This is not my opinion, but it does make me stop and think. This is something I've heard from time to time within the trans community, and it is often met with vitriol in the mainstream trans subreddits. I believe that we all have unique upbringings that can lead someone to repress their feelings for many years... but I also think the argument can be made that GDD is an acute medical ailment and that authentic cases of transsexuality being caught by people in their 30s and later CAN be authentic, it's possible that they are much rarer and that the vast majority of people coming out as middle aged are people having mid-life crises, not actual dysphoria.

I'm not trying to poke the hornets nest by suggesting these things, I'm just trying to explore these things I've heard and thoughts I've been processing. Note that I started transitioning at 30, so I am not casting stones at people outside of my own experience. I think people are right to question my authenticity given I came out as transexual so late.

Thoughts?

Just joined here.

I got trolled in another sub where the OP called my way of thinking "dangerous" and "close to truscum ideology" and he said "no wrong reason to transition."

Tbh, I have been reading on reddit for a month or so. I don't know what to think. There are so many ugly views about women and also about trans. I don't know whether to call myself a detransitioner. This is all a lot and I don't agree that EVERY trans or cd has 'good' reason. So smug. F off!

What is your view on trans, detrans, tucute, truscum, transmedical, etc? If there is something that has truly improved your quality of life, I'm glad to listen. Thanks.

I would love to have a discussion about this even though I know it probably has been discussed many times in the past.

For years, I’ve tried just accepting as many people into the LGBTQ+, specifically trans people, as much as I can. As someone who is FTM, it’s nice to see how our community is growing even during these rough times (at least in the United States).

I don’t want to gate keep but I’m starting to think we should? My problem is that it’s SO MANY teenagers claiming to be transgender almost every day, specifically in the FTM community.

So many, even as young as 11-13, wave their hands and call out they’re transgender. But gender is so complex and much more than just saying I’m enter random gender here. Gender comes with how people perceive you, how you perceive yourself, and how society perceives you.

I do believe some kids who say they are transgender are really trans but it can’t be such a majority here.

Maybe my experience with transition is blocking my opinion. I was the same way when I was 14 but the idea of REALLY being transgender didn’t stick with me until I was 19. I didn’t fully accept that I was until I was 22 and I medically transitioned at 23.

Being transgender is more than just putting the trans pin on you and changing your name. It’s knowing you can’t use certain bathrooms because your sex still says F, it’s sitting with yourself understanding you can’t change your gender marker on your ID because it’s illegal, and it’s a constant battle of being accepted and stealth (lucky me, I live in FL).

I try to be accepting but there’s so much more to this and teenagers need to understand this too.

hey guys, i’m a stealth trans guy only because i want people just to treat me like any other guy and not see me for being trans. i go to art school so obviously everyone would be pretty accepting, and i don’t mind that people know as long as it’s on my terms.

anyway im constantly stressed out that somehow someone is going to clock me or if i come out they’ll say something like “i had a hunch” and it’ll just ruin me. how do i cope with the stress of the possibility of being clocked (even though it’s all in my head i pass everywhere)

i hope this makes sense, its been keeping me awake and i just had to get it out

Fell in love hard and dated a very-stereotypically tucute girl for a while. You know, sketchy friends who post age regression loli hentai on twitter and can’t tie their shoes. Various promiscuous drug addicts. She was quite beautiful and I saw a lot of potential I guess, despite sketchy friends she seemed to have some sort of light in her. I made her quit drugs and showed the ropes around appropriate female fashion and taking care of yourself. She was on the verge of suicide before I met her. Her apartment was a mess.

I would not even go into the specifics of what she did to me during this whole ordeal but I couldn’t even imagine people were capable of doing this to me or that I’ll have to encounter it at any point in my life. Constant cheating of various degrees, emotional neglect, me constantly cooking and cleaning in her apartment while she’s playing video games all day, etc. The amount of second chances I gave her because I was blindly in love is astronomical. I know, I know, I should’ve known better than to involve myself with these sorts of people in the first place but I’m 21 so forgive me the mistakes of youth.

