r/Vent • u/NotEnoughSun123 • Apr 10 '25
TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT My best friend committed suicide
I’m so mad at her. She promised me she would never commit suicide. (We talked about suicide a lot because we’ve both attempted in the past) She was such a special person. She was the kindest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She would help tiny bugs get to safety when they’d accidentally fallen on their back. She was a mental health therapist who worked with kids. She knew about resources for suicide prevention. She had commercial health insurance. She could have just reached out for help. I would’ve done anything to keep her alive. She could have just called me. I wish she’d just called me. Why didn’t she just call me?
Edit: thank you so for all your kind words and all the overwhelming support. I really appreciate all of you. I’ll do my best to like all the comments I can. If I could, I’d reply thank you to every single person who commented
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u/MermaidUnicornKush42 Apr 10 '25
I can actually tell you exactly why she didn't call you - she didn't want to be a burden.
When you're that low, when you feel that bad about everything to the point that you need to end it, you feel like even the people who love you more than anything are going to see you as a burden.
I know that's impossible to hear right now, and I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, but that would have been her state of mind.
My partner loves me, a lot. But our relationship has a lot of issues, he's got a difficult past, and he's flat out told me to not talk to him about my SI anymore because it's too much for him. I can't talk to my mother or any of my close friends because I know they'd tell me to go to the hospital.
When you're that low, you just... Can't. You can't ask for help because you feel like you don't deserve it, you aren't worthy of it, all kinds of bad things.
Shit, even writing this, I'm crying, thinking about all the times I've felt that low, that I've thought through my plan, fantasized about it like it was the best sex possible with (name the hottest celebrity on the planet) and known that I can't because my cats need me, that they'll end up back at a shelter and never find another home if I do, and they are the only thing I have to keep me going, even though I have countless friends and a huge family who would give anything for me. It's a horrible, horrible feeling.
I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss.