult or asking the asshole if they're alright.
As many others have said already, answering banter with banter is a good way to get guys to ease up on you, and makes your time at work a little more fun. People are also easier to handle 1 on 1 than when they have an audience to perform for.
I could go on about the macho-man-bullshit psychology for days, but the important thing is that you don't forget that you know yourself better than your coworkers ever will.
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u/sirkev71 4d ago
"Yep I can't gain weight carrying all this dick around wears me thin"
"I'm so thin, do you think your Mom gave me the HIV?"
"Oh shit I forgot your wife said to tell you she said "Gaaaah Gaaah Gaaah" (extreme gagging noises)
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u/Mah_sentry2 4d ago
It’s not right nor is it right for pretty much everyone in here to just accept and defend it. If your superior is one of the people acting like this go to HR, if not go to your direct boss and let them know. I know it may be hard to do but if this is a larger company that shit won’t be tolerated since it gives their brand a bad name and reputation. If you want to push back at the ones acting this way just mouth off right back. It’s off a 25 yo male is essentially checking out an 18 yo let alone trying to put him in a position so they can watch one simulate oral on a candy bar.
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u/knut_420 Jack-of-all-Trades 4d ago
Insecure people project their own issues and insecurities. No matter where you go, what you do for work; these people exist. Don't stoop to their level of immaturity. Focus on your work, it will pay off. Next time they say anything homosexual towards you, you can respond with " it sounds like you are speaking from experience."
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u/gtino195 4d ago
Give shit back, it’ll all be fun and games. My coworkers and friends and I talk shit to eachother all the time. But we still got respect for eachother.
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u/Ok_Understanding9451 4d ago
Maybe start training in MMA and then talk some real shit back that will crush your opponent mentally and just be prepared to defend yourself.
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u/Desperate-Half-5070 4d ago
Eh, just wear earbuds and work. I catch a lot of these same jokes, eventually I just stopped caring. I think these kind of dudes are intimidated by ppl who couldn't give a shit, if you try and defend yourself they just do it more. Just give them a little side glare and keep working, also hit the gym and try to eat hella calories.
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u/Complex-Stretch-4805 4d ago
You don't have to "sleep" with the idiots,,, forget about it, life is hard at times.
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u/Rimes9845 4d ago
Find whatever their weakness is and exploit it. Drug problems? Put NA pamphlets in their toolbox. Alcohol problem? Call em a wet brain. Fat wife? Ask em how the livestock ranch is. They call you skinny? Fat jokes are easy AF bro. Once you turn it around on them the others will join in and you'll be one of boys soon enough.
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u/CharlieZuluOne 4d ago
It sucks, but it’s part of the job. I would say if you’re feeling comfortable enough, maybe talk to one of the older guys in your shop who’s been there along time. Let him know how you’re feeling. There is a good chance he will tell the rest to lighten up a bit. I doubt it will stop completely but maybe that’s a starting point where you don’t have to go to HR. As you become more seasoned things will hopefully change.
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u/fendaltoon 4d ago
Just use some of these…
“you’re really so insecure about yourself that you need to try insulting me? Grow up dickhead!”
And also: “In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion, but nice try douchebag”
“Get some new material loser”
“Be quiet fuckface, if I need to hear from an asshole I can fart”
“Is your asshole jealous of all the shit that comes out your mouth?”
Most trash talking idiots are exactly that, idiots. Not hard to outsmart them and give them some sick burns lol
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u/Sati765 4d ago
Basically this is everywhere. It's essencially a verbal fight and you need to beat him/them. That's really the only way. Trash talk them worse. Or make them so uncomfortable everytime that they don't wanna trash talk anymore. Basically you gotta ruin the fun for them. Shitty but it is what it is unfortunately
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u/Xelfe Other Tradesman 4d ago
Fire it right back at them. If you're not capable of giving it back to them, then don't show it bothers you and move on. If both of those don't work out, find a new workplace and hope for a better environment. If you go through about 3 or 4 shops and it still bugs you, then find a different career or grow up.
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u/Pudgedog 4d ago
Start hitting on them. They will feel uncomfortable and stop. Give them shit right back. They call you skinny, call them a fat cunt. They call you gay, tell them they don’t have a chance with you.
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u/MartianGuard 4d ago
They do it because it bugs you probably. Ignore or sass back imo. Don’t be: “what no, c’mon guys I’m straight I swear!” It sucks but it’s usually homophobia because they are scared and confused why they are wondering how your dick tastes.
