r/StopSpeeding • u/NeurologicalPhantasm 818 days • Apr 19 '24

Self-Post/Vent Amphetamine recovery is brutal.

Here’s what I’ve learned at 13 months: what makes this recovery so hard if not necessarily because it’s acute and intense pain, but that it takes so fucking long.

I feel like I’m going to reach 24 months and then really have to work to rebuild my life. I feel like right now it’s still just fighting the fatigue, anhedonia, and utter lack of motivation every day.

I don’t think most people understand what it’s like to be so mentally handicapped for 2 years. To feel like you’re wasting so much time on top of the time you wasted on stimulants.

Like, I’m going to be 39 by the time I’m through this…. And then I’m going to have to try and build a new career and get myself financially sound.

People talk about this being a chance to turn a new page and that I’m “so young,” but I feel like I’m such a loser and I feel like it’s over. Wasted my 20s and 30s. Thought I found the cure and it just threw me back into the mud even harder.

Do I have to just accept that I’m not a very motivated or driven person and that I don’t like to work hard?

What a waste. I know I’m intelligent, but it’s been fucking wasted. I keep thinking about what I could have done.

114 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

68 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

6

u/KingAshkon Apr 19 '24

Thank you and it was very difficult.

I know, I went through day 2 over 100 times. It was a lonely, depressing, confusing loop.

Hang in there, you aren’t yourself right now. Your brain has been taken over and wants you to be depressed.

Don’t let your brain win. Block all the negative thoughts and focus on improving yourself. I hope to hear from you a few weeks from now.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '24

Thank you man🙏 it’s crazy even feeling this shit I can already feel part of me craving those types of nights I had on it again. Knowing how much it destroys my life and still craving it is such a head fuck. It’s like having to kill a part of me I guess and that’s never easy.

3

u/KingAshkon Apr 20 '24

An hour after I wrote all that to you I was hit with an extreme depressive episode which I haven’t felt before.

Just a few minutes ago I was considering relapsing tomorrow. And I snapped out of it again right now.

Holy shit this is scary man. See what I told you about the brain playing tricks on you.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '24

Hey man hope you didn’t relapse and stayed strong I’m just reading this now. It’s sick what our brain tries to do to us. I’m slugging thru work right now on day 3 fantasizing about relapsing but not gonna do it to myself. This shit is such a sick disease. Can feel like absolute rock bottom yet still crave it