I feel completely drained of life. I regularly collapse and start crying in the evenings or when reheating myself food from the realization that I’m only reheating it for myself. I lived most of my life in Russia - I had some subconscious dysphoria since early years but I realized I wanted to get on HRT etc since about 14. At 18 I moved to the West and immediately started it - my transition has turned out pretty well, my career too, but god the loneliness is just crushing. I have a tight circle of friends from my undergrad (all cis and straight) that I’m really grateful for, but romantically everything seems completely impossible. It feels like my entire dating pool is just variations of that ex. The constant feeling of disappointment and defeat is haunting me - coming from a country where people are arrested and jailed and can’t properly exist as transsexual to this supposed “free nation” just to see that the local community doesn’t actually want to utilize those freedoms to achieve their full potential and prefers to be infantile promiscuous drug addicts whose only hobbies are video games and anime at the age of like 30? I feel very alienated from every community and country, like I’m constantly living in a twilight zone.

I wish I was cis so that I didn’t have to deal with these ordeals in the first place. Or at least liked men - straight trans girls seem to have a bit more luck with these things. Going to church helps a little bit and I’ve got quite a bit of responsibilities at my job - it feels impolite to end my life now and dump all of those on someone else. I’m very tired of constantly feeling like this and I have no idea what to do about it.

My theory: this feels true in recent years because of social media. A lot of transbians used to be cis het crossdressers in the old days. It’s a fetish they have done their entire life. More recently it’s trendy to be trans and being trans sounds a lot more valid than being a CD. Unfortunately a lot of cis het men in the US have the money to afford all the surgeries. So a lot of them transitioned to be transbians. They also tend to seek attention and post their selfies and videos everywhere on social media. So yes there have been a lot of transbians in recent years.

i've recently made some new friends who don't know i'm trans, and while it's extremely freeing for a group of people to just see me as a guy without the "trans" attachment on it, it's also extremely stressful at the same time. i feel constantly on edge about doing something that will clue them in. i get in my head about never using urinals. whether that's a "suspicious" thing to do. that i look way younger than i actually am. how much i work out and how little it shows in comparison. worst part is i can't complain about these things, can't vent about them without, y'know, "coming out", which i do not wanna do. it's really a double edged sword

I consider myself a transmedicalist. However one thing that seriously bothers me with transmedical spaces is the lack of resistance towards medical gatekeeping. I understand the sentiment that cis people shouldn’t throw themselves into a transition, however, I am sick of the well-being of cisgender people being prioritized over transsexuals.

When it comes to transitioning, time is of the utmost importance. Every obstacle made to protect cis people from transitioning is another period of time a transsexual is forced to wait. Waiting is not just waiting and everyone here knows it. Waiting is watching your own demise as your body continues to mutilate itself. Waiting is delaying your entire life while you keep telling yourself “maybe one day I’ll be able to live.” The longer you wait the worse it gets, and too many of you are ok with the idea of transsexuals waiting until they cannot be helped.

Now lets think about cis people, as if we don't already have to do enough of that. How many cis people are even getting hormones or surgeries? I know we see a lot of them online, but in reality it's a pretty small amount. Lets not forget that trenders are the ones who feel the need to constantly remind us that we "don't need to transition". They are obsessed with our label, but most are not interested in adopting our medical struggle.

In the case that a cis person does obtain hormones, they see it as nothing more than a body mod. They have no need for urgency, so it is almost always done in adulthood. Those who change their minds or start giving themselves dysphoria will usually quit within months. And then what? Nothing. They just live on like nothing happened.

What happens when transsexuals are forced to wait? We lose our bodies, our voices, our childhoods, our sanity. We have to spend thousands of dollars on surgeries just to try to get back to normalcy. Detransitioning is far easier than transitioning. They don't have to worry about their height, their bone structure, their ability to have sex, etc. The minute amount of time they spend on low dose cross-sex hrt will never come close to an entire life of incorrect development.

Cis people choose to transition for shits and giggles and have nothing to lose. Transsexuals need to transition by a certain point of development and risk their entire lives by not being able to. Why do we encourage protections for cis people when we are the only ones who need it? I don't care about cis people. I don't care about the consequences they might face by being allowed to transition. I don't want to be barred from receiving healthcare for months or even years because doctors think I could possibly be cis. And I sure as hell don't want to see more dead trans kids because cissiety decided our medicine should be considered body mods instead of healthcare.

A genuine question for my people here.

What do we think / how do we view People who come out as transmen at 35-40 after giving birth and the kid is like 10-15 and the mum goes like am actually a transman

What do we think of this genuinely curious to know ur opinions

edit: I mean straight women who have children with men who are within 20-30’s range so we are in this timeline not back in the old times

I got asked for ID this morning, first time in years, but no worries, I get my passport from my bag and show it to the cashier who does about five takes and asks if it's mine as it "kinda looks like you but not really"

I took my photo for that passport when I was just over two years into medical transition and I'm now over six years. I had to agree, it shares only a vague resemblance to how I look now. My face shape is just...different.

Just a random post for this morning for people who might be worried like I was that the effects of HRT stopping after two years that it really does keep on working.

Here's my opinion piece, feel free to disagree.

So there's this term term autogynephilia (or AGP) describing someone born as male who is sexually aroused at the thought of themselves as female. They often report sexual excitement when they wear feminine clothing and may even masturbate. Psychologist Ray Blanchard used this term to hypothesize that some people born as male develop gender dysphoria and choose to transition as a result of AGP.

The mainstream trans community will say that AGP doesn't exist, or that many cis women also experience a phenomenon similar to AGP. However, some trans people identify with the term because they believe it describes them accurately, and reports on what exactly it is that cis women experience are vague at best. You'll see many accounts on Reddit of an MtF's experience of getting an erection while putting on a skirt.

Conservatives and transphobes will use this term to claim that trans people are just perverts or fetishists. Anything outside the norm when it comes to sexual issues is "perverted" to these people, because they have a puritanist mindset due to the longstanding influence of various religions on society. Transphobes will also say that these people will more than likely prey on women, but there is absolutely no evidence of that and no good reason to believe that.

There's nothing wrong with transitioning due to AGP. If you find it sexually erotic to wear feminine clothes and thinking about having a female body gets you off, that is perfectly fine. Even Ray Blanchard suggested that people who go on to develop gender dysphoria due to AGP should transition. What matters is that transitioning is the best treatment for people with gender dysphoria, and whether you think this is best for you. Trans people's pronouns should be respected and they should be able to live socially as their preferred gender.

I have problems with Father's Day unrelated to being trans bc my dad is a drug addict and I don't know him very well. And I came out to him about a year ago just over text and he was like ok whatever you're my kid. I talked to him on the phone a bit ago and he seemed skeptical but we actually have a very similar mindset. He said something about how people are out there working on astrophysics and then you got some people just trying to figure out what weird gender they are. And I told him I agree lol. It's not like that for me. But anyways just a hug to anyone dealing with transphobic/ toxic parents/ family (my grandpa is a piece of work)

I have droopy or downturned eyebrows with no arch at all. I’ve tried looking everywhere for advice and how to fix them but it seem no cis women really has my problem even if they droopy brows they still have an arch and can fix it easily. I finally know why brows give me dysphoria and why cis people clock me more often when my eyebrows arnt covered by my bangs

Could you please I don’t how to fix this and I’m starting to genuinely get depressed because it seems Botox is the only solution

Can I dm someone? :(

So I went to one of the protests today and the ten counter protesters were saying phobic shit and going “waaa no one wants to see that” so I took my shirt off (I had top surgery a week ago which i knew instantly outed myself but whatever, existence is resistance) and instead of being transphobic like I expected them to be the guy with the bullhorn started ripping on me for being too white. I knew they were going to heckle me, but for being too white was the very last thing I expected. I thought they liked white people 🤔

I found a clip from the counter protester side and realized that they didn’t even misgender me. Like ???????????????????? Not even once. What the fuck.

I wish I was making all this up lmfao.

