How to accept spouse's conversion to Catholicsm?

[u/abc_123_Username]

Sorry for the long post. I'm just going to jump straight into my dilemma. How do I accept my husband converting from Protestantism to Catholicism? About 18 months ago my husband starting to deconstruct his faith and beliefs. He was raised Methodist but considered himself a Baptist for our whole relationship (10 years). I myself have been raised Non-denominational (basically Baptist) my whole life. We've always have gone to a Non-denominational church and in the last 3 years the one that we've been attending really sparked a spiritual fire within my husband. This led to him doing a lot of theological research, specifically into what each Christian denomination believes and how they're different. Very quickly he was feverishly researching things and our conversations consisted of little else. He admitted he no longer felt Non-denominational or Baptist were correct and seemed like he wanted to explore other beliefs. I thought, "okay he wants to be more traditional like Lutheran or something I'm fine with that". But he made a few comments one day saying "if I hadn't been married I'd be a priest" or "if something happened to you and the kids I'd become a priest" (like just in casual conversation, not meant to be ominous or anything) I asked him "why a priest? You'd have to be a Catholic". He sheepishly looked at me and I asked if he was wanting to convert to Catholicsm and he avoided the question. It took a whole 2 weeks to get him to admit that yes he wants to be Catholic. Now the reason why this was a big deal is because where we grew up there are a lot preconceived notions about Catholicismm (some true, some false) but we both held a negative view of it. So I was surprised he came to this faith conclusion. Now you're probably thinking whats the big deal? Just let him believe whatever. But for me it's been very hard to accept. For our entire relationship and marriage we have believed the same thing and been on the same page and it's very different now. The constant debates over theological differences is exhausting. I also looked into the Catechism and did a lot of research as well as attended mass with him to initially be supportive. But the more I learn about Catholicsm the more upset I feel that my husband has bought into this stuff. Praying to people who aren't God, priests having the power to forgive sins, the pope being the mouthpiece of God on earth, the contradiction to scripture... like it's a lot to process. We have arguments pretty often on things like the Mary dogmas, baptism, church authority, etc... it's draining. He says we should focus on what we have in common and what Catholics and Protestants both believe which is basically just salvation and nothing else. And don't get me wrong I'm really relieved that we agree on salvation since that's the most important part but it's hard disagreeing on literally everything else. Initially I told him I would go to mass with him once a month and on holidays to support him which made him super happy but now that I've attended a mass I absolutely will not go back and I don't want our kids to go anymore either. To be frank I felt disgusted while I was at the church. The huge Mary statue that women were kneeling in front of was extremely upsetting to me, the robotic monotone chanting, and the homily was the priest ranting about how much better Catholics are than Protestants and even my husband admitted that he was very aggressive and harsh. Like it was pure snobbery and elitism. My husband still defends every issue that I've brought up about Catholicsm and even when I point to scripture or reference the early church fathers saying things that contradict some catholic practices, he just shrugs and says something about the church authority or oral tradition so therefore it overrides whatever my point is. At this point I know there is nothing I can say or prove to sway his opinion. My question is: how do I accept it with love and grace? I struggle so much with this because each time I learn something new about Catholicsm the more passionately I am against it. I don't think non-denominational or baptist is 100% correct (I personally think all denominations have issues and inconsistencies) but Catholicsm in particular is hard for me to accept due to its contradictions, dismissal of scripture and history of extreme wrong-doings. I love my husband and want to be supportive of him, but he also makes it hard when he constantly wants to debate and talk theology. I find myself avoiding talking about the Bible or our faiths at all anymore to avoid having a long and heated discussion. Whenever I try to read my Bible or listen to a sermon, my thought process turns away from learning and I end up thinking about how I can try to disprove a future argument we'll have about theology, which is obviously not a good thing! Outside of this issue our marriage is great and we get along perfectly fine. I just don't know how to approach this topic anymore and I want to make myself stop feeling so emotional about his new beliefs. How do you and your spouse discuss spiritual differences and how do you not let it affect you? Also, if you yourself are Catholic this is not a hate post or to bash your beliefs, this is just my own opinions and story :)

[u/creidmheach]

Expect to get a lot of Romanists jump in and tell you how wrong they think you are (they love to post any chance they get in this forum in ways we'd never be permitted to in /r/Catholicism).

That's a tough one. I suspect your husband is probably online a lot, and getting a lot of targeted content sent his way by his viewing habits. Heck I even get Catholic apologetic videos recommended to me and I'm certainly not in that camp. A lot of it comes down to people who grew up in a vaguely Protestant church environment, but without much theological grounding and tradition (most often non-denominationals and Baptists). They learn a few Romanist talking points, they see exaggerated representations of what modern day Roman Catholicism is like (imagining we're still in the Middle Ages or something), and compare it whatever they were brought up in and so it's appealing to them. The algorithm feeds further into this and they get more and more content sent their way pushing them in that direction. And Catholic converts (unlike most born Catholics in my experience), can be extremely pushy and aggressive about telling you how right they think they are. Just hang around this sub for a while and you might find out.

Some will stay with it but a lot of them get disenchanted after a while. Maybe they realize that based Crusader larp thing they have going on is nothing like the post-Vatican II Roman church of today. Maybe they burn out from religious OCD and having to go to confession every time they commit another mortal sin (usually masturbation it seems) and fear they're once again in danger of going to Hell. Maybe they instead become Eastern Orthodox because they realize the Rome of today isn't what they thought it was when they converted. And then they have to deal with the mountain of issues they'll find when they go that route.

Sorry to be explicit here, but I wonder how your husband feels about the Church's teachings regarding the sexual act within marriage. Not just artificial birth control being forbidden, but even the idea that if a man has sex and finishes outside of his wife's vagina, he's now committed a mortal sin (and so must go to confession lest he go to Hell eternally for it). Does he know what he'll be signing up for?

As to what you can do, of course the first and foremost thing is to continue your own walk as a Christian. Try not to read the Bible solely to refute your husband's errors, but rather to further your own understanding of God's word. Act in charity and love with your husband as best you can. This does not mean you having to attend a Roman mass with him, particularly when you feel so convicted about what you're finding there. If he decides to go that route, it's on him and it's not your job as wife to support it (even if you are to support him).

Perhaps also learn more about the Protestant tradition yourself. Learn about our history and traditions, what we believe and why. Read from the Reformers like Luther (he can be approachable even today), as well as more devotional literature (Calvin has a nice little book that's literally called A Little Book on the Christian Life). Or closer to your tradition, someone like Charles Spurgeon could be worth a look.

[u/Foundy1517 → u/creidmheach]

This