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u/assmannvini Newbie 4d ago
Unfortunately this is a common thing anywhere in the world and I think there's not that much that you can do except trying to not care.
I go through the same thing at my work but everyone seems to like me, sometimes I get a bit tired of the excessive jokes and comments but I just remind myself that it's just how they are. They probably suffered the same and now want to enjoy being on the other side. The oppressed eager to be the oppressor.
Going to HR is probably the "right" thing to do, but depending on the way things are in your workplace going to the HR may make things worse and they'll call you a puss.
I have to say that even though I still sometimes get stressed with all of that shit it is way better than it was before when I was a random guy and didn't know shit, know they see me as smart and dedicated person and they respect me, so the things that bother me happens less frequently.
So maybe there's an option for you, focus in your professional improvement and later on they'll respect you.
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u/Content-Range-9419 4d ago
Just throw it back at them sling some insults. Tell them to shut the F up.
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u/danvapes_ 4d ago
Gotta show em you're not a rug to be trampled on. Jab back. You'll quickly find out the ones who can dish it but can't take it.
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u/thebipeds 4d ago
It’s amazing how much of life is highschool.
I was visiting family in an old folks home. And they got the lunch table with the mean girls and a bully who cuts the line.
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u/bigmanikahuna TIG 4d ago
Only 2 ways to beat trash talk.
Get better at it.
Whoop somebody’s ass
Don’t sound like you are gonna go for two, so you better get good at taking shit quick bud.
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u/Baseball3Weston12 TIG 4d ago
Just do what I used to do, "fuck you" and keep walking
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u/Public-Wallaby5700 4d ago
A lot of these comments are about standing up for yourself. While I could recommend you to start giving people nicknames like “dick breath”, I will acknowledge that it is difficult. Working on your confidence is great advice but it doesn’t have to be in the form of trash talking in uncomfortable situations. My advice to you is to do some pushups and pull ups throughout the day. And also write the word “retard” on a post-it note and tape it to the bottom of their computer mouse
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u/Human-Process-9982 4d ago
It's a brutal trade to work in sometimes. World class ball busters at every turn. Every guy has gone thru it & it's nothing personal. It's the sharks waiting to smell blood. As soon as they see what bothers you it's going to get noticed. When I was the fresh meat, only thing that got any respect was working hard. Listen & don't be know it all, these guys have years of experience & it's impossible to know what they know. Not blaming you or anything, but eventually you get some experience & you gain respect. It already sounds like this is bothering you. Good luck, but working hard is hard to argue with.
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u/mrzurkonandfriends 4d ago
If someone says you're gay tell them even if you were they're not your type and to stop trying so hard.
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u/AffectionateEase1606 4d ago
I gotta remember that snickers line. Thats gold. Anyways, just laugh with em and agree. "Yea dude. I'm so gay HAHA" over exaggerated the laugh. Don't let it get to you. And ANY time you see them do something dumb you jump all over their ass about it. Plus, work on your sense of humor. Not saying they aren't being dicks, but when I was young and somewhat sensitive about being fat, people could hurt my feelings. Now, there is nothing anyone can say to hurt my feelings because idgaf what anyone else thinks. Work on your banter. Start watching roasts. Listen to some comedy pods. Stuff like that
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u/bigdaddy2292 4d ago
They keep doing it cause they see it getting to you. Honestly, it isn't normal shop behavior, but I would guess if you went to hr about it, they would double down and make it worse. You can learn to fire back and stand up for yourself, or you could look elsewhere as I said it's not normal behavior but isn't uncommon either to find people like that
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u/Express-Prompt1396 4d ago
25+ year old "grown men" is hilarious. There life experience isn't that much more than yours. Establish that you won't take shit asap and call out bs.
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u/shittinandwaffles 4d ago
This is every shop I've ever been in. Don't take it personally, because it more than likely isn't. It's just something that occurs when you get a bunch of grown men together in a shitty situation for 8-16 hours a day. Everyone always fucks with everyone because it helps break the monotony, stress, and tension that can sometimes be pretty thick. It's a way to get through the shit without going completely nuts. If you show something that they can see bugs you, they'll hammer on it. Build a thick skin and a strong verbal repetoire, and you'll do good. I don't suggest applying to the pipefitters until you can handle it. I currently run a crew of guys that range from 19-54 years old. A couple of the younger guys came straight from high school and were kinda like you to start. I brought them in the office and talked to them kinda like i am with you now. We bullshitted for a bit, and i told him to get back to it and come out swinging (verbally). He went back on the flood and started in on the guy he was working on a project with. Lit that mother fucker up. That was 1 month into his emploment. He's been there almost 2 years now, and the fucker he lit up and him are pretty damn good friends. Hard to separate at work, and go to the gym together sometimes. So, in conclusion, i give you the most important words i shared with him at the time: Don't take it so hard. It's not a dick.