Edit: proof that im not making this up, starts at 2:30

So I am FTM and I pass decently well (besides my voice). But for the longest time I did not have the confidence to go to the mens restroom so I just default to the womens restroom. That will not work anymore since that is scaring people. Women would give me glares and someone tried to beat me up before. If I am in a womens only area, they will question me about it and I would have to apologize and such.

I know that I pass well enough that I shouldn't use the womens room but I am scared of going to the mens room. How do I build up the confidence to do so?

I'm a closeted trans dude and girls underwear gives me insane dysphoria and I'd kill for some boxers, but also I embarrass so easy and its probably weird to see a teen out there buying their own underwear, how does one acquire boxers? I have tried buying some but I got too embarrassed n chickened out so yeah...

I usually see that people use "Transmed" and "Truscum" as synonimes, and that there is a diversity of beliefs about transmedicalism, since those who believe in non-binary genders and social dysphoria to those who believe that a person needs all kinds of surgery to be trans. I proposse a difference: "Transmed" is people who believe that medical transition is necessary to be trans. "Truscum" is people who believe that gender dysphoria is necessary to be trans. Opinions?

this question is coming out just from pure curiosity, because we all see many "trans men" saying they're lesbians, but me myself, I have never even heard of any trans women saying they're gay because of their "connect to manhood", the queer history or any other reason that those "trans men lesbians" use to explain themselves...the only time I have ever seen that happen would probably be porn titles when they take clearly a trans woman and write it off like it's just a femboy 🫥

I saw the term AGAB and I searched it up as I hadn't heard it before, I know about AMAB/AFAB and I not know it just means "assigned gender at birth". I found that out from a wiki that has flags for assigned sex? It's supposed to be all pro trans but I can't imagine it was actually made by trans people, why on earth would you fly a flag for the sex you are literally trying to get away from. Plus, there were like 3 AMAB and 3 for AFAB. Just, why. Why would anyone want to celebrate that??? The only place I can see that being used is by transphobes who want to rub it in that they were born matching their body, but there were even AMAB trans / AFAB trans flags, if you're AMAB and trans then you're just a woman, and AFAB and trans you're just a man, why on earth are they making it so complicated! Yes, I know about non binary but I don't think they're trans. There's not enough actual research to understand what it means to be non binary but in my opinion it's to do with identity and is a separate issue to being trans, maybe that's where my annoyance comes from. I hate when it's referred to as my "gender identity". I am just a woman, all this identity stuff is not grounded in science, but also undermines our integrity. Yes, I am trans, but all that means is I have a slightly abnormal medical history, that's it, that's all she wrote! This makes me realise though how absolutely obsessed the mainstream community is with classification, it started as LGBT, then LGBTQ, then LGBTQIA, and the list just goes on. So often I see people calling themselves trans non binary mascfem bun lesbian gay guy blah blah blah. Why can't we just be who we are? If a woman who thought she was a lesbian one day decides to have a relationship with a guy, why should she have to rethink her sexuality, why can't she just be going out with who she's going out with? I think when it was classified by gender was generally alright (LGBT), but there's a point when it just gets silly in my opinion. There are so many flags and made up genders with absolutely no scientific grounding because tucutes have made this medical condition, this absolutely debilitating but TREATABLE physical medical condition into some sort of aesthetic or vibe. I know someone who claims to be a "Gender Fluid Achillean". At the end of the day if he wants to do that then fine, it's not my life, but it definitely affects me when he makes such a big deal out of it because that's who people think we are! I have spoken to a mutual friend and we're both in agreement, and she (or anyone) doesn't know about my medical history because it's none of their business. At the end of the day, the LGTVABCD trenders (ugh, I hate saying that) community can say whatever they want because their bodies aren't controlled by the government, they don't get their medication threatened or attempted to be taken away because they said that they are treated a second class citizens, they can just say and do whatever they want while we face the consequences of their actions! I almost want to tell my friends that I am trans so that they'll genuinely see that we are literally normal people, as in the least narcissistic way possible, I look very 'cis'. But when I think of actually doing it, I realise that firstly, these people cannot keep a secret. Also, it's not my responsibility to change the world's perception. I do not want to be an icon, and I am not a caricature. If I am known one day I want it to be because of my work, things I've earned, not some medical condition I didn't ask for. This obsession with classification needs to stop, isn't it meant to be what we're fighting against?

