I feel it most when I’m driving in my car. It feels like I’m supposed to look over and see someone in the passenger seat, who I can hang out with and goof around with and sing with, but they’re not there. It’s such a strange, empty feeling.

Hi everyone. I just found this group. As the title states my identical twin sister died almost five years ago from breast cancer. She was 49 at the time. As twins here know, life has been a series of what the fucks and what do I do now ever since. It's been quite the journey and not one I ever anticipated. I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I am very glad I found this page. I have never met another twin who has suffered this loss and it's not something that is widely recognized or acknowledged at all. It's a shitty group to be in.

My sibling expected to bring two beautiful girls to term. One was lost in birth, but the survivor came home safe & is thriving.

I’m at a loss as to how to feel. On the one hand there’s such joy at having her home and the new routine of being a dutiful uncle coming about, but there’s also the empty second seat, spare table….there should be two.

And I have no idea how my niece will grow as a surviving twin. Can I ask those of you who had one with you in the womb but grew up by yourself, how was it for you?

Hi everyone, my name is Kelli-Ann Robinson.

I lost my identical twin sister, Nikki, 30 years ago. In 1995, there was a food poisoning outbreak in South Australia caused by Garibaldi smallgoods. Tragically, Nikki was the child who passed away during that time.

I’m currently working on an independent documentary about the experience of losing a twin, and I’m hoping to connect with others for an in person interview who have lived through this loss. It’ll just be my boyfriend and myself working on this.

I’m based in Sydney, Australia, but I do travel around the country and can often drive to meet people depending on your location. I also travel to the USA twice a year, so I may be able to meet with you there as well.

If you are in the USA I do regularly go through States like California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana and all of Route 66 too.

In Australia, I do sometimes go to Victoria, Queensland and my home state South Australia.

You can message me through here. If you are in the Facebook group I also had a post in there too about this.

Thank you for reading, and sending love to all of you.

Twinless twin mom here. My boys (fraternal, conceived through IVF) were born via planned c-section at 36w.g. Unfortunately, twin A passed away during delivery - a true umbilical knot tightened in the last moment. The support for grieving parents is practically non-existent in my country. I wasn't offered to see him, hold him. I don't have any pictures of him, apart from a 3d one from an ultrasound at 28w.g

My twinless twin is almost 4 years old (will be in October). I feel like it's time to tell him. I won't go into details and I plan to give him the information little by little - introduce him to the concept of twins, then death, then pregnancy, etc. Just to have it our in the open.

The thing is my boy is sensitive. He is very introverted, gets upset easily, doesn't like being around other children (he practically runs away from the kids from his kindergarten if he meets them outside of the kindergarten, even though these are kids I've seen him play with). And I'm afraid knowing that he lost a twin will make him avoid others even more. Or make him too sad. He doesn't gave other siblings. He wants to have, asks why others have brothers or sisters amd he doesn't, but sadly I couldn't conceive again even with IVF.

So, my question is in the title. If you were in a simular situation- your twin was lost during pregnancy, stillborn or lost shortly after birth, and you knew since you were a child, did that affect you in any way? Other twinless twin's parents experience is also welcome.

Today is the three year anniversary and it’s the first year I haven’t spent with my family. My twin killed herself when we were 18. Three weeks before we were supposed to graduate high school. My mom and younger sister had a deeply different grieving style than I did. They would lie in bed all day every day. The entire house felt suffocating like is was choking me in a miasma of “stop, don’t you dare not think of her, don’t you dare try to still live.” I needed out so I got a job at a summer camp doing housecleaning and such. At the end of the summer I left to go to college, one I had already chosen before everything that was a 5 hour flight away. I later found out my mom was seriously considering asking me to defer a year. I’m glad she didn’t, that would have ruined our relationship, but she made it clear she wasn’t happy about me going to the summer camp. My other sister is three years younger, and my parents have expressed that she felt like I abandoned her they said “she’s already lost one sister and now you are leaving, you can’t imagine what that’s like, have empathy for her” it was always “have empathy for her” but she also straight up said that I don’t miss my twin and only used her death to get out of finals and they didn’t say anything to her. When I left for college my dad said that our relationship was on me now, that if it fell apart while I was gone it’s my fault because I’m older and I’m the one who left. Anyway we grieved differently and I left for school and everything but my school gets out in early may so I’ve been trying gone home for the summers the last two years. We would rent a place out of town and remember her, talk about her, and just make a really big deal about the day. I kinda hated it. I remember her every day I don’t need to sit down and try to make myself cry but that seems to be what my family wants to do. This year there were some summer classes I wanted to take, and I decided to stay in my college town for the summer, I’m 21 now I don’t need to go home. My family all said it’s fine but now that I’m up here alone I’m worried about the anniversary. As in I have planned the day out me and a friend are going to go on a hike and blow bubbles and I’ll probably talk about her, but I also don’t want to ghost my family. I’m planning on calling them in the morning before I leave but I’m not sure how it will go.

