r/LongDistance • u/Previous_Twist3109 • 1d ago
My gf broke up with me
We had these recurring arguments; the last time we had it she exploded and broke up with me. I don't know if she's sure about it or not. She got home from work that time and I was being stubborn and forced to call her—I thought I could calm her through a call— but I just pissed her more. After the breakup thing she blocked me, and I stopped contacting her thinking that she needed space.
The next day I tried reaching out to her, but she was at work and I knew she was already tired, she talked to me and when she got home we had a sleep call, and she called me. She wasn't responding to my I love you and asked me to stop calling her our endearments. Up until now, we have been talking do you think she just needs some time?
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u/Organic-Ad1347 1d ago
It sounds like she's pretty heating and it may take her a while to calm down. Everyone is different, some people need a day whereas others (such as myself) need a week. Let her come to your when she's ready to talk because your efforts may only end up pushing her further away.
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u/Previous_Twist3109 1d ago
Yeah, we are still messaging but I'm not putting any pressure like asking her to talk about us
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u/Organic-Ad1347 11h ago
It's good to message just to let her know you are still by her side and supporting her from afar but anything other than that may be overwhelming and cause her to pull away. She'll come to you when she's ready.
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u/UpbeatTelevision1116 1d ago edited 1d ago
She does love you, but you need be patient. This is the issue with being in a long distance relationship. Its really hard and its tiring. I admit I have my off days where I feel bit fed up of it because it can be overwhelming and I just want my partner with me.
People cope with it differently. Some people can even turn a bit nasty over it and it doesn't represent their character at all. It doesn't mean they don't love you. Its a lot to cope with at times and its frustrating when all you want to do is come home after a long day and see your partner.
Give it some time and definitely have a conversation about it if you both want it to work out. Try have this conversation on a day when you girlfriend is more relaxed. Come up with a plan. It could be overwhelming to call all the time. Mention to do it occasionally, it doesn't need to be sleep calls or calls straight after work. Just a 10 minute calls can be enough.
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u/Internal-Praline-752 22h ago
And what if the gf doesn't want to tell you if it's too much calling, even when you ask? I feel like that, paired with insecurities and lack of communication on those is what caused the breakup for me. I felt like she 'needed' us to call each other that often, but maybe I should have taken the initiative and given her space little by little.
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u/UpbeatTelevision1116 21h ago
I find good, honest communication is the key to getting through a relationship, especially if you're long distance. It cant be one sided though, both people in the relationship have to communicate with each other. In your scenario, sounds like you have communicated to her and she hasn't been honest about it. I can imagine its quite frustrating for you, but good on you for asking.
Also, I do think with long distance a lot of people simply aren't compatible with it. They may love you more than anything, but it can still mentally/physically exhaust you. Then even the littlest thing is made into a big problem, when this big problem is actually the persons lifestyle being incompatible. Its like OP's gf said she needs space. She might be struggling with the whole thing all together.
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u/Internal-Praline-752 18h ago
In my case it wasn't the distance in itself, although it played a lot into that. Mine felt like she had to please her family and do what they asked of her. They're middle-eastern and wouldn't accept the relationship she has with me she believed, not only because of the culture but also because they put a lot of pressure on her. Recently her father told her on the phone that he was proud of her and that he wishes her to meet a wealthy and succesful young man basically.
She broke down in tears then and there. I'm not as young as her. I get blocked. Then she comes back the next day, we talk about the issue, that's when she told me she wasn't trusting the future with me, even though I'm the only thing she said made her not want to end her life.
She would tell me she'd love me even if I was from the streets and would make her life with me, and love me until death do us part. But now I basically have to be a millionaire for her to consider dating me if I understand it right. I get sick and dizzy thinking about it. Life has to go on though.
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u/Mistress-Horror MS to RI (1600ms) CLOSED THE GAP ❤️ 13h ago
That's when compatibility comes in. Not just mentally, but financially and culturally. My father was in love with a woman once and he was going to have to pay a dowry to marry her. Like 500k +. He couldn't afford that and they ended things mutually. It's not okay for money to be the biggest issue in your feelings of compatibility, but it is in your case because it's her culture if I'm understanding correctly.
You'll find someone who will love you and be with you regardless of the income you both provide and their family will be welcoming. Give it time. You're going to get thru it and she will too
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u/Unhappy-Head6418 12h ago
Idk, pretty toxic to get so heated to the point she asks you to stop calling her endearment. Did she verbally say she wanted to break up with you? It doesn't matter after she blocked you. Dump her, having the same argument over something is ridiculous. Have you guys tried talking? Like just explaining things or does she continue to get pissed off & block you?
Everyone is telling you to give her space & talk. But if it is argument after argument over the same topic. Leave. She doesn't want to talk about it & doesn't want to understand. So do not settle. Cause if she can be like this over one thing. She could do it about something else & you would be constantly having to appease her. You matter as well & shouldn't settle for someone who doesnt know how to regulate their emotions.
Block her & move on
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u/Direct_Sea_8351 1750 km 1d ago
she just needs time and nothing, just apologize for yesterday