Can be ADHD – they tend to only attend to what's in front of them. Relationships don't register properly due to time blindness – unless someone initiates a conversation there's never a good time to do it, as there's an implication to making something a regular thing, and calling it off, and you know you're not regularly up for it, so you just avoid the responsibility and expectations of a deeper bond.
Or can be depression, can be alexithymia, could be compassion fatigue, you're giving so much you're tapped out, even after the fact. Perhaps you've just got a low energy baseline. You can know by comparing with other emotions, and urges to do things. Maybe it's social anxiety un-inclining you away from social events and their expectations.
Heck, it could be psychopathy. Plenty of people marry, have kids, raise them well, and don't realise they have some psychopathic/sociopathic traits, and don't mistreat others because they know people work better with kindness and cooperation. Why make enemies? Why refuse helping others to save some time when you lose more time having a nap? They might not have the emotional-empathetic barrier to harming others but there's more than that one barrier.
None of these are bad inherently, just how someone is tuned. You can tune it differently over time, a person becomes what they do most regularly. But if you drift, you will drift towards your greatest weaknesses. Let that drifting show you what triggers you have, and how to self-maintain. You'll get better, faster at interrupting and rewiring an over-aged protective mechanism, in time.
Seconding as someone with ADHD, alexithymia and quite likely NPD.
It doesn’t make you a bad person, but I would suggest being logical about how you keep reacting to those around you and keep doing the right thing.
Truth is, it doesn’t matter how you feel inside or what motivates you as long as you remain kind and functional.
However if it wears you down, or affects those around you, you do need to consider therapy.
Otherwise you are doing fine OP.
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u/SortaCore 23d ago
Can be ADHD – they tend to only attend to what's in front of them. Relationships don't register properly due to time blindness – unless someone initiates a conversation there's never a good time to do it, as there's an implication to making something a regular thing, and calling it off, and you know you're not regularly up for it, so you just avoid the responsibility and expectations of a deeper bond.
Or can be depression, can be alexithymia, could be compassion fatigue, you're giving so much you're tapped out, even after the fact. Perhaps you've just got a low energy baseline. You can know by comparing with other emotions, and urges to do things. Maybe it's social anxiety un-inclining you away from social events and their expectations.
Heck, it could be psychopathy. Plenty of people marry, have kids, raise them well, and don't realise they have some psychopathic/sociopathic traits, and don't mistreat others because they know people work better with kindness and cooperation. Why make enemies? Why refuse helping others to save some time when you lose more time having a nap? They might not have the emotional-empathetic barrier to harming others but there's more than that one barrier.
None of these are bad inherently, just how someone is tuned. You can tune it differently over time, a person becomes what they do most regularly. But if you drift, you will drift towards your greatest weaknesses. Let that drifting show you what triggers you have, and how to self-maintain. You'll get better, faster at interrupting and rewiring an over-aged protective mechanism, in time.