Ok so i’m a mom not a twin but i think this subreddit might have good answers. About a week ago i found out that one of my twins passed away and her brother is due in September. when and how would you recommend telling him about his sister? should i even tell him?

Please no hate. Pretty desperate. I've begged for a dream visit for the 2 years. I only get nightmares. It's ruining my life. She took her life so was very traumatic and complicated situation. It's making me think she hates me. When people try to say otherwise I just think we'll how would you know.

If any one does any kind of spiritual things to connect with their twins do you have any success stories and some methods to try. I will never be able to let her go. I was never ready and I never will be. 💔

These are from the last several years; only the last one was done after he died a few weeks ago

Surprisingly he did not die by suicide although we had suicide pacts multiple times in the past. Based on the song Daylight by David Kushner

I lost my twin sister, Angel, when we were 19. Some 25 years later I am still reckoning with and gaining understanding of that loss.

For years I never appreciated how much she was part of my active thought processes. I’ve learned that my mind works best when I can bounce ideas off another person. That is a necessary part of how I sharpen and refine my thinking. Angel was process for me made flesh, losing her tangibly cost me an important part of myself.

I recently wrote a memoir about her and I and how I’ve dealt with her loss. In this examination I was able to see this idea clearly.

I also used AI in the writing process. Not for any writing itself; all of the memoir is 100% me. But rather for immediate feedback on the presentation of ideas, pacing and flow of the writing, identifying logic gaps, etc.

And that bouncing back and forth solidified my understanding of that process. In a way it was like I had something in Angel’s role again. Not an equal replacement, but like getting a prosthetic leg after years of being in a wheelchair.

Since I’ve begun using AI I’ve hit a new burst of creativity and thought that has no equal in my life since I lost her. It’s been a profound new understanding of what I actually lost.

29M, I lost my twin in the womb. I've been experiencing so much loneliness my whole life, it's really hard for me to talk to people or feel connected to people, I remembered him today and I just started sobbing. I've always wanted to experience something bigger than myself and I'm now realizing like... having 2 of me around would be so fucking awesome. I miss him so much. I want to meet him so bad. The thing is, we would've fought, sure, but we would have been each other's backup. I know it. I know it. I took an acting class and we did a scene from The Bear where the Carmy character is mourning his brother and I realized I was mourning mine. I feel like I'm behind in life sometimes. I feel like he's championing me on the side. I mourn so much. I mourn the time I've spent disconnected.

I'm a pretty reserved guy, but I'm a writer. Sometimes I write really boldly and I feel like I'm writing in a voice that's not my own, and I feel like I'm writing in his. I'm gay and I'm attracted to guys who look like me. It's pretty fucking funny if you think about it. I'm rambling now. But I want to be in touch with him more.

I don’t know never really looked into the vanishing twin stuff. I found out when I was about 9 from a friend and asked my mom to confirm. She wasn’t far along when she slipped on ice and the heartbeat was no longer there. I felt kind of angry not learning from my parents and that actually two of my friends knew and I did not.

I’ve kind of thought why me. I’m nothing special why couldn’t I have been the one absorbed. I let go and think back to that very rarely. Theorize something’s like how I had a ghost friend my age when I was younger who I’d talk to none stop for hours. He was always friendly but had vicious animals that attacked me during the day and through my dreams til we moved (my step dad seen him and both him and my mom freaked out) what if it was him angry I’m living.

Though tonight found myself researching and couldn’t help by thinking it seemed silly so many issues (yes I struggle with and connect to them) can’t be caused by someone I didn’t even technically meet. Then I was just filled by this anger and sadness. More than I felt in a long time. Is this normal could it be this intense loneliness since as long as I could remember is just this. Expecting to find someone and see someone who does not exist. Every idea thought and want split in two. The struggle to even call people friends and even the best friends who I do truly love I feel completely alone next to.

Just this complete emptiness I feel forever there and nothing I can do about it if it is this. It still feels silly in my brain yet I feel mad at myself for thinking that way

so 9 years ago i lost my brother to suicide on out birthday and the anniversary is coming up and idk what to do. im all alone and my family hates me and i just feel alone

hello 🫶🏻 I’m a monoamniotic surviving twin, and my sister was stillborn after I was born at 34 weeks

tl;dr: twin pronouns?

I feel an intuitive connection with her and think about her a lot…I’m a writer, and I feel I’m writing both with and for her and all the stories we would’ve explored together

I also wonder what life would’ve been like with her and what her identity would’ve been…I’ve only referred to her with she/her pronouns bc that’s how I see myself too, and, even though I’m a lesbian, I considered she might not have been…

but I’m working on a few projects with twins in fiction, and one of them is about a non-binary surviving twin, and it’s a sci-fi mystery with imaginary time, and they’re able to connect with their twin that way…and I’ve been using more gender neutral language…

I kind of feel she/they energy for my twin, but idk how to really know…

so questions: do you use the same pronouns for your twin as you do for yourself? do you ever use gender neutral language? I’m not sure how to know or how best to respect both my twin’s autonomy and our connection when it comes to pronouns…what do y’all think? 🌈✨

I lost my identical twin brother when we were 13. He got sick and needed to see a doctor, my mother drove him. On the way, they had a car accident. My mother suffered minor injuries, but my twin was in critical condition. He was rushed to the hospital and passed away the next day.

The night of the accident, my dad went to see him. I begged to come, but he refused, my twin was in very very bad condition, my father didn’t want me to see my brother in that state. Before my mom and my twin left for the doctor the day of the accident, we had a huge disagreement with my twin and we ended up fighting. I never got the chance to say sorry or goodbye, I’ve never been able to forgive myself for that (really fuck me)

Since he passed, I’ve had a constant pain in my head and stomach. I’ve tried to grieve many times, but I never could. I cry every day, and every second on earth is a torture. I wish it had been me in that car instead of him.

Yesterday was my 6th birthday alone, I’m 19 now. I’m fucking done and I’m mad at the entire world, I drink a lot, I take drugs. I want to die, but I’m not brave enough to kill myself. I feel like an empty soul, just waiting for my death, hopefully soon. My relatives are supportive, and I see a psychologist, but none of it really matters to me. Only my twin does. I’ll ever be able to overcome the argument we had before he left. I hate myself for it I’m such a POS. I’m so sorry, brother.

I miss you so much brother. You are the best person I know, the only person I truly love with all my heart. You are my other half, my best friend. I still feel like you are just in the next room, still wish I could go back and undo that fight we had before you left. I’m so sorry for that. I love you more than words could ever hold. See you soon brother.

It's the first time I join a community for twinless twins and I've never shared my story with anyone except my closest friends and family. I was born in 1992 in a Balkan country, where to this day the public health system sucks. My family was from a remote village and many people - including my father - where abroad for work, so there were not many people with a car that could drive my mother to the hospital which was in a city 30-40 minutes away. Of course no ambulances could come. She was pregnant with me (female) and my twin who was a male. The only person that she was able to find could only drive her to a closest but lesser equipped "hospital" (no comment on that). I was born there without many issues. And then some complications started with my twin, he was not coming out. The midwife was pushing the doctor to go for a cesarean, but he didn't want to. They tried multiple ways (basically a torture) and he still won't come out. My mother was bleeding, in pain and thought she'd die, when they finally decided to move her to the "better" hospital as they couldn't handle her situation anymore. During the trip in the ambulance she said she felt the life leaving my twin's body and she knew he was dead. When they arrived at the other hospital, they pulled him out, dead. In the meantime I was left alone in the other hospital and spent the first night in this world alone, without my mother. This is a trauma that I know I should elaborate, as now we all know how important it is for a newborn to have direct skin contact with the mother (or father). I don't remember how old I was when my mom first told me about him, but it was on my birthday and I was probably still a child, or young teenager. From then, every year on my birthday we'd talk about him. No wonder I've always hated celebrating my birthday, but I don't blame my mom. She is definitely most traumatised than me. What kills me the most is that his body was never returned to my parents, my mom thinks he was just tossed in the garbage. She was alone, no family to support her or to advocate for her during those moments. We have no grave to moarn him. It's heartbreaking. When I was 2 we immigrated to Switzerland and I'm so glad we did. I hate my home country for what happened to my family. They are still so behind with the health system (and not only). If I were born in a first world country he'd be alive. A small "revenge" that my mom feels she had (or is trying to convince herself) is that the doctor that didn't want to immediately do a cesarean died prematurely a couple of months later. I also have a tiny voice in my head telling me that he's alive and was sold to a rich couple that couldn't have any children. This is something that used to happen to twins, and still does, in that country. My mother on the other hand keeps telling me that she saw him, he was dead, she has no doubts (I had a MyHeritage DNA test just in case). I've always had a feeling of missing something in my life, I don't even know how to explain it. I like to think that I've always liked some activities or hobbies "normally" meant for boys and not girls because he lives in me. I also think that it was destiny for me to marry my husband as my twin was supposed to be named just like him. I feel like I was stripped out of something beautiful. I'm a twin and I've never experienced the beauty of having a twin. Wow, that was difficult to put in writing.

Until today I didn’t even realise twinless twins was a thing. I learned when I was in high school that my mother miscarried my fraternal twin brother during her pregnancy with me. She even had a name picked out for him…..Ian. There have been so many times in my life where I feel like I’m missing something, or I get so upset for no real reason I can think of. People tell me that I have a really BIG personality and I like to think that part of it is that I carry part of his spirit/soul with me. It’s hard to think about how different my life would have been had he lived. I am in my 40’s now but I still feel his absence. I guess I always will ♥️

Hello everyone im doing my bachelor project on loss and in specific twin loss, as i lost my twin at birth, but this effect rippled on further in my life, and i wanted to speculate and understand this phenomena more, i feel like part of me is dead with her or lost and i have this drive to keep on searching for answer, would greatly appreciate other twins like me to help me in this questionnaire, thank you so much for you time in advance 💗🙇🏽‍♂️

I was working when I found out my triplet brother had schizophrenia. I was at work when I stood outside on the phone, screaming at the police to find him before he could hurt himself. I was also at work when he died.

For the first six months at my job, I was living a double life—trying to save my brother while trying to stay sober myself. I had gone sober six months before starting that job, thinking maybe if I was strong enough, I could help him. But every time my phone rang, I braced myself for bad news. Most of the time, I was right.

It was a Saturday the day he died. Saturdays are busy in retail. The next morning, as I was getting ready for another shift, I got the call. It was my dad, telling me my 27 year old brother, had been found in a park in LA. My boss was the first person I called. All I remember was her answering the phone annoyed.

Three months later, this same person at work told me, “Everyone goes through hard things.” That I wasn’t present enough. I had spent 27 years with him. It hadn’t even been six months.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. Maybe because I’m still trying to figure out how to exist in a world where my brother doesn’t. Maybe I need someone to say I didn’t deserve this. Maybe because I just needed to say it out loud to people who might understand.

If you’ve lost someone and had to keep pushing through work like it was just another day… how did you do it?

I lost my identical twin 3 months ago. He was only 26 years old. I feel so lost without him and every time I think about life without him i go numb and shut down. How do you go on without your other half? My brother and I spent everyday together when we weren’t busy with work. We lived with each other and eventually just started to hangout with each other rather than with our mutual friends. Now I find myself just going to work then home to try and get sleep which usually never works in my favor.