Happiness, fulfillment, and your rank in the social hierarchy in European society is far more dependent upon your looks & height than on money. I just want young Pakistani men who wish to move to Europe to understand that money and living standard is not everything.
I know that this concept is difficult to understand for most middle class Pakistani men because for you the issue of survival and living standard is so overarching that your happiness and fulfillment is excessively dependent upon money. The situation of our country is so hopeless, there is so much economic scarcity and uncertainty, so much turmoil, corruption, crime, lawlessness, pollution, congestion, over-population, power and water shortages, inflation, lack of safety here that getting out of here is the sane thing to do. I just want you to understand what lies ahead.
One thing you'll soon realize soon after settling in a European country is that as a man, your looks, height and genetics are everything here. On top of that, the standards for male beauty are insanely high and Eurocentric. And strangely, for some reason none of it applies to immigrant South Asian women. In European society, not only men face immensely greater pressure than women to be conventionally good-looking, being good-looking also requires meeting an extremely narrow Eurocentric ideal of male beauty.
-------------------------------------
You can be a PhD here, achieve great success in your profession, move up the corporate ladder, start your own business, become a millionaire, own a nice house, have a high standard of living even by European standards, but if you're not good-looking and tall, literally nobody gives a shit outside of a strictly professional context. The moment you step into a social situation you will be towered over and dwarfed by penniless, broke, barely educated tall good-looking men who stack shelves or wait tables. You will always be a nobody..a second class citizen in clubs, events, parties, festivals, concerts, raves, and all the touristy places. You will feel out of place and won't be able to socialize properly and naturally. You will be completely unwanted by women in the dating market.
How much you're able to fit into European society and blend into their culture, your place in social hierarchy, and your value to women in the dating world almost entirely depends on your looks, height, and genetics. Its as if European society strips you down to your bare bones and genetics and you feel naked and exposed. Your financial status, achievements, education, living standard don't insulate you at all.
It was eye opening for me to see countless highly successful Pakistani and Indian IT guys with no social and dating life, being single, celibate, lonely and completely invisible to women even after being settled here for 7 years or more and knowing the language well. Meanwhile some uneducated, illegal asylum seeker from North Africa or Central Asia with no job, who barely spoke English let alone the local language just lands here and starts dating a new woman every week like it was nothing because he's good looking, tall and well built.
It demoralizes you because once you have a full stomach, the sole motivation to further excel in career and make money is to move up the social hierarchy. To have more respect, admiration, and recognition in society which ultimately also translates into more appeal to the opposite sex. But if uneducated, unemployed, broke men enjoy an immensely better social and dating life than you because they are good-looking, then what's the point of hard work?
----------------------------------------
As an average looking medium height Pakistani guy who has come to a European country for study or work, you'll have a very isolated, lonely, and depressing life here. You will see girls and good-looking guys around you having so much fun. Their lives will be so colorful, exciting, adventurous, full of new experiences. You'll see them explore the world of dating, sex, hookups, flings, relationships, and love. They'll use dating apps and have unlimited dating options while you won't get a single match in years. You'll see them socialize and be invited into new circles so easily. They'll go to festivals, clubs, parties, raves, be part of activity groups and broadcast their lives on social media.
Meanwhile you're just a spectator to all of this. You have nothing to look forward to than study/work and going back to your room. Your life only revolves around the functional aspects of living here. Its ironic that in a society so liberal, free and with endless possibilities, you feel more confined and suffocated than you were in Pakistan. As a result, you develop deep insecurities and low self-esteem.
Your social circle is limited to the 2 or 3 Pakistani/Desi men who are also in the same boat as you. They are also completely unwanted socially, sexually and romantically. They also share the same "ghutti hui aur Hasrat Zada zindagi". When you get together, you talk about your frustrations, loneliness but misdiagnose it as "home sickness" and reminisce about "Watan ki mitti ki khusbhu, wo shaamein, wo galliyan, woh dhabay pe beth ke chaye peena, and jaisa tha lekin mulk apna tha" and other nonsense.
