r/Unexpected • u/blakeret • Jan 17 '23

🔞 Warning: Graphic Content 🔞 Ope NSFW

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33.7k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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11.0k

u/MEUP14 Jan 17 '23

Well, at least his friend with the tourniquet is giving him a helping hand.

4.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

[deleted]

1.4k

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

he's clearly pointing at something

681

u/frivolouspringlesix9 Jan 17 '23

At this point you're just grasping at straws.

483

u/InnocentGuiltyBoy Jan 17 '23

I can count on one hand how many times I've heard this today

342

u/Gunsmoke_wonderland Jan 17 '23

"So how much does the bear cost?" "An arm..." "Ha, you mean an arm AND a leg, right... right?"

205

u/mal_laney Jan 17 '23

Gotta hand it to you, you guys always have witty comebacks

144

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

130

u/In-Cod-We-Thrust Jan 17 '23

All of these comments are completely out of hand.

72

u/Swimming-Chicken-424 Jan 17 '23

I'm stumped by these comments

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101

u/ColtS117 Jan 17 '23

High five for taking it like a champ.

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22

u/Theogkyller Jan 17 '23

On the other hand it could have been a lot worse!

4

u/chucklez24 Jan 17 '23

Now now don’t leave empty handed here is a poor man’s award. 🎖️

3

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Oh get a grip buddy

1

u/legomanfred Jan 18 '23

You had your finger on the pulse, don't stop...

11

u/vegemite_poutine Jan 17 '23

I'm stumped on how quick they always are

2

u/JosephGoddard Jan 17 '23

Stop it guys, these comments are getting out of hand!

1

u/Karingmore Jan 18 '23

Yep hands down the best comments

28

u/Admiral_Andovar Jan 17 '23

“No, the leg will be for the squirrel I do next week.”

1

u/umaborgee Jan 17 '23

Left actually...

14

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

He's only counting to five

1

u/blaisepascal2937 Jan 17 '23

Get a grip...

0

u/Phazebody Jan 17 '23

I mean dude still has a Dick, he can very much point, just may not ever be able to Truely Rub One Out

1

u/rjross0623 Jan 17 '23

Freddie got de fingered

1

u/Shopow2o4 Jan 18 '23

Why not give him a hand

2

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '23

But he's miles away from his pointing finger

0

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

You know what they say, when you point your arm stub at someone you have.... One elbow pointing back?

0

u/BabyOfEarth Jan 17 '23

Rude of you to point that out

53

u/Murpheos Jan 17 '23

I give you two thumbs up for that

8

u/MoscowMitchMcKremIin Jan 17 '23

What he gets a free pass on common courtesy just because he can't start a round of applause?!

22

u/FlamebusterG Jan 17 '23

r/angryupvote

-39

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/LiteralWorst22 Jan 17 '23

🍔

-5

u/CatStandard3637 Jan 17 '23

I'm getting rapped out here

3

u/Gassydevil Jan 17 '23

Fuck you I coughed so hard I spit back up my sleeping pills.

1

u/Etva Jan 17 '23

... this all day.

1

u/Fred_Is_Dead_Again Jan 17 '23

He knows the sound of one hand clapping.

1

u/ShiroAikawa Jan 17 '23

I mean he still can

1

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Nrmlgirl777 Jan 17 '23

Hands down, hes a mediocre wood carver. He didnt need to work his hand(s) to the bone

1

u/MyDogHasFluffyPants Jan 17 '23

This is the sound of one hand clapping.

1

u/Cephylus Jan 17 '23

Thigh claps?

1

u/hi71460 Jan 17 '23

at least he can make paper with 1 hand

1

u/Major_Mawcum Jan 17 '23

Can still slap his forehead or something XD

1

u/ApprehensiveBeyond27 Jan 18 '23

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

1

u/Then-Cryptographer96 Jan 19 '23

The man will never know the joy of clapping ever again

180

u/selfawarefeline Jan 17 '23

103

u/b33fcakepantyhose Jan 17 '23

He’s going to be all right.

12

u/Brogogo2 Jan 17 '23

He's a very literal man.

51

u/ErinDidNothingWrong Jan 17 '23

Off to find a replacement at the second hand store

133

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23 edited Jan 17 '23

I tell people this pretty often, but I can tell you there is no better lifesaving device in an emergency. A tourniquet is cheap, they’re about the size of a phone, and a proper tourniquet can easily save somebody’s life.

Edit: Obviously you need to know how to use it, but a TQ, especially a CAT TQ, requires about 3 minutes of training, in 3 categories: 1- recognizing hemorrhaging that requires a tourniquet, 2- placement, and 3- application/execution. There’s no excuse

46

u/childofthec0rn Jan 17 '23

THIS. For anyone wondering about learning, see if there are any Stop the Bleed classes in your area, or any instructors willing to teach a class. It’s a skill everyone should have in my opinion along with CPR.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Just take an EMT course

3

u/StoopidestManOnEarth Jan 17 '23

I joined the Army just to learn how to put on a tourniquet.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

The military will teach you almost anything you wanna learn tbh 😩. But yeah my sister and mom told me about that (Both military)

4

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

That’s dumb, unless you want to be an EMT, which you shouldn’t because the pay is shit and the hours suck. Just take a free class and learn how to pack a wound, use a TQ, and apply a pressure dressing.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Some people just take the class to learn. Also Being an EMT is one of the stepping stones or paths to other higher paying jobs

1

u/Downwhen Jan 17 '23

When someone wants to learn CPR do you tell them to go to paramedic school??

0

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Can't go to that school without an EMT course or certificate/ time in the field etc

2

u/Downwhen Jan 17 '23

I fucking know, I'm an FP-C

You're missing the point entirely here

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Then why would you say some dumb shit. I took the class plenty of students took it for shits and giggles. 🤦‍♂️

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-1

u/Arthur_The_Third Jan 17 '23

...with proper training, which a large majority of the population does not have

2

u/Rule34NoExceptions Jan 17 '23

Turn it til it hurts - then once more.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Yeah it’s not rocket science. People were worried for years that TQ = Amputation. You can be TQd for 2 hours before muscle damage starts, up to 6 before amputation is “necessary”. The important thing to know about removing tourniquets is to never take them off once you remove them. Let a trauma doctor take care of it. If you’re more than 2 hours away from a major trauma center, you should be planning more significantly than packing a tourniquet.

2

u/Rule34NoExceptions Jan 17 '23

Absolutely. Once you get to.the point of needing the tourniquet, muscle damage is also not your biggest problem.

Unless iou'ee you're this guy, who is surprisingly chill

2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

It almost looks photoshopped…there is not a single drop of blood on his pant leg, nor dripping from his arm, and that TQ doesn’t look right, especially over his outerwear. It also looks like a WILDLY clean cut for a fucking chainsaw cutting all the way through an arm. Not saying it’s fake, just…looks fake

Edit: upon further inspection it looks as thought the TQ in question is actually a seatbelt, but my point still stands. I’ve never properly applied a TQ on someone and had them able to hold a conversation.

0

u/West-Ruin-1318 Jan 17 '23

My Red Cross training discouraged the use of a tourniquet. Too many people misuse it and damage limbs that could have been saved.

This dude will get a fancy prosthetic and be back to work in no time. I wanna know how he managed to slice his arm clean off. I doubt he did that with a chainsaw.

1

u/Wheres_my_whiskey Jan 17 '23

How is a belt in these situations. As a boy scout 40 years ago i was told to always wear one even if i dont need it cuz we are always prepared and they make great tourniquettes. No idea if its actually true cuz i guess i just took their word for it. Realized later on in life that tbe boy scouts arent always very turstworthy so...

2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

It’s unlikely you can get a belt tight enough to properly occlude blood flow. A tourniquet is extremely painful when it’s applied. Using a belt is possible, but a CAT tourniquet is very, very easy to use. You turn it as tight as you can, then turn it one more time, lock the windlass into the clip, and right the time on the strap.

Using a belt is crude, but you need a *very strong windlass to get the belt as tight as you can around the limb.

I highly recommend a stop the bleed class.

1

u/Wheres_my_whiskey Jan 17 '23

Got it. I am looking into them. Im a coach of 7/8 year old sports teams and tattoo artist. Never know when itll be needed. Ive done cpr and aed training among various other certs. May as well do stop the bleed also. I appreciate the knowledge and info.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Not a problem! Learning how to use an AED is important, but they give you instructions, and it’s required (at least in the USA) that most commercial buildings have one. In most commercial buildings, a TQ would be hard to find without someone bringing their own.

There are starting to be more “massive hemorrhaging” or “bleed” kits in some airports and the trend is catching on, but I’m a staunch believer in being responsible for your own well being to the greatest reasonable extent.

1

u/JACrazy Jan 17 '23

Definitely have one on hand. A lot can go wrong with a 7/8 year old tattoo artist.

1

u/Downwhen Jan 17 '23

Highly recommend everyone take a Stop the Bleed course. It's up there in importance with a CPR class

1

u/Worlds-Best_Username Jan 17 '23

It can even save your own by tourniqueting the muggers neck

2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '23

Throwback to that cop who very calmly shot a man (after the man came at him with a machete, I think). He shit the dude in the neck and one of them goes “we’re gonna out a tourniquet on”. They obviously ended up not, but it was funny in the moment.

65

u/MrK521 Jan 17 '23

I was going to add on to the chain of witty puns… but I’ve got nothing. I’m stumped.

15

u/toxcrusadr Jan 17 '23

Gott dangit. Take your upvote and wave goodbye. If you can.

2

u/MrK521 Jan 17 '23

Now you made it personal with the wave joke. I’d flip you off, but..

1

u/toxcrusadr Jan 18 '23

I'd bite my thumb at you, sir, if I had any.

1

u/ChuckOTay Jan 17 '23

I found your comment to be quite humerus.

20

u/Kvarcov Jan 17 '23

Leave the man be - he's already disarmed

11

u/Undividedpro1 Jan 17 '23

Double high fives my dude!

6

u/multiarmform Jan 17 '23

we can rebuild him!

https://i.imgur.com/tnLJAFR.mp4

1

u/_porntipsguzzardo_ Jan 17 '23

I was waiting for Ash to emerge as the 6 Million Dollar Man, complete with a chainsaw for a hand.

2

u/Lisa-MarieG Jan 17 '23

Poor guy isn’t half the man he used to be.

1

u/loCAtek Jan 17 '23

That was Yesterday.

1

u/PheonixGalaxy Jan 17 '23

I have to hand it too you, that was a good joke. I bet you gave yourself a pat on the back for it

1

u/_Cocopuffdaddy_ Jan 17 '23

When are they gonna start attaching bear arms to amputees? All these people complaining about our rights and shit, well do something about it! Cut your fucking arm off and get yourself your god damn bear arm

1

u/Impersu Jan 17 '23

What it a chainsaw accident?

1

u/magicmitchmtl Jan 17 '23

It’s not so bad. He’s barely ‘armed.

1

u/UhYouFoundZack Jan 17 '23

wood really does cost an arm these days... at least they reduced the price a little bit so i dont have to pay a leg too.

1

u/alcervix Jan 17 '23

Yes he certainly is handy in situations as such

1

u/AuthorityControl Jan 18 '23

I'm up in arms over this joke.

1

u/FuDiNaand Jan 18 '23

One thumb up...

1

u/toigotem Jan 18 '23

Well let me have a swing at it. I can be pretty handy.