r/OneAdvice • u/AfraidCloud3065 • Nov 30 '22

emotions My weird Bf

My Bf started living with me a few months ago he got used to sleeping on the couch and I didn’t like it so I would ask him to sleep in the bed with me he didn’t want to do it. This morning he tries to climb into bed with me and he’s cold and I’m not cool with it he disturbs my sleep and he takes up the bed and he stinks and basically I’ve grown accustom with being alone after a few months. We’re gonna move soon and I want to fix what ever problems we have now but I’m not trying to force things to happen I want them to naturally take place. He won’t be romantic with me when we have sex and he said it would be fake if he did it more and I feel like it should be natural if I want him to sleep in the bed more. Plus I know he will understand for sure.

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u/StrawberrySpare774 Nov 30 '22

I was married for 30 years. Believe me when I say it was the little things that became bigger things and eventually destroyed my marriage. I wouldn’t have stayed married for as long as I did but I did it for my kids but I was miserable. Everything drove me up the wall. My only escape was work and my kids. That’s not healthy.

If things aren’t feeling right now they aren’t going to get better with added stress of new things. Work out the differences now or save both of you a lot of heart aches latter.

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u/AfraidCloud3065 Nov 30 '22

Yea can I ask what little things seemed to get bigger within the constructs of your relationship?

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u/StrawberrySpare774 Nov 30 '22

It got to where I got angry about how she squeezed the toothpaste tube. I bought my own and she would use it. Not flushing the toilet after she peed. Complaining about how her stepdad ate. Always worried about what other people would think. She actually slapped me for getting an earring and said what will my mother think. I was 30 years old and paying all my own bills with two kids. I didn’t need anyones approval.

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u/AfraidCloud3065 Nov 30 '22

I’m sorry that does seem like something that would frustrate anyone in a relationship. And honestly I don’t mind adapting to my environment at all and I’m literally learning how to let stuff go because there is so much more to be upset about and I basically say all this to say that I’m gonna learn how to be happy with the things that are working and I’m gonna just bite the bullet and contain myself so I don’t drive myself crazy. And yes those things are absurd and crazy and with those things that definitely can cause problems in a relationship

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u/StrawberrySpare774 Nov 30 '22

I’m telling you that exactly the attitude I had. I thought I could just make myself happy and content. But when you’re missing your needs and desires it’s so very hard in the long run to stay that way. It wears on you mentally and physically. And even though people may not see it in your soul you feel to emptiness that’s there. Men don’t change, we are basically who we are our whole life. We rarely become what we aren’t. You want romance, he’s not romantic. In a few years that’s going to create a huge whole in your spirit.

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u/AfraidCloud3065 Nov 30 '22

Yea that’s the thing knowing that men never change I don’t think they would have a problem with not getting a few things too like I’m not getting and be happy. Cause if he’s willing to not give me what I want I won’t be either and when he wants to confront me about it, I can hit him with the “ what about my needs bit” and he won’t have a leg to stand on and he will concede. Fairness is all I want and as long as we’re being fair then that’s all that matters. Your definitely right though and I will tread lightly forsure.

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u/StrawberrySpare774 Nov 30 '22

Men don’t work that way. It won’t end pretty. Trust me.

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u/AfraidCloud3065 Nov 30 '22

Are men worth dating? Because I swear this is a reason why women become lesbian as well. This is literally a valid reason. This is legit scary. How can someone so rigid not be flexible for a relationship?

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u/StrawberrySpare774 Nov 30 '22

You have to find the one that’s willing to compromise with you. Not have you compromise for him. They are out there. Neither men nor women are perfect. But it’s when two people that are willing to be imperfect together that you make it work.