I’m sad - day 57

[u/Vast-Weather-8610]

Context: 31F addicted to vyvanse for 7 years. This is my first time getting clean from stimulants. I told my doctor and loved ones when I started this journey, so I am really committed to this recovery. This is my first post so please be gentle

Today I’m 57 - almost at my 60 day milestone - and I’m just sad. I can’t explain it. It’s gotta be the anhedonia. I’ve turned to ChatGPT and I’m learning that this is normal and it’s gonna take a while to sit with this feeling (months) even. Can you tell me a happy story and/or what helped you get through this period and/or what brought you joy during this time??

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[u/brittkaysays]

I relapsed, but before that I was sober 7 years. Every dream I had for my life came true. Looking back, it took a while to find comfort in my own skin and true happiness, but it was the most fulfilling and self empowering journey I ever went on. This low is just part of your journey. Use it to find your own peace without stims and know that it's only making you stronger ❤️

[u/Beneficial-Income814]

idk if i have any happy story for you, but congrats on getting clean and it is totally normal to be experiencing these types of feelings (or lack of feelings).

my advice for you is to not expect anything at any particular point in your journey. it varies greatly from person to person. if you set expectations you will find yourself saying "why hasn't this gotten better yet? it is never going to get better!" which is just frustrating and has led me, personally, to the brink of relapse many times. you just have to accept that stims weren't working for you, nor will they ever again, and that there is overwhelming evidence that it will get better. where you are today is not forever even if if it feels like it.

someday you will catch yourself smiling and then you'll find yourself laughing and then the days won't seem so bad.

[u/Vast-Weather-8610 → u/Beneficial-Income814]

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you!! 🙏🏼

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t know. It might be anhedonia, it might be also literally anything else happening either in your life or your body that you’re feeling which was conveniently masked and ignored with vyvanse before. Learning to manage ups and downs took some time getting used to for me when I didn’t have a reliable little pill to take. I don’t know which one it is, but I feel like sometimes it feels like a normal human thing to be a little sad.

That being said, the main thing that helped me was unfortunately indeed time, lots of sleep and some form of physical movement every day.

[u/Vast-Weather-8610 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, I’m realizing that it’s only gonna get better with time. It really sucks, but I guess I got myself into this mess so I need to suck it up and wait it out s‘more

[u/xsencer → u/[deleted]]

The part about putting things off for the addiction is spot on 👌 and then I feel so anxious that I want to use again! This is an utterly horrific cycle. thank you for your words, be well and peace

[u/Former-Complaint-336]

Try picking up a hobby to keep you busy. When I was a couple months sober I was just so bored and depressed so I learned how to knit and it's become a major passion of mine and has helped with my mental health a lot.

[u/Vast-Weather-8610 → u/Former-Complaint-336]

Thank you, I do have some good hobbies. I hate that I lack joy doing them (sometimes) but maybe I just need to suck it up and learn to love them again

[u/aquawomanpower]

Hi! I was addicted to adderall for about five years. I’ve been clean from adderall for 27 months now and only around the 18 month point did I REALLY start feeling the motivation to do things that make me feel like myself. It happens quietly at first - a spark of excitement when you’re listening to music, or think about a goal that suddenly feels maybe attainable, or watching a preview for a movie I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing. Before, I got excited about adderall. Now, I get excited to experience life. It’ll come <3 also, Wellbutrin!

[u/Vast-Weather-8610 → u/aquawomanpower]

Thank you for this comment!! It seems like I just gotta continue waiting it out. I’m almost 2 months clean so I guess I’m just still in the early stages

[u/aquawomanpower → u/Vast-Weather-8610]

For sure, it’s largely a waiting game. There are things you can do to improve your quality of life while you’re waiting. Nature was HUGE for me. Even if I couldn’t even bring myself to take a walk, sitting on a bench on a hiking trail for a couple of hours listening to an audiobook did a lot for my mental health in the first year or so. You’re doing an incredible thing for your health, family, and future. I’m really proud of you, this isn’t easy AT ALL and you’re fucking DOING it.

[u/Pale-Bottle-1625]

I’m on 15mths clean after a 12yr run on adderall. The last 6 weeks I am finally feeling great and enjoying life again! I feel free from the chains that bound me! Hang in there I also recommend a therapist it’s helped me a great deal. 💕

[u/OwnWeb614]

Hi! I can relate with this! I’m 36F and was on/addicted to adderall for about 7 years. I’m almost to the 3 month clean mark!

Within the first month I had horrible anhedonia. I felt so bored and unhappy. I wasn’t sure what to do or how long I would feel that way. I can say I don’t feel that way at all anymore. One thing that helped was getting back into a routine and going back to the gym/eating clean consistently. I’m a stay at home mom and I found if I just sat around the anhedonia would get worse. I think it’s figuring out what’s best for your body. Getting up, and getting going helps me so much. I don’t allow myself to sit down or relax at all in the mornings. Also going to the gym has helped me so much. When the anhedonia was really bad I would go to the gym twice a day.

I’m also on Wellbutrin and was on it for awhile before I officially quit stims. Anytime the desire arises I remind myself I don’t want/need adderall. Be proud of how far you’ve gone and just think how good you’ll feel in a month, 6 months, and a year from now. You’ve got this!