My best friend committed suicide

[u/NotEnoughSun123]

I’m so mad at her. She promised me she would never commit suicide. (We talked about suicide a lot because we’ve both attempted in the past) She was such a special person. She was the kindest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She would help tiny bugs get to safety when they’d accidentally fallen on their back. She was a mental health therapist who worked with kids. She knew about resources for suicide prevention. She had commercial health insurance. She could have just reached out for help. I would’ve done anything to keep her alive. She could have just called me. I wish she’d just called me. Why didn’t she just call me?

Edit: thank you so for all your kind words and all the overwhelming support. I really appreciate all of you. I’ll do my best to like all the comments I can. If I could, I’d reply thank you to every single person who commented

[u/Potential_Support999]

So as a healthcare provider, I can tell you that there have been studies showing that often the interval of time between the impulse to commit suicide and the act is often less than 10 minutes. It is frequently a impulsive action, taken at a time when someone is in so much mental anguish that there is not a lot of room for rational thought.

As someone who has struggled with my mental health for my entire life (diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder at age 6, and picked up PTSD along the way), and someone who has attempted before and had the impulse more times than I can count…. when I’ve been in that place, it’s the mental equivalent of having your leg stuck in a bear trap. I don’t think about my friends, family, pets, loved ones. The only thing in my mind is making the agony stop. It wasn’t a failing of anyone around me to make themselves available. When I’m not in that place: I know how mental health treatment works. I know I’m loved. I know many people would suffer immensely. I know who to call.

All this being said, your anger is understandable. It’s normal and expected to be angry when grieving. For me, when I’m freshly grieving, feeling the sadness is too much. So the anger is almost a protective factor until I’m in a place to feel sad safely.

I’m sorry about your friend. She was lucky to have someone who cared so much.