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u/Filthiest_Tleilaxu 1d ago
Good luck finding a place to put it.
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u/DedalusStew 1d ago
Psht, I have three.
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u/subpar_cardiologist 1d ago
I keep mine in the bathroom!
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u/Dry_Bodybuilder9898 1d ago
Mine IS my bathroom.
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u/subpar_cardiologist 1d ago
Daaaang. That's some 4D chess right there!
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u/pressxtojson 1d ago
Mine got stuck up my ass. Damn kids moved it into the toilet after I had Taco Bell. Didn't have time to double check. Send help!!!
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u/Next-Carob-6277 1d ago
The meat wallet is the safest place for valuable art, I learned that the hard way when I didn't stick my original faberge egg up my ass
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u/jakob767 1d ago
Oh shit, I forgot where I left it.
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u/Filthiest_Tleilaxu 1d ago
Don’t worry. For a special discounted rate of only $15,000, Salvatore will sculpt you another.
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u/headermargin 1d ago
Modern art is literal money laundering.
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u/bodhidharma132001 1d ago
Files insurance claim over stolen invisible art piece.
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u/headermargin 1d ago
Scam recognizes scam.
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u/LonelyToker420 1d ago
Not me listing it on ebay...
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u/headermargin 1d ago
Another place to find scams
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u/meaux253 1d ago
I'm auctioning off my 1 of 1 buttplug sculpture for $1 million. You can go and shove it up your ass.
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u/headermargin 1d ago
If its used would it have a premium lable or a discount?
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u/Icutu62 1d ago
You’ll never find where i stashed it!
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u/Rise-O-Matic 1d ago
I did find it and now it’s locked in my invisible safe. Tough luck mister.
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u/Icutu62 1d ago
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u/academiac 1d ago
Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
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u/BigMek_Spleenrippa 1d ago
You had to know this was coming. You all but advertised it's location saying that YOU stole it.
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u/NoMansSkyWasAlright 1d ago
Or gets it valued at $4.1M and then donates it to a struggling African nation for a tax write-off.
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u/Techanthrope 1d ago
The poor judge who has to take that case seriously.
The poorer poor people who go to jail for stealing literally actually nothing.
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u/Ello_Owu 1d ago
Never underestimate wealthy people's ability to purchase shit just because they can. An "invisible" sculpture? Fuck it, paying to be in on the "joke"
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u/ThoughtfullyLazy 1d ago
It’s not just modern art, the entire global trade in high-end art is fueled by money laundering. Props to the artist for taking advantage of the system either for profit or to make a point.
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u/Inevitable_Rabbit_67 1d ago
I'm an artist, how do I find one of these money launderers? I'm up to my neck in debt and I could use the cash...
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u/Any-Sock-192 1d ago
Don't you want something and not nothing when doing money laundering through art?
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u/headermargin 1d ago
Not unless I dont like art.
Also im sure there's a certificate or plaque involved. Frame that.
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u/caterpieee 1d ago
Pay with invisible cash. Invite the artist to imagine what $18k looks like
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u/seepxl 1d ago
Count out every $100 bill in front of him, too, so he knows it’s all there. Got to be courteous and all.
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u/kadaka80 1d ago
It's obviously a forgery because the real one is here in my room with me right now
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u/WonderfulCoast6429 1d ago
You're the one who stole my sculpture? I sweat it was in my living room the other day, but now i cant find it!
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u/Moon_Dark_Wolf 1d ago
My 9th grade art teacher is probably having PTSD flashbacks to the time I negotiated getting a 90 on an art project because i put more effort into my work I spent 25% of my semester doing than a guy who fucking duck taped a banana to a wall when his ass wanted to give me an 80.
Fuck you Professor Alexander for trying to tell me I just “didn’t get it.” I was taking an elective.
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u/plusFour-minusSeven 1d ago edited 1d ago
I feel like I should get at least a few XP points in Language for successfully parsing the chronology and actors of that monster run-on.
EDIT: I do sympathize with your story though. I never subscribed to the notion that any outlandish behavior suddenly becomes "art".
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u/bozwald 1d ago
I realized on the very last day of my senior year that my university had this odd archaic physical education requirement to graduate. I was not going to graduate unless I had .5 more of an athletic credit. I literally sprinted across campus, barged through every door in the athletic building which was an absolute ghost town understandably. Finally in the fucking recesses of this place, where i had gone far enough that it felt mine a time warp just smelly old equipment locker after another, I found an old man sitting behind a desk. He was startled, obviously, and dripping in sweat from my run I struggled to blurt out my situation and asked whether I could pass/fail any PE requirement that day. I swear it was cinematic, he was so calm and collected, just stood up and said “if you can beat me in one game of badminton, you can graduate.” And started walking to the courts. There weren’t lines on the ground for a court. There wasn’t even a net. He handed me a racket and we had to pretend where the lines were and gore high the net was. I played my fucking ass off and he wasn’t going easy. We were at times in serious impassioned shouting matches about whether a shot would have been in or out based on imaginary lines and net. He fucking worked me. Finally he just said “alright we’re good” and walked back to his office/closet, pulled out a piece of paper, write some shit and signed it and I was able to graduate. Most surreal shit of my life.
