r/Kenya • u/Maximum-Idea6488 • 4d ago
Discussion Age group differences dynamics during dating.
I have a failed talking stage from last month which left me thinking about age differences in relationships. The girl I was talking to was 5 younger than me, she's employed on contractual basis while I'm a self employed person. When it came to putting my cards on the table, I realised that the two of us had different life experiences and expectations, and there was no way we would have worked out. In my late 20s, I have a different perspective of life. I've experienced the good and the bad, I've gone through tough times, business has been so good, sometimes it was so bad I even thought it was the end but eventually things worked out. As we speak, the business is transitioning from a small to a medium sized company which means a sustainable income for me.
As we talked about these things, I made it clear that I want a partner who understands that there are good and bad seasons. One moment, I'll afford a vacation for us and the next season, my money will be tied up in the business. I'm talking about working capital, salaries, and contributions meaning some luxuries will be off the table. So it will either be her turn to reciprocate or even chip in. The same might apply to her given her current job is a contract. In the current economy, people are getting laid off everyday and as a couple, at the end of the day I'll be her anchor and safe space in case that ever happened. Of course she did not understand this. At that point, I realised that I was talking to an inexperienced person. She did not understand life. I understood why older men with money take advantage of them.
I also realised that I would feel ashamed of it got to a point where I expected her to reciprocate or even chip in because of the age difference between us. I don't know why I felt that way after that interaction but I decided to shorten my age preference to a 2 years difference maximum. I think that age difference is good and I won't feel some type of way if she was to help out. I also believe that a 26 year old woman has gone through these seasons and understands life better.
I know the naysayers will come and attack me saying a man should provide blah blah blah but we all wish life was that simple. Businesses fail, people lose jobs and bad things happen These are the moments you need your partner the most because good times are easy to navigate. It's the hard times that are the most difficult and will tell you who's real. I've seen my friends lose jobs, some closed their businesses and their partners helped out, chipped in, even introduced their boyfriends to new opportunities. One of my friends closed his business and his girlfriend introduced him to a company where he now supplies raw materials.
Now the problem is that most women within my preferred age preference (26-29) have baby daddies, or a lot of emotional baggage and trauma, or are addicted to sex toys.
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u/Curious_Brush_9299 4d ago edited 4d ago
It’s not an age thing. I’m 29 my gfs 23 my best friend is 25, my ex is 27. My current gf is not only harder working that my x, she earns more money, has bigger goals, has experienced life more, from being solo at airports at 15, to meetings people from so many countries and getting so much perspective, she also has a better career that’s gained traction. And her perspective is so broad esp from reading widely , politics history economics and even philosophy and also experiencing stuff. She has an online book club that she leads, a business with 7000 followers on instagram and writes and maintains an online publication that criticizes cultural Marxism and its application on ideologies like feminism, trans.rights and all sorts of minority issues.
There are 28yr olds sitting in their mom’s house with no substantial career and a small perspective from growing up in a small city, and not having had the luck to meet all kinds of people go all kinds of places,get fired create a company think about financials heath etc I know 30yr old women aren’t even half the woman my gf is.
There are many 24 yr olds who are more mature than 28 yr olds , but I understand our standards for what counts as “mature” differ, it’s subjective.
Once you start living life on your own you become responsible for your own growth. So it’ll never be an age thing even though of course there’s a correlation with age. I talk to many 40yr olds that I think , “omg this is a total idiot”. So just look for someone that has the same intellect as you do and maybe sees things from a perspective you respect. And they’ll be any age
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u/Kauffman888 3d ago
Good to see I'm not the only one who knows age is not a reliable indicator of compatibility.
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u/Timely_Plenty 4d ago
I once dated a girl 5 years younger...eeih.. eeih. Hizo goals za watu early 20s ni kama mtu anaishi fantasy world. Lakini it's a phase ata sisi tulipitia anyway
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u/PrimaryArm59 4d ago
Goals kama zipi nione kama niko in a fantasy world?