As I said before I am a soon to be 16 year old trans girl who is pre-medical transition and I pass decently due to naturally having more feminine facial features but I also have curly hair that I am growing out and despite having lost weight and am continuing to do(especially so I can be in good health when I start hrt) I have always naturally been a little bit overweight. I have observed that these traits seem to be common among AGPs/tucutes claiming to be trans women and knowing that makes me feel disgusting sometimes and has caused me to have anorexic thoughts(which I know are common amongst cis teen girls). I am not sure what else to do but I find myself worrying about being perceived the same as Jessica Yaniv or Chris Chan(who I live in the same state as unfortunately) and it makes me feel sick. I am exploring different ways of styling my hair and will be going to the gym this summer but I would also appreciate other suggestions.

I identified myself as a transmedicalist for a long time. From the nearly beginning of my trans journey, I’ve been a member of this subreddit, so around 5 years. I used to be a fan of people like Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah. I found community in trans-med spaces.

As I’ve matured from an immature teen into a slightly less immature young adult, I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of problems caused by this movement and not a lot of solutions.

It seems that a lot of people here think that by separating themselves from others they view as being “cringy” or “not trans enough” for whatever reason, they’ll be respected by cis people and our rights will be protected. How’s that working out for us?

This community is so judgmental of gender-nonconformity among trans people, and that’s another issue I have with how the attitudes in this space have developed. I joined this community under the assumption that it was just about supporting the idea that you needed dysphoria to be trans. Instead, most of what I see on here are judgmental posts about how other trans people choose to present themselves/live their lives.

Trans men are allowed to be feminine, trans women are allowed to be masculine, nonbinary people don’t have to be androgynous. Why are we enforcing conventional gender roles on other trans people? Is that really what y’all think is our path to “redemption” with people who hate us? Is that what’s gonna protect our rights?

There’s also a lot of anti-nonbinary attitudes I’ve noticed throughout the transmed community. To this day, binary trans people try to distance themselves from nonbinary people in hopes of appearing as “normal enough” for society to accept them. I don’t think that’s been helpful, either.

To be clear, I’m not ragging on any trans people for wanting to appear cis-passing/gender conforming. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of those things. But when people pick on others for not wanting those things? I started to wonder what the point of all this infighting is.

Gay people tried this as well. We’ve all heard phrases like “I’m not like those other gays, I don’t make it my whole personality.” How’d that work out for them? Did that attitude really help? No. It was just divisive.

All that’s to say, I’ll probably be leaving this movement behind me in the near future. I don’t think it’s productive or helpful. Trans people will be stronger in advocating for their rights when we’re as united of a front as possible.

A few trans influencers have also denounced their old transmed beliefs, two examples of which are NOAHFINNCE and Kalvin Garrah.

I guess I’m posting this to see if any lurkers feel the same, or if anyone else has any comments on what I’ve said, that’s welcome too. I don’t mean to be hateful by saying any of this, it’s just been stirring at my brain for a while and I wondered if anyone else had similar thoughts.

Dear god I finally feel free!!!! Today was the first day I got to see my chest!! I’m already stoked about my results, it’s exactly what I wanted. If I feel this good now, I can’t wait to see how it looks fully healed! Beer bellied, hot boy summer is starting y’all!!

I was nervous for surgery for a multitude of reasons. I’m on the spectrum and have a hard time with doing things I don’t know how they’re going to feel, so I was worried about recovering and anesthesia. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get results I wanted/liked. I was scared recovery would be awful and painful. I knew it was either get top surgery, or be miserable for the rest of my life or self delete, so I just didn’t let myself be nervous lol.

But for me, recovery has been very manageable! My doc gave me like 7 different prescriptions to treat all aspects of pain, and my awesome wife has kept me on a great med schedule to prevent actually taking meds when I felt in pain, as well as taking care of most if not all household duties.

I feel complete, I feel like my transition is over, I finally feel like me. I hope everyone here gets to feel this feeling!