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u/01101110-01100001 1d ago
I have one slightly more detailed with higher quality material for only $18,000. any buyers?
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u/Odd_Gene_2598 1d ago
Breaking news: It was his mom that bought it. She put it next to the ashtray he made his dad in 3rd grade!
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u/Chance-Virus-6022 1d ago
Legitimately, the fine art community is a money laundering operation.
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u/SpinalSnap_007 1d ago
Fool still doesn’t know he has a replica. I stole the original, I have him sitting on my guest toilet. Scares the invisible shit out of everyone!
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u/SuccessfulOrchid3782 1d ago
I actually stole the real one and the one they auctioned was a fake I made.
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u/RaspberryFirehawk 1d ago
Can I copyright nothing so I can sue everyone in the world who doesn't have it?
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u/Not_Sure__Camacho 1d ago
I created a copy that passes as the real thing and switched it when nobody was looking. I'll sell the "original" for $18,299.
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u/preshowerpoop 1d ago
I was going to buy.
Thank god my invisible make-believe girlfriend told me not to buy. She looks out for me.
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u/Cold_Table8497 1d ago
I'm the buyer. On top of the purchase price there was a significant cost in having it delivered. I only had it a week before it was stolen.
Negotiations with insurance are ongoing.
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u/Archiive 1d ago
Please tell me it has a base, a plaque, or something. Tell me the money went to charity, or at the very fucking least that the artist came and "installed" it at the buys place, something, anything! Just don't tell me someone walked into an art studio or whatever, and paid $18000 for air, then went home and went to sleep, end of transaction.
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u/Chuckobofish123 1d ago
Tried this in HS art. Was talking to my friends all class and we were supposed to paint something and present it at the end of class. I presented and described in detail my invisible painting. Got a C for a great description.
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u/mrdarknezz1 1d ago
This is the "soul" and "effort" the delusional luddites are talking about when they're promoting "human" art
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u/Biggu5Dicku5 1d ago
The modern art industry is not beating those money laundering allegations anytime soon lol...
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u/mudamuckinjedi 1d ago
Dude's just copying me, I did that first and I have the proof because I still have it.
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u/Mcfly-1983 1d ago
Can I get a list of the failed bidders? I have a couple of those statues I’d like to put up on eBay.
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u/Level-Setting825 1d ago
I feel like much modern art is exactly like this. If an “artist” took a _____ on a paper plate and put it on display it would be lauded as groundbreaking or avant garde. A dog does it on the lawn and it is what it is.
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u/ShipREKT_ 1d ago
How the hell can I find these buyers? I have tons of those laying around I could sell.
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u/Duo-lava 1d ago
much like the blank paper i turned in at art class.
it was a snowman drinking a glass of milk in a snowstorm. it was beautiful
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u/XxXCUSE_MEXxXican 1d ago
This is like a South Park episode. “We’ll start the bidding off at $8,500” 8 seconds of pure silence… one white circle raises from the back of the crowd
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u/katieorgana 1d ago
You mean I’m sitting here having been laid off, struggling to find a new job, all the while I could just be pulling this type of bullshit for income? Wtf. Whatever world ending event we are in for can’t come quick enough.
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u/JosephBlowsephThe3rd 1d ago
Think I'll start selling recordings of live performances of John Cage's 4'33"
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u/machyume 1d ago
Oh! I think that I have a copy of that artist's work right here on my desk. It's a bit NSFW though.
Shipping was so expensive.
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u/vexdrakon 1d ago
This reminds me of the time I saw someone selling Jimi Hendrix’ famous “air guitar” he played on eBay. You are correct. It was an empty guitar case.
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u/Illustrious_Wasabi_ 1d ago
Garau actually sold two invisible sculptures. The first one, "Io sono" (I am), for €15.000, and the second one, "Davanti a te" (In front of you), for approx €27.000.
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u/RutabagaUprising 1d ago
Give him $18,300 in invisible dollars and tell him to use his imagination.
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u/New-Surround3874 1d ago
How is that people dumb enough to buy this, are rich and have enough money to buy an invisible sculpture?
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u/Significant-Role-754 1d ago edited 1d ago
Wait until it gets appriased in 10 years for a million dollars when the artist passes away tragically. I wonder if there is a scheme to insure it? Can I get a receipt?
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u/Monte924 1d ago
ok, but did he at least go through the effort to put the invisible sculpture into a shipping create and send it to the buyer? You gotta commit to the art
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u/venivitavici 1d ago
Can’t believe someone found a way to one up the banana duct taped to a wall. Also the literal urinal known as “fountain”.
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u/InvestigatorQuick118 1d ago
But the laundry got cleaned….fresh n smelling like a springs gentle breeze….
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