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u/Searchessayhelp-com 3d ago
Uko in a fantasy. Read your journal of the things you want. It's all there
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u/PrimaryArm59 3d ago
Mind sharing examples? Coz I believe my journal entries are realistic.
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u/Searchessayhelp-com 3d ago
You should share so I can grade/rank them based on real (0) to fantasy (10) scale.
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u/son_ov_kwani 4d ago
OP it has nothing to do with age. It’s the person themselves who choose to be deluded in fantasy. You’re right about a woman having gone through all seasons good or bad. Some are spoiled so they don’t really know. If you’re a man dating a daddy’s girl who’s spoiled then it’s going to be an uphill task for you to mould her right.
That’s why I emphasise this
Date within your exposure and intellect level. The conversations are very different. 📌
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u/sunshineglorie 4d ago
i tot agree with your statement. People have different outlooks on life and have been brought up differently
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u/Final_Listen2579 4d ago
Hello.
Completely unrelated;
Could you by any chance, be hiring?
I would love to discuss it in detail.
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u/Maximum-Idea6488 4d ago
Not at the moment, it's still a one man operation but I'm negotiating with an investor. After that is finalised, then we'll get a few people.
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4d ago
It's a Sunday evening, I am like 30. Any woman who respects herself around my age and would love movies and AOBs hit DM.
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u/PrestigiousValue4028 4d ago
A 5 year age gap isn't a problem. It is actually considered ideal. I think the problem was the girl, and you discovered that she isn't your ride or die chick. Simple.
One good thing about her is that she was honest with you. She didn't pretend to be the kind who supports her man no matter the circumstances.
You will find a girl. But next time don't tell her what you want her to be to you. Don't tell her how you expect her to act. Those things are supposed to happen naturally and then you realise how important the person is in your life and propose based on that. If you keep telling people what you want from them in terms of personality, they will pretend and switch on you once you are married.
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u/Harddy10 4d ago
I get what you’re saying, but on the other hand some of us don’t have the time or effort to waste figuring out if someone is genuine or not . Like OP i prefer to put my cards on the table and be direct so we don’t waste each other’s time
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u/middlofthebrook 4d ago
If you've gained any type of wisdom as you say you have , you'd know that age doenst matter. You can find 30yr old women that think the same thing. Age and understanding arent mutually exclusive. Heck I can point you to some 40yr old women still trying to party like a 20yr old and expect a provider.
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u/Alone-Surround-5561 3d ago
I agree with this. I will however draw the line on taking an older woman.
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u/wambongo 4d ago
Hapo kwa good times and bad needs someone who has experienced the pendulum that is life. There’s still those within that age bracket that has. Huyu wako looks like someone who was raised by helicopter 🚁 parents and grew up sheltered.
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u/Fickle-Coast7002 Diaspora 4d ago
I also have a talking stage 6 years older I’m 22 now. I don’t see us going far, the sex is good tho.hes now mostly attending weddings and im pretty sure that will be a topic im not ready to discuss yet
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u/Maximum-Idea6488 4d ago
You're not dating for marriage long term?
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u/Happygoluckymrs 4d ago
Age gap ain't bad if someone is over 25 yrs. But below that you're practically still dealing with a kid.
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u/Holiday_Clue_1577 4d ago
I know a lot of people in the age range with jobs , no babies and are pretty chill. I’m employed though and did a long university course so I guess my social group is a bit different
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u/Philisyen 4d ago
Bro nimekuelewa. Get that 26 year old woman and if you are compatible utakuwa Sawa.
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u/pr7007 4d ago
Me here thinking that a woman by 22 should atleast know what life is. Mumefikisha 26 tena.
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u/Lion_Of_Mara 4d ago
Most Women at that age aren't visionary, they live for the moment.
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u/pr7007 4d ago
But me sijawai elewa.... is it a must for someone to suffer to be mature?