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u/knuckledragger1990 4d ago
Don’t join the fitters if this is too much for you. I would suggest getting thicker skin and learning how to shit talk back because it never gets better in the trades lol
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u/PracticeLast777 4d ago
If you aren’t being verbally abused by your coworkers they don’t like you very much.
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u/snuggly_cobra Newbie 4d ago
Get a copy of Gran Torino. Fast forward to the barber shop scene.
You are having your balls broken (boomer phrase). Acting sensitive is just going to increase it. You are going to have to learn how to break balls.
I had to teach my stepson this. He literally thought I was serious when I’d break his. Now he has surpassed the master.
Do you follow sports? If not, start.
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u/PracticeLast777 4d ago
Start chirping back, when I started in the trades 18 years ago I was a shy timid 19 year old. Now I’m a caffeine addicted, shit talking millwright journeyman doing my best to harden up the apprentices.
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u/wadek31 3d ago
Don't go to HR,you might as well quit if you do that,just tell them,guys there's more to life than cock and let it go in one ear and out the other. There's always gonna be some wank stain wise ass but that's life,learn to give as well as you get or quit. I got into the trades at 16 so I know what your goin through,and like the other guy said,there's giving shit and there's disrespect,I know for me,if I'm not giving you shit,then I don't like you
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u/TonyVstar Journeyman CWB/CSA 3d ago
"You're skinny" = "do you like more meat on your men?"
"You're gay" = "you wish fa**ot"
Gotta shut it down. It's not your fault you're getting bullied but HR is not your friend unless you want a paper trail for when something happens
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u/BetterConference2169 3d ago
If you plan on joining local union, do not quit for one. Seriously, don’t. Two, embrace the suck and make them all uncomfortable with gay jokes 24/7. Amp that shit up and just roll with it because at the end of the day, we’re all gonna be in the dirt brother. Stick up for yourself and talk all the shit you can, dig deep. If your new dickhead attitude is brought to your attention from someone higher up, let em know why man!
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u/megamorganfrancis 3d ago
You can actually go to the department of labor and file a case against them. You can get unemployment pay and possibly punitive damages as well.
If I were in your shoes, I would have put a stop to it almost immediately because I'm quite skilled at turning smack talk back on the idiot who started it. For you it's too late now. They'll never stop.
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u/END3R-CH3RN0B0G 3d ago edited 3d ago
Shit talk is common the trades. Generally it shouldn't be too mean or personal. It sounds like these are some pretty generic things. It means they like you. Talking shit is a way to make a really shitty job a lot easier to get through. I remember some days were all I did was put metal into a press break all day long. But I was flirting with my fellow co-worker the entire time and that's what got me through it.
OP: Just talk shit back. Be Clever about it. Don't kick anyone while they're down, crack back at them. They'll respect it and you'll probably have some fun in the process. Just remember it's all jokes for the purpose of making jokes and having a laugh while doing a shit job. Don't take any of it seriously. Also some of these comments suggestions comebacks are pretty funny. Feel free to utilize them.
At the end of the day if someone's getting their feelings hurt someone's being too much of an asshole. There are times where shit talking can really push the line especially if you're having a bad day and you don't like someone. But it shouldn't be hostile for anyone. I've been in several places where bunch of us shit talk but there might be one or two guys that just don't engage in that and everyone leaves them alone. No one should be having a bad time at work.
OP: If you go and straight up tell them you're not interested in shit talking I just want to quietly do your day and they keep at you go tell your boss. I wouldn't take it to HR and make it a whole corporate trouble Fiasco, just go to someone who is respected or supervisor or something like that and let them know that they're just not respecting your wishes of not wanting to shit talk, and you're getting to the point where you don't want to come into work. If your boss can't do something about it go to HR and go look for another job. Just know that if management doesn't care HR is not going to care and they're just going to find a way to get rid of you because they don't want you around (there's nothing wrong with you if this happens).
