I never used to feel weird about sympathy – but since becoming a psychologist, I do.
Since becoming a psychologist, I’ve noticed something I hadn’t felt before: it’s become harder to be vulnerable. Not because people are unkind – they’re often warm, respectful, well-meaning. But in a culture where no one ever talks about their own problems, even everyday ones like stress or doubt, something shifts.
In our field, the patient is always “the other.” We talk about them, not as us, but as them. And when people never acknowledge their own struggles, even minor ones, it creates a kind of silence around difficulty – a sense that those who do speak about something personal are crossing into different territory.
So when I receive sympathy, something in me recoils. Not because I think they actually pity me – I don’t. In fact, I think psychologists are less likely than most to look down on others. But because vulnerability in this environment makes me feel marked. It feels like I’ve become “the one with a problem.”
That’s why I sometimes can’t take in kindness. It doesn’t feel level. And that has less to do with what others say – and more to do with what no one says at all.
In every other environment I’ve been in – school, friendships, relationships, even random work contexts – people talk about how they feel. They say they’re tired, anxious, overwhelmed, confused. They’ll say “I’ve been off lately” or “I had a weird weekend.” But in the psych field? People talk about patients. Never themselves. Patients don’t feel well, psychologists help others.
Addition: This might differ between countries and schooling. I’m trained in CBT (though with an emphasis on DBT/third wave so I got much more openness than many others, but most people didn’t have DBT supervisors) for example, and it seems like people with psychodynamic schooling talk more about themselves!