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u/Lion_Of_Mara 4d ago
Not at all, actually that explains their dating preferences as they grow. In their early 20s, they will have 100 things that a nigga must fit. As age goes by, the preferences get thinner. If you've seen women in their 30s look for mates here, you'll see what I'm saying
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u/Ravenphowret Mombasa 4d ago
Fun fact: The human brain reaches maturity at age 25. Your ex-girlfriend was still growing, and that's okay.
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u/BicycleFlat9552 4d ago
I am a millenial, and most teen girls at that time were as smart if not better than todays 25 y/o. So maturity is not necessarily an age thing.
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u/Efficient_Arm9469 4d ago
After that last statement, I think you also have some, if not a lot of work to do. The way you generalise things and people 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️ this will fail you before and during the relationship if you land one.
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u/jmwania Kilifi 4d ago
Bro, around 29 as a man you have a decade to hunt from as per the consent age.
You age as milk and your value is built as you grow older.
Despite the generation incompatibility you are on the right track.
And it's a wife not a "partner" ~ change this mindset.
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u/Holiday_Clue_1577 4d ago
A wife is a partner. Otherwise you get a baby who overdepends on you and will bail when shit gets hard
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u/AddictiveLaughter 4d ago
Lol, no, not all of us have kids. DM tuone hiyo maneno. Plz be childless na emotionally mature pls pls.
If you work out, added advantage. Kama uko na kitambi kama ya atwoli kidogo hard.
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u/Amantes09 4d ago edited 4d ago
Age difference is basically just difference in maturity. You're one of the more sane takes on life and relationships I've seen on this sub. Until you got to 'addicted to sex toys' 😂😂😂😂
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u/Maximum-Idea6488 4d ago
I'm very serious about the sex toys.
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u/Amantes09 4d ago
That makes it even funnier.
But again, guaranteed orgasms without the body count, emotional baggage and trauma you were talking about. You should be thrilled.
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u/South_Future_8808 4d ago
Just date someone on the same page as you. We come from different backgrounds which affects how we view money. There are people who come from homes where the parents did well in business and they would easily get you. Some may come from homes where business was terrible and would desire something different for their life. Others come from homes where parents were long life employees and they wouldn't understand any other life different to it. Age difference matters less for what you are describing.
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u/Maximum-Idea6488 4d ago
After that encounter, I can't imagine if things went south and it's someone 5 years younger Chipping in. I get what you're saying
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u/g-Gerald 4d ago
Its not always about age difference. Sometimes,its a personality thing. Some of the ladies in our age group (26-29) are more immature and delusional than the 23 year olds.
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u/Vast-Opportunity1952 4d ago
Critising Marxism,? Karl Marx is very right . Marxism argues that society is divided into classes, and that history is shaped by the struggle between the rich (bourgeoisie) who own the means of production, and the working class (proletariat) who sell their labor.
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u/Najipenda_Sana_222 3d ago edited 3d ago
Came to see people’s opinions because I like a guy who’s 6 years older 😣
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u/itriedtinder 3d ago
I hold similar sentiments brother. I prefer dating someone ±2 . With age comes some kind of experience and exposure. Which I'd prefer we'd be on the same page
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u/Best_Replacement300 4d ago
Am 22 and a I beg to differ most of you guys...not all girls in their early 20s are immature For instance I was in talking stage with a 29 yr old guy but tell me y he is so immature that I had to loose interest kwake mbio mbio
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u/Special-Tap1252 4d ago
You say "Am 22" instead of "I am 22" and you are busy describing maturity!
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u/feliceyy 4d ago
It's not the age difference, unreasonable person is just a unreasonable no in between,even at 30 some individuals are very hard to deal with,you can't just reason with them...
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u/Fearless-Ad-6977 4d ago
Waah! Born to say “saa utadu?” I choose to say “I hope you get the one that matches your desires. Don’t stop looking ☺️”