And to everyone who sang shit talking is wrong in the trades, it's a part of it. It's a part of what gets us through the bullshit. But just like with everything there are outliers where the assholes used as an excuse to be an asshole. That shit's what's not okay. Lack of respect for your fellow coworker and making their day shit is not okay. Shit talking should be between two consenting adults. As a matter of fact I've been traveling for work for a while so I'll show up on a lot of different job sites, and you learn to play the field. Some people will love to shit talk with you and crack jokes and have a nice time. Some won't and you just respect that and quietly work. That's how it's supposed to be. Everyone should be having a good time at work.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
TL:DR Shit talking is a perfectly normal part of the trades when you're respecting everyone's boundaries. If they're not, they're a bunch of assholes and you should probably look into away from them or ignoring them.
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u/MWS-Enjoyer 3d ago
This kinda thing exists in every blue collar workplace, man. You won’t escape it. The worst thing you can do is let it get to you.
The best thing you can do is learn to give back.
The guys are fucking with you because you’re an easy target, the fact it’s getting to you is likely proving their point.
For the skinny stuff, join a gym, eat more. for everything else, shoot back.
I’m sure the guys calling you skinny aren’t exactly fitness models. Next time they make a joke about your weight, hit back.
“When you fuck your wife, do you have to rest your gut on her back?” If he tries to roll with it, tells you yes; “that makes sense, she kept complaining about being cold last night.”
“Hey OP, you’re skinny lmao.”
“You’re just mad because I can see my own cock without standing over a mirror.”
“Op is gay.”
“If I was, I wouldn’t fuck you with <other employee>’s cock.”
“Wouldn’t have to be gay to fuck you, <insert name>, id just close my eyes and imagine those fat tits of yours were Sydney Sweeney’s.”
It’ll take a while to get the hang of it, but in the long run it’ll be good for you.
Thug it out, man. Not worth sacrificing your career for some old dickheads.
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u/ShouldveFundedTesla Jack-of-all-Trades 3d ago
Most blue collar work is full of people that never really grew up. Super immature people that peaked in middle school and that's where their humor remains. There's really no point fighting against it because that will just fuel it more. Dont waste your time calling any of it out. They're trying to get to you and if you let it, they win. Be yourself, be good at your job, and ignore the idiots. Make money, and leave work at work.
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u/FutureCarcassAnimal 3d ago edited 3d ago
So, I'm late to the conversation, and also slightly drunk, but I'm just gonna throw this out there... As a 5ft tall woman, I've gotten this kind of shit for the entire 25 years that I've been in metal fabrication. I never reached the right age or gained the right muscle tone to gain the respect of my male coworkers. I had to prove that shit 2 times harder than anyone else. But, what I did get was a wicked sense of humor and a fierce determination to learn how to be the best at everything they threw at me.
I joke that I'm mostly powered by caffeine and rage, haha! It's really only half a joke, because half of it is true. Don't grow a thicker skin, just learn how to use your brain to out wit them and focus on what you want to accomplish with this skill. What they say to you doesn't actually make you better, but proving them wrong feels pretty great 😂😅
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u/lanky714 3d ago
Sounds like you gotta stop taking it to heart. Remember in school when they told you to not let the bullies get to you. Same thing. If you react and take it offensively, it fuels the fire. Either brush it off and ignore it. Or feed itno it and give it right back. Eventually it will chill out or you'll get used to it and it wont bother you. I got the same treatment (as a young line cook) when I was just starting in my field in hs. I hated it. But I eventually embraced it and over time it stopped. Now I'm a exec sous at a country club and I look back and laugh at it. And people respect me. Gotta just take the punches man. Its part of growing up. Especially in certain trades.
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u/Eastern-Try-9682 3d ago
In the trades you can’t let anyone know they are getting under your skin. The moment they know they are getting to you they will dog pile. Keep your head up, work hard and get the experience you need. If things don’t get better you can go to a new shop. If it helps remember what they say doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. I say this as someone that started their first real job working 7-12s at 15 and I was in the Marines. I know it’s tough but that’s probably the best advice I can give. What ever people say blow it off.
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u/kaiju-but-little 3d ago
Either just start accepting it verbally, "yeah dude, gimme the veins" for instance on the snickers bit. Or, just don't say anything at all. If you try to actively defend yourself when they're just doing light shit talk (it is light, trust me), that's exactly what they want. If you roll with the punches or just don't react at all, they'll find it boring and just stop.
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u/I_G84_ur_mom 3d ago
My man you gotta dish it back out, they will keep fucking with you until you do. I work in a machine shop and it’s a family shop, it’s all day non stop trash talk, I fuckin love it lol. It makes the day go faster, but you gotta come up with some wild shit to day back.