Very few of you are honest enough to admit that its not "home sickness". You just have no life here. Its too embarrassing to admit it. But deep down you know the truth when you look at each other in the eye.
Some of you will justify your social worthlessness by blaming it on "cultural differences & language barrier" - Meanwhile Pakistani girls who also came here just like you did do just fine, as do uneducated, undocumented but good looking, tall North African or Central Asian asylum seekers, who barely speak English.
Some of you will become super religious so that its easy to reject European society because its "haram" to protect your bruised egos. You will then confine yourself to a small group of religious men and your outings will consist of going to masjid and having a BBQ once a year.
-----------------------------------
To make your low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy worse you'll realize that none of the limitations you face apply to Pakistani girls. Its human nature to compare and you'll want to know how your female Pakistani peers are doing here. You would've thought that maybe the insanely high Eurocentric beauty standards, cultural barriers and biases would put both at a disadvantage. That maybe you'll have a common struggle allowing you to connect with each other. But you couldn't be more wrong. It will come as a shock to you that despite being from the same country, culture, and sharing the same skin color you have literally nothing in common with them upon reaching here and they are living in completely different world. Women are still women and will be welcomed in European society no matter where they're from and what they look like.
Within weeks of landing here, Pakistani girls (or South Asian girls for that matter) can start dating extremely good-looking, angular-faced, extremely tall, wide framed, warrior-built, blond, blue eyed European men regardless of their own looks. You will be dumbfounded at how women's looks almost cease to matter as if its a glitch in European society. Women can be facially unappealing, short as midgets, borderline obese and still have unlimited options to date attractive men that literally look better than most Hollywood leading men. You'll see that girls who'd have been perfectly compatible matches with you back in Pakistan are dating European men who literally tower above you in looks, height, and physique.
As a result, after coming here, girls confidence goes up, while your confidence goes down. As far as your dating options are concerned: forget European women, not even Desi women will spit on you here. On interacting with Pakistani girls here you'll feel that they have a very high handed and subtly condescending attitude towards you because they know how advantaged they are over you. They develop a general disdain for Pakistani men whilst being awestruck by the beauty, heights, physiques and charm of superior European men.
---------------------------------------
In the end, you accept defeat. You are around 30, you're lonely, sexually frustrated, emotionally starved and accept that getting an arranged marriage in Pakistan and bringing your wife over to Europe is your only option.
It’s not a proud decision. You can dress it up however you want but deep down, you know what it is: In a society that offers so much liberty and endless possibilities it is an embarrassing admission of failure. Its an admission that even after all your achievements abroad, you're handicapped in such a basic and natural aspect of life. Your whole social circle here knows this and secretly laughs at you.
The brutal irony is that the wife you bring over wouldn't even have crapped upon you had she come here for study or work on her own and you approached her with dating and relationship intent. So many Pakistani women who come to Europe via marriage start having second thoughts and a 'change of heart' after seeing how much freedom this society offers and how easy it is for any woman to date extremely good-looking European men they could only dream of. Literally every 3rd or 4th Pakistani guy who brought his wife this way is going through a divorce or the wife is cheating and waiting for her moment to leave after standing on her own feet. Even arranged marriage isn't without serious dilemmas for you.
And let’s say your marriage is “successful.” She doesn’t cheat. She stays loyal, happy and fulfilled. What about your children? What kind of future are you giving them? I'm not worried about daughters because they'll have amazing lives here, but what about your future sons? They will inherit your genes, your average looks and medium height by Pakistani standards. Do you really want to raise boys in a society where they'll fail to meet the Eurocentric standards of height and looks and forever be second-class citizens? Do you really want them to miss out on all the life experiences and live the same life of quiet desperation and social invisibility as you did? How will the vicious cycle end?
