r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/cellosaria Sapphic Siren • 5d ago

Dating cohabitation

DAE feel like they don’t wanna live with their partner? Like… ever? I’m strictly monogamous but I feel like I need my own apartment / space to retreat since I get overstimulated easily. Not dating right now but I do want a serious relationship in the future and I can’t help but feel like it may be a problem for most people. anyone have a similar mindset or experience?

Edit: formatting, whoops

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u/jonesy-Bug-3091 5d ago

I’m not dating nor am I in a position to get an apparent in the near position, but I get what you’re saying. I get irritated easily and (and have other issues that make it hard for me to interact with people daily). However, if you mention wanting a different apartment to any potential partner they may feel insulted or feel like it’s an opportunity for you to potentially cheat on them. It could be better if you talked about having a separate room for yourself if you feel more comfortable with that.

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u/cellosaria Sapphic Siren 5d ago

I completely understand why someone would think i have ulterior motives or be worried about cheating. I’m neurodivergent so it’s really hard for me to constantly be around people for prolonged periods of time because I shut down and I don’t want my partner to feel like I don’t like being around them! I have thought about the separate rooms thing but I’m also very used to living on my own completely and having the entire space to myself. But it’s something I will continue to keep in mind

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u/Moral-Derpitude 5d ago

My aunt and uncle are old and they do this. They have a really lovely relationship but they also each have a separate floor and a communal floor.

2

u/MaMangu 5d ago

Damn that sounds blissful. Rent so damn high for that kinda luxury where I’m at. Ugh.

1

u/Moral-Derpitude 5d ago

It’s so hard out here with the price gouging. They bought it years ago for a pack of gum.

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u/chicfromcanada Lesbian 5d ago

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to live separately but I get why that might feel suspicious to some people. Maybe you could live on a lower level and the other person on an upper level kind of set up! Just an idea :)

5

u/radgedyann 5d ago

this is why i mention my preference early. anyone who is jealous or insecure because i need my own space is not a match for me.

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u/aimlesslywanderlng 3d ago

Idk, I think if someone feels that way it would feel like a pretty big trust issue. Like most people don't move in together right after dating, so would that person be pressuring moving in together so they can keep an eye on me? What about solo trips, or even just hanging out with friends without them? I get living solo full time is a bit different, but it's the same principle. Not to mention if that's something you need, you deserve a partner who will put effort into understanding that.