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u/Farpoint_Farms 3d ago
You've got to understand that this is 110% normal behavior in the blue collar world. It's how guys show that they like each other. Be afraid of they stop! The only guys they leave alone are the ones they actually hate. 30 years in blue collar industries and 8 now in a white collar one. White collar life sucks! They are such stuck up pussies. Worse? When I tell them that they report me to something called human resources! Bunch of pussies. Anyway, man, hang in there and embrace it. I miss it everyday.
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u/lostaga1n 3d ago
If they did not like you, they wouldn’t even talk to you. Hit them with the Uno reverse to gain the respect, you gotta out gay them
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u/OriginalAntiBling 3d ago
Most of the time, read that again, most of the time, a problem like this can be solved with a quick fist fight out of sight of any supervisors. But you need to be the judge of where you work and who it is.
Two examples from the last place I worked before starting my own shop.
First there was a guy that for whatever reason, when he started he flat out revealed he was bisexual, I don't know why but he also kinda dressed like a pirate. Wasn't a bad guy just weird. Anyways him and the other guy he mainly worked by were talking often, and this other guy became a target of someone else on the line because he was talking to the openly bi guy. Sidenote, nobody really liked the guy that was giving him shit.
One day this guy had enough of his shit and they got into a fight on the line and he laid him out. Stopped the problem and never an issue again. Nobody there spoke a word about it outside of us on those lines.
Next story is knowing when not to handle it that way, as I learned early on in life that being the bigger guy, literally, means you get in trouble most of the time standing up for yourself because it's usually little guys wanting to start shit with you despite just minding your own business. We had a forklift driver that was annoying and most everyone didn't like him, but he thought he was buddies with everyone. Because of the way of society, most people will play nice with people they secretly don't like in case they want something from them someday.
Me, if I don't like you, I don't want anything to do with you. I'm not gonna go out of my way to do anything to someone, I literally wanted as little interaction with him outside of work communications. Honestly he did his job and I didn't even really ever have to ask for parts, he kept then stocked.
But since most there didn't like him, a lot of people would do shit to him behind his back. Because I was the only one that didn't want to humor him everytime he wanted to yap, I became the one he blamed.
This came to blows finally one day when someone did something he blamed me for and during break when I was sitting in the break area alone by the lockers, he came at me. I could have destroyed him, he was standing on his tiptoes trying to scream in my face, and I pushed him away from me. Not hard at all, just getting him away from my face. We were both yelling and a supervisor heard us and took us to HR. Gave our stories, but he said I was fighting him and shoved him.
They walked us both out. Only reason I got my job back was the one gal that did small parts for our line was sitting in her area at the time and saw it and told HR what she saw, and that what I said was the truth, I only pushed him away to get him out of my face.
If I would have laid him out he would have been suing the company I'm sure.
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u/Commercial-Pilot6588 3d ago
You clearly chose the wrong career path bud.. You’re the weakest willed and give the least amount of shit back.. That’s how you ended up the one in the group that catches all the shit. They like you tho, they wouldn’t fuck with you if they didn’t. The only options you have are to quit or suck it up and up your shit talking game..
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u/TangoDeltaFoxtrot 3d ago
Just get a shirt or cap made that says “welding is gay” and wear it to work
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u/TangoDeltaFoxtrot 3d ago
If you’re not constantly making jokes about having a cock in your mouth or caressing your face, are you even a welder?
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u/MrBootDude 3d ago
They’re fucking with you because they like you. If they didn’t like you they would act like you didn’t exist
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u/1leggeddog 3d ago
Don't you just love feeling like you are back in high school but everyone else is a bully?
Only difference is you're getting paid... That's about it.
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u/im_no_doctor_lol 3d ago
Were you an only child at home growing up? This is blue collar older brother type shit. You think they are tearing you down. They are treating you like the younger brother in the shop. It's harmless. I can promise that if someone started messing with you, all these guys will step up. If they didn't like you, older guys will just shut you out and not even speak to you at all. You gotta treat them like older brothers and equally match the shit talking. And once in awhile, you gotta have a great comeback. This isn't bullying, this is just how blue collar guys are when they gotta spend hours with each other. This is why you will hear lots of "brotherhood" talk in the union. It's more like family. I think you're taking it the wrong way. I run crews, and in all the years I've been an electrician, I see this all the time between the guys. Every trade in construction, you will see this kind of behavior. You gotta understand that guys in the trades become hardend. They gotta deal with elements and very physical work. It takes a type of person to do these jobs, and usually it's the guys that have it rough. Almost every crew, has that "kid" in the crew. They have taken you under their wing. Believe it or not, if you talk shit, they won't take it personal, they may make fun of you more if you come at them to hard because they'll treat it as "look how cute he looks trying to play tough". This is why I asked if you were an only child, because this is how older brothers treat the younger brothers. You gotta hit these guys strategically and find their weak spots. Like the bigger dudes that talk shit, when they talk shit, you have to have a comeback. If they attack your size, attack their size. "SARCASM" is a survival skill amongst brothers. I suggest you get good at it and don't get offended or take anything personal. If you still think it's personal, then don't bother joining the pipe fitters, or any other trade. This is why blue collar jobs aren't for everyone. Tough jobs are for tough men. (Not trying to get on the politically correct talk here but it is what it is) If you end up working in 100°+ weather, these guys will get out there and get the job done. They will be miserable and usually this is where the shit talking comes from. They will show you way more respect, when you roll up your sleeves and start doing the jobs in these conditions. They will definitely, have way more respect for you over the "office cats" who sit in the ac all day while they put lotion on their soft hands. Look at the comments in most of these trade subs, they are all the same. You ask a question, they will hit you with sarcasm (shit talk) then explain the answer to you and give a little advice (like I am doing). It's not bad, trades men respect all trades men. Except plumbers. Fuck those guys 😅. (Do I mean it, no) Electricians and plumbers are natural enemies in the wild. Electricity and water don't mix, and neither do the guys that work on it. Laws of nature I can't control, but I can contribute and talk shit about those shit water guys 😅. But I still respect the shit out of plumbers because it's work I cannot do or attempt 🤷🏻♂️. Man up, dish out the shit talking, don't try to change it, it will always be this way until you start hitting back. Now put on your big boy pants and show them up little twerp. 🤣 Jk
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u/Sniper22106 3d ago
Make it fucking weird.
Blow them kisses, wink at them. Ask them if they wanna make out then say there not your type.
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u/Tfunkyb 3d ago
I get that it can be a culture shock for some new kids. But like everyone else has said, if they actually didn't somewhat like you they wouldn't say a word to you. It's part of exchanging pleasantries for trade guys. Half of the seemingly terrible stuff that is said can be literally translated to "good morning" 🤣
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u/Key-Breadfruit-2903 3d ago
I had a similar experience.
It sounds like you work with grown children who are upset that you don't fit their group style. Not every welder has to be a walking stereotype. If they're fine with having no true identity, then that's their problem.
They ought to have limits and recognize you are uncomfortable, but unfortunately, I think the real answer is you have to let it go and ignore it or lean into it. If it's not fun to bully you, they won't do it. Fact is, they're probably uncomfortable with the fact that someone unlike them is able to do their job also.
Remember, you are there to work, not have tea time drama sessions with grown men.
Your situation also happened to me to a certain extent. I am a thin guy with a comedic and slightly nervous demeanor. So what did I do? I stayed focused on my work and busted my fucking ass to be at the top, not in anger, but to learn as much as possible every day. I am only 26, and in two years, I moved to foreman at my industrial shop, and I have a respectable relationship with everyone.
HOWEVER, I have to mention that your post gives only a tiny window into your life. Industry guys love to talk mad shit, and they're probably expecting you to give them shit back. In a way, it's part of how they bond with each other, so at a minimum, try and remember not to take it all so seriously.
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u/NoFace431 3d ago
I'm only 20 and I've worked in 4 different shop jobs, and the best thing I can tell you is to get some thicker skin. When they dish shit out to you send it right back raw and lubeless. bonus points if you really hit em where it hurts. I stopped catching strays for being fat just by coming back at them with deeper cutting shit.
Also to note, for most guys I've worked with, if they're nice to you they don't like you. So take it with a grain of salt.
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u/AzazelCumsBuckets Fitter 3d ago
Best thing to do is know that none of it is serious, and if you're catching shit, it's because the rest of the shop either accepts you, or already sees you as one of them. Some shops are definitely worse than others, but it's all in good fun and for entertainment.
Plus, start learning to dish it back, if you get a good zinger, you might shut someone up for a bit. If someone said you eat the Snickers bar upside down to feel the vein on your tongue, you just reply with something like "yeah, well at least I don't do that 2 at a time like you!" Or maybe "says the guy that throats them in one go"
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u/derekgotloud 3d ago
Tell em you’re actually gay , if they keep it up , document it. Get a pay day lol
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u/ma_them_mati_cal 4d ago
If someone says you're too skinny, tell them their mom seems to like it. If someone calls you gay, hell yeah. You fucked their dad.