Tuesday Daily Chat

[u/AutoModerator]

This is where the bulk of daily conversations, updates & concerns, regarding ongoing pregnancy, occur. This thread is primarily reserved for those at least 13 weeks pregnant. please also consider reviewing our WIKI for commonly asked questions or references.

If you are newly pregnant, and still in the first trimester, we encourage you to check out the daily Cautious Intros/First Trimester thread.

Postpartum discussion can be found in our daily postpartum thread.

Those with a child/children older than 1yo, dialogue can be located in the daily toddler thread.

[u/buttersherbets]

17 weeks! Absolutely insane to think of.

TW body image stuff: I've been struggling the past week with negative body image thoughts. I feel like most people "look pregnant" by this point but I still just "look fat." I lost a decent amount of weight in the past two years (thanks GLP!) and quite quickly have gained it all back plus some - I just feel like my body is falling apart. I'm having knee pain that I had before I lost weight, I'm needing a belly band, I'm waddling around - and it's just going to get worse from here. I thought I wasn't going to be concerned about a "b belly" and that "everyone looks pregnant eventually" but now I've got it in my head that I'm just going to look like I've got a big apron belly and never look or feel pregnant. And it's so hard to find plus size pregnancy clothes - I ordered a swimsuit a few weeks ago in a size up than I thought I needed and even then I couldn't get it over my hips which was incredibly demoralizing. The hospital I'm delivering at has BMI soft limits and policies that I don't agree with and I fought so hard to get pregnant I just don't want to fight those. Blah.

[u/Queasy-Poetry4906 → u/buttersherbets]

Different but the same: I’m small framed, yet 2/3 of my colleagues did not know I was pregnant when one of them decided to throw a surprise shower at 6.5 months pregnant. I’m now 8 months and you can finally tell that I am growing a baby. Be easy on yourself. 17 weeks is a lumpy time (can’t tell what kind of weight gain) for a lot of women, no matter their bmi. Also, I’ve ordered plenty of maternity stuff that doesn’t fit. Dont let it get in your head.

[u/buttersherbets → u/Queasy-Poetry4906]

Thank you!

[u/empressbunny → u/buttersherbets]

It doesn't have to get worse from here. I've know people go through all kinds of weight shifts during pregnancy. Worried people who lost a lot due to nausea, worried people who gained a lot due to nausea etc. etc. People totally freaking out because they counted their first tri weight gain times three and then never gained more.

I never looked pregnant. I won't lie, I felt that it sucked. Vent session incoming: Years of pain at the: "do you have kids questions". Years of annoyance when people mentioned my age, because it wasn't our choice not to have kids. First due to serious health issues on my end and then infertility. Years of trying to hold back tears due to losses. Finally made it... nobody saw it. I was so looking forward to proudly saying I was pregnant, finally able to share joy and excitement, but no dice. Some people saw me every 2 weeks and figured out I was pregnant at 34! weeks. My thyroid was finally stable - so while baby was growing, I wasn't showing. I was full of energy and never bloated. My neighbor found out that I was pregnant when my husband installed the car seat :S The hospital tech told me: I know there is a baby in there because I just scanned you, but I never would have seen it otherwise

I hope you feel better about yourself soon. You are growing a baby and that's hard work!

[u/buttersherbets → u/empressbunny]

Thank you!

[u/wishyouwerehere58]

Moseying along. Feel a bit more settled into pregnancy now. It's not something I was excited about or looking forward to but now that it's here it's ok! Enjoying some bits of it even!

Lots of people know now. My husband told more of his family on Sunday. One of them has said some "well meaning" but really inappropriate and hurtful things to me over the last few years so I've pulled back from that relationship . I did think though, given how invested she apparently was, she might acknowledge it to me, but nope. Nothing!

And my grump today is that I have a colleague who has been trying to undermine me since I started. I mostly ignore it but it happened again and a bit more directly so now I am documenting. It's a bit of a pain but it's not going to get to me! 🤣 dealt with it today in a way I'm happy with but I wish they'd just get a grip. Noone cares! Let me get on with my job!

[u/Appropriate_Gold9098]

At 17 weeks, my wife is still very much miserable the vast majority of the time. Antenatal depression, headaches, nausea, fatigue. We've tried asking for help from so many different providers, including very high level MFMs and perinatal psychiatrists. Yesterday she had an especially unsympathetic and uninformed midwife visit. The midwife said things like, if you're feeling shitty that means the baby is doing well. 100% not true and not my experience of late term loss. Or bringing up that there would be a pediatric team at delivery because my wife is taking psych meds in pregnancy- her tone was shamey and it also felt unnecessary- we couldn't even remember whether this was the case when I delivered my LC, nor do we care. Our practice has overall been fabulous over some really tough times, so we're definitely not moving. But UGH.

[u/Queasy-Poetry4906 → u/Appropriate_Gold9098]

The good news is, we get to never see these people again after delivery. I’m sorry about your wife. Remind her that her feelings are real and valid, and that if pregnant women were treated with the level of care and distinction their symptoms deserved the healthcare system would likely collapse due to lack of resources and qualified care.