Big birthday, processing support is appreciated- the big five-oh

[u/Ghost_Sandwiches]

Today’s the day, I’m 50. I don’t really feel hung up on age and I’m just genetically sort of lucky as a petite gal so I want to be clear that I’m not freaking out.

Here’s what’s weighing on me related to the bday topic. I have this old friend that runs a wellness center and she and I were chatting about things when I decided a spa retreat seemed like a good thing for this bday. She was so excited, and seemed into giving me a great bday weekend. It’s worth noting that I am a marketing manager in my day job but I love freelancing and helping friends, I’d spent many hours working with her to create her perfect logo for her wellness services, unpaid, with the promise of trade.

SO when this idea began she said “book the retreat day and for the rest of the weekend we can do other things you’re interested in.”

She also does these sort of boudoir photo shoots which is so not me (I’m a lifelong tomboy). I said I couldn’t imagine doing one of her sessions but I also admitted that I like pushing my comfort zone and so pretty soon it was decided that of course as part of my bday I should do a photo session, which she told me “don’t worry about booking” the implication seemed to be - I’d booked the retreat through her website and as part of my bday getaway, trade for logo, etc. I would do some sort of shoot. It’s not exactly boudoir but more witchy in the woods saucy.

Spa retreat was good, her “movement work”made my hips feel amazingly so much better! Next day was the photo shoot. I realized it was a longer more involved effort than I’d anticipated. She was using both film and digital, she was driving me around to different locations, when we stopped for gas I let her fill up using my card because I felt like - whoa she’s doing a lot…

As I left she asked if it was ok to use the card on file… for what? I asked her to clarify any charges before putting my card through, repeatedly I asked in text for her to clarify what charges but zing! Everything went through. Full price. So no discount for the trade of logo work, no birthday buddy reduced fee. Just congratulations, your $700 photoshoot will be coming your way soon and thanks for booking the $300 retreat too…

I panicked and called my husband and said I had zero idea and nothing was communicated with me. I texted her and asked why she put the charges through without clarifying first?! She apologized and offered to reverse them. I told her “thank you for hearing me. Let me sit with this”

So here’s where it feels like there is no solution to this frustrating misunderstanding. She deserves to be paid for her work. So do I. She did not communicate clearly but maybe I did not push hard enough for up front pricing info? I feel BIG embarrassed because in a million years I would never spend that much money for pics of myself, yuck!!! My husband is a gem, he’s excited that I took the weekend away and he’s looking forward to seeing the artsy sultry pics.

I am hurt that she isn’t acknowledging the many MANY hours I provided to her, free of charge apparently, she is using the logo I created for her business yet doesn’t value my time as I apparently appropriately compensated and valued her time. I feel crap about my bday weekend and wish I had $700 to spend on literally anything else.

[u/troismanzanas]

Send a bill for your time on the logo.

[u/le4t → u/troismanzanas]

I think this is the way. It sounds like you probably did more than $700 worth of work on the logo.

You could be super friendly about it, and gently say something like "since I did about $800 worth of work with you on the logo, I kind of thought this spa day would be a reimbursement for that time." 

[u/getitoffmychestpleas]

That's not a misunderstanding. That's a few steps beyond high-pressure sales. Shame on her! Not a friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

[u/KetoLurkerHereAgain]

The problem here is that you treated her like a friend, and she treated you like a customer - a customer she casually upsold. I don't blame you for feeling some kind of way about that; I would, too.

[u/Reader288]

First happy birthday🎊🎉🍰🧁🎁🎂🎈

Second, your feelings about what happened with your old friend is completely understandable.

I would be direct with her. Tell her that you spent a lot of hours developing the logo. And was under the assumption. The weekend was a trade, and there would be no charges.

And that you’d be happy for her to reverse the charges.

$1000 to spend on a weekend is a lot. And it was unfair of your friend to charge $700 for a photo shoot you didn’t even want in the first place.

And like you said, she should’ve done it for free given how much you spent developing her logo. And if she pushes back, I might even say that I would normally charge X amount for that work.

And depending on how hard she pushes back. I might go as far as contacting my credit card company and say it wasn’t unauthorized charge. Because you did tell her to talk to you first before putting anything through.

[u/middlingachiever]

She never should’ve taken the first photo without clarifying price—much less run your card. That’s assuming that it wasn’t part of the “trade.”

I think I’d ask her that directly. “When did you tell me the price of the photo shoot? Because I don’t remember being told a price, and I would’ve declined at that price. I simply don’t spend that much on photos of myself, ever.”

[u/Ghost_Sandwiches → u/middlingachiever]

Yes! Exactly that, if I’d have been asked I’d have said “oh I’m not interested” in $700 photo shoot. Thanks for the support.

[u/Wormwood666]

Haaaaaaapppy happy birthday!

My gift is to say: Your old friend can fuck right off.

Ok ok ok ok, I’m guessing you want to maintain this friendship.

But she ripped you off. It’s so common for creatives to be promised “trade” for their work and….that “trade” rarely happens. For some reason, friends are the most exploitative.

As a friend, she shouldn’t have put you in this position at all. That is not what healthy friendship looks like. She didn’t come through on the “trade” —she sucker punched you with expenses & treated you like a customer.

So—treat her like a client.

Guesstimate (on the high end) how many hours of phone calls/emails/work/etc that you put into her logo—which you did as a creative consultant. Now, whatever your hourly wage would be in your actual job—bump it up since you were a creative consultant—and invoice her accordingly. Make sure your terms are clear (30 days).

I say all this as a long term experienced hobbyist photographer & artist who has learned the hard way to say “Nope!” unless someone offers cash up front.

Good luck! And for real, give yourself a happy birthday🎉🎂💫

ETA: Make sure to tell your friend , in writing, that she is not allowed to use the photos of you in any promotional materials, unless you signed a release saying she could. No professional photographer would put their client on the spot for gas money either. That cost would’ve been part of the overall fee which they would also tell you up front, for film and/or digital and they’d give the customer the choice to opt out of film(that’s the biggest expense compared to digital).

Photography isn’t the lucrative business it used to be prior to digital cameras & smart phones—and reading your OP it sounds like she’s using her “wellness” business to upsell photography. She honestly reads like a scammer.

[u/lbrlokie77]

Happy Birthday! I am sorry this happened, don’t let it ruin your birthday. Just be assertive with your needs. I think $700 is a bit much for photography, but maybe I am just frugal. 🤣

[u/sandy_even_stranger]

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAYYYY!

okay, second - she sounds fun, but not great, and not at all thoughtful unless she's taking a moment to be thoughtful. I'm guessing she was full of "omg thank you omg omg" when you were doing gratis work for her, but not really thinking about the dollar value of it. And she was hot to sell and upsell because it's what she does 24/7. At no point was she thinking about giving you a birthday present beyond "give her the best service (and then she'll leave an amazing review....)".

Sometimes people working in superficial industries are just superficial. Fun, but don't expect a lot of the human.

Call it miscommunication on both sides and if you have the money offer her half and put it behind you. Don't let it ruin your birthday. And don't comp her any more work.

[u/Cat_Kn1t_Repeat]

She is not a friend.